


Rebellion Missives

by Lori, Wolfling



Series: Letters [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-12
Updated: 2000-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:05:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 134,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lori/pseuds/Lori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfling/pseuds/Wolfling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and this is where the Letters series ended. I (Lori) hope you enjoyed the journey.  Like life, it doesn't tie up in a neat little bow.</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. Pt 1

Someone was calling him.

He didn't want to answer it, it was warm and comfortable where he was, and there was no anger, no pain. He tried to sink back into dreams but the voice was persistent. It reached down to the dark safe place where his soul was resting and demanded he respond. Demanded he wake up. No matter how much he might want to ignore it, the call was irresistible and answering it was imperative. Slowly, painfully, he reached out towards it, making the long hard climb back to consciousness. With a weary sigh, Qui-Gon opened his eyes.

Obi-Wan was staring down at him, tears dripping off his cheeks onto Qui-Gon's face. Warm, wet spots blossoming on his face. His lifemate's hair was so long now...pulled back in a braid that brushed Qui-Gon's shoulder as his lifemate leaned forward. "Qui-Gon?"

"Obi-" His voice, rough and hoarse with disuse, cracked and broke on the name and he coughed.

"Shh..." Obi-Wan's own voice was rough with emotion, and then he was diving forward, holding on to Qui-Gon tightly. "You're awake."

"Yes." He managed the one syllable, even though his voice still did not sound like his own. He was bewildered, exhausted, and strangely weak, but his lifemate was upset and he did his best to comfort him, bringing his own arms up to encircle Obi-Wan's form.

"I'll...I'll get you water." His mate pulled away and dashed away to get the cup.

Qui-Gon watched him go, his mind slowly beginning to slip into gear. Why was he in this condition? Had he been ill? Try as he might to remember, it was all a blank. Back with a small cup, he was hoisted upright, the motions seeming familiar to his Obi-Wan as the rim was held against his lips. The water was ambrosia, pure bliss, wetting his cracked lips then sliding down his parched throat. He tried to take a deeper swallow and almost choked.

"Slowly. You need to relearn how."

"Re-" Another cough cut him off and he switched to speaking through the bond. [Relearn? Obi-Wan what's-]

"You've been....resting...quite a while."

The hesitation in his lifemate's words, coupled with his changed appearance and a certain feel to his thoughts sent a cold shiver through his form. [How long?]

[Six years next month.]

Six years... It was incomprehensible. But one look at Obi-Wan's careworn expression and he knew it was the truth.

[I knew you would return to me eventually.]

He raised a hand and brushed his palm against Obi-Wan's cheek, feeling the dampness of his tears. [I'm here,] he sent softly, comforting his mate taking precedence over everything else.

[You stayed.] The words carried a finality with them that went bone deep. [You scared the felinoids. Petting them.] Obi-Wan's mental voice carried an edge of hysteria. [Some of them never knew you moved.]

Vague memories of purring vibrating against his body, touching soft fur and mrrows of surprise rolled through his head. [They were...sleeping on me. Purring.]

[The Lion Napped.]

Qui-Gon chuckled at that, which made him cough again, though it was easier to bring back under control.

[So much has happened, love, while you were asleep.]

He shook his head, the motion making him slightly dizzy. [Six years...It's hard to believe.]

[I know. I kept a journal while you were not aware. Letters, explaining things, how I felt at the time.]

[Letters.] He smiled. [How very appropriate.] He wanted to read them but he was still so tired... Looking up at his mate, he asked, [Will you read some of them to me?]

[Of course. Shall I start with the first one after you got hurt?]

[All right.] He shifted until he was using Obi-Wan's leg for a pillow.

[It's good to have you back, love.] Obi-Wan opened the drawer to the nightstand and pulled the top letter from the stack.

[It's good to be back.]

Fifth Month, 24986

We have been struck a double blow and I am alone. Qui-Gon. . . .Qui-Gon sleeps. Nothing will rouse him from the unnatural slumber that he fell into after the battle on Plathan's third moon. I've tried everything I know how to do. So has Jess, Rilka, even Jayden. No one can rouse him by voice or mind.

His last word to me was 'Anakin' and then he drifted away. I thought it was just a healing trace, so I let him go, but he doesn't wake. We're guessing it was a mental battle as much as a physical with the Sith and it's drained him far beyond the usual levels. What I have foreseen has come true. Qui-Gon sleeps. Oh, my love. Wake and come back to me. It is so quiet here without you. Your presence still fills the room when you rest, but there is hardly a sense of 'you' to my thoughts, to the bond.

I spoke to you of a double blow. The other is one that is keenly felt by me and the rest of the crew.

Grewllean.

Struck down early in the battle and was completely unexpected, judging from her expression when we found her. Now we'll never have her grouchy face to argue with over the table anymore. Rill refuses to talk to anyone. She just wanders around muttering, saying dire things. Jayden and the felinoids keep drifting through the ship. I don't know if they are trying to find her, or they've found her and are speaking with her ghost. I can't quite bring myself to connect with anyone else yet.

I keep returning to you, over and over. Making sure you are breathing, still with me in your rest.

Grewllean's death comes as a terrible blow to our fledgling resistance movement as well. She nearly had that microvirus ready to test for the clones and the notes are gone as well. Anakin and I argue with each other constantly about the fact that we left you alone, unguarded. 'Go on, padawans' you teased, pushing us gently back into the shuttle to go get one herb or another for the hydroponics.

And Jess.....

What can I tell you about Jess. He's been in mourning since we brought the body back. Doing the rituals of the Narn over her body since he was her only family. They are beautiful and terrible at the same time, my love. He's cut his hair and has been carrying her staff with him everywhere. The only person he treats normally is Jayden, everyone else he observes the ritual silence for. I had Anakin go do research so I have some idea of what to expect. I was terrified he would do something drastic. I can't afford to lose anyone else. Not after the last three days. Wake soon, my Qui-Gon. We need you.

************

[Grewellean gone...] He sighed sadly and moved closer to his lifemate.

[Yes. We were never able to completely recreate her notes either. The healer corps were harder hit than any other branch of the Jedi.]

[She was irreplaceable.] Turning his head, he looked up into Obi-Wan's face. [I'm sorry I left you.]

[I came to understand that we each had our separate tasks, my master.] Fingers gently threaded through his hair. [You needed to recover.]

Qui-Gon's eyes went to half-mast with pleasure at the soothing touch. [You did that when I was asleep,] he realized, the feeling very familiar.

[Every night.] There was a faint twist of humor. [After I dusted off the cat hair.]

[I am glad I was of use even when I was...err...napping.]

[You kept me grounded, even as you slept. I could rest with you and feel whole.] A kiss was pressed to his hair. [It helped.]

He smiled faintly. [Jedi Master security blanket?]

[When you weren't being a Jedi Master mattress for all the felinoids.]

[A very important skill.] He yawned hugely. [You would think after six years of sleep I wouldn't be tired...]

[Rest. I'll wake you in a couple of hours.]

As he closed his eyes Qui-Gon felt a certain unease creeping over him. [Don't let me go too deep again,] he pleaded.

He could feel Obi-Wan's mind binding itself to him tightly. The quicksilver of his mate permeating every thought and sensation. [I won't. Not again.]

The determination he felt in his mate banished his unease. [Thank you,] he whispered, relaxing and allowing himself to drift. Secure in the knowledge that Obi-Wan would keep him from drifting away.

****************

He woke to the sensation of those fingers still combing through his hair and being held tightly.

"Welcome back," Obi-Wan said hoarsely.

Qui-Gon reached up and caressed his mate's cheek. "Obi-Wan," he said simply, in a voice that sounded much more like himself than it had earlier.

"Feel up to a visitor?"

"Yes." He struggled into a sitting position. "Who?"

The door swung open, hitting the wall with a bang. "Master!"

"Ani..." He held out a hand to his padawan, at the same time reaching out along their bond to check it was him. He blinked at that thought. Why would he need to check...? Then he got a good look at his padawan. Older, larger, and no padawan braid. 

"q'nela told me you were awake and then Master Obi-Wan vanished. I knew it had to be true."

"You've grown up."

"You were gone a while." Anakin came around the bed, then pulled him into his arms. "Missed you, master."

He hugged the young man back as tightly as he was able. "No longer a padawan to my master."

"Always my master, master."

The words warmed him. "Congratulations on your knighting."

"Thank you. Obi-Wan did it in your stead."

He turned his gaze back to his lifemate. [Thank you.]

[I wrote you a letter about it.]

He smiled and reached out again for Obi-Wan's hand. [I look forward to reading it.]

[You have a lot to catch up on.]

Six years' worth. It was a daunting thought, one his mind kept trying to shy away from. But the proof was in front of him; Anakin was no longer the youth with promise, he was the promise fulfilled. Anakin was waiting patiently for the lifemates to notice him, when they did he smiled. "Awake a few hours and I see nothing has changed. You still close out everyone around you."

He smiled faintly. "Indeed. Forgive us?"

"Only if I get some time with you myself. Both of you."

"Of course. You can tell me about your life in the last six years."

"There is so much to talk about, master." A ghost of the boy shone through the man for a moment.

"And I want to hear it all."

"Then you will hear it all. I promise."

"Thank you." Qui-Gon's stomach rumbled. "I believe I am hungry," he said with surprise.

Obi-Wan slid off the bed. "I'll go get you something."

Anakin grinned. "At least you won't be eating for two any more, General."

"That is *such* a tired joke, Knight Skywalker," Obi-Wan bantered back.

"Eating for two?"

Anakin gestured to the room around them. "As you may notice, there isn't any medical equipment. Your body rejected anything we tried to feed it."

He looked to his lifemate. "So you used the bond...?"

"I don't know that I used the bond, precisely. More like it used me. If I ate enough, we both gained weight. I exercised, your body kept in shape. Unfortunately, even though I showered it didn't keep you clean."

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Wasn't for lack of using the shower."

"Some things never change," Qui-Gon teased, smiling fondly at Obi-Wan.

"Indeed. I'll be back in a few minutes." His lifemate gave him one long, last, wistful look before leaving the room.

[I am still with you, love,] he sent to his mate. Trying to imagine how he would handle even such a brief separation if their positions were reversed. Not well, he suspected. In some ways, Obi-Wan was so much stronger than he was.

[That is the only reason I can leave.]

[You amaze me.]

[Talk to your padawan before he dozes off on you.] Obi-Wan nudged his attention back to Anakin.

He sent a wave of affection along the bond, and then focused back on the young knight who was watching him with tolerant amusement. "Sorry."

Waving a hand, Anakin brushed away the apology. "It's what I expected to start."

"It is very.... surreal."

"We're keeping the hordes away until you're ready."

"I appreciate it." He shook his head, still looking at Anakin with amazement. "I can't get over how much you've changed."

"We started taking holos when Obi-Wan figured out you were going to be asleep a while."

He smiled again, a slow, pleased expression. Of course Obi-Wan was going to make sure he'd missed as little as possible.

"Flatpics, holos, preserved flowers, archived vids. I think he has everything that Jayden has ever made."

Jayden. If Anakin had grown, Jayden must have totally changed. "How is she?"

"Unstoppable."

A chuckle bubbled up inside him at that. Indeed some things never changed.

"Do you remember anything?" Anakin was watching him closely.

"Just vague...shadows." He could feel his memories on the edge of his awareness, just out of reach. Whenever he tried to see them better, they dissolved into darkness. The darkness he'd spent the last six years in. It wasn't conducive to being aggressive about remembering.

His lifemate's stressed consciousness impinged on him. [Don't do that without me there. Please.]

[Sorry,] he sent, full of contrition. [I'll wait.]

"I'll let it be, master. I just wondered how much we're going to have to tell you."

"I fear at the moment at least, my answer would be 'everything.'"

"I'm sure that Master Obi-Wan has a plan. He always does."

"My ever resourceful General."

"He's kept us all alive and going."

What his mate must've went through in those years...His heart ached for Obi-Wan, at the same time that it swelled with pride.

[No miracle at all, my heart. I had you with me.] Obi-Wan stepped back into the room, carry a loaded tray.

Then there was a virtual flood of felinoids coming through the open door. r'val in the lead. "MEW!"

"Hello, little one," he greeted the russet furred felinoid.

Then he was being pounced. It was a very confusing five minutes or so until all the felinoids settled down, over half of them disappearing again to tell others, r'val of course, stayed in his lap.

"I see you've been busy," Qui-Gon told him wryly, looking at the number of felinoids with slightly disbelieving eyes.

"There has been three generations of felinoids. Many of them have stayed on board, waiting for you."

{The Lion has become legend to One's progeny.}

"Told you," Obi-Wan muttered, bemused.

{While One is impressed with the Lion's Napping, One is also pleased that the Lion has woken up.}

"Thank you," Qui-Gon told him solemnly.

"r'val, if you don't mind..." Obi-Wan gestured with tray. "I need a clear spot to feed my mate."

"Mew," the felinoid replied politely and then moved off to the side, giving Obi-Wan room to put the tray down.

"I got some tuna for the brigade as well." Several dishes settled to the foot of the bed. "Tea, bread, and the last of the frozen berries for you, master."

"Thank you." He reached out for Obi-Wan's hand as he started eating with the other.

Obi-Wan handed a sandwich to Anakin and started nibbling on one for himself. "Will you feel strong enough after you eat to walk around a bit?"

"I believe so," Qui-Gon said after taking inner stock. "Well enough to try at least."

"Just a turn around the room. Change the sheets, pull on some leggings . . ."

"You're usually trying to get me out of my leggings."

"Not today."

He squeezed the hand he still held. "No, not today. A walk will be of sufficient triumph." [But soon, love...]

[Having you awake is enough for me now. Anything else is a gift.]

Anakin was chuckling at them. "Cuddling masters on the rampage."

"This?" Qui-Gon asked surprised. "This isn't cuddling. Basking perhaps, but cuddling requires more skin contact."

"In comparison to yesterday, this is cuddling."

A flash of memory of the dark that had comforted and kept him safe for so long, had kept him away from life and from his mate. "I suppose it is," he said softly, trying to banish the memory.

Obi-Wan shivered. He dropped the sandwich back onto the tray and scooped up r'val. "We should go find your mate."

The idea of Obi-Wan leaving made him...anxious. To say the least. Not when the darkness was so vivid in his mind. [Stay with me. Please?]

Obi-Wan nodded, holding on tightly to the felinoid.

Shifting the tray aside, he held out his hand to his mate again. [Perhaps it is time for a proper cuddle.]

[I can't. If I do I'll lose control and I can't do that yet.]

At the pleading, half panicked look in Obi-Wan's eyes, Qui-Gon dropped his hand. [If you need to go to keep your composure, then do so. I will...manage.]

A glance passed between his former padawans and then Anakin was sliding onto the bed, settling next to him. "Will I do?"

A warm body and a soul that, while not his other half, was just as dear to him. "Not too old for cuddling with your former master?" he asked, unsurprised to hear a slight tremor in his voice.

"Never." Then he was being pulled closer, held tightly to Anakin's side. "I will never outgrow your hugs."

He sighed, flashing on how many times he had held the boy Ani used to be.

"And now there are other little ones for you to hug, master."

Qui-Gon gave him a questioning look.

"You are a grandparent, so to speak. Amidala and I have little ones. Twins."

"Twins?!" He felt a smile pull the corners of his mouth up.

"Luke and Leia. A bit over two years old." The inevitable flatpics came out.

The two children in the pics radiated joy and innocence. The girl, Leia, had dark eyes and hair, while her brother was blond and blue-eyed, the spitting image of his father.

"They're beautiful."

"Thank you." There was an edge to Anakin's smile but his fingers were gentle on the fragile surface.

"They're onboard. I'll bring them by."

"I would like that," he said, wondering what it was that was haunting Ani.

"Finish eating first," Obi-Wan said softly. "Both of you."

"Yes, General," he replied with a smile for his mate.

With that and the hungry glances of the felinoids around him, all of which introduced themselves one by one. Awe at speaking to the Lion who Napped. There were a few who wouldn't actually look him in the eye, just brushing against his hand and mewwing softly before retreating. He took an extra moment with each of the shy ones, petting them while he gave out tidbits.

Obi-Wan just watched and kept r'val in his lap, feeding him bits of his own sandwich. By the time the last of the food was gone, most of the felinoids had, if not lost their awe, at least decided to put it aside in favor of treats and petting.

"Mew mrr." r'val licked the last of the crumbs up and hopped out of Obi-Wan's lap, taking his children (and grandchildren) with him. They would Return Later.

Qui-Gon stretched. "You said something about leggings and a walk?"

"Yes. Anakin, help me balance him please."

Allowing his former padawans to help steady him, Qui-Gon soon found himself upright on legs that were not nearly as wobbly as he had feared they would be.

"All those katas paid off," Obi-Wan murmured as they slipped leggings on him.

[Thank you.] He knew if not for Obi-Wan he would be doing good to even move, much less stand under his own power. If he had even survived at all.

[It was for both of us.] 

[You have my gratitude regardless.] Gratitude and so much more. Obi-Wan had saved him so many times...

[Please...let's focus on the standing and walking right now. I -- I just did what I had to so we could survive.]

[All right,] he said soothingly. With a deep breath, he took a step away from Obi-Wan's and Ani's support.

One step. Two. A third and then he felt his balance slipping then Obi-Wan's controls were holding him upright. It wasn't his body that was the problem per se. The bond and Obi-Wan's efforts had seen to that. It was more the interface of his body with his mind. It had been so long since he had done anything, that he had lost the knack. He had to concentrate on things that used to be automatic, things he had never had to think about. It was like his body was a stranger that he had to get to know all over again.

[The records say it will take several weeks to acclimatize.]

[Records?]

[Medical records from Alderaan. Turns out that the Organa's have more of the Jedi library than even the Jedi knew about. More organized too.]

[This has happened before?]

[At least once that was recorded. I think I have the entire passage memorized along with Anakin.]

He could envision them pouring over records looking for the tiniest clue, the smallest hope, and nurturing it when they found it, letting it grow into something that would let them carry on. That would keep them from giving up.

[I would never give up. It wouldn't have mattered if I found something in the records or not.]

Qui-Gon looked up and met his mate's changeling eyes. [I keep saying it, but thank you.]

[You're welcome. Now let's see you stand there long enough for me to change the linens on the bed.]

[A challenge.] He smiled faintly. [I will endeavor to rise to it. Or at least not fall.]

"Your other knight-padawan will be standing by in case your legs decide to let you."

Ani grinned. "It's the least I can do."

"Thank you, Anakin." Then Obi-Wan was stepping away, brisk movements, stripped to their most economical.

Qui-Gon watched, drinking in the sight of his mate like a man dying of thirst. Even when so basic, there was an undercurrent of sensual grace to every gesture.

A few minutes and it was done. The bed remade. Obi-Wan turned to him. "Feeling daring enough to walk over here?"

It was only a few feet, but it seemed more like a parsec. He had never been one to turn down a challenge. Keeping his gaze on Obi-Wan's face, he slowly made his way, step by step across the small distance, consciously thinking about the mechanics of walking the entire time. Obi-Wan waited patiently. Patience was buried deep in his lifemate now and it shown out of his eyes. The burning need for the now was gone. In its place was steadiness, a sense of waiting, and a careworn softness to him. The edginess was gone, washed away by six years of waiting. Obi-Wan had met this crisis that could've destroyed him and not only survived, but grew.

[I am so proud of you,] Qui-Gon told him, the words coming without thought.

[I have to be at least half as astounding as you, mate, just to be worthy of your love.]

One more step and he was close enough to wrap his arms around Obi-Wan. Which he promptly did.

"Is this a falling down hug or a cuddle hug?" Anakin asked from behind him. "Either way, I want in on it for a minute before I leave."

"I always will have a hug for you, padawan," Qui-Gon replied with a smile, turning and suiting actions to words.

"Thank you, master." Anakin gave him a tight hug then stepped away. "I'll lock the door on my way out and bring breakfast in the morning. Bond, cuddle, do all that...stuff. Take care of him, Qui-Gon."

"Always," he said softly, turning to his mate again. "Thank you Ani."

"Goodnight, masters." Then the door closed behind him, leaving them alone.

Wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan again, he asked, still in that soft voice, "What do you need from me, love?"

"It's been so long I don't remember how to ask for something from you." Obi-Wan rested against him with a sigh.

Another pang at that, and he bit back the reflexive apology that came to his lips. Instead he focused on the now, and the man in his arms. "What did you miss the most?"

[I could hold you, so I could at least touch you. Your spirit supported me even when your mind and body could not.] His lifemate paused, fingers coming up to trace his collarbone. [I wrote to you, so I felt like you knew what went on. You just didn't answer back, but a part of me knew how you *would* answer if you could. I guess what I missed the most was you *being* there. That Qui-Gon-ness that protected me and kept me warm and safe for so many years. I finally finished growing up while you rested. Up, not away.]

[I know.] He brushed his fingers against Obi-Wan's cheek. [I can see it in your eyes. Feel it in your soul.]

[I'm tired, love. I haven't let go in so long and now that you're here -- I'm torn between letting go and keeping control.]

[Come lie down with me. Let me hold you.] He kissed his mate on the forehead. [You've watched over me for long enough; let me watch over you for a little while. Let go if you can, if not, at least rest and know that your control, your determination, has helped to save us both.]

Obi-Wan nodded. [For a while then we need to get back to having you rejoin your life.]

[We will. But you -- us -- are a large part of that life, perhaps the most important part.]

[We need balance.]

[Yes. We also need rest. How long has it been since you slept -- really slept?]

[A while.] His lifemate had an event tucked away that denoted what 'a while' was, but he wasn't sharing it.

Qui-Gon made a mental note to follow up on that later but for now he maintained his focus on looking after his lifemate. [Then it is past time that you do.]

[That would please many people.] Obi-Wan turned them both, then pushed Qui-Gon into sitting on the bed before he started stripping off his clothes.

He watched, promising himself that he would soon take the opportunity to relearn his lover's body, how it had changed and how it was the same.

"As I sleep, if you like," Obi-Wan answered the statement absently. "And I need to tell you what happened today."

[You've done that every night,] Qui-Gon realized.

Obi-Wan nodded, bending over to undo the buckles on his boots. [It helps me remember you. Talk things out.]

[If it helps you, you must continue to do it,] he sent softly.

[I've done it every night I could lay down and sleep with you.]

[You always did like stories at bedtime.]

For a moment the calm cracked and the old quicksilver of unrest flared then it disappeared, sucked back inside. [Yes, I did.]

Qui-Gon reached out and brushed a hand over the top of Obi-Wan's bent head. [I can tell you one tonight, if you wish. Before, after, or instead of you telling me of your day.]

[Telling you about my day would mostly consist of telling you, you woke up.]

[I would love to hear it from your point of view.] His own was so limited. Resting in the darkness of his mind and then suddenly thrust back into life and light again.

Obi-Wan straightened, boots carefully set to one side of the chair. "This morning I woke up, like every other morning for the last six years."

Though it wasn't obvious in his mate's voice, Qui-Gon could hear the weariness in the words, the weight of responsibility he'd carried for the last six years alone.

"I brushed you hair, settled the blanket over you." Obi-Wan half smiled as he slipped out of his pants. "Settled r'val on you, and went to the bridge."

[You never left me alone,] he realized.

"There was always someone with you," his mate affirmed. "I didn't want you to wake alone...or die alone."

[I wouldn't have left. Not without your permission.] He was absolutely certain about it, knew that was a large part of the reason why he had rested in the dark instead of letting go entirely.

Obi-Wan nodded. "I went and had breakfast with Jess. Discussed plans for the day and then went to the bridge."

Qui-Gon held out a hand, inviting him into his arms as he talked.

Gracefully, the knight settled onto the bed and into his embrace. "I was joined by Anakin and several of the felinoids, as usual. By mid-watch, r'val had shown up, told me you were Resting Well and went off to be with Jayden."

There was a sense of a rote answer in that, and Qui-Gon suspected that r'val had reported he had been Resting Well every day of those six years.

"I was ready to go have lunch with her and the twins when g'nela galloped onto the bridge and onto my lap. She insisted over and over that you had Petted her and that a napping lion was Not Supposed to Pet the Felinoids."

He chuckled softly. [I remember that, a bit. She was purring loud enough to wake the dead.] A wry smile. [Or at least the comatose.]

"She's one of the louder ones, yes. Well, she was practically yowling at anyone who would look her in the eyes, so I came to check on you." Obi-Wan met his gaze for the first time since he had begun speaking. "You had moved. The blanket was all bunched up around your chest."

He tried to think back. There had been the loud purring and the startled yeowl and then... [I was too hot.]

"Your body temperature was very low during the coma. That was the other way I knew you were waking. You were warm to the touch, finally. That's when I knew you'd wake soon. Maybe not today, but soon."

Through their bond, Qui-Gon could feel the terrible hope that Obi-Wan had experienced then, one he had almost feared indulging in.

"I put on my Jedi uniform for the first time since Anakin's knighting and pulled you into my arms. Determined to wait until you woke."

[How long did I keep you waiting?]

"Two thousand, three hundred twelve days."

His arms tightened around Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It was less than an hour from when I settled on the bed to you opening your eyes. I had called you over and over. You finally answered."

"I had to."

"The rest of my day you know. Finally." His lifemate turned and they both laid down on the bed.

Qui-Gon let his fingers roam over Obi-Wan's features, as if relearning them, though that was one thing he knew he never would forget.

"I can rest now," the knight murmured.

"Yes, you can," he replied softly, leaning in and dropping a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead. "My turn to watch over you."

"Thank you." Green eyes closed. "Love you, my life."

"My light." Another kiss, this one to Obi-Wan's lips. "I love you too."

Snuggling in closely, Obi-Wan relaxed next to him, drifting into sleep almost immediately.

It gave Qui-Gon the chance to really examine his mate, looking, touching, drinking him in whole. There were telltale signs of how hard the last six years had been; shadows under his eyes and worry and care had etched fine lines on his forehead and beside his eyes and mouth. There was even a few bright silver hairs mixed in at the temples with the dark reddish hair he so loved.

The touch of Obi-Wan's mind was stronger than he remembered. The honing and focusing of his lifemate's personality had continued during the long illness. The humorous side had clearly survived, perhaps not as prevalent as it was when he was younger, but still there. He ran a finger down Obi-Wan's thick braid as he watched him sleep. It was probably the most obvious sign that years had passed, the length his mate's hair had grown to. It was now at least as long as his now and his fingers ached to undo the braid and thread through it.

There was a whisper of the Force and the braid was unraveling, covering them both like a blanket. A quick probe proved that Obi-Wan was still fast asleep, even if he seemed completely tuned into Qui-Gon's desires. [Thank you, love,] he sent, before indulging himself, running his fingers lightly over and through Obi-Wan's now loose hair, losing himself in the touch.

Soft as silk, it was everything that he'd wanted when the longest part of his mate's hair was the padawan braid. A brilliant auburn, even in the dim lighting, it must look like a fiery sunset in full daylight. The look of it, the feel of it was as good as a deep meditation and he went with that. His thoughts slowed and he finally drifted off, carrying the image of his sleeping lifemate with him.

The next sensation was Obi-Wan shaking, whispering to him. "Qui-Gon...please...wake up...please."

He opened his eyes, blinking slightly dazedly up at his mate.

"Qui-Gon?" The tenor voice was as strained as Obi-Wan's expression.

His mate's face was pale and he was trembling. "What's wrong?" Qui-Gon asked, reaching up and laying his palm against his cheek.

"You were slipping away again. Sleeping. No one to watch over you, make sure you stayed."

Memory came rushing back. "I fell asleep."

There was a shaky nod. "You can return to your rest now that I'm awake."

"Not when you're so upset." He gently pulled Obi-Wan down into his arms.

Taking slow deep breaths, Obi-Wan visibly calmed himself. "I'll be fine."

"Of course." He stroked Obi-Wan's hair soothingly. "It was your hair," he said, remembering what he had been doing when he had fallen asleep.

"You wanted to touch it."

"Yes. And even asleep you let me."

"I learned to listen. The faintest whispers of your wishes came to me and I could fulfill them." There was a soft sigh. "Now it's like a shout. I feel everything you want like I am living inside your skin. I had to, to know what you needed."

It was amazing thought. Having all of Obi-Wan's determination and spirit focused on not only keeping him alive, but to communicate on even that fundamental level. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome." His lover nuzzled his skin for a moment. "It's how I stayed sane or at least as close as I could come to it."

"I don't know how I can ever make up these years to you," Qui-Gon confessed in a whisper.

"There is nothing to make up for. Just do what you can."

"What I can. I could...brush your hair," he offered, his fingers still stroking the soft strands.

"Sure, that would be nice."

Looking around, he caught sight of the brush sitting on the dresser nearby, and called it to his hand with a slight whisper of the Force. He shifted them both until he could easily run it through Obi-Wan's long hair.

"I see why you like this so much."

"It's quite enjoyable from here as well." He was quiet for a moment, losing himself in the motions. "It's grown so long..."

"I haven't cut it since the rescue on Althera."

"Why?" He thought he knew the reason, but he still wanted to hear it.

"Because you asked me not to."

Qui-Gon let his breath out in a sigh. "Do you...if I hadn't asked that, would you rather cut it?"

"I'm used to it now."

"In other words, it's driven you crazy before now."

"No, it's fine."

"It's lovely. I always dreamed of you with hair like this."

"Down to the waist?" Obi-Wan picked up a lock, studying it critically. "Talk about having a handle."

He shook his head. "Not a handle. A...cloak. A...cascade. Showering down around us while you kiss me."

His lifemate shifted around, settling in his lap. "We haven't kissed in a while."

"No we haven't." He raised a hand, traced Obi-Wan's lips lightly with a finger, then leaned in and gently pressed their mouths together.

[Missed you, love.]

[I am here, Obi-Wan. You brought me back.]

[No, you came back to me.]

Qui-Gon pulled back enough to rest his forehead against his mate's. [Semantics,] he said with a faint smile. [I am back and I promise to never leave again if it is within my power.]

[I know. You wouldn't have left this time if you had a choice.]

A brief flash of eerie blue light and pain, then a smothering darkness and he shuddered.

[Qui-Gon?]

[A..a memory. I think. Of what sent my soul into hiding.]

[You need to read my journal about that day and what happened afterwards.]

He nodded. [I do. But I would much rather kiss you some more right now.]

A shadow of a grin passed over Obi-Wan's face. [It appears that my focus is as scattered as ever.]

Qui-Gon brought his hands up and cupped his mate's cheeks. [Let me see if I can bring it back to the matter at hand.] He leaned in and kissed him again, this time long and slow and toe curling.

[Oh...that's nice.]

[That is just the beginning.]

[Just picking up where we left off.]

Gently Qui-Gon pushed Obi-Wan back until he was lying flat on the bed, never breaking off the kiss as he follows him down. [It does seem vaguely familiar.]

[More.]

[Much, much more.] Forcing himself to release Obi-Wan's mouth, he nuzzled at his throat.

Hands caught in his hair. "I love you."

[I love you too.] He looked up to meet his lover's eyes. [Tell me what you want.]

[Having you with me is everything I could ever want. Do what you need to learn this me.]

Taking Obi-Wan at his word, Qui-Gon lowered his head again and slowly began exploring his mate's body with hands and mouth. Relearning and mapping every centimeter, through it all his lifemate was touching his mind, reveling in having him back. His hands skimmed over whatever part of Qui-Gon he could reach.

Sliding further down, Qui-Gon nuzzled at his mate's erection, then took it in his mouth, relishing the feel and the taste. That got him a long, happy sigh and an arching of Obi-Wan's back. Qui-Gon quickly lost himself in what he was doing, relishing every shift and muscle tense, every indrawn breath and soft gasp from his mate.

It wasn't long before Obi-Wan was shuddering, calling out his name in the darkness. Savoring his mate's taste as he did his pleasure, Qui-Gon continued lavishing his attentions on Obi-Wan until he began to soften. Then he slid back up his body, seeking his mouth. Beyond words, Obi-Wan kissed him hungrily. He held Qui-Gon tightly, rolling them over on the bed until he was on top.

Qui-Gon wound his arms around him, holding him tightly. [Love you.]

Obi-Wan repeated the phrase like a mantra continuing to kiss him. Each declaration was like another touch, a tiny flare of pleasure building his arousal. Then his lover's hand closed around his erection, stroking it in counterpoint to his kisses. He groaned aloud, his hips surging upwards into Obi-Wan's touch.

"Love you, my Qui-Gon. Love you."

With those words ringing in his ears, he climaxed, calling out his mate's name. When he came back to his senses, Obi-Wan had wiped them both off and was curled up on top of him.

"Thank you," he said softly, lifting a hand to stroke his mate's back.

"Thank you."

He continued running his hand over Obi-Wan's back. Petting him. The thought brought a faint smile to his lips. "My indolent felinoid..." he whispered.

His lover chuckled. "And I finally have the hair to do it properly."

"A very proper mane. I suspect t'lya is very proud."

"She feels I am quite properly felinoid. I still am distinctly Overfond of water though."

"You didn't have anyone to Wash you Properly," Qui-Gon said softly, another twinge of guilt going through him which he firmly squelched.

"I was given an allowance since my lifemate was napping."

"I would love to help Wash you. In the shower."

"Mmm. . .later."

"You look so comfortable I would never ask you to move right now." He smiled. "All we need is a sunbeam."

"I've learned to managed without them, love."

He sighed sadly. His Obi-Wan had had to learn to manage without so much. Too much. "You shouldn't have to."

"Now that the war is winding down we should be able to get to Garos soon. I'll have my sunbeams then."

"Winding down? I slept through the entire war?"

"You were awake for the start. It was killing you by inches."

Qui-Gon couldn't deny that. The horror at seeing everything he believed in destroyed and not being able to stop it was still strong in him. But to leave Obi-Wan to face that same horror alone...

"I wasn't alone. You were there, silent, but there."

"Was it enough?" He searched Obi-Wan's eyes for the answer. Faith. Trust. Unswerving loyalty shone out of the darkling eyes. It was almost overwhelming. "I hope I can live up to your expectations..."

"You have every time I truly needed you to."

"Except six years ago," he whispered.

"That's where you are wrong. You could have left. I could feel you choosing to stay. The failure would have been if you had chosen to go into the Force."

"I couldn't leave you. And I had to tell-" He broke off as the memory slid away from him again.

Obi-Wan's fingers slid into his hair. "I know. We know what you were trying to tell us."

He looked questioningly up at his mate.

"That's not important right now. What is important is that there was a life disruption weapon of some sort on that moon. It should have killed you completely, or failing that turned you into an empty mindless shell."

"It almost did," he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes." Obi-Wan stretched, reaching out to turn on the light. "You are the only person that we know of that has survived it."

"The bond."

"Even blocked the way it was, nothing can sever it completely."

"It appears I owe you my life once again." He raised a hand to Obi-Wan's face, the wonder of their bond surging through his soul.

"We owe each other. If I had not had you I would not have survived the last six years."

He nodded, hearing the truth in the words.

"We should sleep and you can read my journal in the morning."

Qui-Gon smiled wryly. "You would think after six years of nothing but I wouldn't be tired. But I confess that I am."

"Your mind is racing to catch up." The wry smile was returned. "Now you will be sleeping normally."

"With you in my arms."

"As it always has been and will be."

"Yes." He kissed Obi-Wan gently and sighed in contentment as he let his eyes close.

********************

Obi-Wan was watching him when he awoke. Green eyes carefully keeping a vigil over his sleep. "Good morning, love."

"Good morning," he replied. "Did you watch me all night?"

"After the way you drifted off last time? Yes."

"I'm sorry for that," he said contritely. Though knowing Obi-Wan was watching over him did make the fear that still lingered fade away.

"It's quite all right. I'll just nap later when r'val and the felinoids are available to watch over you."

He couldn't bring himself to argue the point. "As long as you do sleep," he finally said.

"I will. There isn't a lot to do now, duty-wise anyway."

"Oh?" Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"We're flying in big circles right now, waiting for information to come in."

"I picked a good time to rejoin the living then. At least I won't distract you when you need your attention elsewhere."

"You're sense of timing is as exquisite as always."

He smiled faintly. "I do my best."

"Shower and perhaps a lap around the room before breakfast?"

"I did promise to Wash you, didn't I?" Reaching up, he caressed Obi-Wan's cheek before letting his hand slide back into his hair.

"Yes. I've been looking forward to you returning the favor for a while now. I just wish we had a tub to soak in."

"That would be Force-sent," Qui-Gon agreed, picturing reclining in warm water with his mate in his arms.

"We're about due to make a stop on a planet for supplies and a change of crew."

"Perhaps we can find something accommodating there."

"I hear the general can arrange things." His lover smiled. "I'll put in a word for you."

"If needed, I would be willing to offer incentives." He raised his head enough to plant a gentle kiss on Obi-Wan's lips.

"I think you and a hundred liters of hot water is plenty of incentive."

"We may not have a hundred liters but we do have some hot water, and you do have me. Shall we make use of the shower now?"

"This means I have to get up, right?"

"That would be implicit in heading to the shower, yes."

With a careful placement of hands, Obi-Wan lifted himself up off of Qui-Gon's body and the bed. "Then to the shower we go."

Qui-Gon watched with an appreciative gaze for a moment, letting his pleasure show in his expression, before slowly sitting up and swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. Obi-Wan held out his hands, offering a balance point if he needed it. Unsure if he needed it, Qui-Gon nonetheless took the offered grip, as much for the contact with his mate as for the physical support.

There was a steady pull, bringing him to his feet. "Better today than yesterday."

"I believe so." His body didn't feel quite so disconnected this morning.

"You'll be up to chasing me around for sparring soon."

He smiled wryly. "That may take a bit longer..."

"After last night I don't think so."

"That was easy." He dropped his voice to almost a whisper. "Giving you pleasure is always easy."

Obi-Wan grinned. "And here I thought you chased me around the salle to see me sweat through my leggings."

"Oh?" Qui-Gon did his best to look the inscrutable master.

"That's what I thought. . .unless it was to see me pull off my tunic." Taking slow steps across the room now.

He followed, keeping his eyes on Obi-Wan's the entire time. "If it could get you to take the leggings off as well..."

"The few times I did you made me do katas alone shortly thereafter. Fine-tuning my every movement with your hands."

"I wanted to do so much more," he confessed.

"I, of course, thought I had angered you most of the time."

"Far from it."

"You looked so fierce." Nearly to the bathroom now.

"I wanted to devour you whole."

"And I wanted you to."

"And instead we both behaved." He sighed mock tragically. "What a waste."

"All those adolescent hormones wasted on perfectly innocent laundry."

Qui-Gon coughed. "Not just adolescent hormones."

His lifemate grinned and asked in an arch tone, "Oh really?"

"You were very....inspiring." He made a show of raking his glance over his mate's body. "Still are."

"Thank you, I've been keeping in shape for you."

That was true in the very literal sense, Qui-Gon was aware. "I know," he said softly, as they entered the bathroom. "And that is a debt I cannot repay."

"I just meant keeping my svelte figure, not to mention all this hair."

He smiled. "I am grateful for that as well."

Carefully they maneuvered into the 'fresher stall and Obi-Wan settled him onto the seat. "Warm water coming right up."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes as the water began spraying down on them a moment later. "Feels good," he sighed.

Strong hands began easing the water through his hair. "You didn't change."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, love." There was a soft chuckle and then a cool spot on his scalp as the soap touched it. Qui-Gon all but purred under the attention. The gentle massage lasted a long time and then Obi-Wan stepped back, preparing to do his own hair. "I'll just be a minute."

He reached up and closed his hand around Obi-Wan's wrist. "Let me?"

Obi-Wan settled to his knees in front of him. "As you wish, my heart."

He took his time with the task, relishing the feeling of his mate's hair under his hands, and the way Obi-Wan was melting under the touch.

The water was getting decidedly cool causing his lifemate to murmur, "That's a warning that they're going to turn the water off."

They quickly rinsed off. "Got lost in the moment, sorry."

"Next time I get to go first."

"Agreed."

"And we get a larger water allowance."

He smiled faintly. "Definitely."

Towels got wrapped around hair and waists before they began the slow walk back to the edge of the bed. "Maybe you can make an appearance tomorrow on the bridge."

"I would like that." He smiled fondly at the thought of seeing his General in his natural environment.

"We'll do that then."

"And what do you have planned for us today?"

"You have some reading to do and some children to meet."

"Ah, yes." Anakin's children. It was still a thought he had trouble getting his mind around.

"And Jayden. She's been poking at me through the bond since she woke."

He smiled. "Tell me about her."

"As precocious as ever. Convinced she's in charge of course. Like the Jay you remember -- only bigger."

"I will probably startle her as much as I did the felinoids," Qui-Gon observed ruefully. "I've been asleep most of her life."

"OOOOONNNNNNNNN!" The shout preceded the appearance of small whirlwind with long brown pigtails that made a beeline straight for his arms. "Master Qui-Gon!"

"This can't be my little Jayden," Qui-Gon teased her, though deep down the words carried a certain wistfulness. She had grown so much and he had missed it.

She grinned and dove for his lap the way she had as a toddler. "Yep!"

"You've gotten so big. What have they been feeding you?"

"Cookies for breakfast," she chanted. "Cookies for lunch."

"Some things haven't changed I see," he commented to Obi-Wan with a faint smile.

"Cookies for dinner," his lifemate finished the chant. "And no, not much has changed."

"I'm sure she's driving her mother to distraction."

The humor faded from everyone's face but it was his lifemate that answered. "Rilka's been gone to the Force for two years."

"Mamma's with the Jedi," Jayden said softly.

Qui-Gon stared at his mate for a long moment, uncomprehendingly. "She can't be," he murmured. Not Rill. Next to Obi-Wan, she was the most alive person he knew.

"She is, my love. Getting supplies for the Rebellion, she fought rather than get captured."

A wave of grief crashed over him as the knowledge sunk in. "And the others?" he asked, alarmed that the other absences might mean more deaths.

"Grewllean, Plo Kloon, The King of Alderaan, Virlan of Clan P'Quall, and f'fei."

Each name brought its own weight of grief, leaving his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. "So many..."

Jayden curled up closer to him. "They're still here, 'On."

Qui-Gon looked down into her wide brown eyes, seeing her belief shining there. He took a shaky breath. "I know, Jayden," he said quietly.

She smiled at him. "Me and B and the mews are still here. Da, Knight Ani, Knight Kae, and Knight Kit."

He found a smile for her. "And that means a lot."

"Master Yoda, the Captain, Master Poofy...ummm" She looked over at Obi-Wan for prompting.

He paused in brushing out his hair. "That's Master Poof, Jayden and you forgot Master Mace."

"Right! Master Grumpy face." She nodded decisively."

"Grumpy face?" Qui-Gon asked around laughter.

She turned and straddled his legs. Hands settled on her hips she pulled her face down into a frown. "Now General," she imitated Mace's tones. "You need to keep that crew of yours under control. Grump, grump, growl."

He threw his head back and laughed. "That is a very good imitation."

"He didn't think so." She pouted. "Then I let the mews talk to him for a long time and he was nicer."

[You have had your hands full with this one, haven't you?] Qui-Gon asked looking up at his mate.

[Only when I wasn't juggling a veritable herd of felinoids.]

[A dangerous activity at the best of times.]

[All those fluffy tails.]

[Daunting.] The light tone was a bit flatter than he was trying for as a good deal of his emotions were still reeling from the news of all the deaths, but most especially Rill's.

[Let me run her off so we can talk.] Obi-Wan gently pulled Jayden off of Qui-Gon's lap. There was a silent conversation between them and she headed for the door.

"I'll bring you cookies for lunch, 'On."

He smiled for her. "I will look forward to it."

But her eyes were serious and the smile was gone from her face as she turned and walked away. "I'll be with Da, B."

"I'll Call you," his lifemate promised.

"Tell me," Qui-Gon pleaded quietly as soon as the child was gone.

Obi-Wan settled on him next on the bed. "We were circling a dead planet, Rill had gone to a station in the next system. She was getting us supplies. Everything was going well and Jess was on his way in to rendezvous with her to take the first load when the bounty hunters showed up. Later we found out that words were exchanged in this running battle she had with them. They were going to use her to either draw us or torture the information from her. She chose to make a stand instead, taking most of them out and herself out with a thermal grenade. Her last words were caught by Jess's communications system. Wishing us all love and light. To never give up."

Obi-Wan's voice failed him. [Then the explosive went off and that side of the station vented to space. We don't know who gave her away or why, or even if they lived through that. And I still miss her every morning. I still look at her seat and wonder why she isn't there to fill it. I keep expecting her to walk through a doorway and say something that stings and heartens me at the same time. She was the most irascible, grumpy, beautiful lady I had the pleasure to know. Her daughter reminds me of it every day and that's the only reason I haven't done anything about it. Jayden reminds me of what Rill wanted. . .but I still miss her.]

Qui-Gon was silent for a long time, grief overwhelming any words. When he did speak his voice was thick with emotions. "It still doesn't seem real." He shook his head. "I don't know if it would even if I had been awake for it."

"It doesn't feel real to me but then you take one look at Jess and you see the gaping hole in him."

Rilka was -- had been -- everything to Jess and Qui-Gon could only imagine too well the kind of pain this must have brought him. "How is he?"

"Alive. The children and his former padawan are the only thing that holds his interest these days."

He turned and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms, needing the proximity. This changed world he had awoken in suddenly seemed more like a nightmare.

Damp silken hair covered them both as his lifemate settled into his lap. "Her loss was the worst personal loss I Saw. Even Jayden knew it was coming."

The echo of the toddler's voice came back to him. 'On naps and B is busy and all dying. Babies and peoples and Momma.' He shivered at the memory. Bad enough she lost her mother, worse to know it would happen before the fact.

"We've talked about it quite a bit. She didn't understand it all at the time. It was only after it happened that we put together the visions."

[But you did understand.]

"Yes," whispered softly through that russet curtain of hair.

The thought was...terrifying and part of Qui-Gon was selfishly glad that Seeing was not one of his strengths.

"Jess doesn't talk to me much anymore."

There was more loss in Obi-Wan's voice and Qui-Gon tightened his embrace. "I'll talk to him," he promised softly.

"He'll be pleased to see you awake I'm sure."

Qui-Gon nodded. He reached up a hand to trace his mate's features. "You have carried so much alone...,” he murmured.

"No more than the Force deemed I could handle."

"It didn't need to test you so brutally."

"Nor you."

"All I did was sleep," he said, shaking his head.

"When you could have died or stayed asleep. You were there, Qui-Gon."

"It doesn't seem like enough..."

"It was enough for me." Obi-Wan shrugged.

The words going straight to his heart, Qui-Gon touched his cheek, and then kissed him. "Shall we try walking some more?" he asked when he pulled back. He wanted -- needed -- to recover his strength as quickly as he should. Obi-Wan had been shouldering too heavy a burden alone for far too long.

"If you feel up to it. Getting dressed might be enough of a challenge for the next hour."

He glanced down at the towel around his waist and smiled ruefully. "Yes, I suppose that would take precedence."

"I could also brush your hair, but that isn't exactly inducement to move."

"Not to move, no," he said with a shiver.

"Perhaps as a reward for afterwards?"

"Perhaps." He smiled faintly.

"After we neck, of course."

"We must have everything in the proper order."

"Of a certainty." Obi-Wan stood and returned his towels to the bathroom before getting out clean clothes. "Well, you joining me?"

Slowly, he got to his feet and crossed the room to his mate's side, concentrating on every step.

"A vast improvement over yesterday." Leggings were handed to him after Obi-Wan tugged on his own.

Qui-Gon almost lost his balance when he slipped them on, but Obi-Wan was there to steady him.

"Slippers?"

He nodded, balancing himself on his mate's shoulder as each one was put on.

Then the layers of tunics were donned and the belt fastened. "One more thing left."

"Yes." Qui-Gon held still as Obi-Wan brought out his lightsaber and fastened it to his belt.

"I checked it regularly to make sure it worked."

As he had checked and watched over Qui-Gon himself. "Thank you."

A brief nod and then his mate attended to the rest of his own dressing. "Ready for the long walk back to bed?"

"Knowing what is waiting me when I make it?" he teased. "It's not that long."

"Well, that would all depend on whether or not you felt up to visiting anyone first."

"Who?"

"There is a certain grand dame of felinoids that's missed you terribly."

That brought a smile to his face. "I would love to see t'lya."

"She and Kae left a message that they'd like to host us for breakfast."

"And Kae too. I would be honored."

Thumbing the switch on his commlink, Obi-Wan confirmed their appearance. "Shall we shuffle our way there then?"

He slid an arm around Obi-Wan's waist as a subtle support. "Hopefully we'll get there at least in time for lunch."

"I believe Kae wasn't planning on preparing anything until we arrived."

"A wise move on her part." They made their slow way over to the door and out into the corridor.

There was a mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces in the hallway and even the familiar ones had elements of change. No one stopped them, but there was one pleased greeting after another, either for him or the general. Everyone seemed to know him, even those that were strangers. Not that it surprised him much. He suspected he had something of a legend in the past six years the General's comatose lover.

[Actually, most of the know your name and knew it long before they knew mine. Nearly everyone you see is or was Jedi.]

With a start he reached out with his Forcesense, confirming what he'd just been told.

[We're learning to hide in plain sight. They come aboard here, get cross-trained for something and then go onto other positions. Hiding until we can come up with a better plan.]

It was a sound strategy and the proof of it working was around him. [Your idea?]

[Rill and I thought it up.]

Another pang of loss at the mention of their friend. [This is all then,] he gestured at the ship around them, [part of her legacy then.]

[Along with our custom tornado, Jayden.]

Qui-Gon chuckled. [Like her mother. A force of nature.]

[Yes, she's going to be amazing when she's fully trained.]

[Indeed.] He glanced sideways at Obi-Wan. [With you as her master.]

[I was hoping you would witness our oaths, if I can get Jess's permission.]

No hesitation or demurral. His Obi-Wan had indeed come into his own. [I would be honored.]

[I'll speak to Master Lashar then.]

They were almost to Kae's quarters now and Qui-Gon was heartily grateful. He wasn't particularly physically winded, but having a large part of his attention focused only on walking was mentally tiring.

[Shall we stop for a moment so you don't fall on my felinoid when she dances around your legs?]

Qui-Gon chuckled. [Perhaps just a brief moment. To spare risk to your felinoid.]

[It would not be Proper.] With that imitation of t'lya's arch tones, Obi-Wan stopped them outside Kae's door.

[And after impressing them with my Napping, I would not want to do anything Improper.]

[It would be rather upsetting to the pack.]

He turned and stole a quick kiss from his mate. [I'm ready. Shall we?]

[Since you are ready.] Obi-Wan raised his eyebrow sardonically. [We shall.]

The door opened and he followed Obi-Wan inside.

"MEWMEWMEWMEW!" And then his slippers were being pounced by a grayish blur.

"Hello t'lya," he said with a smile, not quite trusting himself to bend over and not fall.

She purred and promptly coated his leggings with a fine layer of fur before leaping to the tabletop so she could see him properly. Kae took the opportunity to step forward and give him a careful hug.

"Hello Master Qui-Gon."

"Kae." She stepped back and he took a good look at her. She was a woman grown, her scars, though still visible, had faded. Confidence and competence shone out of her. She was beautiful.

"You look well rested." She grinned and tugged on Obi-Wan's braid before turning back to the table. "Have a seat, masters."

"I should hope I'd look well rested by now," he replied, returning her grin and sitting in the offered chair. t'lya promptly crawled into his lap, purring.

"You look like you've been asleep an hour."

"Give or take 52,500 or so..."

She laughed. "True enough. So, how does some stew and hot tea sound?"

On cue his stomach rumbled. "Wonderful."

"Excellent because that is what I have on hand. Are you getting caught up on news?"

"Slowly."

"I can appreciate that. Let me know if you want to talk about any of it before I leave."

"Leave?"

"Master Obi-Wan asked me to reopen the temple on Garos. We have children old enough to be taught again and we think it's safe enough."

There was a pang in Qui-Gon's heart at that but this time a positive one. "The temple open again," he murmured. "I am gratified to hear that."

"It's past time--"

"It wasn't safe," Obi-Wan interrupted. "It's only now that we're sure they've gone to consolidating what they have that we know we can use that space again."

Qui-Gon glanced sideways at his mate. "Consolidating?"

"One of those things we haven't talked about yet."

"And now isn't the time?"

"I don't think over dinner is the right time. It will be easier if I show you on a map."

"All right," he agreed easily. He had a feeling this was going to another of those nasty shocks, and though he wasn't hiding from it, he was human enough to want to put off bad news. Maintain his illusions a while longer.

Dinner was served, along with the tea and some fresh bread. 

"Have you seen Jayden yet?" Kae asked as they were mopping up the last of the stew from the bowls.

The question brought a smile to his lips. "Yes, she stopped by earlier."

"Isn't she amazing? Keeps everyone on their toes around here."

"She is..." He shook his head. The personification of what they were fighting for, he thought.

"I think she intends on popping the Emperor on the nose herself if we don't take care of him by the time she finishes training."

Qui-Gon laughed at that. "I would not doubt it."

"So, I managed to scare up a treat, in honor of your return to us. . . ."

"Not-"

"Mew!" t'lya nosed her way to the edge of the table, tail aquiver.

It was. "Chocolate and cream." He smiled at Kae. "Definitely worth waking up for."

"We had them every quarter year or so, Master Obi-Wan and I. Talked about you."

"Really?" He turned his gaze to his mate.

There was a faint blush across Obi-Wan's cheeks, but his expression smoothed out as soon as he realized Qui-Gon was looking at him. "Yes, really."

"Thank you for being here for him," Qui-Gon said formally. Reaching out, he took hold of Obi-Wan's hand. "I am touched."

"It was quite the romantic side of our dear general," Kae murmured before disappearing into her tiny kitchen.

"She was really good about listening." The blush was nearly gone from his lover's face now.

"And you needed someone to listen."

"Certainly. Doesn't everyone, sometimes?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here to do that for you." He had the feeling he was going to be apologizing to Obi-Wan for a long time.

"You were busy." There was a pat to his hand and then Obi-Wan was turning back to Kae and the felinoid at her heels.

"Another familiar face. Hello y'nel."

"Mew mrr," she said politely, leaping into Obi-Wan's lap with a long glance at her mother.

"Mrr," t'lya replied magnanimously. She would stay with the Lion for now.

Obi-Wan and Kae both just rolled their eyes and began nibbling away. Qui-Gon ate his own, sneaking some cream to t'lya, who licked his fingers in thanks.

"Master Qui-Gon?" Kae paused in her eating to look at him, spoon circling restlessly in her bowl. "Can we talk before I leave? About running a temple?"

"Of course. Whenever you want." He smiled faintly. "Though my time doing so was very short."

"But you had years of observing and the time on the council as well. I haven't had nearly as much and I want to do it properly."

She looked so earnest. "My expertise, however poor it may be, is at your disposal, Knight G'tal," he said formally.

"Thank you, master." She bowed slightly in her seat and then dug into her dessert with new enthusiasm.

He saw a glimpse of the girl she had been in that action, a glimpse of the past, a glimpse of what still felt like the present to him.

Obi-Wan pushed back the bowl and cuddled the felinoid in his lap for a moment before standing. "I need to go to the bridge and catch up on my communication dispatches."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Qui-Gon asked.

"You are welcome to come with me. I thought you might want to stay and chat with Knight G'Tal."

"Well if neither you or Kae minds..."

The walk to the bridge did seem quite daunting.

Kae smiled. "I have another serving of berries, if you'd like to stay and talk."

"It would keep me out of General Kenobi's way."

Obi-Wan leaned over and brushed a kiss against the crown of his head. "You could never be in the way. Call me when you are ready to leave."

"I will." He reached for and squeezed Obi-Wan's hand briefly before letting go. [Love you.]

[Love you.] Then Obi-Wan was gone.

Qui-Gon sighed and leaned back in his chair. "How has he been? Really?"

"Before Rilka passed into the Force she said he was only half alive."

He had suspected as much. Still, hearing it hurt. "He never gave up on me."

She looked aghast at that comment. "Of course not! He never gives up on anyone. Ever."

A flash of memory of Naboo and Obi-Wan pulling him back from death. "No," he said, smiling, "he doesn't."

"Still, for being the way he was -- he got a lot accomplished. Kept us alive even if some people weren't happy about it."

"He's always done what is needed."

"We all did our best."

"I'm sure you did." He smiled warmly at her. "And here is the proof. You, a knight."

"It came as quite a surprise to me."

"It doesn't to me. You were one of the most gifted padawans I have ever seen."

"You honor me, master."

"It is merely the truth. I'm sure Obi-Wan and your master would agree with me."

"It would be one of the few things they agree on these days."

The comment sobered him. "Obi-Wan said as much. That Jess has never recovered from Rill's..."

"No, he hasn't really." Her eyes darkened. "If Obi-Wan was half alive, then my master shouldn't be counted amongst the living."

"I don't know what good I can do, but I will talk to him. Rill would not want him to..."

"Get maudlin? Yes. Perhaps he will listen to you when he hasn't listened to anyone else."

"He can't hear beyond the pain."

She nodded slowly. "Yes, that is it."

"All we can do is keep talking."

"I wish you luck with it."

He nodded, and then deliberately changed the subject. "Shall we talk about your new assignment?"

An hour later the tea had cooled, the dishes were washed and the felinoids were snoozing on his lap. The calico and the greyish fur wound around each other like a child's puzzle. He and Kae were deep into a debate about teaching methods when the door opened. Obi-Wan leaned against the doorjamb, a faint smile teased the corners of his mouth. "Should I come back later?"

"Of course not." He held out a hand to his mate.

Obi-Wan grasped his fingers. "Do you want to stay a while longer or are you ready for a rest?"

Qui-Gon took inner stock; his resources were not depleted but they were lower than he would like. "A rest I think."

"Then if you'll excuse us Kae?"

"Of course." She turned to Qui-Gon. "May I stop by for tea tomorrow?"

"I will be looking forward to it." He got to his feet.

"Thank you for meal and the conversation."

"Thank you for making me your first outing. I am honored." She stood and bowed to him deeply. "It's good to have you back, Master Qui-Gon."

Removing the felinoids, he got to his feet. He stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. "It is good to be back."

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You give me hope we can bring back the Jedi."

"We will. Never doubt it." The alternative was not to be entertained.

"You have excellent timing." Then she was stepping back, her eyes a bit brighter than normal.

He smiled at her. "Years of practice."

"I hope I'm half as good." Another bow and she was leading them to the door. 

"Good night, masters."

"Good night." Once again with his arm around Obi-Wan's waist for support, he began the journey back to their quarters.

The strangeness of the people around him was becoming familiar. The oddness of it all beginning to blend into one giant entity of this newly strange place and time he found himself in. He glanced sideways at the man beside him, at least that had remained consistent. Obi-Wan was still at his side. Even if there had been changes in his mate as well as everything else, he was still there. An anchor against all the other changes.

"You should rest when we get back. Let yourself assimilate today's information."

"I will." Eventually, he added to himself. He wasn't quite ready to go back to sleep yet.

"I didn't say sleep, I said rest."

"Ah. I stand corrected." He smiled faintly at Obi-Wan.

"Actually, you're leaning -- but that would be nitpicking."

Qui-Gon laughed aloud at the familiar comeback. "I love you."

His lifemate grinned and steered them into their quarters. "Chair or bed?"

"Bed if you join me."

"I'd join you in the chair too," he teased before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Boots, belts, and outer tunics were removed.

Qui-Gon let out a thankful groan as he stretched out of the bed. "This is more comfortable."

"True enough." Obi-Wan propped himself up at the head of the bed, legs crossed at the ankles. "Did you have a good visit?"

"Yes. Kae has grown into a wonderful woman."

"She's been back to Garos twice and has been ready for a while now. She just needed to believe it."

"I can think of few better for the job."

"If everything goes the way we hope, in a few years we can be back there, helping."

Reaching out, he entwined his fingers with Obi-Wan's. "Something to look forward to."

"Yes." With his free hand, his lifemate untied the end of his braid and let the hair slowly unravel. 

Qui-Gon found his gaze riveted to the sight. Without a word, Obi-Wan shifted downward, curling up against him. The cascade of hair now drifting across Qui-Gon's chest. "Would you like me to brush it?" Qui-Gon asked, running his fingers through the silken fall.

"Isn't that what you are doing?" Humor colored the soft tones.

He smiled. "In a way." His fingers didn't still however.

"This is fine unless you have a preference for the brush."

"I prefer this actually. It's more...intimate."

"Yes, and unlike the felinoids it doesn't cause knots."

"The felinoids played with your hair?"

"I was a grooming project apparently. Must groom the Obi-Wan and then you can rule the universe, or something."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "Taking care of you." He sighed. "When I couldn't."

"Actually I think they were trying to prove that t'lya didn't own me exclusively. Sneak grooming is apparently stressful."

"And a skill every felinoid needs to master?"

"Then it can go on their list of accomplishments. Groomed the Obi-Wan. Napped with the Lion. Pounce-tackled the KnightAnakinperson, and so on."

He winced in sympathy for Anakin. "I fear the Napped with the Lion may have to change now."

"Not necessarily. You will still need to sleep. They will just have to be more stealthy about getting past r'val and t'lya."

"So I should be prepared to wake up with a blanket of furry bodies?"

"Over the next few days, as they adjust to you being awake, yes."

"As long as I have you as a blanket as well...."

Obi-Wan raised his head enough to give Qui-Gon a Look.

"Right. Silly question."

"I only went to sleep without you once the entire time, I'm not about to change that."

He shifted to look at Obi-Wan's eyes. "What happened that one time?"

"I stayed with Jess the night Rilka died."

Oh. Of course. "He needed you more than I did, then." He wrapped his arms tightly around his mate.

"We needed each other."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." The words were already becoming familiar.

"No fault of yours, love."

"It will take a while for that to sink in I think."

"Probably as long as it will take me to remember you are awake and well."

Shifting, he moved until his lips were centimeters away from Obi-Wan's. "I'll remind you if you remind me?"

"A hundred times a day," his lover whispered, right before they kissed.

Qui-Gon was content to continue to do that for some time.

****************

He woke to find Obi-Wan scrolling through information on his comm-pad. His hair was loose and now he was dressed in a pair of thick sleep pants, fleecy on the inside, they had kept his lifemate warm on many a cool mission. Propping himself up on one elbow, Qui-Gon watched for a moment, drinking in his mate's unique beauty. "There's a sight to wake up to."

"Me working?" Obi-Wan set the pad aside and fixed his gaze on him.

"You in only those pants and your hair." He smiled faintly. "Would be even better if the pants were gone."

The knight pushed them down over his hips, bending slightly to get them over his thighs, then down his legs and finally off the bed.

"You oblige me." He reached over and let his hand slide over Obi-Wan's thigh.

"You take such joy in it, how could I not?"

"I could easily spend the rest of my life just watching you like this."

"Well, perhaps we can spend the rest of the evening this way and work on the rest of it as we get time."

He shifted up enough to tug Obi-Wan closer, his hands relearning his body. Obi-Wan smiled softly, letting himself be turned and manipulated. They'd made love since he'd awakened, but Qui-Gon hadn't allowed himself this slow study, searching out the differences, the new scars, knowing there was a story behind each one.

"And I tell you a story a night if you like."

"I would." He kissed one long jagged one on Obi-Wan's thigh.

"Would you believe they are all training scars?" his mate teased.

He raised his head and met his mate's eyes.

"Guess not."

"You have never been that clumsy. Even when you were going through your teenage growth spurts."

"I was teasing, Qui-Gon."

"I know." He nuzzled Obi-Wan's stomach, beginning to lose himself in the explorations.

"Have I changed that much?"

He slid up until they were face to face, and reached out to caress his cheek. "Not in the important ways."

"That's reassuring. Please, feel free to go back to your meanderings."

"Enjoying it?" He smiled faintly.

"Because you are."

He gave Obi-Wan a kiss for that answer, then went back to his exploring. Old scars nearly faded into invisibility, oldish ones that were bright white lines, and the newest still colored a faint pink. But the muscles, shape and *feel* of his lifemate hadn't changed. His lover was the same man he'd loved, just a bit older, a bit more worn around the edge. It made him love all the more, made him want to cherish and protect him. He smiled ruefully at the thought. He suspected that protecting Obi-Wan would be quite a bit harder now than when he had been his padawan.

"You are already doing it. Giving me some place to rest and be loved."

"Always." He paused. [Shall I love you now?]

[You love me all the time.]

He smiled and sought out one of Obi-Wan's sensitive spots. [Yes, but I could be more ...active...about it.]

[Y-yes you could.]

[What would you like?] He continued to explore with mouth and hands, his touch now working to arouse.

[Ummmm....]

[My hands? My mouth? Something more...intimate?]

[Just don't stop.]

[Never.]

When he had reduced Obi-Wan to an Obi-Wan shaped puddle, his lifemate finally managed a coherent sentence. "That was amazing. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure." He pulled the boneless man into his arms.

"I see I get to resurrect my title of Jedi Knight cuddle bunny."

"Mmm." Qui-Gon was warm and loved and content.

"You snuggle well."

"You are excellent inspiration."

"So are you."

"Especially when I'm capable of snuggling back?"

"Especially that."

He smiled and dropped a kiss on the top of Obi-Wan's head. "Basking," he murmured happily.

"Yes." Another kiss. "You should sleep."

"Later. I'm enjoying this."

At least he was resting, if not actually sleeping. Qui-Gon would content himself with that. Besides, it really was extremely pleasant to lie here basking. A rusty sounding purr echoed from the suspicious region of Obi-Wan's chest. Then stopped. Then started again.

"My indolent felinoid," Qui-Gon murmured in a husky voice, the rustiness at the beginning telling him it had been a long time since Obi-Wan had had reason to use it.

"Yours."

"I think we should set aside a time every day for basking and purring," he determined.

"You do?" His lifemate sounded amused.

"I do. To make sure your purr doesn't get rusty."

"It is a bit pathetic sounding at the moment."

"It just needs some practice."

"And a daily session is the best way to get practice."

"Yes. Not to mention eminently enjoyable."

"Definitely." Obi-Wan sighed. "I should go to evening meditations soon."

"Go?" He looked at his curiously. This was something new.

"After some debate we decided to do evening meditations together, in the practice room, since the staff and padawan population kept changing. Trying to keep a style='mso-tab-count:1'> little of the Temple going. We also teach classes afterwards."

Another little piece of light salvaged in the darkness of war, Qui-Gon thought with a smile. "I would like to go with you, if I may?"

"If you feel up to it. You were tired before we started basking. . . ."

"Meditation is often rejuvenating," he pointed out.

"Fine, fine. You can go." Obi-Wan leaned up to give him an exasperated kiss.

He chuckled. "You would almost think you were trying to keep me all to yourself."

Completely serious, his lifemate nodded. "After so many years I didn't think a few days was much to ask."

"Oh, love," he breathed, unable to deny such a request. "All right," he said, touching Obi-Wan's cheek. "No meditations for a few days."

"They would be thrilled to see you there, and I did let you out to see Kae." Now his lover sounded frustrated with himself. "You should come with me."

"Would they be able to make do without you for tonight?"

"Yes. They managed last night."

"Then let them manage again tonight and we will have our own private meditation here. Just the two of us."

"Yes, master."

"And we can go together when you are up to sharing."

"Of course, master."

[Is there some reason I am suddenly "master" again?] he asked, suddenly worried that he was running roughshod over his Obi-Wan's wishes.

[You started giving orders. Instinctive reaction.]

[I wasn't. Was I?] He had been just offering suggestions, hadn't he?

[It's been so long and you are thinking rather loudly, at least in comparison to what I am used to.]

The difference between comatose thoughts and his waking conscious mind. [Then let me make it clear. No orders were meant. Feel free to disagree or offer a countersuggestion.]

Obi-Wan nodded. [Tonight we'll stay here. Tomorrow -- I will worry about when the time comes.]

He smiled at that. [Living in the moment?]

[One of the things I finally mastered.] Which had to be hard, when all his hopes were in the future. [I just waited for the Moment when you would wake.]

[You never doubted,] Qui-Gon murmured in wonder again.

[It did not occur to me that I should.]

Only his Obi-Wan. "Most people would not be able to help it."

"You are my life, my lover, my master." The knight shrugged.

"My light," Qui-Gon responded, placing a hand over his mate's heart. "My lover, my Obi-Wan."

There was a slow nod and Obi-Wan covered his hand with his own. Finally, even they couldn't sustain that level of emotion any more and separated. Showers, clean sleep pants and back to resting on the bed. 

"You asked about the Empire. I can show you that map now, if you'd like."

He nodded, sitting up and turning his mind to business. Several commpads were set on the bed next to him then Obi-Wan went over to the communications panel and brought up the map. It looked very familiar. The Republic control in blue, the invading clone army in red, neutral territory the normal white on black.

"This is what it looked like when you went to sleep."

"As far as I remember, yes." He traced the edge where the blue and red sections met, the front of the war.

A few keystrokes and the blue changed to a murky gray. "The color we picked when Palpatine changed his title from Chancellor to Emperor."

Then the colors began moving slowly, shifting and receding like the tide. "The neutrals remain black and the Jedi Alliance, well.... we picked green."

It started out as one tiny spot, then two, then four, then six. Little islands of incandescent green in a sea of gray.

"This was two years ago."

Compared to what they had had before the war it was almost inconsequential. But those little bits of green represented freedom, represented hope.

"And now?"

The map flowed again. Now the green areas grew into bubbles and finally an arc that sliced through a good portion of the Empire. Alderaan and Garos both within that arc.

"It started as an attempt to hinder supply lines." Obi-Wan blushed. "It was more successful than I had planned for at first."

He looked up to meet Obi-Wan's gaze. "This was your planning?"

"Only to set up bases and cut off supplies. I didn't realized that people would take it to heart and well.....run with it. Rill did quite a bit of the initial groundwork."

He smiled again, running his fingers along the green swathe. "Another part of her legacy."

"She would be so pleased with herself."

"Indeed." He could almost see her sitting over the maps and chortling, demanding to know what was next on the agenda.

"She's why we have as much chance as we do." Obi-Wan shrugged. "Other people have done amazing things, but the names would not mean much right now."

"Probably not." Still staring at the map, he admitted, "I was prepared for much worse."

"Bail and our early evacuation plans made all the difference. Otherwise we would be hiding completely."

"Your Seeing helped make the difference then."

That was waved away. "Perhaps."

"It did. It kept us from being complacent as well as giving us a chance to start preparing before it truly began."

"But there were others who Saw. I was just lucky that there were people to listen."

"A team effort then. Still," he gestured at the map again, "this is amazing."

"Another year and we'll be ready to take on the core."

"Then I awoke at the right time. To be able to help with the end."

"There is never an end, my master."

He smiled. "You are beginning to sound like me."

"I was both of us for a long time." Obi-Wan smiled. "I'll curb my tendencies for Qui-Gon-isms."

"I don't mind. It is rather a compliment."

"Shall we meditate?"

"Yes." The first time they had together in six years.

Rather than move off the bed, Obi-Wan settled next to him, holding his hand. "This will be better than basking."

"I wouldn't dismiss the basking so easily," Qui-Gon said with a chuckle. "But yes, meditating with you has always been something I treasure."

"All right, as nice as basking in a different way."

Shifting, Qui-Gon moved until he was sitting up with his back against the headboard, then gently tugged on Obi-Wan's hand, pulling him to sit in front of him leaning back against him. "It's not our niche in the garden but..."

"Then we will just have to remember it."

"Yes." He sighed, resting his cheek against Obi-Wan's hair. "And dream of the day we can reclaim it."

"It's under good stewardship right now."

"Indeed. And we have things we must do before we can return."

"How felinoid of you. I could almost hear the capital letters."

"Must have soaked in while they were Napping on me."

"How pervasive of them."

Closing his eyes, Qui-Gon began to concentrate on his breathing, almost not noticing when he slipped into the light meditation trance. Immediately Obi-Wan's consciousness wrapped around his, pervasive and extremely strong. Stronger than he remembered, tempered with a greater maturity and confidence. All of the potential he had always seen in Obi-Wan finally realized.

[Breathtaking,] he thought.

He could feel Obi-Wan's embarrassment. [Meditate, love. Meditate, and not on me.]

[Yes, General,] he replied teasingly, letting himself go deeper.

There was a physical caress of his cheek and then Obi-Wan was sliding out of reach, his meditation staying shallow. He didn't go seeking anything in particular, just let himself commune with the Force, refamiliarize himself with the universe around him. Even after everything that had happened, that had changed, that he had missed, the stars were still the same. It was the thought he brought back with him as he gradually resurfaced.

The map was still shining into the room, swirling gray and green. It was all the same systems and planets though. A majority of the same people still lived the same place they had six years before. Dome of them probably hadn't even really noticed the change. Something to keep in mind when things began to get out of perspective.

Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to slip deep into meditation. He kept a light touch in his mate's mind and took the opportunity to...well, bask in Obi-Wan's presence.

When he finally surfaced from the meditation he gave Qui-Gon a look somewhere between bemusement and embarrassment. Qui-Gon's response was to kiss him lingeringly, letting that touch convey his feelings.

Obi-Wan spoke softly into the silence, "You honor me, as always, with your love."

"As you honor me." He paused. "We're back to basking."

"You started it."

"I don't think I ever stopped."

"A basking overload."

He quirked him mouth up into a smile. "Perhaps."

"Just don't have a meltdown."

"No meltdown. I promise."

Obi-Wan smiled and shifted enough to stretch out on the bed, his head in Qui-Gon's lap. "This is nice."

"Yes." He began stroking Obi-Wan's hair again.

"I'm likely to fall asleep if you keep doing that."

He didn't stop. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Um..."

"That's what I thought."

Stubbornly the greenish eyes stayed open, barely.

[Rest. I will still be here when you wake.] Qui-Gon kept up the soothing motion. r'val and t'lya slipped into the room and onto the bed. 

"Now I can rest."

He looked at the two felinoids, who looked steadily back at him. "You are to be my watchers?"

"Mew." Yes.

Though he was sure the constant supervision would begin to get to him eventually, for the moment he could put up with it, for Obi-Wan's well-being. He held out his free hand, beckoning the t'lya and r'val closer.

"Do I need to recall how they watched over me after Rian, for months?"

"Did I say anything?"

"Your expression said volumes."

"And you are still awake."

"You stopped petting me."

"Ah." He resumed the gentle stroking. "My apologies."

"I see that I need to retrain you," Obi-Wan murmured.

"I'll just have to narrow my focus again to only you."

"That's a good start."

Mildly exasperated, he asked, "Are you ever going to go to sleep?"

Obi-Wan just gave him a hurt look, shifted onto his side and closed his eyes. 

Continuing the stroking, Qui-Gon gently wrapped his thoughts around Obi-Wan's.

[Should I watch over your dreams?]

[I don't know if I dream anymore.]

That troubled him enough that he stopped petting Obi-Wan. [No?]

[I always followed your dreams.]

Vague memories flitted through Qui-Gon's mind at that, nothing he could put description to, but it did confirm something important. [You shared my dreams,] he corrected. [You were there with me.]

[It got hard to tell after a while.]

[You were. I remember.] He ghosted his fingers over his mate's forehead. [Sleep. This time I will follow your dreams.]

[What if I can't anymore?]

[You can.]

Resolutely Obi-Wan closed his eyes and pushed himself down into sleep. Qui-Gon let his thoughts follow him, smiling as he felt the beginnings of a dream.

**************

Obi-Wan shifted and one of the commpads fell off the bed, landing on the floor with a muted clatter. Qui-Gon's eyes followed it then skipped over to the table where the other records of Obi-Wan's writings awaited him. There were many mysteries waiting for him in that pile. Many answers to his questions. Six years of life contained in that thin stack. Many deaths were contained in those finely penned lines, lives showing great change, including apparently his padawan, Anakin. He reached for the pile, suddenly wanting to at least solve that one mystery, how the padawan he remembered became the knight he had seen the day before. From Obi-Wan's memories he found the thick packet with the date on it he needed.

**We were so wrong and no one saw it. So many mistakes made and even one change would have made the difference. As it was Anakin turned the odds in his favor at the end. I'm getting ahead of myself. It all started when Anakin left to go get Amidala on Naboo.

He never arrived.

We didn't know until later what happened. He was captured and a clone replaced him, one we now call Darth Vader. It was Vader who arrived on Naboo and it was Vader who made love to Anakin's wife. Feeling bold, he came back to the D'Ka with Amidala, and we let him aboard. I am, and was at the time, so lost with Qui-Gon asleep that I didn't notice that something wasn't quite right.

The bond between Anakin and I had never been the strongest anyway and I attributed much to the doting on Amidala. Amidala was pregnant with twins. Vader's twins we found out later.

Vader spent almost three months with us and the Jedi rebellion suffered much during that time. Setbacks, supply runs failing, deaths. They were coming to anticipate our every move and people suspected a spy. I'm ashamed to stay that all I did was try and hold together what we had. My energy was so depleted at the time it's a wonder I didn't sleep walk from the bed to my chair on the bridge and back, at times it felt like I did. It was a shock when I felt the training bond flare to life, and not from the man quartered down the hall. Instead it came from a distant ship, closing in on the D'Ka.

Anakin had escaped from the Emperor's control and was headed back to us as best he could. Of course, I suspected the wrong man and offered to meet him on the surface, bring Vader with me but not telling him why. My instincts knew better than I did apparently. Vader turned on me as he must have turned on Grewllean. I dodged but he hit me with a crippling blow across the leg. I was down. He was about to take me through the chest when Qui-Gon's saber came to life in Anakin's hands. He had Force-lifted it off my belt, bless him. They fought, oh did they fight. One of the greatest battles I have ever seen in my life and I the one spectator. Our Anakin, clothing tattered, filthy versus Vader, shining in white. Back and forth across an ice field, I lost consciousness several times, each time I looked up they were further away, headed up the mountains. Green blade versus blue and then it was knocked away, over the side of this vast steaming edge. They stopped for a moment, talked, and then it started again, this time with a red blade coming to life in Vader's hand. Anakin struck a great blow and I could see part of Vader's arm fly away, his body followed a moment later.

Anakin turned and ran back to me without a second glance. The next time I woke it was in the medbay. The padawan, no..the knight was waiting for me, absolutely white. He'd seen Amidala and I had to tell him what had happened while he was away. Much like I imagine I will have to tell Qui-Gon of these things when he wakes.

We decided not to tell her about the clone, her physical health was fragile and her mental stability not much better. Apparently Vader had been tampering with her, over and over, so she didn't question why her doting husband had changed when they were alone. By the time I was mobile again the twins were born and Amidala slipped away from us even more. I suspect that she knows the reality and her mind simply cannot handle the betrayal, so she drifts in this happy world of ten years ago when we visited Naboo and went swimming.

Anakin, of course, is heartbroken.

He tries to be a good father to the children and checked them obsessively for any taint of darkness. It was only when every Jedi aboard had blessed them that he would hold them and talk to them as a father should talk to their newborn children. I think he still wonders but he won't speak of it to me. Fortunately Jess has taken quite a liking to them, and them to him. With those two and Jayden he is well occupied. Perhaps in time, when they are grown and normal Anakin will love them, if not as his own children, then as two children who deserve to be loved.

**

Qui-Gon laid the pad down and stared at nothing. The horror of what Anakin had been put through, of what Amidala had suffered was nearly overwhelming. And the children... If Anakin had suffered under the onus of being the chosen one, the children had even more to overcome. Having a Sith clone for a father...

[They don't know.]

[They will have to someday.] And when that day came they will need all the support that they could get from those closest to them.

[Why? They are Anakin's children, that's all they need to know.]

[Can you guarantee those that would be their enemy won't tell them?]

Obi-Wan moved out of physical reach. [Going back to sleep now.]

Qui-Gon stretched out a hand and rested it against his mate's back. [Yes. You need it.] He resolutely turned his thoughts away from anything disturbing so as not to bother his mate's rest.

[Debate instead which kata you want to try in the morning.]

[Ambitious for me, aren't you?]

[Fine, pick which kata you want me to do that you can watch in the morning.]

Instantly his mind filled with all the possible combinations and how well Obi-Wan looked doing them. [As you wish, love.]

[Goodnight.]

[Good night.] He settled back against the pillows, deliberately forgot about the past, instead concentrating on the present and the future, his lifemate featuring prominently in both.

Sometime close to the equivalent of dawn, ship time, Obi-Wan woke. His eyelids fluttered open, pupils huge in the dimness.

"Good morning," Qui-Gon said softly. With a faint smile, he added, "More or less."

There was a huge yawn. "Good morning."

"Sleep well?"

A nod was incorporated into a back-bending stretch. "You were with me."

"Always." He leaned over and kissed him gently. [Guarding your dreams.]

[Thank you.]

Qui-Gon smiled. [I could never not do it.]

[Now I need to stretch and do whatever kata you've picked out for me.]

He tugged his mate into his arms. [First we snuggle for a few minutes.]

[You are a snuggleholic.]

[I'm making up for six years without being able to.]

[No complaints.]

[Good.] He sighed in contentment, his arms wrapped around his love. Obi-Wan went back to sleep. Qui-Gon chuckled softly and kissed the top of Obi-Wan's head. His mate was beginning to trust that he was indeed back to stay if he was allowing himself to drift off so easily.

Finally, Obi-Wan roused again. "Oops."

"You obviously needed the extra sleep. I don't mind. I like having you asleep in my arms."

"Then I make a regular appointment with you."

He tightened his embrace. "Whenever you want."

"Maybe I just need to take a week long nap." Another huge yawn and then h is lifemate was pulling away, sitting up.

"You've always pushed yourself too hard," Qui-Gon said with affection.

"I've always had more things to do than I had time."

"We'll have to see what we can to help change that."

“It's been that way as long as I can remember. A function of the way I think about things, I suspect." Slipping on a pair of exercise shorts, Obi-Wan started stretching.

Qui-Gon sat up, watching appreciatively. "Thinking of a hundred things at once."

"At least."

"Quicksilver."

"Like my hair will be in a few more years."

He held up a strand of his own greying hair. "Then we will be a matched set."

"I think yours will be a purer silver than mine. So -- which kata?"

"After much thought I find myself torn between indolent felinoid and concordance."

He shrugged slightly with a self-conscious smile. "Those are the two I dreamed of you doing."

"Since we are not in a hurry I can do them both." Sliding into the opening position of indolent felinoid, Obi-Wan mewed at him once, softly.

From her position at the foot of the bed, curled around her mate, t'lya mewed back sleepily. It was everything he remembered. The sinuous grace highlighting the effortless moves that covered the open space between the foot of the bed and wall. Conceived in Obi-Wan's mind as a whim at first, it grew to a proper kata over the space of a year. It was another two before all the finesses were in place and another beyond that before he was persuaded to teach it to someone else. Each person he taught it to, he customized to their personal style, making it their own in a way the more formal katas never were.

Anakin had added the heavy moves of stalking. Kae, the gestures of a delicate house cat showing off her finest features. With Kitaara it had become acrobatic. This, however, was the original. Planned with Qui-Gon asleep in his arms, it was pure Obi-Wan. When he had been training Obi-Wan the padawan, it had always been something like this he had imagined when contemplating the young man's future. Creating new forms, and excelling at the traditional ones. It was interesting, considering all of Obi-Wan's talents and just how much he had accomplished in so many different areas.

With a long sigh it completed, Obi-Wan sitting on the floor. He stood, gave a short bow and began the moves of the Concordance, extremely well practiced by the fluidity of his gestures. Qui-Gon watched for a moment and then, impelled by some unnamed impulse, he got up and joined his mate, falling into the movements of the kata, if not as fluidly as his norm, at least without disturbing Obi-Wan's pattern.

His lifemate pushed his hands under Qui-Gon's matching their arm movements. When those were completely synchronized, Obi-Wan stepped backwards, bringing their upper bodies into contact. The kata flowed into a blended wholeness, one that echoed the reason for the kata in the first place. Bringing them both peace. When they finished, Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around his mate and rested his chin on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

Obi-Wan's voice was suspiciously hoarse. "Missed you."

He tightened his embrace. "I'm here."

"I know. It's soaking in."

"Good." He felt better as well. More balanced, his body not so far removed from his mind.

"You want to try and do the first kata after some breakfast?"

"Yes. As long as you do it with me. It seems to be helping."

"Certainly."

"Shower, breakfast...?"

Obi-Wan turned in his arms, gifting him with a kiss before nodding. "Yes, then there are children to see."

He smiled at the reminder. "I am looking forward to meeting them."

"We have some initiates aboard as well."

"Ah, who no doubt are graced with the General taking time out to tell them stories."

"At irregular intervals, yes."

"Perhaps they will be so graced today?"

"So you have time to sit with them, of course." Obi-Wan's knowing smile also encompassed the fact that Qui-Gon would need the rest to have the strength to get back to their quarters.

"Of course." He smiled faintly. "The general's stories are as much a treat for me as they are for the children."

"Only because you know how they end already. Perhaps I should tell them my draigon stories and growl at them."

His lips twitched with barely suppressed humor. "That has always been one of my favourites."

"Then that is the story I will tell, but first a shower so we don't scare them off with the smell."

"Shower." They started walking towards the bathroom. "Has our water allotment been increased yet?"

With a significant glance to the two faintly disgusted felinoids, Obi-Wan nodded.

"Good. Then I can take my time washing your hair."

"I'm going to be so spoiled."

"No one deserves it more."

"Jayden would argue that." Stepping into the hot spray his lover smiled blissfully. "Ahh."

Qui-Gon watched his enjoyment with a smile, then stepped close under the spray as well. It was long, blissful and very wet. Finally though, the water cooled and they went through the motions of drying off and dressing.

"Breakfast in or out?"

"Out," Qui-Gon responded after a moment's thought. Much as he enjoyed having Obi-Wan all to himself, he knew he had to start stepping back into the larger universe.

"With the initiates?"

He smiled. "As long as you promise not to start a food fight."

"The children aren't that excitable these days I'm afraid. Most are war orphans that we took in."

Ah. Of course. "How many?"

"Just six, Kae is taking them with her to Garos."

"A good place to start a new life."

"Yes. The twins should be there too."

"It should be an interesting meal then."

"They make everything exciting, especially if Jayden shows up."

"Just what we need to stimulate our appetites." He was looking forward to the potential youthful chaos.

"My appetite doesn't need any help," his lifemate spoke archly.

"No, it doesn't." He looked Obi-Wan up and down appreciatively.

"Let's go, voracious lover of mine. The children await."

He gave Obi-Wan a formal half-bow. "I am at your disposal."

They walked towards the 'back' of the ship, where the holds traditionally were located. "We finally gave up and permanently converted one space into a training room. The one next to it is a dormitory for the new Jedi and initiates."

"The D'Ka's become a mobile temple," Qui-Gon observed with a smile.

"Yes, meditation space. Training rooms. We have everything a temple would have."

"It's amazing."

"We got creative. We had to." And the creativity, that unpredictability was what had allowed them to recover as much ground as they had.

Qui-Gon looked around him with new eyes. For him, the D'Ka had become a symbol of everything their side had done right.

"Oh, and it's not the D'Ka anymore. It's the Rill."

His steps faltered at that.

Obi-Wan put an arm around his waist, bringing them to a stop. "She'd be so embarrassed and proud. We had to."

"It's perfect." He smiled sadly. "She would bluster and rant about presumptuousness, blushing all the while, but there would be pleasure in her eyes."

"Yes. I drew the line at having the uniforms changed to purple."

That drew a laugh out of him. "I am grateful, I think."

"It would have insulted her fashion sense." Obi-Wan smiled at him gently. "We had to smile and laugh about her or it would have broken us."

"I know." He shook his head, trying to sort out his emotions. "I keep expecting to see her. I don't know when it will sink in."

"When you see Jess."

He sighed sadly. "Yes."

Obi-Wan just waited for him patiently. "Let me know when you are ready."

Qui-Gon forced his focus back on the present and important things like walking. "I'm ready."

His lifemate nodded, keeping the arm around his waist as they began walking again. "I should have mentioned it sooner, I'm sorry."

He waved off his mate's apology. "There is so much I need to find out. I know I can't get all of it at once."

"Fair enough."

[This time I am your student.]

[Only in this.] Obi-Wan led him into a small mess hall. Half a dozen young pairs of eyes spun to stare at them. "Good morning, initiates."

"Good morning, master," they replied in unison.

"This is Master Qui-Gon Jinn. He was my master. Can we join you for breakfast?"

Eyes got even wider and there was the soft rustle of whispers. Finally one boy stood and bowed to them. "We would be honored Masters."

"He promises not to eat too much or throw anything." Obi-Wan scooted in next to a girl with dark hair. There was a seat opposite him empty, next to a blond boy of the same age. [Leia and Luke.]

Qui-Gon smiled at the two children who were both looking at him with unabashed curiosity. Leia had much the look of her mother about her and Luke... Luke was almost the spitting image of his father. Qui-Gon could easily see the slave who became his padawan in the child in front of him.

"This was your father's master." Obi-Wan spooned hot cereal into his bowl and added a generous helping of sweetener.

He smiled at them. "Hello."

"You're old," Luke said staunchly.

His smile widened. "Relatively so, yes."

"Cereal please, like Master Obi-Wan's."

Qui-Gon spooned some into the boy's bowl. "Would you like some sweetener?"

"Lots. Like Master Obi-Wan's." The sweetener was handed to him by an impatient Luke. "Four scoops."

His lifemate just ducked his head and helped Leia with her breakfast.

He let his eyebrows climb. "Can you even taste the cereal at all with all that?" he asked as he added the requested four scoops.

"Nope. Don't like the cereal but I'm not allowed four scoops of sweetener."

"So the cereal is a necessary evil?" He handed the bowl over.

"Yup." Luke glanced up at him. "Where were you before here?"

He glanced at Obi-Wan. [How much do they know?]

[That I finished Anakin's training because you were ill.]

Luke was still looking at him waiting for an answer. "I was...sleeping. Getting better."

"I wonder if sleeping would help Mamma."

The innocent question struck deep. "I don't know, Luke," he said in a soft voice, reaching out and touching Luke's blond hair, images of Amidala as she had been when he'd first met her flickering through his mind.

"Are you staying for a while?"

"I can."

"No, I meant are you staying here." Luke's eyes flashed with impatience.

Ah. "Yes. I'm staying on the D'- the Rill."

Content with that answer the child turned back to his breakfast. Which allowed Qui-Gon to see to his. He noted with amusement that when he had been talking with the boy, Obi-Wan had dished out some cereal for him, fixing it just the way he liked it, a bit of milk and no sweetener. Green eyes twinkled at him as his lifemate finished off his own bowl of the heavily sweetened stuff.

Chatter had started up again, the children talking and playing as all children do. Leia just huddled next to Obi-Wan watching Qui-Gon with huge dark eyes. 

"Hello," he said to her with an encouraging smile.

She scooted closer to Obi-Wan, tucking herself closer to him. One hand held tightly onto his lifemate's. "Hello," she said softly.

[She's a shy one.]

[Around new people, yes. Wait until she decides you are safe, then you'll be sneak cuddled.]

[Like you are being right now?]

[This is a strangle hold, but basically.] Obi-Wan grinned down at the child holding him. "He's a good person, Leia."

Qui-Gon continued to smile at her and did his best to look non-threatening.

"Do you have a kitty?" she asked, her voice barely audible over the noise.

"I do. You probably know him. r'val?"

She nodded and held up Obi-Wan's braid. "The red one."

"That's him. Do you have a fel- kitty?"

"No. I'm 'lergic."

"That's too bad." He began to say perhaps there was something Grewllean could do about that before remembering that the healer was dead.

"I'll get one of Papa's kitties on Alderaan."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, you will. They have medicine for you there." [Bail is Papa.]

"What else do they have on Alderaan?" he asked, sensing this was a subject that would draw the girl out.

"Flowers and people and gardens and kitties and icy treats."

"Icy treats?"

"Cold stuff for you to eat. It's yummy."

Obi-Wan offered silently. [Frozen cream.]

[She has good taste.] "Perhaps we can see about getting some of that here."

"Really? That would be nice."

"Master!" Jayden flew into the room and promptly cuddled Obi-Wan's other side.

"Good morning." Obi-Wan hugged her back. "We're just finishing breakfast and then I was going to do some stories. Draigon stories."

"The one with all the growling?"

"Yes, the one with all the growling. I don't think any of them have heard it yet."

"We all get to help out with the sound effects, right?"

"Of course."

She looked across the table at him. "You, too, right 'on? I...remember you growling."

So did he. A time back on Garos when Obi-Wan had told her the draigon story and she had cajoled all of them into growling along, even Master Yoda.

Jayden was smiling at him. "You're a good growler."

"So my padawans have informed me over the years," he replied, winking at her.

Giggling she slipped around the end of the table to give him a hug.

He hugged her back. "I was wondering when I was going to get my morning hug," he teased.

"Silly 'On," she whispered into his ear. "I always have hugs for my 'On."

"Then I am very lucky."

"You have me and the felinoids," she said with utter confidence. "And Master Obi-Wan."

"Yes," he smiled over the table at his lifemate, "I do."

"So you're done now, right?"

Qui-Gon looked at his empty bowl. "It looks that way, doesn't it?"

"Well. . .sometimes you have more, or you used to."

Usually when a certain lifemate urged him to. "I'm fine for the moment. And yes, I'm done."

"Good." She tugged on his hand. "Let's go to the kata room and get a good seat."

"Is that in the same place it used to be?" He allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"Yup. We added some benches and stuff."

A good thing, because at the pace that Jayden was setting, he was going to need to sit down again soon.

"Padawan Jayden!" Obi-Wan's voice cracked out like a whip. "Slow down, immediately!"

Jayden all but stopped on the spot, the sudden deceleration throwing Qui-Gon off-balance. Obi-Wan's Force strength wrapped around him, holding him up until his lifemate could arrive physically. Leia was on his hip and Luke following right behind him. 

An arm slid around his waist. [Better?]

He leaned into Obi-Wan briefly, grasping his shoulder as he regained his balance.

[Yes. Thank you.]

"Jayden, go save a seat for yourself and Qui-Gon on a bench. We'll be there in a moment."

"Yes, Master Obi-Wan," she said softly, gave Qui-Gon an apologetic look, and fled.

"She'll be back to enthusiastic bouncing by the time we get there."

"I think she's gotten more energetic." He paused. "I wasn't sure that was possible."

"I think the creche instructors said the same thing about me."

"Then having Jayden as your padawan would be what is known as poetic justice."

"If I minded, yes." There was a gentle smile.

"At least you have a chance at keeping up with her."

"You kept up with me."

"It was a challenge sometimes."

"The real reason I had extra katas and classes."

"Well, yes," he responded serenely.

"So wise, my master."

"In this case, exhaustion led to inspiration." Qui-Gon smiled at him gently.

"I shall seek to emulate your example then."

"The ultimate compliment for a teacher."

They entered the hold. The half dozen initiates trailing along behind them were met by their teachers, Kae, and others trickled in as they walked across the room slowly.

[As popular as ever I see.] Obi-Wan set Leia down and sent her over with the others.

[Your stories are not to be missed.]

[And I promised growling.] There was a faint sigh. [At least I won't be forgotten.]

That caused Qui-Gon to tighten his grip. [Never.]

[I just meant by the Jedi, my love.]

[That won't happen, either.] His own Sight was close to non-existent, but he was certain of this. His Obi-Wan was going to be remembered far into the future.

[I would rather be known for my stories and teaching than anything else.] They settled next to Jayden.

The girl snuggled into Qui-Gon's side and he wrapped an arm around her with a smile.

"So, everyone is here for my monthly speech on morale and security right?" There was a titter of laughter. "No? Then I suppose I will have to tell a story."

There was a cheer from the children and Qui-Gon settled in with the rest of them to listen to his lifemate wrap them all around his finger.

*******************

The story was over and the room slowly emptied. A few stayed behind to start on katas, or speak to Obi-Wan. He found himself sitting alone on the bench, resting and waiting for his lifemate to come back. That's when he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure.

Jess.

Slowly, Qui-Gon got up and headed over to where he was standing.

"Master Jinn." Dark circles accentuated the thin face. His hair barely touched his shoulders now, and it lay limp against his skull.

"Jess," he said softly, half-reaching out a hand to the suffering man.

With a careful slide Jess avoided the touch. "It's good to see you up and about."

He let his hand drop. "Thank you."

"You've been. . .told?" Jess's voice broke on the last word. If he didn't know better he would have guessed that Rilka had died only a few days before and not almost five years ago.

He nodded. "Jayden and Obi-Wan told me."

"I still expect to see her around the corner." In his hands was a worn piece of paper. It was held out to him with shaking fingertips. "My last drawing. I want you to have it."

He took the paper gently. "Jess-" he began, hearing the concern in his own voice.

"I can't. Not with her gone. Everything turns into her face or her hands and it hurts too much."

Qui-Gon could empathize in the pain he saw and heard and felt; if he had lost Obi-Wan that way he doubted he would be much better. But if that had happened, he knew Obi-Wan would want him to continue living, and he knew that was what Rilka would want for Jess. But knowing and doing were often two different things.

Jess must have seen it cross his face, for when he next spoke the words carried that knowledge. "She'd be terribly disappointed in me, I know. That makes it worse."

"Exasperated, perhaps. Not disappointed. Letting go is hard."

That brought a ghost of a smile. "She did know how to keep a grudge."

He smiled faintly. "Had it raised to a fine art."

"Then she'll let me hold this one until we know how she got caught."

"Do you have any leads?"

"A few but nothing solid enough to take to the General and spare a ship for."

"If you could use a fresh pair of eyes..."

"Of course." The faint light of obsession shone in Jess's eyes. "I have some ideas."

The obsession worried him, but he didn't say anything about it. Doing so would only have Jess shutting him out and it was clear he had spent far too much time pushing people away, so he nodded in agreement.

"We'll talk later." Jess did notice the children headed towards him. "Good morning, Luke."

"Morning Master Jess! Master Qui let me have four scoops of sweet on my cereal!"

"Did he?" Jess smiled at the boy.

"Yup." Luke bounced into Jess's arms.

For the first time, Qui-Gon saw a hint of life come back into Jess' eyes. The sadness that hung on him like a palable cloak was still there, but the knight he remembered was peeking through.

"You ready for katas with me?"

"Yup!" That seemed to be the main word in Luke's vocabulary.

"If you'll excuse us Master Jinn?"

"Of course." He watched Jess walk off with the boy, then turned to look for Obi-Wan.

Seated on the floor and surrounded by children his lifemate was literally buried in a conversation. He smiled; one day, he hoped Obi-Wan wouldn't have to take these moments in among his real duties. 

[Soon enough. I have other things to finish first.] Green eyes caught his for a moment across the room before returning to the earnest toddler bouncing on one foot in front of him.

He watched for a moment longer, then remembered the paper that Jess had given him. Looking down, he gently unfolded it. Done in the soft pencils that Jess excelled at, it was a portrait of Rilka. The lines were blurred and softened now around the edges, but her eyes and expression were still clear. It was the Rill he remembered. Purple eyes snapping with humor, temper, and love she lived in this moment that Jess had captured. Her hair askew in some breeze, there was a half done shadow that might have been Obi-Wan and Anakin in the background. The collar of her uniform highlighted the firm jaw and high cheekbones. A happy moment, she was trying to hold back a smile, the quintessential expression for their Rill. Jayden's toddler face was tucked in underneath Rill's face, asleep, at rest. It was dated a week before her death.

It brought tears to his eyes, as the reality of her death struck home. It seemed almost inconceivable that he would never see her again, never hear her laughter or be teased by her. Never have her meddle in his life and fix things again.

[She knew and went anyway.] Obi-Wan was holding his hands. Suddenly there. [We spoke and she chose to go anyway.]

That was Rill through and through. [Jess didn't-]

[No, he never knew, still doesn't. She didn't tell him before she left.]

[He wouldn't have let her go. Or would've insisted on going with her.] Qui-Gon wasn't so certain if he had been awake if he wouldn't have insisted on the same thing.

Obi-Wan's tone was utterly even, almost flat. [It was her choice to make. She wanted to die alone, against her enemies. Fighting.] Then he let go, walking away from everyone.

[That wasn't an accusation.] He took a few steps after him.

[It never is.]

He quickened his pace, trying to catch up.

[Just let it go, Qui-Gon. I'll find you later.]

[All right.] He stopped and watched his mate disappear.

[You can't help me with this. It cannot be fixed. I let it happen. She let it happen and willingly.]

No, there wasn't any way to fix this. Rill was dead. There was nothing he could do to change that. And what he would've done if he had been awake at the time was a moot point.

[Come to our quarters. I just need a few minutes to compose myself.]

He sent back assent and then started for their quarters, telling himself that it wasn't as far as it seemed.

Jayden came running up, wrapping an arm around him. "Master said I am to help you."

"Thank you." He smiled down at the girl.

She nodded seriously. "I'm to make sure you don't fall down and Call for help if you need it."

"I appreciate it. I fear I cannot totally rely on my balance quite yet."

Another nod. "No bobbles."

"No bobbles." He noticed that this time she was being careful to match her pace to his.

Longer than he remembered, but not before his legs gave out, they made it back to his quarters. "Master said I was to leave you here."

Qui-Gon nodded. "He and I need to..." Talk? Hold each other? He wasn't sure. "You can come by later if you would like however."

"He'll let me know." She patted his hand then took off down the hall.

He watched her go, then turned and entered his quarters. Obi-Wan was stripped to his leggings and sitting on the bed when Qui-Gon entered.

Staring at the empty space that Qui-Gon had rested on for so long. "Having you awake is like living through everything that happened all over again. Fresh, newly painful."

"I'm sorry." It was like that for him, every event making his heart ache like it had just happened, because for him it just had.

"The reasons feel so much weaker, thinner now than they did at the time. To know Jess was going to -- break like this."

"She was the first person to believe in him."

"But not the only one." One hand came out to trace the faint indentation his head had left on the pillow.

"No, not that." He stepped closer, lightly skimming his fingers lightly over his mate's back.

"He barely spoke to Jayden for a year."

"But that got better."

"Because she whapped him with a stuffed felinoid until he noticed."

Qui-Gon smiled bittersweetly. "Perhaps she is wiser than the rest of us."

"She does have a very straightforward wisdom about her."

"Like her mother."

"I think that's what finally made Jess come back to the living as much as he has."

"That may be all he can handle for now. The soul can take a very long time to heal."

"I know. I'm pleased that he spoke to you today."

He sat beside Obi-Wan. "We are both trapped in the past, struggling to join the present."

"Then I shall be patient with both of you."

"If I get stuck you have my permission to whap me with a stuffed felinoid."

"I'll be sure to keep one on hand then."

Sliding his arms around Obi-Wan's torso, he gently pulled him close. "I'm sorry if helping me is bringing up old pain."

"You are my lifemate. We share all things."

Except for the last six years.

"We share all things...just not in a timely fashion."

He chuckled. "About as far from timely as you could get."

"Is this where we celebrate all of the missed naming days in one big party?"

"Or a series of smaller parties. One a week?"

"Definitely. When do you want to do Jayden's?"

"As soon as we can." That was one of the things he regretted missing the most seeing Jayden grow and celebrating it.

"Let go for a moment." Obi-Wan got up and rummaged through his desk, coming back with a stack of flatpics and two hand held holo-projectors. "Some of what you missed...."

First the journals and now this... He ran his hand over the flatpics reverently. "Thank you..."

"Most of them are in order, oldest on top. Perhaps this will help you to understand some of the changes."

"You never doubted I would wake up, did you?"

Disappointment lurked in his lifemate's eyes and expression. "You keep asking that. Is it yourself you doubt or me?"

"I didn't- I would never doubt you." He sighed and tried to put his feelings into words. "It's just...six years is a very long time to keep believing, hoping. For you to have that much faith in me...it is amazing. Humbling."

"It was surviving, master. That's all it was."

"Regardless, it still leaves me very much in awe. And feeling very much loved and cherished."

"Good, because you are."

"These-" he gestured at all the pics "-are one proof of that."

"Then why don't you look through them."

He smiled faintly, not a bit abashed, then began slowly sorting through the stack. There were dozens of images in his lap. The first couple were of Jayden and the felinoids. In one of them she was clearly in Obi-Wan's uniform tunic and standing in the captain's chair, giving orders.

He laughed. "Your second in command?"

"She didn't like what we were doing and decided that we needed to go home. This was her mutiny attempt."

"What did you do?"

"Offered chocolate as a temporary measure and managed to get her and Rill home a few weeks later."

Qui-Gon squelched the thought that if they had stayed there... He'd promised himself he'd stop second guessing the past.

"You'll like the next one." 

It was Jess, apparently on the receiving end of a tickle attack by all the padawans and one very suspicious looking red tail. "What precipitated this?" he asked between chuckles.

"He didn't believe he could be sneak pounced and made the mistake of saying so."

"Ah. Yes, I believe that would've done it."

The next one was Rill, a blob of pink cake stuck to her left cheek.

"Jayden's opinion on her naming day cake. It wasn't chocolate."

"I doubt we're ever going to have to worry about not knowing what Jayden is thinking." He was beginning to feel a bit wistful, wishing he could have been there himself, but he did his best to suppress the feeling.

Obi-Wan reached out and touched his temple. Memories of the party, Obi-Wan's memories of the party, came to him. He was able to submerge himself in the memories, until he could practically hear and taste and smell everything. It was almost as good as experiencing the real thing. "Thank you," he whispered.

"What else would you like to remember?"

"Everything." He smiled faintly. "I know that will take a while."

"How about the pictures you've seen so far?"

"That would be a good place to start."

"Then that's what we'll do. Each picture, then my memory of it if I was there."

"Shall we start with the mutiny then?"

******************************

They worked their way through most of the stack when Obi-Wan stopped his hand. "This one you should have something else for."

Obi-Wan got up off the bed and pulled out a box then brought it to him. Qui-Gon took it. "What's this?" The lid was gently tipped back and there was a pale coil of hair neatly circling a blue crystal nestled on the green silk lining.

He reached out a hand, but didn't quite touch. "This is...?"

"Anakin's, for you."

"The crystal is his as well?"

"The one he picked out with you so long ago."

With trembling fingers, he picked up the braid, marveling at how something so imbued with meaning could be so light. He had felt the same way about Obi-Wan's, which hung about his neck, and his own, when his master had placed it in his hand at his own knighting ceremony.

"He wants to formally present it to you tomorrow."

"I would be honored." He looked up from the braid to his lifemate. "Do you have a journal entry about his knighting ceremony?"

"Yes." The box was put away and the pad put in his hand instead.

With a smile for Obi-Wan he began to read.

**

We have delayed for months but Qui-Gon is no closer to waking. We've have talked and Anakin agrees, finally, that it is time. So today, I will cut his braid, but he doesn't want to be called knight yet, until Qui-Gon can do it. I think eventually he'll get over that. Especially after he gets tired of being called Kni-Pa-Anakin.

*

Everyone gathered in the hold. Jess and Kae were there, and in a surprise move, she was knighted as well. It's the most alive I have seen him in ages. The actual ceremony is short, it's the people in it that matter and I felt so out of place, in boots that didn't fit me.

I shouldn't be holding the knife, I am a poor substitute for the man who trained us both. This day is not about me, it is about Anakin and his accomplishments. As the Sith was my trial, so was the Sith his. I find that we have more in common than either of us suspected, or in our more stubborn moments, want to admit to. He was the very image of a Jedi Knight today. Standing tall and proud, I'm glad the ceremony requires that he kneel or I wouldn't have been able to reach him properly to sever the braid. It took only a moment and I laid it in his hand. It was not mine to keep, or even hold. Later, after the congratulations he gave me a box, inside it was the braid and his first lightsaber crystal. I am to hold it in trust until Qui-Gon awakes.

We both know that he might leave the ship and die, where I will stay with Qui-Gon to the end. He wants to be sure that his master, his proper master, gets what is rightfully his. I can do nothing but honor that wish. It was almost a perfect day.

**

Qui-Gon sat for a long moment when he finished reading. Then he leaned over and kissed Obi-Wan gently. "Thank you for being there when I couldn't."

"You were there, you just don't remember it yet." And the memories came again, washing over him and becoming part of his own.

His eyes felt a bit damp when it was done and he couldn't speak around the lump in his throat. He reached out and squeezed Obi-Wan's hand mutely.

"I think that's enough for today." Everything was shifted off the bed and the lights were turned down by his lifemate.

[You're amazing] he murmured as he pulled his mate closer. [Not only were you there when I couldn't be, but you let me see it through your eyes. I feel like I was there now.]

[You are my life, it is only right and good that we share it all.]

[My light. More than ever, now.]

[As much as you are mine.]

[You said tomorrow for the rest of the ceremony?]

[Yes.]

[I'll have to polish my "you're a knight now" speech.]

[It has been a while. Do you want to practice on me?]

[If I recall, it took me two tries to get it right with you. Let's see...] He nuzzled Obi-Wan's ear.

[I think I'm going to have to object strenuously if you are going to be nuzzling Anakin.]

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. [No, I wasn't planning on nuzzling Anakin. Nuzzling you helps me think.] He indulged some more.

[Ah, then please carry on.]

[Let's see. My final words to Anakin as his master.] He moved lower, kissing Obi-Wan's throat. [He's come such a long way.]

He could feel the chuckle start in his lifemate's chest and travel through the skin he was touching. [This is a very nice way to plan a speech.]

[I thought you would like it.] He pressed a quick kiss to his mate's lips then went back to nuzzling. [Something called me to Ani from the first moment I saw him. His strength in the Force was incredible, but more importantly his soul was so bright. Amazing considering the situation he was living in. That he had never given into anger, hate or despair is a tribute to Shmi.]

[He's had some moments since then, but never anything that lasted.]

[We've all had moments. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.]

[You were speechifying.]

[I was, wasn't I?] He ran his hands gently over his mate's torso as he continued.

[He's more than lived up to his potential. Proven all the naysayers wrong.]

[And then some,] Obi-Wan agreed easily.

[I have been graced with some extraordinary padawans.]

[I'm sure your next one will be just as astounding.]

[If I take another.] Though he had not expected to take any of the padawans he'd had until the moment of decision was upon him.

[As you say, of course, master.]

He smiled faintly and kissed Obi-Wan again. [You're humoring me.]

[I am being positive in your efforts to compose a speech.]

[Ah. Of course.] He nuzzled at his mate's neck. [Where was I?]

[Naysayers. Potential. Speechifying.]

He thought for a moment, nuzzling absently as he did so. [I am so proud of the man he has become and I'm honored to have played some small part in that.]

[And that will complete when he carries on and teaches the next generation.]

[Yes. You think that is enough or should I come up with more embarrassing things to say?]

[That should be enough.] Obi-Wan paused. [The nuzzling can continue, of course.]

He chuckled. [Oh, I wasn't planning on stopping that.]

[Excellent. So, tell me about your chat with Kae.]

[I listened mostly. She knows more than she thinks she does.] Casually, he moved his hands lower, over Obi-Wan's abdomen.

[Is she ready? She'll be the most senior active staff on Garos.]

[She's ready. All she needs is to believe it.]

[Does she know it?]

[I don't think she will totally believe it until she is there, doing it.]

[But can I put her on a shuttle now?] Storm eyes met his seriously.

[Yes,] he answered just as seriously.

[Good.] Stretching back out on the pillow Obi-Wan closed his eyes and relaxed.

[I'll send all the children with her within the month then.]

He continued stroking his mate's body. [You haven't had anyone to talk over these things with have you?] he asked softly.

[I asked you, you just didn't answer most of the time.]

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. [Most of the time?]

[Your dreams sometimes gave me an answer.]

[I don't remember...]

[I will talk to you of my day, my worries, and then I would sleep with you. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part -- but sometimes when I woke I had an answer that felt like it had come from you.]

[I don't remember,] he repeated slowly, [but I know if I could help you, I would. However I could.]

[Tonight I will share with you how it worked.]

[I would like that very much.] Qui-Gon kissed him gently. [After we finish nuzzling of course.]

[We'll never finish. . . .]

When he woke the next morning, he was sharing the bed only with the two felinoids. Draped over the chair was his white silks, the formal uniform of the Jedi. He could feel Obi-Wan's attention waver from the concentrated task of a kata then return to it.

Qui-Gon opened his eyes and sat up slowly, watching with pleasure his mate move. [What a wonderful sight to wake up to.]

The movements stopped and Obi-Wan bowed deeply. [Good morning.]

[Good morning. Do we have time for me to join you?]

[It is very early. You have time to sleep and still do a kata with me later.]

[I'm quite well-rested.] He slid out of bed and walked across to Obi-Wan. [Did you sleep?]

[A bit.]

He raised an eyebrow. [And how much is a bit?]

[More than last night, less than I will get tonight.]

"Is there something planned for tonight?"

"There is always something planned."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "And you're not going to tell me."

"There is a small celebration planned for tonight, for Anakin and yourself. As for sleep, I will nap later."

"I should've expected that," he said wryly. "Ani definitely deserves a celebration for his accomplishment."

"We need them, reminders that life isn't all bad."

"Yes." He slid his arms around his mate and pulled him closer. "You are my reminder."

That earned him a crooked smile. [Not all of us have Obi-Wans.]

"Those of us who do are truly blessed."

"Back to bed?"

"So we can remind each other that life isn't all bad?" Qui-Gon teased.

"Or you can join me in a kata."

"Concordance?"

"If that is what you feel the need for, yes."

"I'm not sure I'd trust myself with anything much more energetic." He felt much more...together than he had been feeling but he didn't want to overdo it.

"How wise of you," his lifemate murmured, turning in his arms to fit their bodies together, his back to Qui-Gon's front. "When you are ready. . . ."

Qui-Gon took a few deep breaths, centering himself, and reaching out through their bond and through the Force to meld his awareness with his mate's. After a moment he began the first movement, knowing Obi-Wan would be doing the same. Warm skin pressed against his from hip to chest. Every movement telegraphed perfectly between them, as always.

Exhale, move, inhale, move. Repeated over and over as a seamless series of motions that flowed from their souls through their bodies and continued back into the Force itself. Each breath centering and expanding his consciousness, remaking those connections made weak by the long sleep. Beautiful in its simplicity, it was exactly what he needed to help cement body, mind, and soul back together. Another close weaving of himself back to the physical plane and to his lifemate, as it should be.

Their movements slowed and stopped at the same time and he closed his arms around Obi-Wan.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Thank you." Was whispered back. "Now I need to rest for a bit before the day really gets started."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Back to bed."

"A less body intensive meditation at least."

"You nap." He kissed Obi-Wan gently. "I'll meditate. The felinoids can babysit me so you won't worry."

"Babysit? Hmmm, master-sit perhaps." There was a yawn and then Obi-Wan was curling up on the bed around the two felinoids and his pillows.

Qui-Gon settled on the bed beside him, reaching out and running his fingers lightly through his mate's hair.

"This is an interesting way to meditate. It does continue the theme from last night quite admirably."

"The theme from last night never really ended."

"It did when you fell asleep on me in mid-nuzzle."

"I just continued to nuzzle you in my dreams."

"Is that what the drool stood for?"

He blinked. "I was drooling?"

"I doubt the wet spot was from t'lya giving me a bath."

"I guess it must have been very good nuzzling in the dream then."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "It certainly seemed that way."

"I certainly hope I wasn't drooling on you for the last six years."

"No, you didn't."

Detecting something in Obi-Wan's voice, he asked softly, "Should I keep drooling on you?"

Obscured by the curve of his back and the fall of hair, he couldn't see Obi-Wan's face. Through the bond, though he could feel the pleasure that Obi-Wan had felt through the night, knowing that Qui-Gon was with him again. Touching him and holding him, feeling, reacting, loving. The impossible tension in the knight's shoulders had eased infinitesimally through the hours of watching him sleep naturally. "Not all the time, of course, but occasionally. . . ."

"I think that can be arranged," he said in a slightly husky voice. He would gladly do anything for Obi-Wan, if something so simple could bring him comfort there was no question.

The slightest of nods then as soft as breeze against his cheek came Obi-Wan's voice. "Be here when I wake, my love."

He tightened his embrace. "I promise, love," he whispered. "I'll always be here."

Another faint nod and then Obi-Wan was drifting into sleep.

Qui-Gon didn't turn his attention to meditating right away, too caught up in watching his mate, taking in all the little details that made up the man. He lightly ran a finger over features he had long ago memorized, relearning them in this moment all over again. He still felt surprise at all the tiny changes in Obi-Wan's appearance That had been wrought in the years he had slept. 

Tiny lines around his eyes and mouth had deepened. There was silver threaded into the auburn at his temples. The pain and responsibility had pressed into his skin and bones in the last six years. At first glance nothing had changed and at the second glance, everything had. The galaxy in a microcosm, there before him, in his lover's face and form. Qui-Gon smiled faintly. It seemed appropriate -- in many ways, Obi-Wan *was* the galaxy to him.

"You're basking," Obi-Wan murmured.

He chuckled. "You expected otherwise?"

"Meditating, plotting, pondering. . . ."

"With you in my arms?"

"Nuzzling then."

"I didn't want to wake you."

"You were basking loudly."

Qui-Gon blinked. "I was?" Trying to figure out how one adjusted the volume on basking.

"You can't, master. I just need to turn down my sensitivity."

He lightly ran his fingers over Obi-Wan's temple. "We'll find our balance again in time." He kissed the spot his fingers had just touched. "Though to have you so attuned to me is a rather...heady experience."

"I think it would have come in time anyway, with the bond."

"It never has really stopped growing, has it?"

"Encompassing more and more of us, perhaps because I finally came into my own, who knows."

"Perhaps." He lifted himself on one elbow and looked down at Obi-Wan. "You finally see what I've seen all along."

"I knew you had to be seeing something." A slight shrug as the knight rolled onto his back and looked up at him.

Chuckling, he said, "I always thought you had the suspicion that I was going a bit daft when I tried to make you see how you appeared to others."

Obi-Wan conceded with a wry grin.

"The poor old Jedi master losing his mind." He returned the grin. "You wouldn't be the first to think that."

"And now I fall into that category. Wait until you see Jayden and I at lessons."

"Oh?"

"Confidence will never be an issue with her."

Picturing the girl and how she had always made her desires known from the start, Qui-Gon chuckled. "No, I don't suppose it would be."

"You ready to do battle with the day?"

He nodded. "Ready."

"Good." Obi-Wan snuggled deeper into his pillows. "Come back when it's over."

"Trying to get rid of me?" Qui-Gon teased, laughing.

His lifemate just smiled and pulled the sheet up around his shoulders, yawning.

"Never let it be said I can't take a hint." He dropped a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead before slipping out of the bed. [Call me if you need me,] he sent seriously, heading towards the 'fresher.

[Always need you.]

When he stepped out of the 'fresher Obi-Wan was at his console, going through his daily messages and schedule. "Jayden will be here after breakfast."

"We'll need the energy from breakfast then," he joked, walking over and sliding his arms around Obi-Wan's neck.

"I took a rare privilege of my rank and it should be delivered shortly."

"Breakfast in bed?" Deciding to do something about the ever-present tension in his mate, he gently began massaging his neck and shoulders.

"Unfortunately it will be at the table. I need to get cleaned up and dressed."

Qui-Gon sighed. "Pity. Perhaps tomorrow, then."

"Perhaps."

"An extension of tonight's celebration, maybe?" Leaning over, he nuzzled at his mate's ear and whispered, "It's been far too long since I had berries and cream a la Obi-Wan."

"I see your libido is returning along with your health." Sliding out of reach, Obi-Wan headed toward the 'fresher.

[Do you need me to wash your hair?]

[No, but if you want to, you can. We just don't have the time to linger this morning.]

[No lingering.] He followed Obi-Wan, discarding the towel he was wearing on the way. [I will indulge in lingering over your hair some other time.]

[Your focus has returned as well.] The knight was soaping up his body but had left his hair for Qui-Gon to tend to.

[When the focal point is you, it is extremely easy.] He slid behind Obi-Wan and reached for the shampoo.

[There are some things I will never understand about you, master.]

[Oh?]

[How I have managed to intrigue you for so long for one.]

[By being endlessly intriguing. And endlessly surprising.]

[Scrub, master.]

Laughing, he complied. [Yes, General.]

[I'm not rising off in cold water three times in a row.]

[Understood.]

[Do you need help?]

[Washing your hair?] He tilted Obi-Wan back under the flow of water, rinsing out the shampoo.

[I suppose not.]

[I'm a Jedi Master,] he intoned, mock seriously. [I can handle all kinds of daunting tasks. Including washing my lifemate's hair before the hot water runs out.]

[Forgive me for doubting you.]

[Always.] He stepped back. [There. All done.]

[Thank you.]

Appropriately bedecked in towels and somewhat dry, they returned to the main room, surprising the ensign delivering breakfast. Qui-Gon took the tray from the young officer with a smile of thanks, trying to ignore the fact he was dressed in only a towel. The ensign bowed slightly, managing a head to toe glance before heading for the door again.

"I suddenly feel like I should be blushing," he commented with a wry grin.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Master Jinn." The ensign grinned and ducked out the door.

"I seemed to have passed inspection."

"And I wasn't worth a second glance."

Putting the tray down, Qui-Gon walked across the room towards his mate. "Oh you are worth a second glance. And a third. And a-"

"Getting my hair brushed?"

He grinned. "That too."

His lifemate tugged on white leather pants and then his boots before sitting on the bed. 

"Whenever it is convenient. . . ."

Qui-Gon picked up the brush and settled behind Obi-Wan on the bed.

"Thank you." With a sigh the knight pulled loose the towel and damp hair settled across Qui-Gon's lap and arms.

He savored it for a few seconds before beginning to run the brush through the damp strands.

"I'd like to leave it down until it dries today."

"Of course," he answered, trying to not sound too eager.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Should I check you periodically for a bottle of sprayable water?"

"Would I do that?"

"If I promise to leave it down all day would you not?"

"I wouldn't if you asked me not to, regardless of whether you left it down or not," he said softly.

"I know. I was teasing."

"Ah." Qui-Gon was silent for a moment, as he chose his words carefully. "I fear I am a bit...rusty on a few things still."

"I would also leave it down if you asked."

"Since today is a special occasion..." He shifted until he could meet Obi-Wan's gaze. "Would you wear your hair down?"

"I will -- since it is a special occasion."

"Thank you. And I will refrain from obtaining a bottle of sprayable water."

He smiled. "Since it's a special occasion."

"You are good to me." Obi-Wan turned back around.

"Enlightened self-interest."

"Ah, more petting, nuzzling and basking."

"Yes."

"Just don't completely ruin what little image I have. You also need to protect me from randomly grooming felinoids. They love it when I leave my hair loose."

"I will make it clear that as your mate, random grooming is my prerogative," he assured Obi-Wan with a smile.

"I want to see you face down t'lya, this should be good."

"Forbidding and formidable Jedi Master who has mastered the art of Napping should be able to face down one small felinoid."

"She's going to mew at you once and that's it, I'll have her buried in my hair up to her belly."

He was probably right, Qui-Gon admitted privately. "Perhaps if I pouted at her?"

"That cream you want will have to be given to her as well."

"The sacrifices I make," he said, sighing dramatically.

"You make! I'm the one that will have to untangle her along with whoever else shows up to try and Own me."

He slid his arms around Obi-Wan tightly. "You belong to me, and they'll have to learn that."

"They know, they just don't Know."

"Perhaps I should Mark you to Show them then," he teased.

"It would have to be quite a mark. After all I wear your ring and have a full mane in honor of you. . . ."

Qui-Gon pulled his mate's hair all to one side and began nuzzling at his neck.

"Ummmm, good start."

[You can be thinking of any other places you want to be Marked,] he sent as he continued.

"Only if I'm naked, though I have this spot of my chest that you've missed in your inspections so far...."

[Oh?] He pulled back and asked curiously, "Where?"

Obi-Wan captured his hand and held his index fingertip then circled a nipple on his own chest, slowly.

"Ah...shall I see about correcting that oversight?" he breathed into his mate's ear.

"I won't turn it down."

"I have always prided myself on being thorough." He shifted, gently pushing Obi-Wan back to the mattress, replacing his finger with his mouth. Arching his back, Obi-Wan sighed happily then groaned as the mark came to the surface. [Mine,] Qui-Gon whispered as he raised his head to meet Obi-Wan's eyes for a moment, then captured the other nipple.

[Yours.]

[So what else should I Mark?]

[It is all yours, mark what you like.]

[Here?] he asked, skimming down to his mate's abdomen.

[I'll wear my tunic open for you.]

Resting his hand at the waistband of Obi-Wan's pants, he asked, [Should I go lower?]

[I don't own a loincloth anymore.]

[But you and I will know it's there.] Teasingly, he lightly ran his fingers just inside the material.

[You just want to see me fidget during the ceremonies.]

[Partially. I also enjoy seeing you squirm now.]

[Then mark me until you are satisfied.]

He slid Obi-Wan's pants down over his hips and trailed his mouth behind. [I could keep you in bed forever.]

[At this rate, you will be.]

[Any complaints?]

[Jayden might have a few when I don't show up for her lessons.]

[Do you want me to stop?] he asked, nipping at his mate's inner thigh.

[I'm just hoping you won't put me in silk pants....oooh.]

[The silk pants will be for when we are alone.] He slid his mouth over Obi-Wan's erection.

[Though I doubt you'll keep them on long.]

[You aren't going to mark m-me *there* are you?]

[Not mark you. Just make you come.]

[This is because I turned down breakfast in bed, isn't it?]

He lifted his head. [Do you want me to stop?]

[No!] His head was pushed back down.

Chuckling he went back to what he had been doing.

"Yes..." was softly hissed into the air around them as Obi-Wan convulsed in orgasm.

Qui-Gon stayed where he was until Obi-Wan started to go soft then let him slip from his mouth.

He slid back upwards and kissed his mate reverently. [I love you.]

[Love you.]

"Feeling properly owned?" he teased.

"Oh yes."

"Good." He kissed him again.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Now we need to get dressed for real."

"Indeed." He sat up with a regretful sigh.

"One would almost think you are hiding."

"Why would I be doing that?" he asked, not looking at his feelings too closely.

"Because that would mean admitting in a concrete way that things have changed." Another kiss and then Obi-Wan was wiggling back into his pants.

He watched appreciatively for a moment before finally admitting, "It's not so much that things have changed as every time I venture out I find out they have changed even more."

"The most shocking changes are over now, though. It will be quiet for a few weeks, relatively speaking."

"No more changes?"

"You have reached your limit. There will be no more changes if it is within my power until you are ready for them."

The fierceness in Obi-Wan's expression and voice warmed his soul. "Thank you," he said, feeling his metaphorical footing becoming more secure at the promise.

His lifemate shrugged into his white tunic wrapping it around his body and fastening on a belt. "You're welcome."

With that assurance, he lost the apprehension he hadn't been admitting even to himself and got up to dress with more confidence.

Brushing out his hair where it had gotten tangled, Obi-Wan stopped after he'd finished dressing, watching Qui-Gon dress instead.

"Enjoying the show?" he asked with a small smile, pulling on his leggings.

"To see you move is like watching nature itself, a tree in the wind or a wave coming to shore."

He stopped for a moment, struck by the sheer beauty of his mate's words. "You've become a poet."

A slight nod. "Age has made me introspective."

"Yes, you are wise and venerable," Qui-Gon teased as he reached for his tunic.

"I never said that. I leave that to you."

"How about we both leave that to my master?"

"As my master wishes, of course."

"Your master wishes to spend the day with you, and the others that are closest to him, complete the knighting ceremony for Anakin, and then come back here with you and pick up where we left off earlier in marking you."

"Is there anything left to mark?" Obi-Wan grinned.

"We've done the front side, but there's always the back."

His lifemate shivered and was clearly fighting the glaze that wanted to take over his expression. "The back."

"Yes," Qui-Gon responded, keeping his tone casual. He picked his belt up and settled it around his hips. "Tonight."

"Tonight?" Definitely glazing over now.

He smiled. "Tonight."

"A particular time I should plan on?"

"About thirty seconds after we come back here."

"But we haven't even left yet." His lover's mind was clearly shutting down.

"I have noticed that, yes."

"If I go out into the hallway and come back does that count?"

"It could. But," Qui-Gon continued, "Don't we have to meet Jayden?"

"Who?"

Chuckling, he crossed the room to take Obi-Wan into his arms. "I may have to now, just to get you to start thinking again."

"All right," his lover agreed easily.

He leaned in and kissed Obi-Wan lingeringly.

[More?]

He could never deny Obi-Wan when he used that tone. [You have put to ask, love.]

Then there was a chime at the door and a pounding on the wall. " 'On!"

Timing, life taught him again and again, was everything. Raising his voice, he called out, "One moment, Jayden."

"Master Obi-Wan is very confused, 'On. Is he okay?"

He stifled the urge to laugh. "He's fine, child. Just a bit...distracted."

Obi-Wan pulled his head down and kissed him. [You were doing something with me.]

[I have not forgotten, love.]

The gray-green eyes he loved so much crossed briefly and then Obi-Wan was pulling away, a hand going to his forehead. Through the lifebond he could feel Jayden poking rather hard at her master, finding out for herself what was going on.

"Noises! Noises." Her disgusted voice echoed through the wall.

[We will be discussing the concept of privacy, later, Jayden,] he sent sternly using the bond Obi-Wan had with her to communicate.

[Could the pair of you use someone else's mind as a shouting ground?] Then Obi-Wan was closing them both out and reaching for something to deaden the pain.

"Sorry," Qui-Gon apologized contritely, soothing with both his mind and fingers at his mate's temple.

"I've got to figure out a way to lower this sensitivity before my brains leak out my ears." Settling on the edge of the bed, he took a drink of the cooled tea.

Qui-Gon sat beside him. "We can work on shields some, if you think it would help."

"Later perhaps. I just need a few minutes. Why don't you go fuss at my padawan for a while and I'll join you shortly."

It looked like it was going to be that night after all for the rest of it. He suppressed a sigh and stood. "All right." Dropping a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead he turned and headed for the door.

"I'm sorry, I really do have a headache."

"I know. Not your fault, love. Besides," he smiled faintly, "anticipation can make the moment all the sweeter."

He got a weak smile and then his lifemate was turning and reaching for his temples again.

Qui-Gon sent a brief pulse of love through their bond then went out into the hallway to talk to Jayden.

She was pacing back and forth, chewing on the end of her braid. "Master Obi---- Master Qui-Gon."

"Padawan Jayden," he replied formally, keeping his expression stern.

She tried peering around him. "Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine. He just needs a few minutes alone to deal with the headache."

"You sure?" She looked up at him briefly then at the now closed door.

"I wouldn't have left him if I wasn't."

"Yes, master. I'll wait here then."

This was as good a place as any, he supposed. "We need to have a talk about boundaries."

"You mean rules."

"If you insist, though I said what I meant. I know you are Obi-Wan's padawan and I'm glad you have a strong bond, but-"

"But I caught you making love and now you're embarrassed."

"I am never embarrassed about what I do with Obi-Wan," he corrected. "But you did interrupt us, and more, you barged into Obi-Wan's mind without an invitation."

"He's *my* master and he never minded before."

He supposed he should have expected this -- she had had Obi-Wan all to herself for six years.

"He is my lifemate. And just because he's your master does not mean you shouldn't mind your manners."

Her eyes narrowed in a manner strikingly familiar to her mother's. "Master Obi-Wan was late to my lessons."

"And I apologize for that. And you had every right to come and check why. You did not have the right to push your way into his mind after you felt his shields."

"But he doesn't shield against me, not after Mama left. So I wouldn't be alone, he promised."

The hurt and fear underneath those words struck deep. "You won't be alone, Jayden," he said, reaffirming his mate's promise.

"He was so....not Master Obi-Wan and it. . . ." She couldn't finish the sentence.

"It scared you."

"Bothered me," she said firmly but her eyes told another story.

"Jayden." He knelt so he was closer to eye level with her. "Obi-Wan is always going to be here for you. And so will I."

"You can't promise that. You might go back to sleep and leave him alone again. You might die."

"I'm not going to go back to sleep. And I'm not planning on dying any time soon." He wished he could promise more, but he wouldn't lie to her. He doubted she would let him.

"Momma didn't plan on it either." Her voice was hard.

"No, she didn't." He sighed. "I miss her."

"I'm keeping Master Obi-Wan."

"I know. I don't want you to give him up. Is that what you thought...?"

She stepped up to him and put her hands on his shoulders seriously. "Master Obi-Wan is mine. I will share him with you like I've shared him with everyone else."

He could've argued with her, explained about the lifebond, but the determination in her eyes and the fear that fueled it made him hold his tongue. "Share," he repeated. "As long as that sharing does not result in more headaches for Obi-Wan."

"I know what it feels like now. I won't poke anymore."

"Thank you. And I will try to make sure Obi-Wan doesn't miss any more of your lessons."

"Good." She stared at the door again. "Is he coming out soon?"

Qui-Gon reached out and gently checked on his mate.

[Done being stern so I can come out?] Obi-Wan asked with humor.

[I think we've come to an arrangement,] he replied with a smile. Aloud, he said, "Soon."

Obi-Wan stepped out a moment later, tunics properly folded and tucked, he was the proper image of a Jedi Master. Except for the hair that flowed loosely over his shoulders and down his back.

[You look wonderful.]

[Thank you. Do I look impassive and stern?]

He cocked his head to the side consideringly. [You'll do.]

"Padawan Jayden, good morning."

"Good morning, Master Obi-Wan. I'm sorry--"

He cut her off by the slightest raising of his hand. "I'm sure it was a mistake that won't be repeated."

"Yes, master."

"Excellent. Ready for lessons? I've rescheduled the rest of my morning so you can have the usual full two hours."

[Should I make myself scarce and give you two time alone?] Qui-Gon asked.

[Only if you don't want to stay. We normally end up with at least two or three other people watching or helping.]

[As long as you're sure I won't be impinging on Jayden's time...]

[You promised to protect me from the felinoids.]

He smiled. [I did, didn't I? Guess I best tag along then.]

Evening, finally. A time for him to sit and enjoy some dinner before having the actual ceremony. The box he had held so briefly was on the table in front of Anakin, at the far end of the room from himself and Obi-Wan. The initiates, their teachers, and all the other Jedi were ranged between them. The crew of the Rilka, all of them not on duty were there as well. A nice celebration and evening for everyone on board while they had the breathing space to enjoy it. Obi-Wan stayed at his side all through the meal, making sure the focus stayed on Anakin and away from himself or Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon approved; this was Anakin's moment. It shouldn't be overshadowed by the General or the Napping Jedi Master.

[Do you need to rest before the ceremony?]

He shook his head. [I find this all quite energizing. To be able to give Anakin this closure.]

[Hopefully he will feel like a real knight now and move on mentally.]

Despite the ceremony, it had taken Qui-Gon years before he felt comfortable with the knight title. [How long did it take you?]

[Knight I didn't have a problem with. It was that whole 'Master' title that still trips me up.]

[I didn't come to terms with that until you were my padawan.] He smiled.

[I answer to general faster than master. Jayden uses both depending on her mood.]

[I think she might be using Master a bit more for the foreseeable future,] he said, thinking back to the conversation he'd had with her that morning. [Staking her claim.]

[Jealous of you, hmm?]

[Yes.] He glanced at Obi-Wan. [She's afraid of losing you and being left alone.]

[I'll spend some extra time with her.]

[I think that would be a good idea. She is carrying some deep scars from Rilka's death. She hides them very well, but they're there.]

[I know. It's been a while since we talked about it.]

[It might be time to speak to her about it again. You're the only one who's never left her. So she might be willing to say things to you that she won't to the rest of us.]

[Tomorrow then, when you can spare me.]

He nodded, reaching out and squeezing Obi-Wan's hand. [You're doing a good job with her.]

[She makes it easy.]

[So did you.]

[Most of the time.] His lifemate smiled. [When I wasn't being difficult.]

[Even then.] He smiled. [That just made it interesting.]

[It's time for your stunning speech, master.]

Indeed, the spectators had all turned their way, waiting expectantly for him to step forward. Squeezing Obi-Wan's hand one more time, he let go and walked over to where Anakin was waiting. His last padawan bowed. "Thank you for attending this small celebration, master."

Returning the bow, he said, "The honor is mine, to have this chance to recognize your accomplishments."

"Circumstances have made this knighting unusual, but not completely out of tradition." Anakin picked up the box and turned to him, extending his arms so it was in easy reach.

Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Our entire relationship has been unusual. So this is in keeping with that. Still, some traditions are worth preserving, even if the circumstances are unusual."

Reaching out he laid his hands on the box.

"Master, I present to you my padawan braid as a symbol of our time and training together."

He took the box from Anakin's grip. "Thank you. I am honored to have had some small part in helping create the knight I see before me."

"Much more than a small part, my master. You turned a slave into a confident Jedi."

"You did that, Anakin," he countered with a smile. "I merely showed you the path."

"One which I never would have found without you."

"Perhaps. I could not have asked for a better student. You have more than made me proud."

That brought a faint blush to Anakin's cheeks. "Thank you, master."

Shifting the box to one arm, Qui-Gon stepped forward and hugged his former padawan. Anakin's arms closed around him and he whispered his thanks again.

[We'll talk later. When everyone is not gawking at us,] Qui-Gon promised.

[I have a bottle of ale chilling in my quarters.]

He chuckled softly. [I have to get used to you being old enough to drink ale.]

[I was almost that old when you went to sleep.]

[I was in denial about that.]

[Ah. That included girls too, as I recall.]

[Yes, I seem to recall that as well.]

[Then we won't talk about any of that.] Anakin drew back. "It has been an honor to have you as a teacher, Qui-Gon."

He bowed slightly. "The honor was mine, Anakin, to have you as a student."

They stepped away from each other and returned to their seats.

"That went well," Obi-Wan murmured before getting to his feet. "A toast to our new knight, Anakin Skywalker!"

Everyone echoed it, causing Anakin to blush. Luke and Leia presented him with pictures and then the small party was over. It was still a while before Anakin and they were able to slip out more or less unnoticed.

Obi-Wan veered off towards the bridge. "Enjoy your evening."

[Don't forget our plans for later,] Qui-Gon sent after him. Obi-Wan stumbled but didn't look back. Qui-Gon chuckled and sent a wave of affection after his lifemate before turning his attention back to a bemused Anakin.

"I'm not going to ask, I'm really not."

"That's probably for the best."

"I assume it has something to do with the mark on his neck and the tradition of cuddling."

"You would not be incorrect."

"So, are you ready for a glass of ale and a long sit?"

"More than ready." It had been a long day.

Anakin put an arm around his shoulders. A surge of Force-driven energy poured into him. "I'm sorry. I've forgotten how easily you tire."

"Not as easily as I did." The energy surged through him, leaving him feeling a bit less weary.

"I forget the limitations I'm operating on as well."

"Limitations?"

"The lack of stamina. And the way I still have to occasionally think about what should be automatic." He shrugged. "It's getting steadily better."

"That's good."

"Yes. Though I am grateful just to be here at all."

"You have excellent timing, as always."

They made it to the door of Anakin's quarters and he followed the knight in. "It could have been better." He looked at Ani. "I wish I had been there for you."

"You were there for the important parts. I was getting to the 'on my own' stage anyway."

"Obi-Wan's told me about your encounter with the Sith."

"That was not the part I was referring to." Anakin waved him into his room. "Let me get the ale."

Qui-Gon sat down on the couch, unable to suppress a sigh as he relaxed back against the cushions.

A glass was handed to him as Anakin sat a few minutes later. "It is very good to have you back."

He smiled. "It is good to be back." He lifted his glass in a mute toast to his former padawan.

Anakin raised his in salute then drank down the contents.

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "You have learned to drink."

"To forget. You are not the only one who wanted to sleep through the last few years."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He let his concern show on his face.

"Not tonight. This is supposed to be a celebration not a rehash of bad days."

With a nod, he acquiesced. "I am here if you need to." With a slight smile, he added, "I know you may have got out of the habit of coming to me-"

There was a rough laugh. "A bit out of the habit, yes."

"I regret that."

"It's not like you had a choice, master."

"I know." He shrugged. "I regret just the same."

Anakin poured another glass for himself. "So, how are you adjusting?"

"So much has changed...." Qui-Gon shook his head. "It is still hard sometimes to find my balance mentally and emotionally. I keep getting hit with new shocks."

"The answer then, is not well."

"I haven't gone screaming down the corridors yet," he said with a faint smile.

"Obi-Wan is very good at preventing that. He's even kept Master Jess mostly under control."

"He is. He's grown so much. Just like you have."

"We did our best, considering."

"Your best was very good, indeed."

"I did finally stop growing taller." Anakin lifted his booted foot. "Even my feet finally stopped."

"Much taller and you would've had to duck going through doors," he teased.

"Like you?"

"Like me," he agreed wryly.

"I'll just make sure to never wear tall heeled boots."

Qui-Gon laughed. "Wise move."

"Has Obi-Wan told you of his plans yet? The plan to take out the Emperor?"

He sat up straighter, attentively. "No."

"Then I won't spoil his surprise."

He lifted an eyebrow. "That is a very cruel thing to do, padawan."

"I only know parts of it and that would irritate you more." Anakin held up the bottle.

"Ale?"

"I think I need it." He held out his glass.

Promptly his glass was filled to the rim. "Seriously, the general hasn't told anyone everything."

'Oh, he will tell me,' Qui-Gon thought determinedly, taking a long drink of the ale. "What has he told you?"

"I know that getting the children off the ship is the first part and somehow Bail and Jess are in on it. There is some sort of three prong thing in the planning."

"Kae and the children will be leaving for Garos within the month."

"Then it's starting, finally." Anakin's lungs emptied with a whoosh. "I wondered what he was waiting for."

The answer was clear to Qui-Gon. "He was waiting for me."

"Then you have no reason to be irritated with him." The knight grinned at the fading annoyance on Qui-Gon's face.

"He hasn't even mentioned there is a plan to me," he said grumpily.

"Did you see that map of his? With the colors?"

"Yes." He calmed down a little. "It's amazing what you've won back."

"Combination of hard work, allies, and a healthy dose of luck."

"An accomplishment to be proud of nonetheless."

"Yes, and you're still irritated with Obi-Wan for making a plan."

"I'm-" He broke off with a sigh. "I'm just irritated he made a plan without me," he admitted ruefully.

"But from what little I can see it is something you would have planned." Anakin narrowed his eyes, a bit angrily. "Were we just supposed to wait?"

"It's not that." Qui-Gon stared at his glass. "It is another reminder of how I am not part of things anymore."

"If you can't see how much a part of things you truly are, my telling you so won't convince you." Anakin finished his third glass off and poured another. "I felt the same way when I came back from my imprisonment. In some ways it was worse because most people forgot what I knew and what Vader knew."

"I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you."

"Have been?" The knight's voice was bitter as he stared at the amber liquid. "Try still is."

"Tell me," he said softly. Knowing Anakin, this was probably something he hadn't talked about with anyone. The drinking only reinforced the picture. It was clear Ani was in desperate need of an outlet of some sort.

"It made love to my 'Dala. Did you know that we've never officially been married? That she married *it*, the clone....*Vader*." The tone was venomous.

"She loves you. In her heart, she married you."

"She doesn't remember it anyway. She doesn't remember anything past giving the general t'lya. Her mind just won't touch it. She kept going further and further back until she was safe."

"Have you had a mindhealer look at her?"

"She's on Alderaan."

Somewhere where she would be safe, physically at least. "Mind healing is not a specialty of mine but I do know a little about it. Perhaps, between the two of us, we can manage something."

"She's doesn't want to know or remember, Qui-Gon. I'm a very nice Jedi person who comes and visits her."

And it was killing Anakin by inches. He leaned over and laid his hand over his former apprentice's. "It took me six years to recover enough to face the universe again. But I did recover. Don't give up hope, Ani."

"I haven't, master. If I had we wouldn't need Darth Vader, I would be him."

Qui-Gon wanted to deny that, but he all knew they had that potential inside of them.

"I think maybe it's time for me to go to bed before I drink any more."

He got up and took the glass from Ani's unresisting grip. Holding Anakin's gaze, he said seriously, "I can't change the past, but I promise you, Ani, I will do all that is in my power to help make things better. They will get better."

Anakin sighed, looking more tired and old than Obi-Wan for a moment. "Thank you, master."

"You do look like you could use some sleep." He pulled Anakin to his feet and on impulse, hugged the younger man briefly.

"It's not every day I get knighted by the best master in the order."

"If I am it is only because of the quality of the padawans I have had."

"We are pretty good, aren't we?" Ani smiled and headed towards his bed.

"The best." He smiled and turned to go. At the door he hesitated. "Next time, instead of drinking, come to me. We will deal with it together."

"I'll keep that in mind."

He nodded. It was the best he could honestly hope for. "Good night, Ani," he said as he opened the door.

"Can we....talk some more?"

"Of course." He turned around, letting the door shut behind him, and crossed back over to Ani.

Ani scooted over, giving him a space on the bed. "Thank you. I -- it's been a long time."

"Yes, it has."

Anakin held his hand in the dimness. "You came back."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" So many people that Ani had cared about had left him. It would only be natural if he gave up.

"I wondered. You didn't move for so long. It was like watching the general sleep with a dead person. Creepy."

"I suspect it was. It is for me as well if I think about it too much."

"And yet he did it, night after night. People wondered if he was sane."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't completely. If our positions were reversed I know I wouldn't have been."

There was a long silence and then, buried in the voice of the man was the lost tones of a boy.

"Do you really think she'll come back to me?"

Leaning forward, he pulled Ani into his arms. "I do. Love can inspire amazing things."

"When this is over then, I will go to her and hold her every night until she comes back to me."

There was determination and renewed hope in Anakin's voice, that Qui-Gon was happy to hear. And we will be there to support you both," he promised.

"I'll finally get to bring her to Garos."

He smiled. "You can show her the gardens and take her for a speederbike ride."

"While you do the same with Obi-Wan, only your eyes will be closed for the ride."

"An implicit show of trust on my part."

That made Anakin laugh and eventually he joined in, the light overwhelming the dark mood for a while.

He and Anakin talked for another hour before his former padawan finally dozed off. Through the bond he could feel Obi-Wan's anticipation building steadily, he'd been in their quarters waiting.

Patiently.

Qui-Gon's lips twitched upwards at that as he headed back to his quarters. The description had been almost verbal, in a very pointed tone.

[This awareness of the bond does work both ways, mate.]

[I am quite aware of that, love.] His smile widened.

That strong, almost verbal emanation of patience came at him again. 

Definitively.

He chuckled, but did quicken his pace. The door was open as he came abreast of it. He managed two steps into the room before he found himself being pounced onto the bed by one very aroused, mostly naked, lifemate with a gleam in his eyes. "Mine."

"Something you wanted, love?" Qui-Gon asked as casually as he could manage with an all-but-naked Obi-Wan on top of him.

"You. Me. Marking. Back."

"Ah. That does sound familiar." He reached up and began running his fingers lightly over the skin of Obi-Wan's back.

Obi-Wan's eyes closed and he shivered slightly, hair sliding down his shoulders to cascade around him. "Now?"

Leaning up, he kissed Obi-Wan lingeringly. "Now," he whispered against his lover's lips.

"Stars, I've missed making love to you," Obi-Wan whispered hoarsely before shifting to stretch out on the bed, face down.

[We'll have to make up for lost time.] He lowered his body to cover Obi-Wan's, pushing his hair aside so he could nuzzle at the back of his neck.

Another faint shiver and a slight nod. [Yes.]

He slid his hands down Obi-Wan's arms entwining their fingers together. [I could do this forever.]

[We will.]

[Good.] Briefly, he ran his tongue over a shoulder blade, then bit down gently.

Obi-Wan whimpered. He moved over to the other shoulder and did the same thing. Another whimper and he could feel Obi-Wan's hands tighten into fists, pulling the sheet tight.

[You taste wonderful.] Obi-Wan tasted of light and laughter, comfort and love. And Qui-Gon couldn't get enough.

[All yours.]

[Forever.] He slid down, nuzzling along his mate's spine.

[When do I get my turn?]

[When do you want to?]

[Ummm. . .] was all the answer Obi-Wan was capable of as Qui-Gon bit down again.

Qui-Gon chuckled. [I am at your disposal. But in the meantime...] He licked at the small of his back.

That earned him a heartfelt and passionate groan. And a definite, twitch. He concentrated on the spot for several moments, marking him. Now Obi-Wan was breaking out in a light sweat and panting.

[More?] Qui-Gon asked, teasingly licking at the top of Obi-Wan's buttocks.

[You stop and there won't be a safe place to hide in the next five galaxies.]

[Then I better not stop should I?] He slid lower.

A definite whimper and then Obi-Wan managed to bend his leg around, partially securing Qui-Gon from moving away.

[I'm not going anywhere. Well except...] He nuzzled at the opening to Obi-Wan's body.

[Oh. My. Stars.]

Chuckling at the reaction, he did it again.

The tension ratcheted up in his lifemate at that. [More.]

[Whatever you want, love,] Qui-Gon replied and then concentrated on driving his lover insane.

When it was over Obi-Wan was still whimpering and shivering, but it was from the aftermath of his orgasm. Qui-Gon slid back up and rolled his mate onto his back, then kissed him, passionately. [Love you.]

[Love you,] Obi-Wan murmured, green eyes wide with passion. [Take me.]

Trembling himself in arousal, Qui-Gon pushed his mate's legs back and slid home in one long slow thrust.

[Six years too long.]

[Yes.] For a long moment he held still, staring down into the chameleon eyes, relishing the feeling of being joined after so long. But the tension was soon too much and he had to move. Obi-Wan moved with him, as much as he was able. Their bodies rocked together and then apart again.

[Mine,] he declared, thrusting home again. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer. Reaching for Obi-Wan's renewed erection, he stroked it in time to his thrusts, gritting his teeth to hang on until his mate was with him.

[Don't wait for me. Come....]

The permission was enough to push him over the edge, with one last thrust, Qui-Gon climaxed with his lover's name on his lips.

Obi-Wan managed to twist sideways, bringing them both to rest on the bed comfortably. "I love you with every breath and heartbeat, my Qui-Gon."

"Then I am more lucky than I deserve," he replied, still breathless. "You are my light, my soul." Qui-Gon smiled. "My Obi-Wan."

"Rest, breathe…." Obi-Wan grinned at him.

He smiled back. [Thank you.]

"Thank me when my bones solidify enough to get up so I can get a damp towel."

[I take it, it was worth the wait.] He gently ran a finger over one of the marks he's put on Obi-Wan's throat that morning.

[Oh yes. Thank you.]

[You already have.]

[I'll remember that for next time.]

[And when is that going to be?]

[In three or four days when I can walk normally.]

Qui-Gon kissed him lazily. [Next time you can take me.]

[In that case, by morning.]

[Good.]

Obi-Wan smiled and gently drew their bodies apart then sat up, tugging his hair free. "One minor drawback."

He reached up and fingered some of the strands. "Want me to brush it?"

[After I wash up.] Gingerly getting to his feet, his lifemate headed towards the fresher.

"Nice view."

Spotted with ownership marks from neck to knees, Obi-Wan looked very well loved. He turned slightly, hair swinging and grinned at him. "I should hope so." style='mso-tab-count:1'>

He sat up and leaned back against the pillows. "I do good work."

"You're explaining to the children tomorrow."

"Most of it will be hidden by your uniform anyway. But we'll know it's there." style='mso-tab-count: 1'>

"I assume this means that if I heal them you will put them back."

Qui-Gon looked at him with his most innocent expression.

"I do need to get some sleep tonight." Obi-Wan disappeared into the fresher and a moment later the water began to run.

[We'll sleep. Actually when you come back, I'll brush your hair, we can cuddle and talk. And then go to sleep.]

[And you are going to ask me about the plan you've been trying desperately not ask me about.]

He smiled wryly, wondering why he tried to hide anything from Obi-Wan. [The thought had crossed my mind.]

[About a million times.]

He couldn't deny that. [You were going to tell me, weren't you?]

[When you understood enough of what was going on so it made sense, yes.]

[And do I now?]

[It's going to take a couple of hours to explain it all.]

[Is it too late for that now?]

[No, though I might fall asleep before we finish.]

[If you do, we can finish tomorrow.]

[Oh, I'm sure you will make sure we do.]

Qui-Gon chuckled wryly. [You know me well.]

[I've had a few years practice predicting you.]

[Just a few.]

[Almost as many as you've had with me.]

[You were -- and are -- a subject well worth studying.]

The water shut off and Obi-Wan reappeared in a towel. "What do you want to know first?"

He spread his hands. "What is the plan?"

"The ultimate goal is to kill the Emperor."

"Cutting the head from the snake." Qui-Gon nodded. "Sound strategy."

"Knight Skywalker is going after Darth Vader."

"A fitting match. As long as Ani is prepared." He would want to be sure of that, especially after their visit earlier.

"It's quite the obsession with him."

"I can imagine. But sometimes that can blind you."

"He's been training with everyone."

Qui-Gon bit back his uncertainties; Obi-Wan had been there through everything, if he thought Anakin was ready for this.…

"I didn't say that. I said that Skywalker has chosen to go after Vader. I never said I condoned that choice. I think we are going to need everyone we can to counter the Emperor but he will not be swayed."

He nodded, well able to imagine that conversation. "If he will not be swayed, we'll just have to make sure he is prepared."

"I have been, but I was never his master. It will be up to you to make him listen."

"We talked some tonight. It's a start."

"Good. He needs that outlet."

"And I could use someone to spar when you are busy doing General things," he said with a faint smile.

"That's what Jayden, Luke and Leia are for." Obi-Wan began brushing out his hair.

"And the sad thing is at the moment they would probably beat me." He put a hand over Obi-Wan's, reaching for the brush. "Let me?"

The brush was handed over without comment. "The first part of the plan is to get the non-combatants off the ship, which includes all the junior padawans."

"Anakin mentioned that." He began gently running the brush through Obi-Wan's hair. "Are you including Jayden in that category?"

"Yes."

"That is going to be a difficult conversation."

"There won't be a conversation."

"I-" Qui-Gon broke off. The relationship between Obi-Wan and Jayden was definitely not something he should be interfering with.

"The second step is to set up the gathering and work our way towards the galactic core."

"A final push."

"In a manner of speaking, we don't have the firepower to take them on ship for ship, yet."

"A frontal assault is almost always the last resort anyway. Nice to know we're not there yet."

"That's the overview. If you want logistical details I need my maps and commpads."

"That can wait until morning." He smiled and teased, "If I let you get started on that, it will be morning before you finish."

"You wanted to know the plan."

"I did." The pressing need to know though had faded with Obi-Wan's willingness to tell him. "The overview is enough for now. I can wait for the details."

"So the irritation level has dropped?"

"Sometimes I forget that hiding things from you is an exercise in futility."

"It can be." His lifemate twisted enough to look him in the eyes. "Will you be able to sleep?"

"I think so," he answered honestly after a moment of taking internal stock. "Will you?"

"Yes, it was you I was concerned about."

"It has been overall, all things taken in consideration, a pretty good day."

"You knight a padawan and it's only pretty good?"

"Very good?"

"Anakin." Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows slightly. "Very good?"

"Seeing Anakin knighted was something I'll never forget. Any more than I'll forget your knighting. Getting a glimpse of his pain afterward..."

"But it shouldn't take away from his accomplishments."

"No," he agreed quickly. "Just the opposite. To have managed all he has despite what he's been through is amazing. But I still wish I could do something about his pain."

"You will. You are his master." Utter confidence permeated Obi-Wan's voice.

"As simple as that?" he asked with a smile.

"Reduce something to it's simplest parts." There was a shrug then his mate was returning the damp towels to the 'fresher.

Simplest parts. Anakin was hurting, he would help. Maybe it was as simple as that. "Have I told you lately how wise you are?"

"No, not lately."

"How remiss of me."

Leaning against the narrow doorjamb Obi-Wan paused, giving him a thoughtful look. "You've been a bit busy."

He inclined his head in agreement. "You are, you know."

There was a slow nod. "Hard earned wisdom."

"The kind you never forget."

"I can't forget -- any of it -- ever."

Qui-Gon held out his hand to his lifemate, his heart aching for all he had been through.

Obi-Wan pushed off from the plasteele frame and walked slowly back to the bed. Gracefully the knight settled next to him, warm fingers grasping his. "Time to rest."

"Yes." He pulled Obi-Wan more fully into his arms. "Will you be able to sleep if I do?"

"We'll see."

"I can stay awake if-"

Obi-Wan interrupted softly, "You are already sleepy."

"And you stayed awake watching me last night."

"If I can't sleep I will wake you by early watch. Please, no arguments."

He wanted to, but the look on Obi-Wan's face stopped him. "You *will* wake me?" he asked instead.

Obi-Wan sighed and just reached out, switching off the light.

Qui-Gon echoed the sigh and closed his eyes. [I want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of me.]

[You have. You will.]

[I love you.]

Obi-Wan changed the subject slightly. [It wasn't just Anakin's knighting that made today special.]

[Oh?] He could feel Obi-Wan's fingers start to comb through his hair.

[This evening with you was just as special.] He could feel himself relaxing under the caress.

[That feels wonderful.]

[Good night, Qui-Gon.]

[You'll try to sleep too?]

"Good night, master."

[That better be a yes,] he muttered feeling himself beginning to drift.

"Sleep well."

Those words and Obi-Wan's fingers in his hair were the last things he were aware of before he finally fell asleep.

****************

If katas were a ritualized dance, sparring was a joyous improvisation, mind, body and spirit united in movement. Offensive and defensive movements melded together into a greater whole. Qui-Gon lost himself in the experience, relishing the ease and grace that once again marked his movements. Anakin was in excellent form, as usual, flowing right along with him. At the risk of a cliche, he was everything that he'd seen in the potential of the boy shining in the desert sun, had offered.

Back and forth, they covered the entire floor of the room, dodging around the few pieces of furniture with intent smiles and darting eyes. It was what sparring should be. Exhilarating. Finally Qui-Gon called a halt and stepped back. "Well done," he praised with a smile.

Anakin bowed and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Thank you, master."

"That last move is new."

"I figured it was time to start innovating, especially since the clone has the same memories until age 17 or so."

He nodded mutely. It wasn't the first time he heard that reason; everything they talked about in training always seemed to go back to the clone. Vader.

"And I wanted to see if I could finally beat you." Anakin smiled briefly.

Qui-Gon laughed. "The advantage to being the master is you can call a halt before that happens."

"Then perhaps I should spar with Kae."

"If you want to work on innovations she would be the logical choice."

"That or Master Obi-Wan. I think he comes up with a new move once a week just to keep up with Jayden and stay out of reach of the felinoid herd."

"That would be enough to inspire new heights for anyone."

"It wasn't as bad when his hair was shorter."

"So he keeps reminding me," Qui-Gon said ruefully.

"That discussion happened already, hmm?"

"Daily."

"And you're winning so far."

"I tell him can cut it."

Anakin raised an eyebrow slightly. "Right. So, what do I have to work on?"

"Truthfully? There's not much of a weakness in your style. But if I had to pick one, it would be your defense."

"Defense?"

"You have a tendency to get so caught up in your attack that you leave yourself open to retaliation."

"So how do I fix that?"

"It's something you have to change in your head. You know the moves. You just can't let yourself forget them." He fixed Anakin with a look. "You can't let yourself become obsessed."

"I think I'm entitled to a least a little bit of it."

"If anyone is entitled it is you. But entitlement is a very weak word if it gets you killed."

"Then what do you recommend I do?"

"It isn't easy. It may be impossible. You have to come to terms with obsession, your anger, and let it go."

"Like you with the emperor?"

He sighed. His feelings for the man who was responsible for destroying almost everything he held dear and for his losing 6 years of his life were anything but calm. "I did say it wasn't easy."

"Just checking, master."

"It is a difficult thing. Perhaps the most difficult you'll ever be asked to do."

"Then I suppose I should get started on it."

Qui-Gon smiled, proud of his former padawan's willingness to try. "I am here for you if you need me."

Anakin bowed slightly. "Of course, master. As I am here for you."

"I know." His smile turned teasing. "Like going easy on me until I got my form back."

"Working to a speed you were capable of," Anakin countered, smiling.

"And that is the same way to handle this."

"Where do you recommend I start then?"

"To let something go, you first have to know what it is." This was a step that Qui-Gon himself had trouble with -- to admit to the depths of his anger and...hate.

The young knight nodded. "Then I will pick something and work on that. Thank you."

"What is the memory, the thing that makes you the angriest?"

"There are so many things. He took my *life*."

"What means the most to you then of what he did take?" Qui-Gon was fairly sure he knew the answer, but it had to come from Anakin.

"Amidala."

He let out a breath and nodded. "That is where you should start then."

"With the hardest thing and work to the easiest? That seems a bit backwards."

"Would you be able to let go of any of the rest of it while that is still there?"

"I don't know."

Anakin shrugged. "I don't know either way."

Qui-Gon spread his hands. "As I said, it isn't easy."

"Yes, master." Another bow and then a step backwards. "I start with that."

"All any of us can do is try. Despite what my master is fond of saying."

Another nod and Anakin was turning away. "I'm going to go meditate on the observation deck where I can see the stars."

"If you need to talk later-"

[I will Call.]

He watched Anakin go, then gracefully sank to floor, settling into a meditation pose. Advice was sometimes easier to give than to follow. He'd had very limited success in coming to terms with his own demons. So he did what he had been doing every day for the last month; meditated on what made him the angriest -- losing six years of his life that Obi-Wan had been forced to live alone.

It was no surprise when he felt his lifemate's arms wrap around him from behind. His mind hovered on the edges of Qui-Gon's meditation, waiting for an invitation to join. An invitation he gave gratefully, welcoming Obi-Wan into his mind as he leaned back against his body with a sigh. The edges of his anger wore away, as always when his lifemate touched him. 

[It just gave me some time to catch up to all your wisdom.]

[You have always been wiser than I.]

[A few years to actually grow out my hair then.]

He chuckled. [There is that.]

[What in particular are you trying to let go of today?]

[Not being there when I was needed.]

[You've had trouble with that before, many times.]

[Yes. It is a failing.]

[I prefer to think of it as an endearing trait that keeps you honest and humble when you don't let it get out of control.]

[Is that what I'm doing now?] It was an honestly asked question; he knew this was an area he could often be blind in.

[You are, perhaps, dwelling on it a bit much.] Obi-Wan nuzzled behind one of Qui-Gon's ears, obviously hoping to ease the sting of his comment.

He sighed. [It is hard to let go when I see the pain Anakin's been in for so long. I feel like I'm playing catch-up with him.]

[You are. You are also playing catch-up with the entire universe, some resentment is certainly understandable.]

[It goes beyond resentment. Sometimes I just want to...]

[Scream? Rant? Feel free. No one but me can hear you.]

He hesitated. Losing control wasn't easy for him, even when he wanted to. Needed to.

[All right. I'll start for you.] Obi-Wan inhaled deeply and let out a primal scream.

Qui-Gon jumped and had half rolled forward reflexively before he could stop himself.

His lifemate chuckled, settling back on the mat, legs crossed under him. "Perhaps you'd rather start with ranting."

"I will if you will."

"I'm in a good mood today so I find I have remarkably little to rant about. This is supposed to be *your* meditation time."

Feeling a bit like he was suddenly the padawan, he asked, "And you think I should rant. Or scream."

"I think you have a lot of built up frustration and I'd rather you took it out on innocent walls that letting it eat away at you, or losing you to your anger in a battle."

He smiled slightly, hearing his own words to Anakin directed back at him. "That sounds very familiar."

"That's what you've told me time after time when I was growing up." Obi-Wan shrugged and smiled slightly. "I'll endeavor to use different words next time but it's hard to improve on greatness."

"Greatness."

A faint furrow appeared between Obi-Wan's eyebrows. "I mean what I say, master."

He reached out and smoothed the furrow with a fingertip. "I know you do."

"You're not going to let of this, are you?"

Was he? Taking a deep breath, he put voice to the feelings he'd been trying to contain or explain away. "I feel cheated."

"You were."

"I was cheated out of six years with you, out of knighting Anakin, out of watching Jayden grow, out of being able to say good-bye to Rilka-"

Obi-Wan nodded, holding back his comments.

"And maybe I could've helped find a way to change that -- so that she didn't have to die." He stopped, turning away. It was a question that had lurked just below the surface since he had learned of Rilka's fate, but one he hadn't let himself dwell on.

"Entirely possible," his lifemate agreed softly.

"We'll never know. *I'll* never know." He couldn't sit still any longer and got to his feet.

"That's the worst -- I'll never know exactly what I lost."

"No, you can't just like I'll never know what it was like to make love to you as a padawan."

"You put it that way and it makes me look like I'm being unreasonable. Wanting too much."

Obi-Wan held up his hands and mimed closing his mouth.

Qui-Gon sighed and stopped pacing. "Maybe I am. But-"

"But it is how you feel. Cheated. You are far from being the only one."

"I know." He knelt down in front of Obi-Wan and reached for his hands. "It was harder for you."

"I had to wait, that is always hard."

He smiled faintly. "This doesn't just have to be my rant."

"No, it doesn't, but it will be. I've had plenty of time to distill and internalize mine."

"And I haven't." That was what everything boiled down to -- the time he had lost. He'd had taken away.

Obi-Wan nodded.

"I want it back." The softly spoken words were out before he really thought about them.

"No you don't. If you did you would have. You don't want it. You wanted it to all go away."

"I didn't- not like that."

Obi-Wan pulled away his hands and gave him a cold look. "Yes, you did. It was easier to sleep and let someone else handle it. Admit it."

The accusation hurt. "You think I ran away? That I chose not to wake up?"

"I think that you are pitying yourself, not angry. You want sympathy. You missed all the pain and you're angry about it. That's just insane."

"Yes I am angry. I should've been there!"

"You were off dreaming of gardens and sunbeams. You *missed* it."

"I was left behind!" The words came out just short of a roar.

"Yes. The universe forgot you. Insignificant and unimportant."

He flinched a little at that, but couldn't deny it. "My life stopped, but nothing else did. Everything else went on without me."

"And didn't look back, except for me."

"Except for you. And everyone thought you were mad for not giving up hope."

"Mad Obi-Wan and his dead lifemate, Qui-Gon."

"I wasn't dead. They gave up on me. If it wasn't for you, I would've been forgotten."

"We should have died." Obi-Wan shrugged. "We didn't."

"No." He sighed. "We didn't."

"Maybe we should have."

"No." He didn't even have to think about that.

"Why not? The universe certainly managed without you for six years. What is the rest of our lifetime?"

"It is what we make of it."

"Then why are you so worried about what you've missed. It's over. Done. Gone. Get. Over. It."

Qui-Gon ran his hands through his hair. "I'm trying!"

"Then tell me!"

"I can't let go of it. Not when I see the results all around me. Not until I can fix it."

"Yet you are telling Anakin to let go of it when he looks at children every day that rightfully should have been his."

"They are his, in all the ways that matter." He held up a hand to forestall any comments. "And yes I realize my hypocrisy."

"Then what do you propose to fix?"

"Given a choice? The galaxy. Realistically, I'd just like to help those close to me not lose themselves."

"The galaxy would probably be easier than saving Jess and Anakin."

He smiled faintly. "I've always been known for my championing of lost causes."

A flicker of hurt in Obi-Wan's eyes at that, gone before he could really do more than register it. "Then you have your hands full for the next few years."

Reaching for Obi-Wan's hands, he leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. [No more of a lost cause than your fight against the Empire. If you could do that...]

[It had to be done or we would have lost it all. I had to save the children.]

[You did.] He slid his fingers through the hair at Obi-Wan's temple. [I could not be more proud of your actions, Obi-Wan. I hope you believe that.]

[I know you are. Time will prove out how successful this all was, or even if any of it matters. Us, the Emperor...in a thousand years who will remember?]

[The Force will.]

[I doubt it cares.] The general pulled away, standing and staring into the empty space around them. "I doubt if it cares much at all."

"Even if it does not there are many who do. And there always will be."

"Then let that be your comfort. Six years is nothing to the Force." Obi-Wan nodded ever so slightly in respect and then turn on his heel to leave.

Qui-Gon stood and laid a hand on his lover's shoulder. [You are my comfort.]

[I'm just your lifemate. Do not overestimate my talents. I do what I can. I cannot help you fix anything.]

"Obi-Wan?" He could hear and feel the emotions roiling through his mate.

[I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, Commander of the Jedi Fleet, and lifemate to Master Qui-Gon Jinn. That is enough of a burden and miracle making for any person in one lifetime.]

[And the last I am sure is more of a burden than the first two combined.] He gently pulled Obi-Wan closer to him. [And you think I am adding to it?]

[No, but I think your role in this coming confrontation with the Emperor is different from the one laid out for me.] The lean body in his arms stay tense, unyielding. [What you see as something that needs to be fixed I see as a situation out of balance. One that needs to be realigned.]

[Is that so different?]

[I refuse to argue semantics with you.]

[I don't want to argue with you at all. I'm sorry if I-]

[Then don't ever refer to yourself as a burden again. I find it abhorrent.]

He grimaced. Bad choice of words. [All right. I only meant that you had to take care of me for so long...]

[Apparently neither of us is ready for this conversation. Shall we move on to something else?] Still unbending, Obi-Wan looked at him patiently.

With a sigh and a deep breath, Qui-Gon let it go for now. [What would you like to discuss?]

[Dinner.]

[It's that late?] he asked, blinking in surprise.

[Nearly. It's also time for me to tell Jayden she's leaving.]

Another nod. "And now what?"

That was the question. "I have to keep playing catch-up." He jumped to his feet again and began pacing as his frustration began to leak out. "I feel like I'm always a step behind. At least! And that I always will be."

"Growing up all over again?"

"A bit young for my second childhood, aren't I?" he asked sarcastically.

"Perhaps." Obi-Wan shrugged and leaned back again the bench, unconcerned.

"Sometimes I feel as I might have well be."

"Then give up. Go back to sleep."

He sighed and turned away. "There are moments," he admitted softly, "that I wonder if it would make a difference if I did."

"You're sliding into pathetic, you do realize?"

"That is why I've been reluctant to face it."

"Well, what do you want to do to stop this? Is there a task that would restore your confidence?"

"I've been trying. With Anakin, with Jess, with the children..." He'd been trying to make himself as useful as he could.

"I will need your help with Jayden."

He turned to look at Obi-Wan.

"When you are done not ranting, that is."

"I believe I'm done for now," he said, smiling slightly.

"It is time to tell her she's not staying aboard."

That caught all of Qui-Gon's attention. "She's not going to take it well."

"You have a talent for understatement."

"How do you plan on doing it?"

"That is why I am asking for help. I have no idea."

"You have to give her a reason. A responsibility."

"Said so won't do? It always did for me."

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow. "It did?"

"I railed privately."

"I don't think Jayden will restrain herself to just railing privately. And she has issues you never had."

"Are you suggesting I avoid the whole matter and let her stay?"

He sat down beside Obi-Wan. "You have to weigh the possible dangers of letting her stay against the possible emotional damage that might result from sending her away."

"Dead as opposed to life long emotional wounds."

"That's the worst case scenario in both cases. What can you do to mitigate either one?"

"When did I lose control of this conversation?"

Suddenly uncertain again, Qui-Gon asked, "Do you want me to back off?"

"I want you to talk to her. Perhaps even take over as her master."

He stared at Obi-Wan. "Are you sure?"

"Do I strike you as the type to make a decision lightly?"

"No," he answered immediately. "Never that."

"Then think about it." Obi-Wan sighed and glanced at the chrono. "Nearly time for dinner."

"Yes, it is." He pushed aside everything for now. "Are we eating with the initiates?"

"I have a meeting with the command staff."

"Then perhaps I'll see if Jayden will like to have dinner with me." He met his mate's eyes.

"I'll talk to her."

"Thank you. You are welcome to attend the meeting but it's likely to be boring."

"I'll leave you to it. That is your bailiwick. I'll be of more use with Jayden." At least General Kenobi's affairs was something he'd always been on the outside of.

"May I come find you afterwards?"

"Of course." He reached out for Obi-Wan's hand. "And we can be together and talk and forget everything but the moment."

His hand was held for a moment, the back of it kissed. "Thank you."

"Thank you," he replied, heartfelt. "I may not be able to let everything go yet but at least I can see a bit clearer what I'm dealing with."

"I know what it is like to not have a goal, to be dragged along by the series of events and feel powerless."

"You give me hope."

"I thought they called that a swift kick in the ---"

"Only if you promise to kiss it better afterwards."

"Don't I always?"

Obi-Wan headed off to his dinner meeting. Jayden appeared a few minutes later, eyes bright and hair tousled even worse than usual. "Good evening, 'On."

"Hello Jayden," Qui-Gon replied with a smile. "I seem to be short a dinner companion. Would you-"

"Yes!" she interrupted cheerfully. "With everyone else or just us?"

"I was thinking just us, if my company alone is acceptable?"

"Sure, that way the babies won't keep interrupting us."

He lifted an eyebrow. "You were their age not that long ago."

"Years ago. I'm a padawan now."

"Yes, you are. Which means the initiates all look up to you."

"If they are shorter, yeah."

Qui-Gon chuckled at that. "You have an excellent grasp of the literal."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Shall we go gather some food to take to Obi-Wan's and my quarters?"

"You have any chocolate there?" she asked companionably as they started to walk.

"I live with Obi-Wan."

"Are you going to share?"

"Haven't I always?"

"Sometimes you skimp on the berries."

"Do I?" He gave her an innocent look.

"We all pretend not to notice." Her tone was quite worldly.

"I'll make sure to split the berries equally."

Jayden nodded and picked up the small box that held tonight's dinner. "Almost out of supplies again."

"I believe we'll be making a stop soon." He glanced at her. "To restock and other things."

"Send the children away. We know."

"What do you think of that?"

"If we are going to die, then we want to die because our guardians were fighting and we are with them. Not playing somewhere on a planet and being killed by a ship in orbit."

Her sudden inclusion of herself with the children told Qui-Gon that she already suspected that Obi-Wan was going to send her with them. "The whole point is to avoid death altogether."

"Then why send us away?"

"For safety. And to give you a chance to be children. To play, yes, but also to have a chance to learn before it is life and death."

"I saw my mother die in my mind when I was three, 'On."

"I know," he said soberly.

"I get to play with the people here. I can't do that if I'm sent away."

He watched her in silence as they entered his quarters and she began setting up their dinner.

"You've given this a lot of thought."

"I have to out argue you and the general." She sighed dramatically. "Lots of thinking."

Sitting down across from her. "I'm willing to listen with an open mind."

"Why can't you just say yes and pretend we talked about it already?"

"It doesn't work that way," he said with a faint smile. "Nice try though."

"I'm not going."

"Give me your reasons why."

"You need me."

He nodded and gestured for her to continue.

"B needs me too. You need someone to remind you why you fight. I've seen it."

"Just because you back on Garos doesn't mean you couldn't remind us," That's what communications are for," he pointed out playing Sith's advocate.

"That's not the same." She chewed her sandwich, buying time for her next point. "It will also make sure you win. You wouldn't dare die if I am with you."

"If we could at all prevent it. But protecting you could be another distraction."

"I'll run the D'Ka when you go to stop the Emperor."

He smiled faintly. "I believe you could."

"Then it's settled." She took another bite, smiling at him.

She was going to make an killer negotiator some day, he thought admirably. "Before anything is settled, I want to hear the real reasons why you don't want to go."

Her eyes fixed on him. "You'll leave and we'll never meet again."

"Do you know that or just fear it?"

Shrugging she set her food down, shredding the grains nervously.

Getting up, Qui-Gon circled around the table and knelt in front of her. "There's no shame in being afraid, little one."

"Are you afraid?" One hand came out and played with a lock of his hair.

"Yes. Of many things."

"Of this?"

"Of losing you from my life? Of course."

"Then you won't because I am coming with you."

The conviction in her eyes wasn't something that could be argued with. "You still have to convince Obi-Wan," he warned, tacitly giving his own blessing.

"I'll just tell him you said yes."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "It will probably be harder than that."

"And give him chocolate and hugs and pout."

"The entire arsenal."

"It is the weapons that a padawan is gifted with, master."

"Do not rule out logic and honest feelings as well."

Her face scrunched up consideringly. "He's hard to argue with."

"He is stubborn," Qui-Gon agreed.

She waved that away. "Mww is more stubborn and sheds on me. B just stares."

"He gets that way when he's facing things he doesn't want to admit."

That got him a calculating expression. "So he doesn't want me to go. That makes this much easier."

He reached out and fingered her braid, pulling it free from the rest of her hair. "He just wants to see you safe."

"I will be safer staying here than I will be going away."

"Are you so sure of that?"

"No, are you?"

He sighed. "Nothing is certain," he said honestly.

"I'm staying, even if I have to hide from everyone."

Qui-Gon stared at her for a long moment, looking at her soul. Finally, he nodded. "You have my blessing."

She reached forward, giving him a strong hug. "Thank you, Master Qui-Gon."

"You still have to convince Obi-Wan," he warned, hugging her back.

"I have chocolate," she whispered before leaning back, showing him a shy smile. A smile that any child her age should have in the simple delights of getting one over on an adult.

He returned the smile, treasuring the expression and what it represented. Conspiratorially he told her, "If that doesn't work, sic t'lya and the other felinoids on him."

"Good idea, 'on." Slipping back into her childhood name for him now that the formal discussion was over.

"I've been known to have one or two occasionally."

"You have B. That helps."

"Yes it does. Thank you for sharing him."

Jayden shrugged. "You had him a long time before I did."

"Still..."

"As long as you remember we *share*." Her eyes had a hardness to them again.

"Of course," he answered seriously.

"Good. You want my vegetables?" She held out the container of slightly limp greens.

"I'll share them with you."

She sighed and nodded. "Better than eating them all myself, I guess."

**********************************

It was a brief note from Kitaara that had sent Qui-Gon into Obi-Wan's journals. She hadn't been spoken of by anyone since he had woken up and the gap in knowledge irritated him. She had been a huge part of Obi-Wan's life when he'd left and he came back to...nothing.

Jayden was now Obi-Wan's padawan and no one had said anything about her predecessor. It was almost like she had dropped out of the world some time in the intervening period. An index scan brought up one long entry, dated three years ago. He settled in to read.

**

I wonder if this is how Qui-Gon felt when I was knighted and vanished into the gray space known as the Republic Fleet. Only this is worse, she's gone to join the Empire as a bounty hunter for hire. Seems that Chancellor Palpatine doesn't care for non-humans in his fleet. Stupid, but then, he's made a few other big mistakes in the last couple of years that have given us enough room to squeak by.

She's been gone four days and everyone is a nervous wreck. We're moving to another base, will be there a month and then moving again. In case she gets caught we can't let her give away anything else. How she figures to get away with it when there are telepaths and rogue Jedi that work for the Empire willingly....

So eager to get out there and do her part. I argued with her for days about what she could do. Stubborn, me? Well, yes.

She out stubborned me though and I have to respect her for that. If it follows that each generation of Jedi is more stubborn than the last we have a real problem. Or the ones after me will.

Five days ago she comes to me with her packed bags and her lightsaber. I know what it means, that she's leaving whether or not I approve. Kitaara -- how can you ask me to do this, but you do anyway. You demand my blessing. Instead, I knight you, free you to choose your own course because I know that if I truly disapproved, she wouldn't do it.

I take the lightsaber and put it on my desk. It's sitting there now, where I can see it as I finally write this entry. I would wear it on my belt, but I carry my own and Qui-Gon's already. Three would be a bit much, even for me. Besides, I haven't earned it. Someone else picked her out of the crowd of initiates, someone else taught her the real meaning of being a Jedi. All I did was watch over her for a few years when she needed that shelter. She doesn't need it now and I can only pray that what she's learned will keep her alive in the months to come. Her lightsaber will be waiting for her return, as will I.

::end entry

::start entry

Got a coded message just a few minutes after I finished talking about Kitaara. Strange the way the universe works sometimes, isn't it? We have to move now. They did a mind scan and know that she was associated with a ship that wasn't exactly friendly with the authorities. Definitely time to move and change out the crew and registry. It would have been so much better if she had spent six months floating around and taking low paying jobs but then that would have meant that she was patient.

Kitaara is never patient. Ever.

We are paying the price for that patience now. She's undone two years worth of networking with that impatience of hers. What I wouldn't give for five minutes and her backside. Damnit, just when we were getting ahead too. So now, we vanish again and start over in a whole bunch of places. 

::end entry

::start entry

It's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. She wasn't involved very much with the leadership for the last month or so but still. It's a lot of ground to make up that we can't afford unless we go on the offensive. On the offensive...maybe it is time for that.

::end entry

And that short entry that had flagged with her name on it that came in today? Qui-Gon scrolled through it then blanched.

TO: General Kenobi

Master, I think I know who is hunting down Jedi. I know he was involved with Leftenant Rilka's death. You need to tell Jess. It's Orath.

***********************************

After staring at the message for several long moments, Qui-Gon got his brain into gear. Though he knew Obi-Wan was on the bridge, he judged this more than important enough to interrupt him. [Obi-Wan?]

His lifemate's mind was it's usual whirlwind of thoughts that re-arranged to include Qui-Gon impinging on his consciousness. [Master?]

[Can you get free? News of some urgency has come in.] He didn't want to give the specifics over their bond but he knew his feelings would be leaking across the bond adding weight to his words.

A wisp of good humor touched him, something intrinsic to Obi-Wan's personality that was making it's slow reappearance. [You're being mysterious. Give me a few minutes and I will be there.]

He sent assent, nothing in words but a general feeling of acknowledgement before letting his awareness of Obi-Wan fade back to its normal level of background noise. Then he went back to staring at the words on the screen. An hour passed before the general finally arrived in their quarters, typical these days with all of the coordination and tasks that needed to be done. Obi-Wan slipped off his cloak and boots before coming to sit opposite Qui-Gon on the couch. A mug held in one hand and a commpad in the other, he looked to Qui-Gon for information.

"So?"

"Kitaara sent a message." Qui-Gon handed the pad to Obi-Wan, then sat back and watched him read it, his stomach tightening.

The mug was set down carefully on the side table before his lifemate began reading. "Kitaara? It's about time. She's months overdue...." The color drained from an already pale face as his voice faded into nothingness.

"We now have a name." He sighed and put his head in his hands as he voiced the thought that had been running through his mind since he first read Orath's name. "I should have let you kill him during your challenge."

"I...I...." Obi-Wan just stared at the pad. Through the bond there was nothing but shock and confusion, chasing one another.

Looking up, Qui-Gon studied him for a moment, the expressionless face that belied the swirl of feelings he could sense within. Silently he got up, removed the pad from Obi-Wan's hands, then pulled him up and into his arms.

Finally words came, filling up the heavy silence. "How could he hate his padawan that much?"

In his mind's eye, Qui-Gon called up the last time he had saw Orath, being dragged away after being defeated by Obi-Wan. A dark cloud had been all but visible around the fallen master. "He threw away everything else," Qui-Gon said quietly. "Hate is all he has left."

What stood out in his lifemate's mind was the inability to comprehend that break in trust. "I know, but Jess was utterly devoted to him. Would have done anything he wanted."

"Except give up Rill." He had been there to see that exchange, had seen the rage Orath had flown into when Jess had told him no.

Again, the slow words as Obi-Wan re-ordered his thinking to accept this radical concept. This inherent trust between padawan and master, between Jedi that had been shattered by the Dark side and it's callings. "So Orath killed -- no -- murdered her instead."

"I'm sure he would've cheerfully murdered us all, but yes, that's probably why Rill was targeted." He gave another sigh and rested his head against Obi-Wan's, feeling more weary than he would ever admit.

"It was personal and professional." Obi-Wan choked slightly on the word professional. "It was on purpose. He wanted Jess to suffer."

Jess' haunted visage flashed through Qui-Gon's mind, the brown eyes empty of everything but grief. If that was Orath's purpose, he had succeeded beyond all expectations.

"Worst of all, I cannot tell him yet. He will fly apart, do something rash and take down so much more than Orath, if he even succeeded."

There was no arguing with that assessment. Things were balanced precariously at the moment and one wrong move could ruin everything. But they could not just ignore this news either. "We need to have a plan in place, first."

"Jess will ignore any plan we might devise. He'll just start turning over every grain of sand between here and Coruscant looking for his former master."

"We can't keep this from him indefinitely."

Obi-Wan pulled away and began to pace the length of the room, his mind beginning to race again at it's usual speed. "Only until we find Orath."

Qui-Gon followed his lifemate with his eyes, acutely aware of the passage of time. "It better be quickly."

That got him a grunt of irritation and a reply heavily laced with sarcasm. "Fine, I'll get right on it. It's only been several years since we had any hard data."

"I didn't mean that to be an accusation." Qui-Gon ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I just don't like knowing this and not being able to do anything about it."

"We will do something. Now. It's a matter of what, where and who." One hand gestured vaguely in the direction of the viewport and the fleet beyond it.

And that was the question. "Do we have any intelligence leads at all on where he is?"

A pause to reflect and he could sense ever so distantly Obi-Wan's mind sorting through what he could recall. Finally there was a tentative answer. "A few."

Qui-Gon nodded. "A place to start then," he said, trying to look at this as just another mission, another assignment.

"Yes." Obi-Wan stopped his pacing long enough to pick up his mug. "I'll get on it tonight, when my watch ends."

Another assignment he wanted to be part of, Qui-Gon mentally qualified. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Let me think about it for a few minutes first. Resource allocation doesn't come naturally to me." Obi-Wan slipped back into his boots and cloak, preparing to head back to the bridge.

"You have some resources that aren't allocated at all," Qui-Gon said quietly, not looking at his lifemate. He found that he was becoming restless with only his own recovery and catching up to occupy him. He needed to start doing his part again.

That seemed to be what Obi-Wan, the general, had been waiting for. "You're in charge. Plan and implement as you see fit. Keep me informed."

Just like that? For some reason, he had expected more of an argument. "Obi-Wan-"

The look Obi-Wan gave him cleared up that old thought process. That Obi-Wan was gone, pared away by the months of being alone. By making the right decision the first time, or at least the rightest one that could be made. This Obi-Wan rarely debated -- or fought over a task. If you asked for it, you were expect to be capable of it, or you wouldn't have asked him. It was done in Obi-Wan's mind when the question was posed. The mission was Qui-Gon's now. "Tell me when he's dead."

Qui-Gon met and held his gaze for a long moment, then nodded slowly. The mug and commpad were gathered up, taken with Obi-Wan as he left Qui-Gon alone again in their quarters. He stood there for a moment, staring at the door then shook himself mentally and sat down at the computer console and accessed the intelligence report database. He had some research to do and a murderer to find.

*******************

Two months after Kitaara’s exasperatingly brief note and he felt like he was finally getting close to finding Orath. Legend and rumors were everywhere amongst the Jedi about the fallen master. So many had died in the early days and now it was being presumed that Orath was behind them. His legend was growing with every re-telling which made it harder and harder to winnow truth from falsity. Qui-Gon reflected ruefully that it would have been easier to find the man if he excluded all the Alliance information.

Staring at his console with the meager bits of solid, *verified* information he prayed he was on the right course this time. A hunter-seeker ship carrying someone of Orath's description was rumored to be heading toward Garos. It felt right, in the way other leads hadn't. And it fit what he knew of Orath's mind, Orath's obsession. If by chance word had leaked out of the plan to send the children back to Garos, with Kae -- Jess' padawan -- overseeing them... The implications sent a chill down Qui-Gon's spine even as it thinned his lips with anger.

It felt right enough that it was time to share his information with someone, with several someones. To plan their attack and for that he would need Jess and Anakin as well as Obi-Wan. Kae too, for it affected her intimately. He sent out messages to all the relevant parties to meet him in the briefing room in two hours' time.

Jess, Anakin, and Kae were all seated at the conference table when he entered. Obi-Wan, with his ubiquitous commpad had put himself off to one side, in a visitor's seat, clearly leaving the meeting to Qui-Gon. By the windows, standing with all the defiance her slim frame could muster was Jayden. The soft chatter faded away as he crossed the room to stand at the head of the table. He looked at each of them in turn silently, his gaze finally coming to rest on Jayden. With one raised eyebrow he mutely asked for an explanation for her presence.

"My master, my Papa, and the rest of my family are here. I need to be here."

He looked at her assessing for a long moment, trying to judge her ability to handle the information he had versus his own ability to make her leave. What he saw was a determination and strength of spirit that went far beyond her years.

Slowly he nodded. "All right."

She took a seat at the table, pulling out her lightslate and stylus to take notes, as she'd been taught. "I'm ready."

Qui-Gon took his own seat, looking around the table again before speaking. He'd given a lot of thought on how to break this information and had finally decided to just come out and say it. "We received a report from Kitarra. She's discovered who is behind the attacks on the Jedi." He glanced at Jess. "And for the attack on Rill."

Jess, who had been showing only polite interest so far suddenly focused on him. Brown eyes darkened to near black. "Tell me."

Softly, striving to make his expression compassionate, Qui-Gon said, "Orath." And waited for the explosion.

"NO!" Both of Jess's fists slammed into the table, rocking it with a Force-driven blow, denting the incredibly tough metal. Each blow punctuated with a word. "No. No. No."

Sitting beside her former master, Kae reached out to Jess, eyes wide and worried. Qui-Gon also reached for him without thought, wanting to sooth the souldeep pain and despair he could feel pouring off Jess.

"It can't be. No! He wouldn't kill her." Jess looked at him, his eyes wild with chaos. "You're wrong."

Even having steeled himself for just such a reaction, Qui-Gon felt his heart breaking for his friend. "I'm sorry, Jess."

Desperately the knight spoke again, "But he was my *master*."

There was nothing to say to that, nothing that could possibly make it better, so Qui-Gon only reached out a hand and rested it on Jess' shoulder compassionately.

That finally broke the damned emotions the knight had been holding in since Rilka's death. He ranted, wept, and grieved for his lost love for the better part of an hour. Finally his thoughts returned to Orath and he asked, "Where is he?" style='mso-tab-count:1'>

Qui-Gon looked up and caught Obi-Wan's eye before answering. "I found reports that he's heading to Garos."

Obi-Wan set aside his commpad and shifted his weight forward, preparing to stand if necessary. He looked to Jess directly. "Don't even think about getting out of that chair or I'll knock you unconscious and put you in a cell."

Qui-Gon could feel Jess' muscles tense under his hand but he made no move to get up. He just sat there, staring straight ahead, not making a sound.

"He's after me and the children isn't he?" Kae asked seriously, echoing Qui-Gon's earlier thoughts. Despite the subject the young knight was outwardly calm, running her hand soothingly over her master's arm.

"Most likely," Obi-Wan agreed. "Shall I send orders to the helm to divert to Garos? Give him what he wants, master?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "It's past time Orath faces the consequences of his actions." The idea of finally doing something thrummed through his blood.

Obi-Wan nodded and left the briefing room, heading for the bridge and his other duties there.

Jess was sitting, staring into space, looking shocky and lost. Heart breaking all over again at the sight, Qui-Gon knelt in front of the younger man and met his gaze. "Jess?"

"Master Qui-Gon?" Jess's voice was distant and polite.

"We'll get him," he vowed quietly, wishing he could offer more. "I promise."

"I want his heart."

"I know."

Jayden had settled in Anakin's lap during the briefing and was now edging towards the door. "I'm going to go be with my master."

Qui-Gon glanced at her, not liking what he saw. When they had been focused on Orath and Jess' reaction, Jayden had been quietly breaking down.

"I'm sure he could use the company Jayden," Qui-Gon told her gently.

She managed to give him a bow and then bolted, her face a terrified mask of emotions.

Reaching out to Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon sent, [Jayden's on her way to you, love,] along with his observations and his worry.

[Understood.] Obi-Wan was already opening his arms to her, holding his padawan close to his heart.

Knowing that the girl was in the best possible hands, Qui-Gon turned his attention back to her father. Not liking how still and distant Jess appeared, he did his best to draw the man out. "We should start making plans, getting ready."

"Find his ship and blow it into a million tiny pieces." Jess shrugged.

"Would you that satisfy you?" he probed.

"He would never get his hands on anyone else again."

Qui-Gon nodded. "That's true."

"He's just going to spout hateful, vile things. A face to face showdown is not going to help anyone."

"Will you be able to let this go without facing him?" he asked quietly, honestly unsure if the level of pain and rage Jess carried would be satisfied with anything less.

"I don't need to talk to him over tea. I want him gone from the universe. Eradicated. Talking to him would just re-confirm that and I don't require it." Jess sighed, staring at the dents he'd put in the table. "He has nothing of value any more. Not even my hatred."

Qui-Gon looked at him searchingly, judging the truth of what was said. Slowly he nodded.

"So what do you know about his ship?"

"Crew of 8, room for a dozen more if they haven't modified it too heavily," Anakin commented as the schematic flashed up on the screen. "Really easy to modify to increase engine power and weapons. Perfect smuggling ship actually."

"And there are reports that it's been upgraded as much as possible," Qui-Gon added, getting to his feet and retaking his chair. He pointed out the relevant information.

"We have fighters that are faster." Anakin shrugged and made the ship model spin on the screen, showing all the angles. "Especially with the pilots we have with us. We just need to find him."

"We will." There was no doubt of that in Qui-Gon's voice or his mind.

"Then it's back to being a matter of time," Jess said despondantly.

Qui-Gon met and held his eyes, willing his belief into the other man. "It will be sooner than later."

"Good. He's caused enough problems."

At that understatement, Qui-Gon could only nod in agreement.

Obi-Wan's thoughts brushed his. [Jayden and I will not be returning. She needs me and mediation far more than I need to be there in body. I will just listen through you.]

[Give her a hug for me,] he said, his heart going out to the girl.

[That means I'd have to unstick her from my ribs first.]

[Best thing for her,] he said, sending a wave of empathy. [I know how comforting Obi-Wan hugs can be.]

He could feel his lifemate's embarrassment at that. [I do my best.]

Qui-Gon turned to the matter at hand. [You haven't missed much in the way of planning. Just blow him up seems to be the extent of it.]

Obi-Wan's dark humor sparkled at that. [It does have an elegant simplicity to it.]

[We may want something more detailed when we find him,] he admitted, [but I don't think heads are clear enough to go much further than that right now.]

[I will sit down with Anakin later.]

[And I will see what I can do with Jess.] Qui-Gon looked over at his distraught friend.

Obi-Wan's suggestion was blunt. [Get him drunk.]

[An excellent idea.] Though alcohol was not something he would want to encourage as a continuing coping mechanism, it could sometimes temporarily blur a soul deep pain enough to begin to deal with it.

[I'll meet you at our quarters afterwards.]

[I'll be there.] He knew he would need to lose himself in his lifemate by that time.

"--shouldn't be that hard to find," Anakin was saying, drawing Qui-Gon's attention back to the conversation.

"And then we blow him up," Jess replied.

Kae patted his hand patiently. "We got that part, master."

"Come on, Jess," Qui-Gon said gently, pulling the man to his feet. "Let's go and..."

"Plan some more in private?" Jess's face was hopeful and -- disturbing.

But that was why he was doing this. "Yes," he said, keeping his worry out of his expression. "Back to your quarters?"

"Um...it's messy."

"That's all right." He slid a supporting arm around Jess' waist and gently steered him towards the door. Continuing in the same conversational tone, he offered, "I'll even help you clean it up while we...plan if you want."

"You're braver than I am," Kae muttered.

"Comes with the courageous master title," Qui-Gon tossed back over his shoulder with a wink.

Jess pouted at both of them. "It isn't that bad."

"I lost a tunic in there -- a year ago." Kae snorted turning back to Anakin and the schematics.

Jess winced. "Sorry."

"We'll see if we can find it for you, Kae," Qui-Gon offered. He got Jess moving again with a slight nudge and they headed out of the room.

"What are we really doing?" Jess asked as they headed to his quarters.

"Going back to your quarters and cleaning." Qui-Gon glanced sideways at him. "And maybe have a glass or two."

"Of what? Something to put me to sleep?"

"Corellian ale. Anakin gave me a couple of bottles."

Jess chuckled roughly. "You think I need to drink?"

"I know I could use one."

Only the slightest hint of sarcasm laced Jess's tone. "Oh, that's different then."

"You won't mind if we stop at my quarters on the way to pick up a bottle then."

"Not at all." They did so, Jess hovering uncomfortably just inside the door as he retrieved the bottle. "It's very neat in here. Are you sure you want to go to my room?"

Qui-Gon smiled and shifted the bottles to the crook of his arm as they started on their way again. "A little mess has never scared me off before." Living with four padawans had cured that problem.

Jess shrugged and stepped back into the passageway. "Let's go then." Jess keyed open the door to his room and the lights came on at half-strength. It was a disaster area contain in 15 square meters. The only thing that was clearly taken care of was the sole item on the nightstand, a holo of Rilka. And in the entire disaster there wasn't a single piece of art, pencil or pen to be found.

The desolation that seemed to be imbued in the very walls made Qui-Gon want to weep. But he got a hold of his emotions, set the bottle down on a table and turned to Jess. "Where do you want to start?"

Jess looked around. "Let me clean off two chairs."

"Let me help." The knight cleaned his off by simple expedient of pushing everything onto the floor. Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "Or the cleaning could wait until later."

"You were serious about that?"

"Of course," he said gently.

Jess looked around at the piles of laundry and junk. "I've sort of gotten used to it."

Qui-Gon reached out and rested a hand on the other man's shoulder. "It's not a good way to live, my friend."

Another uncaring shrug. "Suppose not. It just seems like so much work."

"Half the work with two people doing it," he prodded. He was beginning to consider the cleaning as something important. A symbol.

"True." Jess stared at the floor.

"And we have to find Kae's tunic for her," Qui-Gon reminded, looking around them again, giving Jess an excuse to agree.

"I think that ended up under the bed." Jess still hadn't moved.

Qui-Gon reached out and brushed Jess' dark hair back from his face in a mute, caring gesture.

He sighed softly and raised a hand to his hair. "I should wash up too."

"Why don't you go take a shower and I'll see if I can make a dent in here?"

A flash of gratitude on Jess's face and then he was shuffling into the bathroom. Leaving Qui-Gon with the monumental task of cleaning. With a determined sigh, he metaphorically rolled up his sleeves, picked a spot at random and began. He'd gotten all the laundry stuffed into the cleaning chute, nearly overloading it and had recycled the most unidentifiable of the things on the floor. There was a stack of books now, up on the shelves. Qui-Gon had even managed to get clean sheets on the bed and get it made by the time Jess stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. He grabbed a uniform and vanished again without speaking.

It was a start, he told himself, turning back to continue with what remained of the straightening up. As quickly and as neatly as he could he stacked things into the mostly empty cabinets. What he did find in one drawer almost broke his heart. Dozens of pictures that Jess had sketched in the early years of their acquaintance. Rilka. Jayden. Himself. Obi-Wan. Even t'lya and r'val made appearances. It brought tears to his eyes as he looked through them, remembering. He was still looking at them when Jess came back into the room.

"Take them with you, if you like."

Qui-Gon looked up at the younger man. "They're yours," he protested softly.

Jess kept his distance, carefully not looking at the drawings. "They do no one good stuffed into a drawer."

Qui-Gon hesitated then offered, "I could hold them for you, until you want them back."

Jess nodded. "If I ever want them back. Let me get you something to carry them in, so they don't get bent." Taking the care for the drawings was a good sign and Qui-Gon graced the comment with a faint smile. Jess reached under the bed and pulled out a sturdy, if dust covered, carry case. "Try this."

"Thank you." He slid the drawings carefully in and closed it.

"I have blue carpet?" The knight peered at the floor. "Huh."

"Been a while since you've seen it?" he asked, with a half smile.

"Or bothered to look." Jess shook his head ruefully.

"You're looking now," Qui-Gon pointed out gently.

"Yes, and I'm not quite sure why. Do I have clean glasses or are we passing the bottle?"

Qui-Gon gestured towards the table where he'd sat a couple of glasses he had found by the bottle.

Jess finally had the grace to blush. "I'm not being a good host, sorry."

"We're good enough friends I think that we don't need to stand on such ceremony. I was just waiting for you before I cracked the bottle."

The bitterness came back in a sudden flash of hateful words. "How civilized of you. Bring the ale so I can get drunk and sob my heart out? Loosen up poor old Jess before he cracks."

Ignoring the tirade, Qui-Gon calmly poured out two glasses. "You won't push me away, Jess," he said calmly, with certainty.

He simply told him the truth. "Because I care for you. And I cared for Rill."

"Why?" he asked as he held out one glass to Jess.

It was gingerly accepted and sipped. "Not bad. Because I'm a failure," he said matter of factly.

Qui-Gon sipped at his own, regarding the other man thoughtfully. "I don't see a failure. I see a man who has had more pain heaped on him than anyone deserves and who has survived inspite of it."

"If you call the last few years surviving...."

"You're still here." Another point gently driven home.

"Dumb luck."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Nothing dumb about it," he said emphatically.

"No one would let me die," Jess said bitterly.

"Do you still want to?" It was a question he dreaded the answer to.

"Yes, sometimes."

He sighed. Putting the best spin on it, he said, "But not all the time."

"No, sometimes I sleep."

"Sleep can be overrated," Qui-Gon replied, thinking that the past six years definitely qualified him as an expert.

Jess laughed, raising his glass. "It can be."

He quirked his own mouth up into a smile. They drank in silence for a few minutes and then Qui-Gon asked softly, "What can we do to help you, Jess?"

"I'm not sure. All I do is hurt."

He refilled Jess' glass. "Would talking help?"

"You were the talker, and Rill. Not me."

"She would have made you talk."

He was gifted with a sad smile. "If she was here, I would."

"Then talk to her." Qui-Gon gestured at the holo on the place of honor on the nightstand. "Love survives past death. Her spirit will hear you."

"I'll think about it."

"The rest of us are here to listen if you want to talk as well. Or to help you clean, or to just sit and keep you company."

Jess nodded, sipping at his drink.

"We're not letting you go, Jess." He felt the need to say it.

"I know. Even when I wanted everyone to, when I begged them, they wouldn't let me."

"You're still needed." Qui-Gon wanted to press that point home.

That got him a waved dismissal with Jess's empty hand. "To do what? My padawan is a knight, my only daughter is a padawan herself."

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow. "You think they still don't need you?"

"Why do you think I am going someplace?" Jess sounded honestly bewildered.

"I don't think you are, actively. But..." Qui-Gon paused, searching for the right words. "You are...drifting."

"I'm waiting. I don't know for what yet, but I'm waiting."

Qui-Gon made an encouraging 'I'm listening' sound, hoping Jess would continue.

"Maybe for the twins to get old enough. Neither of their parents are going to be up to the task of training them. It would be nice to have a definite purpose again."

"They think a lot of you," Qui-Gon commented, thinking of how Luke and Leia lit up when they saw Jess.

"I am better with them than I have been with Jayden the last few years."

"Jayden is her mother's daughter."

Jess nodded with a hint of a smile marking his face. A rueful smile but the first that Qui-Gon had seen in the weeks since his awakening. "That's probably part of the problem."

"It's a part of Rill that lives on," he offered, knowing that knowledge could bring as much pain as comfort.

"And a part of me, if it comes to that."

Qui-Gon gave him a Look.

"What? It's a war." The knight stiffened defensively.

"And you still have too much of a fascination with death for my comfort." He tried to make the words as non-accusatory as he could.

Jess leaned back in his chair, relaxing again. "And you don't about everything you missed? We all have our obsessions."

He couldn't argue with that. "And not letting obsessions overshadow everything else is the trick," he commented. "More ale?"

"One more glass and then I need to run you off."

He nodded and leaned over to refill Jess' glass. "You'll be all right alone?"

The knight shrugged and gestured to the empty room. "I've been managing for a while now."

"Today has been..." Qui-Gon trailed off, unable to find one word that described it all.

"Are you offering to stay?" Jess's eyebrows rose.

Qui-Gon nodded. "If you need me to."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"The offer is open-ended," he added.

"As is almost everything else in this universe."

"Love is. Friendship is."

"Well, I think Rilka and I have a date. To talk."

Qui-Gon smiled, pleased and relieved to hear that. Standing, he said, "I'm sure she's been waiting."

Sounding like an echo of his old self for a moment, Jess spoke, "With her usual patience I am certain."

"Indeed."

"Take the ale with you. I'm sure you'll need it to soften the General's mood."

He nodded and picked up the bottle. "Call if you need...anything."

"Of course."

"And you still have to find Kae's tunic," Qui-Gon tossed over his shoulder as he left. The door closed to the sound of Jess's rueful chuckle.

Through the bond, as he walked he could hear Obi-Wan singing softly. It was the same lullaby that he'd sang to Jayden in the womb. Gentle words and melody that eased the mind and heart from it's troubles, at least for a few minutes. He considered whether he should give his mate more time alone with Jayden, and finally sent the question to Obi-Wan.

[Come ahead, master. She's asleep and I could use the company.]

Quickening his pace, Qui-Gon hurried back to their quarters, entering as quietly as he could. Obi-Wan was stretched out on the couch, Jayden draped across his chest. His cloak wrapped around them both, a large damp spot attesting to the young padawan's upset. [How is she?] Qui-Gon asked, crossing the room, setting down the bottle of ale on the table on the way.

[Tired. Upset.] His lifemate looked up at him. [How is Jess?]

[Hurting. But I think I might have made some headway with him.] He sat on the floor beside his mate, the folio of Jess' drawings in his lap.

[Good. I am glad you were able to reach him.]

Qui-Gon sighed, leaning his head back against the couch. [First step towards doing so at least.]

Obi-Wan's hand came to rest on his shoulder. [It's about time he rejoined life.]

[Yes. It is hard to do. And can be frightening, even without the grief.]

Shifting closer, Obi-Wan asked, [Are you having that problem as well?]

[It's not as bad now.] He reached up and caressed Obi-Wan's cheek.

[Is there anything I can do to help?]

[You have been,] Qui-Gon answered honestly, thinking of all the times Obi-Wan had shielded him and the just as important times he'd given him a kick in the motivation.

[Could you help me with something then? I fear I am out of my depth with Jayden.]

He turned so he could more comfortably meet Obi-Wan's gaze. [Of course I'll do what I can.]

[I am so often forced to that distance of 'master' and a lack of time. Would you...] His lifemate's mental voice faltered as his padawan shifted uneasily in his arms. When she had settled again he looked back into Qui-Gon's eyes. [Be her friend?]

[I am.] Shifting, Qui-Gon reached out and gently brushed Jayden's padawan braid back out of her face. [But I will more actively take that role.]

[We never said any more about you being her master.]

[No, we haven't.]

[Are we going to?] Obi-Wan's emotions were clouded, confused.

[You are her master.] Meeting Obi-Wan's gaze again, he asked, [Are you having doubts?]

[I mis-stepped badly today.]

[We both did. It was my meeting,] Qui-Gon pointed out. [I could've asked her to leave as easily as you.]

[You are not going to let me feel guilty, are you?]

He lifted an eyebrow. [Do you really want me to?]

[Being responsible is not being guilty,] Obi-Wan said firmly.

[On that we agree.]

[So, pour me a glass of that very fine ale and show me what you've brought back from Jess's quarters.]

Qui-Gon smiled and got up, pouring two glasses and carrying them back.

Obi-Wan shifted, sitting more upright and curling Jayden into his lap. "I should put her to bed but it feels right to give her this comfort." He pressed a kiss to the dark brown hair.

"Then she should stay," Qui-Gon agreed, handing over one glass as he settled back on the floor at Obi-Wan's feet. He picked up the portfolio from where he had laid it beside him and offered that to Obi-Wan as well.

He could the faint sounds of Obi-Wan taking a swallow of his drink. "Smooth going down and the kick doesn't hit you until later."

"Anakin knows his ale."

"Someone from the crew must have taught him. The navy knows it's drink because I certainly didn't teach him."

Qui-Gon smiled. "I remember when you did some experimenting when you were a teenager."

"You managed to keep the worst of the told you so's to yourself." Obi-Wan's nose wrinkled in remembrance. "Even when I well and truly deserved it."

"The hangover was enough told you so I always thought."

"Let's not forget that you had an evening or two that was well...soaked."

"And you always took great pleasure in gloating about it the next morning. Loudly."

"I was supposed to believe that you really needed to meditate with drums the one time I tried the Hothian brandy?"

"I did. It's a long tradition." Qui-Gon's smile widened as he remembered the time from his own apprenticeship that Yoda had done the same to him.

"Then you'll be pleased to know that I did share that tradition with Anakin."

That surprised a laugh from him, mostly delighted but with an undercurrent of bitter loss that he was becoming used to.

"I truly regret telling you things sometimes," Obi-Wan said sadly. "If you'll excuse me I should put myself and Jayden to bed."

Qui-Gon sighed, and firmly got his feelings under control. "Thank you for doing that for Ani," he said quietly, reaching out for his mate's hand.

"You are entitled to your feelings. I just do not wish to upset my padawan twice in one day." Obi-Wan patted his hand and then released it. "I'll be back soon."

"Need any help?"

"If you like, if not I'll stumble my way through as usual."

"Your stumbling is often more proficient than others' most skilled efforts," Qui-Gon complimented with a smile, then gracefully got to his feet. "I would like to help though."

"Take her for me, then. She rather skillfully trapped me here on the couch."

Gently, he picked up the sleeping girl, being careful not to wake her. "A talent she had perfected in her first year."

"It has been a long time since we napped in a sunbeam." Obi-Wan got up slowly, stretching his stiff muscles.

"I can't offer you a sunbeam, but would a massage help?"

"A massage would be a Force offered blessing." The knight preceded him into the small bedroom on the opposite side of the suite. m'wan, her felinoid had already curled up next to the pillow, warming it for her.

Qui-Gon gently laid Jayden on the bed, then covered her with a blanket.

Obi-Wan slipped in behind him, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "As close as a touch, Jayde."

"'night, master," she mumbled.

Standing back, Qui-Gon watched his mate with Jayden. [You were made for each other,] he opined softly.

[As best as we can in these times.]

[You make a good master.]

[I am a passable one.] Obi-Wan turned on a small lighted dream chaser and then ushered Qui-Gon out.

As soon as they were out of the small room, Qui-Gon turned and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms.

"Qui-Gon? Being with Jess upset you, didn't it?"

He couldn't deny that. "The pain he is in, and has been in..."

"His soul died with her I think."

"I hope not," Qui-Gon said with a shiver.

"Better that than living with it torn asunder, bleeding him dry."

"There is a cheerful image."

"I'm not much on cheerful these days. Sorry, master." Obi-Wan shrugged. "Shall we get back to the ale before it grows warm?"

"I think we should take it into the bedroom." He nuzzled Obi-Wan's temple. "And I will give you that massage."

"He really unsettled you," his lifemate murmured in comment as they walked.

"It is far too easy for me to put myself in his place," Qui-Gon admitted, stooping to pick up the bottle of ale and their glasses.

"Should I bring this?" Obi-Wan gestured to the portfolio.

He nodded. A few minutes later they were settled on the bed, ale in hand and dressed only in their robes. Qui-Gon took a sip of his drink, then settled back against the headboard. "Come here."

With the slightest of nods, Obi-Wan complied, settling against him back to chest. "Here?"

"Yes." He wrapped his arms around his lifemate and sighed in contentment.

The warm body relaxed against him. "What else can I do for you?"

"Just let me hold you." He could feel Obi-Wan nod and then take another sip of his ale, falling into the comfortable silence between them. "What about you?" Qui-Gon was acutely aware that what had started out as him trying to support Obi-Wan had gotten turned around.

"If you are better then I will be."

"You've had a difficult day too."

"No worse than many others."

"That doesn't make it better. To the contrary in fact."

"Well, after we rest a while you can give me a massage."

Absently he kissed Obi-Wan's cheek. "That is a start."

"You could feed me."

"What would you like?"

"Jedi master wrapped in silk."

A frisson of heat went through him at that. "I think I can manage that," he said with a smile.

"Is it already warmed for me?"

"It always is."

"Excellent." Obi-Wan sighed softly and tilted his head back, resting against Qui-Gon's shoulder.

Qui-Gon slid a hand inside his lifemate's robe, running his fingers lightly over Obi-Wan's chest. "What do you want?"

"Just being with you, having you touch me."

He could hear the echo in Obi-Wan's voice of the years when he hadn't been able to do that, when Obi-Wan had sustained them both on stubborn hope alone. "I can do that," he said softly.

*************


	2. Pt 2

Rebellion Missives  
***   
Through the bond, as he walked he could hear Obi-Wan singing softly. It was the same lullaby that he'd sang to Jayden in the womb. Gentle words and melody that eased the mind and heart from it's troubles, at least for a few minutes. He considered whether he should give his mate more time alone with Jayden, and finally sent the question to Obi-Wan.

[Come ahead, master. She's asleep and I could use the company.]

Quickening his pace, Qui-Gon hurried back to their quarters, entering as quietly as he could. Obi-Wan was stretched out on the couch, Jayden draped across his chest. His cloak wrapped around them both, a large damp spot attesting to the young padawan's upset. [How is she?] Qui-Gon asked, crossing the room, setting down the bottle of ale on the table on the way.

[Tired. Upset.] His lifemate looked up at him. [How is Jess?]

[Hurting. But I think I might have made some headway with him.] He sat on the floor beside his mate, the folio of Jess' drawings in his lap.

[Good. I am glad you were able to reach him.]

Qui-Gon sighed, leaning his head back against the couch. [First step towards doing so at least.]

Obi-Wan's hand came to rest on his shoulder. [It's about time he rejoined life.]

[Yes. It is hard to do. And can be frightening, even without the grief.]

Shifting closer, Obi-Wan asked, [Are you having that problem as well?]

[It's not as bad now.] He reached up and caressed Obi-Wan's cheek.

[Is there anything I can do to help?]

[You have been,] Qui-Gon answered honestly, thinking of all the times Obi-Wan had shielded him and the just as important times he'd given him a kick in the motivation.

[Could you help me with something then? I fear I am out of my depth with Jayden.]

He turned so he could more comfortably meet Obi-Wan's gaze. [Of course I'll do what I can.]

[I am so often forced to that distance of 'master' and a lack of time. Would you...]   
His lifemate's mental voice faltered as his padawan shifted uneasily in his arms. When she had settled again he looked back into Qui-Gon's eyes. [Be her friend?]

[I am.] Shifting, Qui-Gon reached out and gently brushed Jayden's padawan braid back out of her face. [But I will more actively take that role.]

[We never said any more about you being her master.]

[No, we haven't.]

[Are we going to?] Obi-Wan's emotions were clouded, confused.

[You are her master.] Meeting Obi-Wan's gaze again, he asked, [Are you having doubts?]

[I misstepped badly today.]

[We both did. It was my meeting,] Qui-Gon pointed out. [I could've asked her to leave as easily as you.]

[You are not going to let me feel guilty, are you?]

He lifted an eyebrow. [Do you really want me to?]

[Being responsible is not being guilty,] Obi-Wan said firmly.

[On that we agree.]

[So, pour me a glass of that very fine ale and show me what you've brought back from Jess's quarters.]

Qui-Gon smiled and got up, pouring two glasses and carrying them back.

Obi-Wan shifted, sitting more upright and curling Jayden into his lap. "I should put her to bed but it feels right to give her this comfort." He pressed a kiss to the dark brown hair.

"Then she should stay," Qui-Gon agreed, handing over one glass as he settled back on the floor at Obi-Wan's feet. He picked up the portfolio from where he had laid it beside him and offered that to Obi-Wan as well.

He could the faint sounds of Obi-Wan taking a swallow of his drink. "Smooth going down and the kick doesn't hit you until later."

"Anakin knows his ale."

"Someone from the crew must have taught him. The navy knows it's drink because I certainly didn't teach him."

Qui-Gon smiled. "I remember when you did some experimenting when you were a teenager."

"You managed to keep the worst of the told you so's to yourself." Obi-Wan's nose wrinkled in remembrance. "Even when I well and truly deserved it."

"The hangover was enough told you so I always thought."

"Let's not forget that you had an evening or two that was well...soaked."

"And you always took great pleasure in gloating about it the next morning. Loudly."

"I was supposed to believe that you really needed to meditate with drums the one time I tried the Hothian brandy?"

"I did. It's a long tradition." Qui-Gon's smile widened as he remembered the time from his own apprenticeship that Yoda had done the same to him.

"Then you'll be pleased to know that I did share that tradition with Anakin."

That surprised a laugh from him, mostly delighted but with an undercurrent of bitter loss that he was becoming used to.

"I truly regret telling you things sometimes," Obi-Wan said sadly. "If you'll excuse me I should put myself and Jayden to bed."

Qui-Gon sighed, and firmly got his feelings under control. "Thank you for doing that for Ani," he said quietly, reaching out for his mate's hand.

"You are entitled to your feelings. I just do not wish to upset my padawan twice in one day." Obi-Wan patted his hand and then released it. "I'll be back soon."

"Need any help?"

"If you like, if not I'll stumble my way through as usual."

"Your stumbling is often more proficient than others' most skilled efforts," Qui-Gon complimented with a smile, then gracefully got to his feet. "I would like to help though."

"Take her for me, then. She rather skillfully trapped me here on the couch."

Gently, he picked up the sleeping girl, being careful not to wake her. "A talent she had perfected in her first year."

"It has been a long time since we napped in a sunbeam." Obi-Wan got up slowly, stretching his stiff muscles.

"I can't offer you a sunbeam, but would a massage help?"

"A massage would be a Force offered blessing." The knight preceded him into the small bedroom on the opposite side of the suite. m'wan, her felinoid had already curled up next to the pillow, warming it for her.

Qui-Gon gently laid Jayden on the bed, then covered her with a blanket.

Obi-Wan slipped in behind him, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "As close as a touch, Jayde."

"'night, master," she mumbled.

Standing back, Qui-Gon watched his mate with Jayden. [You were made for each other,] he opined softly.

[As best as we can in these times.]

[You make a good master.]

[I am a passable one.] Obi-Wan turned on a small lighted dream chaser and then ushered Qui-Gon out.

As soon as they were out of the small room, Qui-Gon turned and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms.

"Qui-Gon? Being with Jess upset you, didn't it?"

He couldn't deny that. "The pain he is in, and has been in..."

"His soul died with her I think."

"I hope not," Qui-Gon said with a shiver.

"Better that than living with it torn asunder, bleeding him dry."

"There is a cheerful image."

"I'm not much on cheerful these days. Sorry, master." Obi-Wan shrugged. "Shall we get back to the ale before it grows warm?"

"I think we should take it into the bedroom." He nuzzled Obi-Wan's temple. "And I will give you that massage."

"He really unsettled you," his lifemate murmured in comment as they walked.

"It is far too easy for me to put myself in his place," Qui-Gon admitted, stooping to pick up the bottle of ale and their glasses.

"Should I bring this?" Obi-Wan gestured to the portfolio.

He nodded. A few minutes later they were settled on the bed, ale in hand and dressed only in their robes. Qui-Gon took a sip of his drink, then settled back against the headboard. "Come here."

With the slightest of nods, Obi-Wan complied, settling against him back to chest. "Here?"

"Yes." He wrapped his arms around his lifemate and sighed in contentment.

The warm body relaxed against him. "What else can I do for you?"

"Just let me hold you." He could feel Obi-Wan nod and then take another sip of his ale, falling into the comfortable silence between them. "What about you?" Qui-Gon was acutely aware that what had started out as him trying to support Obi-Wan had gotten turned around.

"If you are better then I will be."

"You've had a difficult day too."

"No worse than many others."

"That doesn't make it better. To the contrary in fact."

"Well, after we rest a while you can give me a massage."

Absently he kissed Obi-Wan's cheek. "That is a start."

"You could feed me."

"What would you like?"

"Jedi master wrapped in silk."

A frisson of heat went through him at that. "I think I can manage that," he said with a smile.

"Is it already warmed for me?"

"It always is."

"Excellent." Obi-Wan sighed softly and tilted his head back, resting against Qui-Gon's shoulder.

Qui-Gon slid a hand inside his lifemate's robe, running his fingers lightly over Obi-Wan's chest. "What do you want?"

"Just being with you, having you touch me."

He could hear the echo in Obi-Wan's voice of the years when he hadn't been able to do that, when Obi-Wan had sustained them both on stubborn hope alone. "I can do that," he said softly.

*************

Felinoid bit follows

*************

m'wan slipped out of her human's room. The Jayden's dreams were Good and she needed to speak to the other felinoids. She paused in the main room, checking on the Obi-Wan and the Master who Napped who wasn't Napping Any More. With an irritated grumble she wondered if perhaps he had a shorter name.

{He was called the Lion Before.} r'val answered.

{For his mane? It is very Nice and Quite Fluffy.}

{Yes. One was told that by One's mate many sunrises ago.}

{It is a Good Name. One will call him the Lion now.}

r'val's fur was no longer quite the color of the Obi-Wan's hair. He was more white but he was just as fast and could still Pounce well. She, m'wan, had yet to catch him when it was a Serious matter.

{One was wondering if one might ask something.}

{One may.} r'val began cleaning his paws and gave her a Caring Look.

{One wishes to Protect her human from Bad Dreams. How does one do this?}

{One would recommend Purring and Snuggling as Close as Possible and thinking Good Thoughts.}

She wrinkled her nose. {That is all?}

{That is more than many Humans can do. It is the Duty of a good felinoid to Provide these things.}

{Did one provide it for the Lion?}

r'val's tail straightened proudly. {One did. One also protected the Lion's mate.}

{You took care of the Obi-Wan?} She knew her eyes were widening in surprise. {What of the t'lya?}

{It requires two felinoids to look after the Obi-Wan. She....Shared.}

m'wan blinked. {Shared. The Obi-Wan.}

{Because someone had to be with the Lion and we had Things to Do elsewhere.}

She purred, that made it much more understandable.

{Is one more at ease now?}

{One is, thank you father.}

{Good. The Obi-Wan and the Lion are being mates. If I may, shall we curl up together and help the Jayden with her Dreams?}

{One thanks you.}

And that, as they say, was that.

****************   
To: lorinwolf@egroups.com   
Subject: [lorinwolf] RM 6 1/2

*****************************************   
Qui-Gon has been awake for nearly six months now and I still cannot contain those inner shudders at watching him sleep. Sometimes I forget that he's been awake and I find myself writing here, in my journal about my day -- a day that he's been there to share with me --awake.

He tells me not to feel silly about it but sometimes I can't help that flare of embarrassment that comes of forgetting. For so long my universe was contained within the thin screen and what I could commit to memory therein. It seems odd to change that, to go back to living after that long time of waiting.

Maybe because I'm still waiting. Waiting for Jess to come back to me, waiting for the right time to take on the Emperor, waiting for the time that I can really mourn the loss of Rilka-ki. It's something, despite my words and outward calm to the contrary that I don't want to let go. She was my best friend in those years I was alone and kept me on track with one sharp remark at the right time in the years afterward. The same function that Master Yoda provides for Qui-Gon, I suppose. And I miss that terribly and I think I always will. Jess is not the only one with a hole in his heart where she used to live.

******************************

Qui-Gon stirred and rolled over. Still half asleep he reached for Obi-Wan, only to encounter empty sheets. That woke him the rest of the way and he sat up, spotting his lover at the commsole across the room. "Still have trouble sleeping while I am?" he asked softly.

Obi-Wan didn't answer directly. He closed down whatever he was working on, straightened his robe and then stood. "Tea?"

"If you're making some for yourself," Qui-Gon answered, suppressing a sigh. He got out of bed and came over so he could wrap his arms around Obi-Wan from behind. "I wish there was something I could do to help."

"There isn't. It will get better or it won't."

He knew that was the truth but still... "Doesn't stop me from wanting to help."

"You dream and drift away from me as you sleep. I wake up." Obi-Wan shrugged.

"Do you want to go back to sleeping in shifts?"

"We do that anyway, depending on who we run across and what our duties are."

"More often than not lately that means I sleep and you work." Qui-Gon sighed and leaned over to kiss Obi-Wan's cheek. "I don't mind sometimes watching over your dreams when that is what you need."

With a soft sigh Obi-Wan nodded. "Then I suppose we can go back to bed."

[There is something to be said for sitting with your head in my lap, watching you sleep.]

[As you wish, master.]

He turned them so he could see Obi-Wan's eyes, wanting to be sure his mate was just not humoring him. "What do you wish, love?"

It wasn't humoring, it was resignation. "I'm rested enough to get through the day. I think you sleep enough for both of us. An aspect of the bond perhaps."

"Perhaps." He let go of his attempt to make Obi-Wan rest, taking the man at his word. "What do you want to do with the hours we have before ship's morning?"

"I usually read or do katas." His lover gave him an amused glance. "Or watch you sleep."

"We could snuggle on the couch and read to each other, or do katas together." He returned the amused glance. "Or I could pretend to sleep so you could ogle me."

"You don't need to be asleep for me to do that." Obi-Wan stretched and was about to answer when the door chime sounded.

It was Jess. "You said I could visit anytime," the knight said hesitantly.

"Of course." Qui-Gon came forward quickly. "Please, come in."

Obi-Wan retreated slightly. "I was just making something to drink, would you care for a cup?"

Clearly startled by the civility of the welcome Jess nodded. "That would be nice."

"We were up anyway," Obi-Wan explained.

"I guess none of us sleep much anymore." Jess's voice was laden with all sorts of pain.

It was Obi-Wan's turn to nod. "Well, except for the felinoids."

"I think I've been disappointing some of the younger ones," Qui-Gon commented, sitting on the couch and gesturing for Jess to join him. "My Napping abilities now are not living up to my reputation."

"You were definitely their counted upon spot for a soft and warm place to rest. Obi-Wan was also known for keeping treats for those that watched over his mate. It made for some very loyal watchers."

"I know." Smiling, Qui-Gon recounted how occasionally one of the felinoids would come up to him and ask hopefully if he was Feeling at all Tired and in Need of a Nap.

Jess chuckled. "And I'm guessing you tell them no and offer lap or shoulder space instead?"

"Along with one of the treats I've had to start carrying around with me."

Obi-Wan returned with the tea and then retreated again. "I'm going to go get some sleep while I can."

Qui-Gon sent a wordless burst of feeling through their link along with his quietly voiced, "Thank you." Then he turned his attention back to Jess.

Jess didn't seem too surprised at the distant wording or Obi-Wan's behavior. "We've drifted apart the last few years."

"You both had your own pain to deal with."

"True. So, speaking of drifting apart and not that we could help it with your naps, but would you like to talk?" That quiet desperation sharpened the edges of Jess's soft voice.

He smiled faintly, encouragingly. "Very much so."

"What's going on? You weren't the only one who has been caught in their own world for a while."

"I think we all were in one way or the other." Sitting back on the couch, Qui-Gon began to relate some of the more lighthearted anecdotes of life on the Rill in the last few months.   
Halfway through his fourth story Jayden wandered out and without speaking a word, settled herself in her father's lap. Qui-Gon didn't falter in the tale he was telling but couldn't keep from smiling as he watched Jess wrap his arms around his daughter. A moment later they were joined by m'wan and r'val, settling in the respective laps of their owned humans.

"Well, it would appear it's story hour," Jess murmured when Qui-Gon paused to drink some of his tea.

"Indeed," he agreed. "Does anyone else have anything they'd like to share?"

Jayden yawned hugely. "Not anything that wouldn't get me in trouble with Master Obi-Wan."

m'wan offered to tell her story of pouncing the Anakin-Knight at dinner last night.

Qui-Gon gestured at the small felinoid. "I yield the floor."

All the adults listened patiently as she told her little story of sneaking up behind him as he was eating his Obi-Wan dessert, the dark cake spongy thing that was bad for felinoid fur. And she waited until he was talking to the other Humans and waving his hands around when she did her best r'val stalk and Leap. His Obi-Wan dessert had gone flying across the room along with the nice Dish when she'd put her cold paws on his Neck. Huffing with felinoid laughter, m'wan finished her story with the account of her fast Escape under the Tables and out the Door.

"Well told," Qui-Gon complimented with a warm smile.

m'wan thanked the Lion and wondered if perhaps he had any pouncing stories he could tell to her?

The first few that came to mind weren't really the kind that he could share in mixed company. "Umm..."

She pouted at him. How was she supposed to learn to pounce a mate properly if no one told her?

r'val stirred and told his daughter that when the right felinoid came along pouncing would come naturally.

With another pout she turned in a tight circle and huffed again.

Jess winked at Qui-Gon. "Perhaps Obi-Wan would be willing to give you pouncing lessons."

"He is quite good at it," Qui-Gon admitted. "Perhaps I should see if he's awake and wants to share a few stories of his own?"

m'wan asked if she might pounce the Obi-Wan, just to get him in the right mood for the stories.

"You think that will get him in the right mood?"

With a shy purr she admitted that she had not yet added the Obi-Wan to her list of People who had been Pounced by Herself, m'wan.

"And you think this would be a good chance to try and rectify that?"

She purred again, affirmatively.

Qui-Gon gestured at the bedroom door. "Far be it for me to stand in your way then."

With a decisive twitch of her tail she got up and slinked towards the bedroom, disappearing through the shadowed doorway.

Jess's smile was a small one but genuine. "Brave little creature, isn't she?"

"Brave and determined," Qui-Gon agreed. "And eager to prove herself."

There was a soft thufump sound followed by a tiny mew and then m'wan was seen floating back out into the main room.

r'val mrred softly. The Obi-Wan obviously was still awake.

m'wan mewed a yes and the moment her paws touched the floor she headed for Jayden's room -- to, um, work on her fur.

Out of respect, they held their laughter until the tiny felinoid had disappeared.

Jayden giggled. "My turn!" And then she made a got up and made a noisy run into the bedroom. There was a semi-startled ooof and then *she* was floating back out into the living room, still giggling madly.

"Definitely still awake," Qui-Gon observed with a smile.

"He's stretched out on the bed, reading." She raised her voice. "Something boring probably."

Obi-Wan's voice carried back, "Keep it up and I'll make you read it."

Qui-Gon gently set r'val on the couch beside him and rose to his feet. "I believe this is something that requires a master's skill."

Jayden's eyes widened. "You're going to pounce Master Obi-Wan?"

"Someone has to."

She nodded. "Should we help or stay out here?"

"I'll call if I need reinforcements."

"Ha!" Came from his daring lifemate.

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "I think I've been challenged."

"Double ha!"

Turning to the others, Qui-Gon said with utmost dignity, "If you will excuse me for a few moments..."

Jess waved him on, eyes sparkling as Obi-Wan called out 'triple ha!' from the safety of his bed. Carrying that image in the forefront of his mind, Qui-Gon went to pounce his mate.

******************************

I'm glad we had time for a bit of fun the other morning. It was the only bright spot these last few days. The confirmation we've been dreading came in. Definite news that Orath is headed for Garos IV so we're in a race to at least catch him there, if we can't get there before him and defend our adopted home.

Jess has retreated again, but not as far as last time. He is at least talking to us and I know that Jayden is thrilled by it. It's the father she barely remembers but all it does for me is highlight how much of Rilka's light shone on us all, to see Jess back and that hole still there. It's just sharply defined now. We should be at Garos by the end of the ship's day and everyone is strung tight with the waiting. Kae was already on planet with the initiates and Jess can't reach her.

I'm worried.

*******************

Qui-Gon stood at the back of the bridge, watching the activity as they prepared to come out of hyperspace. He probably should have been somewhere else, there wasn't anything he could do here, but he needed to see. Needed to know as soon as he could.

Obi-Wan was leaning forward in his chair, peering forward like he could see through time itself. With a sudden whoop of joy he was on his feet. "We made it in time. Anakin deploy forward batteries; prepare to fire into quadrants through the minute we break out of hyperspace. Wide spectrum. Helm, three seconds after the shots are away swing us around on a heading of twelve degrees. Orders to the laser gunners, fire at *anything that lights up their screen, we won't have anyone friendly in the vicinity."

Obi-Wan turned to him and Jess. "He's here and we'll arrive about a minute before he's ready to start the planetary bombardment. You need to keep him from giving any orders while we whittle his detachment down to something manageable."

Qui-Gon glanced at Jess, then nodded and answered for both of them. "We will do what we must."

"I don't care if you turn his brains to pudding but we can't handle the frigate and the fighters at the same time. Stop him." He moved forward, standing between the pilot and co-pilot. "Fifteen seconds."

Moving closer to Jess, Qui-Gon asked in a low voice, "Are you ready for this?"

"Of course not but then what else was I trained for but the unexpected."

He gave an encouraging squeeze to Jess' shoulder and tentatively reached out to touch the other's mind. Darker than he remembered but still familiar. Like silver shot quartz his mind had a solid heavy weight that reverberated and spoke to him at an elemental level of Jess Lashar, artist and Jedi Knight. It was a strength you could rely on, that would always shine through in a crisis. For a few seconds Qui-Gon just let their surface thoughts entwine and merge, so that when they directed them outward they would be united. Jess's thoughts were calm, focused -- at least for the moment. He was ready.

Distantly, Qui-Gon heard his mate give the order to drop out of hyperspace. The blackness of Orath's darkened mind touched them like a spider web catches on the skin. The instinctive reaction was to pull away but they couldn't do that this time. As one they surged forward, bracketing the oily darkness between them. Subduing it and caging it in. It was like holding water in your hands, bits and pieces kept slipping away, fighting that confinement.

Again, as if from a great distance he could hear Obi-Wan speaking, ordering the attacks but there would be no relief quite yet from their heavy burden. Qui-Gon drew on the strength that had kept him from fading during those six long years and surged forward even more, compacting Orath's spirit between himself and the hard wall that was Jess. He would not be able to keep it up for long but he wouldn't have to.

Orath fought like the wild animal he had apparently degenerated into over the last eight years. Battering against them over and over. Gone was that terrible focus he had used against Obi-Wan in their lightsaber battle, this was a man pushed into insanity. There was a huge physical jolt to the Rill, scattering all of the combatants’ attention for a moment, breaking apart their miniature war.

Qui-Gon and Jess raised their shared vision to stare out the viewport and see Orath's ship bearing down on them at a terrible speed, taking every hit the Rill could throw at her and keep coming. A terrible monstrous thing driven by another one. The crew of the Rill had fallen silent when they'd see it. Seen that ship which had come to signify everything that had gone wrong with the Republic. The ship and the man that had killed the spirit at the heart of their ship.

Obi-Wan's voice carried easily over the sounds of the guns. "For Rilka."

Everything they had left fired over and over, concentrated on that one speck of light on the enemy ship, the bridge. They never wavered from their course, if they died avenging her and ridding the universe of this darkness, so be it. The ship growing larger in their viewport shuddered and bucked under their attack, just as the diseased mind did under Qui-Gon and Jess' continued pressure.

"Anakin, the bridge if you would." Obi-Wan's voice was calm, almost serene.

"Yes, general."

That tiny speck of light bloomed into a vast chromatic rainbow, glaringly bright as the final wave of missiles converged, guided there by Anakin's Force ability. A shriek of denial rang through Qui-Gon's mind, born of rage, pain and insanity. The dark spirit gibbered and struggled against his and Jess' grip frantically, sensing its destruction heading for it. The missiles impacted and the spirit within *bent* and curved inward, hiding.

The enemy ship wavered, falling off its course, the Rill immediately diverted to follow but they had to turn, curving to meet the new trajectory. Bits of the Orath's vessel were breaking off and the tiny ice streams of frozen air were puffing out of the cracks, like blood from a broken scab. Tighter and faster they turned but Orath's ship somehow managed a miracle, they vanished into hyperspace as the main guns on the Rill were finally within their firing arc.

It was too late. Orath was gone and taken his firepower with him. Qui-Gon felt as much as heard Jess' curse as their quarry slipped through their mental fingers.

"Excellent work," Obi-Wan told the crew. "Prepare my shuttle to go to the surface. Someone get the healer up here for Masters Jinn and Lashar."

"I'm all right," Qui-Gon protested, the words feeling strange on his lips.

"Right. Anakin -- grab Jess." Obi-Wan came up behind him, arms going around his upper body before Qui-Gon's knees could buckle under.

[I am,] he argued mentally, even as he gave in and let his mate hold him up. [Just need a moment or two to find my center.]

[Of course you do.] Obi-Wan nuzzled his ear. [Think of me as a convenient wall to lean against.]

[Walls rarely feel as good as you do.]

That made Obi-Wan chuckle softly, his breath warming Qui-Gon's clammy skin. [Thank you.]

He felt his mate feeding him energy and with that and his own draw on the Force, Qui-Gon managed to get his feet under him again, gingerly standing on his own, but not moving from Obi-Wan's arms quite yet.

"You have approximately one minute to be strong enough to stand on your own or I'm carrying you to the shuttle," his lifemate whispered, teasing. "I'm not going to be late to dinner at the temple."

"Can't have that," he murmured back, firming up his balance and taking a step away from Obi-Wan's sheltering embrace. "Jess?"

Jess was just staring out the window at Garos with a faint smile. His voice had a softness they hadn't seen outside of Rilka and Jayden's presence ever. "I owe nothing to him anymore. My memories and my life are my own and my family -- my family is here."

"Yes, we are." Qui-Gon stepped to his side and rested a hand on Jess' shoulder. "Welcome back."

"He still needs to die, but as a diseased branch cut from the limb of a tree so it doesn't infect the rest." Jess's lips curved up in a rueful smile. "Blow him up was terribly uncouth of me."

Obi-Wan's smile answered it. "We tried though, per your request."

"Blew up most of the ship around him," Anakin put in. "That should count for something."

"It does. It gives Rill the satisfaction of giving him a bloody nose. Something she always wanted to do."

Anakin nodded. "That and to kick him in the-"

"A-HEM," Obi-Wan interrupted with a significant glance towards the door where Jayden was charging in.

"You did it!" Jayden threw herself into Obi-Wan's arms, then just as quickly hugged Qui-Gon and her father.

"Ready to go home, padawan?"

She nodded enthusiastically.

"Grab my pack and let's go." Obi-Wan grabbed her hand and then headed off the bridge, calling as he went, "If you're coming...."

Qui-Gon glanced at the others. "I think we better hurry if we don't want to be left behind."

"Obi-Wan is definitely in general mode," Anakin said as he slipped on his cloak.

"Deservedly so," Qui-Gon said, picking up his own.

To: lorinwolf@egroups.com   
Subject: [lorinwolf] RM 6 2/2

cont'd from part 1   
***************************************   
When they got to the shuttle, Jayden ushered them into their seats and then went forward to sit with her master as he prepared for takeoff. t'lya, rarely seen these days, along with a sizable contingent of felinoids made it onto the shuttle before the hatch closed. Everyone ended up with at least two of the small creatures on their laps. r'val mewwed at Qui-Gon, a tad desperately, leaping onto the wing and pressing his face to a porthole.

"One moment, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon asked, triggering the hatch with the Force, opening it just far enough and long enough for the russet felinoid to scramble aboard.

"Mew mrr," r'val huffed, panting as he leaped into Qui-Gon's lap. He had been Elsewhere and thanked the Lion for Waiting for Himself.

"It is Right and Proper for you to be here," he answered, brushing a hand over the small furry head.

r'val purred his thanks again as the shuttle powered up and then turned to clear the Rill's landing bay. Obi-Wan piloted them into a long approach orbit, letting Garos fill the viewports but he didn't bring them in to land at the temple, instead he headed a bit west, the fields turning into rolling hills and finally the mountains of Rill's ancestral home.   
Obi-Wan landed in the basin that had been the site of the fire, of clan gatherings.

Qui-Gon let out a breath as they touched down. Home. It was a word that for most of his life hadn't held much meaning, not the way that it did now. Garos was the first place he'd chosen, the first place that had called to his heart. Being back now, after all these years... it felt like a completion of sorts.

Everyone waited, even after the hatch had opened to get off the shuttle, all eyes were fixed on him or Jess. He glanced over at the younger knight. "Shall we?" he asked quietly.

Jess nodded and stepped to the edge of the ramp. That did it for the felinoids and Jayden, they burst past him in excitement, running onto the grass.

Qui-Gon stopped beside Obi-Wan's seat and held out a hand to his mate. [Together?]

[As you wish, love.]

[Side by side we left and that is how we should return.] He smiled as Obi-Wan took his hand and walked with him to the hatch.

Jess and Anakin had preceded them, standing on the grass and watching with indulgent smiles as Jayden giggled and rolled on the verdant carpet of greenery. Only the faintest scars remained of the fire from years before on the few big trees. The area had recovered, much as they had, slowly.

Obi-Wan broke away from him long enough to scoop his padawan up over one shoulder. "Come on, I want to show everyone something."

Exchanging glances among themselves, Qui-Gon and the others followed. In the little hollow that Qui-Gon's memory said they said they spread their blanket on each year was a large flat river stone, smoothed by rippling water. Etched onto it's surface and then filled with durasteel was Rilka's name, the span of her life and the words 'Beloved Friend'.

"I had it done so those who came after would not forget. I wanted to remember her. She'd probably tell me that the secret of the Jedi Order was out for good. That we truly are all hopeless sappy romantics."

"Most likely." Qui-Gon stared at the simple memorial, remembering the woman that had been so important to all of them. "She would like this, I think." He smiled faintly. "Though she would never admit it."

With a solemn nod Obi-Wan gave his pack to Jayden. "You can give it to them now."

Uncertainty filled her big brown eyes, but she opened the pack and pulled out a matte finished silver tube, five of her hand spans long and a big enough around that her fingers barely touched when she held it out to her father.

"'B and I got this after Mamma's accident. I wanted to keep part of her close."

Expression unreadable, Jess reached out to take it from her. "What...?"

"It's from her ship. See?" Jayden opened the container and dipped her fingers into it; they came out covered in bright silver and ebon dust.

Qui-Gon could see the full body tremor that went through Jess, and stepped forward to take the container from his white knuckled grip.

In a very small voice she added, "We thought you might want to spread them here. I'm sorry." She retreated to Obi-Wan's side, pressing herself up against her master. "She was my mamma. I wanted something."

Jess took a deep breath and moved to kneel in front of Jayden so he was eye to eye with his daughter. "I know. It's all right. I just-" His voice trembled and broke.

"Was surprised." She reached out and patted his cheek. "Love you, Da."

He managed a shaky smile. "Love you too, Jay," he told her, pulling her into a tight hug.

Eventually she pulled back, wiping away the tears on Jess's cheeks. "Would you like to keep her for a while?"

After a brief hesitation, he nodded mutely.

She gave him a serious look. "Let me know if you change your mind. 'B and I can watch over her longer."

"She would be proud of you," Jess said softly. It was the first time, as far as Qui-Gon knew that he had spoken of Rill to their daughter.

"Really?"

Jess nodded. "Really. So am I."

"Thank you, Da." She gave him a tight hug around the neck. He hugged her back just as tightly.

Obi-Wan gave the group a half bow. "I better see to the felinoids before they all vanish into the hills. Excuse me."

Qui-Gon exchanged looks with Anakin, handed over the precious container and went after Obi-Wan. He wanted to give Jess and Jayden some time and his own emotions were closer to the surface than he was used to. His lifemate hadn't gone far. He was settled on the grass, t'lya curled up on his lap while r'val stalked around grass nearby.

Wordlessly, Qui-Gon sat beside him, close enough that their shoulders touched. Obi-Wan gave him a long look, love and faint concern washing across the bond before turning back to watch their small furry companions take in what Garos IV had to offer them.

"Things were so different the last time we were here," Qui-Gon mused as he looked around them.

"Not so different," Obi-Wan murmured, being contrary and true to his nature.

"The fire razed this entire area. Yet you wouldn't be able to tell from looking at it now."

"Nature, and the Force, renews itself."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "I guess I'm proof of that myself."

"You both needed time, just like Jess did."

"It is good to see him reaching out again."

Obi-Wan smiled. "He's been moving towards it for a while. Good to have him back with us."

"Very good." He slid his arm around Obi-Wan's waist and leaned against him. "It makes the absences all the more noticeable though."

"Yes." His lifemate sighed. "But then there are days that Jayden does something and it feels like she's saying Rilka's words for her."

"Maybe she is." He smiled fondly, thinking of their lost friend. "I wouldn't put it past her, would you?"

"I put absolutely nothing past her. However, Jayden is as much her own person as Rill was."

"Absolutely."

"But when she looks at me, narrows her eyes and says I'm being stuffy...it does make me wonder."

Qui-Gon gave his mate's braid a playful tug. "Someone has to keep you from being stuffy."

"You mean besides this one?" Obi-Wan held up his felinoid who purred at them both winsomely.

"Someone to do so when t'lya is busy Napping and Chasing Things."

t'lya commented that her time Napping vastly outweighed her time Chasing Things anymore.

"As befits the matriarch of such a proud and... fluffy... family," Qui-Gon told her with a smile.

t'lya thanked the Lion and then wiggled out of Obi-Wan's hands to join her mate and Bask in the Sun.

Qui-Gon sat quietly with Obi-Wan for a few minutes, watching the felinoids. "It feels strange," he finally said, breaking the silence, thinking out loud.

"What does?"

"Being here, like this. We've been running in the shadow of disaster for days now."

"We'll be off again in a few hours, as soon as the Rill is fully stocked." Obi-Wan pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them. "Orath, or whatever is left of his crew will get news to the Emperor we are here."

The thought of any of that darkness touching their home was more than unsettling. "Even though we've succeeded, this place may still pay the price."

"The Emperor is not willing to take on Master Yoda face to face."

Qui-Gon smiled at the mention of his master. "I can't help thinking this would all end quickly if that happened."

"Ready to see him before we go off-planet?"

"Of course." His smile widened. "Give him a chance to thump me for getting injured."

"We'll see if Jess and the rest of them want to come with us, or stay here."

He nodded and got to his feet. "Jess will probably want to see Kae."

"As you wish, of course." Obi-Wan gave a low whistle, calling the felinoids to him and then headed down the hill to the shuttle.

Ten minutes later they were landing at the temple. Out of the view port, Qui-Gon could see the familiar figures waiting for them at the edge of the landing area. Master Yoda and Knight G'Tal stood together, holding their hoods tightly against the wind of the shuttle's landing. Again everyone seemed to wait for him and Jess to move first. Qui-Gon exchanged a half amused, half rueful glance with the knight as they both got up and headed for the hatch, the others finally beginning to move behind them.

Obi-Wan stayed aboard the shuttle. "I have to organize the Alliance for our next move. Everyone needs to be back in two hours."

"Need any help?" Anakin asked him.

"If you like." Obi-Wan smiled wryly at Qui-Gon. "Master Yoda and I have had quite a few disagreements recently. It's better if we don't get into them again."

There sounded like there was a bit of a story there and Qui-Gon made a mental note to ask about it. Later. "I will give him your regards."

"I doubt he would accept them, but please -- pass them along."

Definitely a story. He nodded. "Two hours," he repeated and stepped out of the shuttle to face his master for the first time in over six years.

Yoda look so much older than six years could account for. His hair, what little there was left of it was pure white but his grip on his gimer stick was as tight as ever. "Greet me properly, you will!"

Keeping his face carefully blank, Qui-Gon gracefully dropped to one knee in front of him. "My master," he murmured.

Yoda's clawed fingers rested on his shoulder for a moment before withdrawing. "Welcome, my padawan."

"It is good to see you again."

"Good to see you as well. Obi-Wan took far too long to accomplish such a simple thing."

Jayden's inhale of breath was enough to catch everyone's attention and if it hadn't been the stamp of her foot on the tarmac was. "Master Yod---" Abruptly she shut up, darting a glance up the ramp where Obi-Wan stood in the shadows.

"On the contrary," Qui-Gon said, keeping his tone pleasant though unable to keep the edge totally out of his voice, "what Obi-Wan's accomplished is nothing short of phenomenal, especially considering he's done most of it with half a soul."

"When eight hundred years experience you have, argue with me you can."

He lifted an eyebrow. "That's never stopped me before."

Yoda gave him a dark look and then turned, walking away from him. Sighing, Qui-Gon climbed back to his feet. Long experience had taught him that the grumpier Yoda was the more upset he really was and hiding it. He glanced back at Obi-Wan briefly before going after his master. "Gone far too long you were. Your padawan is very rash," Yoda grumbled, poking at the small plants that lined the path.

Falling into step beside him, Qui-Gon replied, "He's done what he's had to do to save as much as he could."

"Refused to bring you back, when I asked."

Ah. He was beginning to see. "He is my bondmate. Do you truly think he wouldn't do whatever he could to get me back?"

"Said he knew you weren't ready. How does he know more about you than I? I raised you. *He* did not. Upstart."

"I wasn't ready," he replied as gently as he could. "I'm sorry."

"Would not even come here so I could see for myself. Stayed away." Yoda whacked at the plascrete and it cracked under his touch.

"Would you have respected his wishes if he had brought me here?"

"Healed you, I could."

This was the crux of it, Qui-Gon knew. "It wasn't a physical injury. Could you have healed such a wound in my soul?"

"You are my padawan. Your soul was given into my keeping when thirteen you were."

Qui-Gon knelt in front of his master once again. "I'm here now. Look now and see if you still think Obi-Wan was wrong." He cast his eyes at the ground as he lowered his defenses.

Yoda's touch was not very deft, almost clumsy as he drove into Qui-Gon's mind, seeking answers. Qui-Gon flinched at the heavy-handed touch but did not pull back, remaining open to his master's searching presence. Further and further in he went, searching for the answers to his questions. Suddenly Obi-Wan was there. Mentally standing between Yoda and Qui-Gon's minds. Off balance, Qui-Gon 'reached' for his bondmate's presence.

Obi-Wan's presence grew stronger and his words tumbled from Qui-Gon's lips. "Enough Master Yoda. You have your answer."

It was a strange sensation, feeling himself speak with no conscious direction. But because it was Obi-Wan it wasn't an uncomfortable one.

His lifemate retreated then to his usual background presence. [Sorry, love but I'm not going to let him bully us now either.]

He sent a wordless pulse of love back to Obi-Wan before turning his attention to Yoda. "Master?"

Yoda's eyes were filled with great sadness. "You should go, Qui-Gon."

"Master..."

"Belong to Obi-Wan, you do. Belong *with* Obi-Wan."

Qui-Gon nodded. That had never been in doubt. "That doesn't change anything between us. You are still my master."

"But not allowed to help. Moved beyond me you have."

"There's all kinds of help," he said gently.

"Hrumph." Yoda turned away, staring at the horizon. "Like what, hmm?"

"Advice, affection." He smiled faintly. "A kick in the butt when needed."

"Butt too high off the ground, yes. Whack you with my stick instead."

Qui-Gon's smile widened. "Some things never change."

"Old fart I am."

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "Age brings experience and wisdom," he said diplomatically.

"Far more diplomatic than your mate, you are."

"Obi-Wan's talents lie in slightly different areas."

"It's good he has you to be diplomatic for him."

"We bring out the best in each other."

"You do," Yoda replied grudgingly.

"My master was wise enough to see that long before we did," Qui-Gon said, glancing sideways at Yoda.

"Came back to haunt me, it did." Yoda could clearly see the irony in his machinations twenty years later.

"Scheming often does." He faced his master again. "But for this particular scheme I owe you a debt I can never repay."

A smile lit up his master's face. "You can try."

He smiled back. "Did you have something particular in mind?"

"Bring me plants, did you?"

"Um...not exactly."

"Bring me tea?"

"Well..."

"What did you bring?"

"Felinoids," Qui-Gon told him, thinking of small tribe that had come with them. "Lots -- and lots -- of felinoids."

Yoda's ears went flat.

"We could probably send to the Rill for some tea," he offered. t'lya and r'val trotted up, looking slightly disgruntled by the small bags strapped onto them. r'val explained that the Obi-Wan had sent them. Qui-Gon unstrapped the bag from r'val and held it out to his master. "It seems that request has been anticipated."

"Not totally without diplomacy, is Master Kenobi." Yoda looked into the bag. "Fresh tea."

"He knows your likes as well as I do."

t'lya wiggled out of her straps and small packets of seeds, labeled in Obi-Wan's distinctive and ornate handwriting, cascaded out of the bag. And contingency planning was one of his mate's strengths, Qui-Gon thought to himself, sending another wave of affection along their bond. She mewwed at them both and then headed back to the shuttle to get her cream.

"Master?" Qui-Gon asked, when Yoda continued to be silent.

"Underestimate your lifemate I do, far too often."

"Many often do. Including Obi-Wan himself."

Obi-Wan gently poked at him. [Now that he's in a good mood ask how many felinoids he wants.]

*************   
To: lorinwolf@egroups.com   
Subject: [lorinwolf] RM 7 1/1

**********************   
We did end up leaving fifteen felinoids behind on Garos IV. I'm beginning to think they are going to own the universe by the time we've actually got it in some sort of order. Frightening thought.... The order that is, not the felinoids. Rather than try the impossible chase after Orath we're going directly to Alderaan to pick up supplies, change out some personnel and get reinforcements for our Fleet. From there we are going to head for Endor, where the Emperor is building some sort of base.

*****************

Once again Qui-Gon was standing at the back of the bridge, waiting for them to come out of hyperspace. This time was much less tense however. Not a battle waiting for them, but allies. Rest and resupply.

Obi-Wan glanced at him. [We should be able to spread our felinoid supply out here too. Bail's felinoid is apparently pushing him for a mate.]

Qui-Gon smiled. [We have quite a selection for him to pick from.]

[If this goes badly t'lya wants as many of her children to live as possible.]

That wiped the smile from his face, reminding him of the seriousness of their situation. [The Force willing, such precautions will prove unnecessary.]

[She worries.] Obi-Wan shrugged. [I'd rather not have a bald felinoid.]

[That would be a very pitiful sight.]

[Did this morning's meditation prepare you for dealing with Queen Amidala?]

[As much as anything could.] Qui-Gon was unsure if there was a way to truly be prepared. Still, he had to try and help, try and reach her.

[Will you need me for that?]

[I don't know,] he answered honestly.

[Then I should go with you.]

He smiled faintly. [I will not say no.]

[I will arrange for others to handle the resupply then.] Obi-Wan got up and stretched. [I should change into the proper uniform.]

Qui-Gon looked over his mate's body in the tight general uniform. [It is up to you of course, but I do like the way you look in the blacks.]

[Of course, love. I just don't want to get shot at.]

[You can hide behind me.]

[That should be fun.]

[Somehow I thought you'd like that.] He threw a smile Obi-Wan's way.

They came out of hyperspace and the vast globe of Alderaan shimmered into view. The usual flurry of activity started, putting them into high orbit. Hundreds of other ships were arriving and leaving around them in prepartion for the attack. Alderaan was not the rallying point, but one of a dozen resupply stations. Here the Rill would get any last repairs, drop off all the non-combatants and then lead the attack on Endor's moon. Qui-Gon waited patiently for Obi-Wan to give his final orders on the bridge. Finally even his General ran out of things to say and with a sheepish smile, joined him. "Sorry."

"You are the General," he replied, dismissing the apology as unneeded.

"Then I'm allowed to take the commlink with me?"

Qui-Gon chuckled. "Yes, love. I would not cut you off from your command."

"Thank you." They met up with their usual team of people to go down to the surface with a few additions: Anakin, Jess, Jayden, Anakin's twins, and of course a small pack of felinoids.

"Ready?" Qui-Gon asked, watching Anakin especially closely.

"Of course, master." Anakin settled into his seat, Leia in his lap while Luke cuddled up with Jess.

The children were both practically vibrating with excitement, especially Leia. Qui-Gon smiled at her as he buckled in, Jayden settling in by his side. A long hour later, after circling in traffic for ages, they finally landed at the palace. It had taken Obi-Wan and Bail threatening to disband the Spacers Union to get them on the ground that quickly. In fact they mutually grumbled and growled at each other as the ramp went down and they met in person for the first time in five years. Vague hand-wavings and shaken fists punctuated the statements before they both turned and started heading into the palace proper. Qui-Gon exchanged amused glances with Jayden as they and the others fell in behind, giving Obi-Wan and Bail time to finish grumbling and notice the rest of them.

Bail stopped when they got to the doors. "Oh good, you followed us. Qui-Gon -- you look rested."

"Considering the length of my 'nap' I would hope that I would," he responded with a smile, holding his hand out to his friend. "It is good to see you."

Bail grasped it firmly. "Excellent to see you. I'm sure Obi-Wan is far more bearable now."

He glanced teasingly at his mate. "When you don't keep him waiting in traffic."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Don't get me started again."

"Did you stop?"

His lifemate sniffed discretely. "Let me introduce my padawan officially. Prince Bail Organa, this is my padawan Jayden Lashar. I believe you know her father Master Jess Lashar already."

"Your highness," Jayden said respectfully, bowing formally.

"Nice to meet you, padawan."

Bail turned to the twins. "And these two have grown meters since I saw them last."

Leia moved forward and held out her arms imperiously. "Hugs, Papa."

Bail nodded seriously and swung her up into his arms. "Good to see you, Leia. Have you been well?"

She nodded seriously. "Uh huh."

"As talkative as ever I see." Bail gave Anakin a smile. "Knight Skywalker."

Anakin nodded at him. "Prince Organa." A pause and then he asked quietly, "How is she?"

"A bit better. She remembers inviting the Gungans into the legislature now."

The ghost of hope flickered in Anakin's blue eyes and Qui-Gon reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "We'd like to visit with her if she's up to it."

"Certainly. Let's get the younger ones to the gardens and then we'll visit our favorite lady."

They moved further into the palace complex and, leaving Jess to watch over the children in the gardens, followed Bail to the apartments that had been given to Amidala. Obi-Wan had prepared Qui-Gon as best he could for the former Queen of Naboo's state of mind, but nothing quite matched the reality of seeing her. Older, filled out and indubitiably a woman, her eyes held an old terror to them in the shadows, pushed there by her willed ignorance. She turned and her expression brightened. "Prince Bail -- Obi-Wan!"

Qui-Gon hung back with Anakin, feeling the pain that rolled off his former padawan.

"So good of you to visit me. How is the kitten I gave you doing?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Quite well, highness. I predict that she'll have many kittens of her own in the future." With a light touch to her elbow, Obi-Wan captured Amidala's wandering attention. "I brought someone to see you. Do you remember Knight Skywalker?"

She frowned as for a brief second something passed over her face, but it was gone as quick as it had appeared. "You are a friend of Obi-Wan's?" she asked Anakin politely.

"Yes, lady," he replied truthfully. "For many years."

She held out a hand to him. "It is my pleasure to meet you, Knight Skywalker."

"A singluar honor, majesty." Anakin bowed over her hand and then laid a light kiss on it.

Obi-Wan gestured Qui-Gon forward, not introducing him -- seeing if she would remember.

"Your majesty," he greeted her with a small bow, meeting her eyes.

"Master Jinn, you're looking well!" She stepped forward and whispered. "I'm glad to see you and Obi-Wan fully recovered."

"Thank you, your majesty," he replied, giving her a brief hug.

"So, what brings all these handsome men to come visit me, hmm?"

"The lure of your presence is reason enough, dear lady," Qui-Gon told her.

She laughed, delight lighting up her face. "Thank you, Master Jinn, for the compliment."

"Merely the truth." He took her hand and led her to a nearby couch. "So tell us about what you've been doing."

"I've been taking a short break from my rulership from Naboo. Staying here and partaking of Alderaan's hospitality."

"It is a good place to rest," Qui-Gon agreed, watching her face closely when he added, "To recover."

"I have been very tired." Her eyes drifted away from him and she tried to get up, go back to standing in front of the windows.

Qui-Gon kept hold of her hand, gently but firmly keeping her in place. "It's no wonder. You've been carrying a heavy burden."

"I have?"

"The weight of responsibility is never light."

"It is my duty." She shrugged, her vision track over to Anakin for a moment and then back to the gardens.

Carefully, Qui-Gon prodded, "Sometimes it can help to talk about it. Sharing the burden almost always lightens it."

"You are quite familiar with duty, Jedi Master. I shouldn't need to tell you about my burdens."

"You would not be the first ruler to do so." He paused then added, "Or the first friend."

"I hardly know you to do such a thing."

"Do you have someone else you can talk to?"

"There was someone but he's gone away." Anakin, the boy.

He could feel Ani's pain from across the room. "Not as far as you might think," he said softly.

"I'm fine with the way things are. It's quiet here."

"Life is rarely quiet," Qui-Gon agreed, thinking back on his own retreat from everything.

"So why did you really come? While I agree I can be fascinating, I am not worthy of the attention of four very busy men."

"We miss you." He paused and, taking a chance, added, "Ani misses you."

"How is he?" Her eyes lit up at the mention. "I think someday I would like to share my life with him, if you don't mind my saying so."

It took an effort not to look over at Anakin. "I don't believe I am betraying any confidences if I tell you he feels the same way."

"He's doing well then in his studies? I know that he wants so badly to please you and be a good Jedi."

"He's more than lived up to all of my expectations." He didn't have to force the smile on his face. "And he is a very good Jedi indeed."

"Pass on my regards, when you see him next."

A sudden idea ocurred to Qui-Gon. "Why don't you write him? I'll make sure he gets the letter."

"Certainly. I'll do it this evening."

He took her hand, sinking into himself then reaching out with the Force towards her, searching for any sign of taint or damage. There was no immediate sign of damage beyond the pervasive mental fog that muffled the young woman's thoughts. Keeping his touch gentle and light he ventured deeper, being careful not to cause her any discomfort that he could avoid.

She was looking out at the garden again, her thoughts on how it was growing and in some part of her mind she knew she'd been here a long time. The thought faded again and she was merely watching the wind move the leaves and branches about.

He went after that thought, searching for its source, searching for the part of Amidala that remembered. She'd put all the bad memories together and locked them away. Everything that Vader had done, the knowledge of her children belonging not to the man she loved but someone else, the attack on her mind. It was all there in a greying lump. There was some decay around the wall, she'd begun to remember tiny bits and pieces but the vast majority of it remained out of reach.

With the utmost delicacy, Qui-Gon slipped through the walls and searched for one specific bit of knowledge, a memory that was not so laden with horror. He found it near the center of stifling greyness, a small collection of thoughts that cast light on those around them. Capturing the one he was looking for, Qui-Gon slowly retraced his steps, carrying it with him. Anakin's last visit to Naboo before his kidnapping, the day he had proposed to his lady-love. The memory was at least two years older than anything else that Amidala recalled, though it was still in the past of everyone else by nearly four, almost five years.

Surrounding it were other, happy memories of their plans for the future, a happy moment in the gray landscape of her mind. Gently Qui-Gon 'placed' it in the forefront of her consciousness, overlaying the royal gardens here with the ones on Naboo. Late summer heat there instead of the cool spring Alderaan was experiencing. She blinked.

Slowly, Qui-Gon untangled his thoughts from her, leaving only the slightest of connections to monitor. There was a moment where the awareness in her eyes faded but Ani moved, and her eyes fastened on him. Qui-Gon could feel her thoughts integrating the man before her with her memories. Carefully and with an intent expression she got to her feet. Another moment to focus and then she was walking towards her husband. He towered over her by more than a foot but his face said she could shatter him with the slightest touch. Her gaze swept over his form, taking in the uniform of a Jedi Knight and the beginnings of wrinkles around his eyes.

"Ani?"

Anakin let out a deep breath that was more than half sob. "'Dala," he responded with a smile that was as shakey as his voice.

"I-I don't understand...." She put her hand against his face, smiling as he leaned into that touch. "When did we grow up?"

"It's...a long story," Ani told her hoarsely.

Her smile turned wry. "But you'll tell me?"

"I..." He raised a trembling hand to touch her cheek. "I'd do anything for you."

"Why do I get the feeling you have?"

Slowly he wrapped his arms around her, giving her time to protest. Amidala leaned against him, resting against his chest.

Obi-Wan's hand came to rest on Qui-Gon's shoulder, startling him. [We should go.]

He nodded, taking one last look at the couple before following Obi-Wan out.

"Not as bad as you thought."

Indulging himself, he turned and wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan. "The blocks in her mind were already starting to break down. It made it easier to go in and find a memory that didn't hurt."

"Do you think she would have made it back on her own then?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't know. I'd like to think so."

[You came back to me,] Obi-Wan said privately.

[Yes.] He dropped a kiss on his mate's forehead. [You never gave up, never stopped coaxing me back.]

[Anakin wouldn't have given up either. They will be fine.]

[It's a beginning.]

[We could leave him here....]

[We can give him the option. He's earned the right to choose.]

His lifemate nodded slightly. [I'll leave it up to you then.]

Sighing, he rested his head against Obi-Wan's. "We don't need to leave for a few days. They have that time regardless. And they have each other. Finally."

"Yes." Obi-Wan's hand cupped the back of his neck. "Do you want to go let Jess know while I brief our very patient friend the prince?"

He nodded. "Meet you in the gardens later?"

"I'll find you and we'll have the evening together."

He kissed Obi-Wan gently. [We'll have to make sure to find a sunbeam before we leave.]

The general's eyes glazed over. [A nap in a sunbeam....]

[Yes. We'll make the time.] Qui-Gon chuckled and kissed him again.

Intelligence flooded back into Obi-Wan's brain and he pouted, just the tinest bit. [Do you know how long it's been since I napped in a sunbeam?]

[Seven years.] He couldn't resist kissing that pout. [Far too long.]

[Not when I knew that I'd be doing it with you.] Obi-Wan disentangled himself. "See you tonight, master."

"Yes. Go be Generally."

Bail chuckled. "I like that. He can do that and I can be princely. Come, Obi-Wan...."

With that Obi-Wan couldn't say anything aloud but his mental rasberry definitely indicated his opinion. Chuckling under his breath, Qui-Gon watched them go, then turned to head towards the gardens and Jess and the children.   
**************************************

To: lorinwolf@egroups.com   
Subject: [lorinwolf] RM 8 1/1

*****************************************************   
I have just a few minutes for an entry between planning sessions. Qui-Gon is looking for me so we can do some meditations and he's promised me a sunbeam today if he has to bribe the weather satellites and Prince Organa to do it. Now we have to take on the Emperor. That's the whole purpose of our next confrontation and he's already intimately familiar with my lifemate's mind. First the death reading implant and later the coma.

I fear for him. I fear for us both.

*******************

"One sunbeam as requested," Qui-Gon said as he and Obi-Wan settled in a remote part of the palace gardens.

"Very nice. Not as nice as Garos, of course, but very nice."

He wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan, pulling him to rest against his chest. "One day we'll go back for good."

"When they pry the lightsaber out of my hands."

He had a point, Qui-Gon admitted privately. "Go back and make it our home base?" he temporized.

"I'd like to see it more often than once every three or four years, yes."

"And for more than a couple of hours at a time."

"I'd be happy with a week in my own bed."

He couldn't agree more with that sentiment. "Soon," he promised them both.

"Just have a few little things to take care of first."

He smiled wryly. "Just a few."

"Do you want to talk about them?"

"Not particularly." The whole subject was one he'd been carefully avoiding even in his own thoughts. Which, considering what they were about to do, was going to have to change. "But I think I have to," he finished softly.

"We need to at least have a vague idea of what the rest of us should expect when we do battle against him." Obi-Wan shifted so the sunlight fell across his face.

Qui-Gon raised a hand to caress his cheek. "I know."

"You are avoiding the question, love. Or should we just meditate and see what that does?"

"It couldn't hurt."

"Now you have me really curious," Obi-Wan muttered as he slipped into light meditation.

Qui-Gon did the same, reaching and twining his thoughts with his mate's. [Spending six years hiding from the memories makes it...difficult.]

[You have no idea.]

[It is humbling to have to admit that someone can hurt me so badly I'd retreat from the universe. From you.]

[We all have things we cannot defeat alone, master.]

[It's a good thing I have you then, isn't it?]

[You are going to let me help this time.] Not a question, a declarative statement.

[I am not foolish enough to believe to try it alone again.]

[We should strengthen the bond as much as possible now. Perhaps even bring Jayden into it.]

He wasn't so sure about the last but he sent assent for the rest.

[She has a bond with me; just like Anakin had one with you the first time we faced Palpatine. We can make it an asset or a liability.]

[True. If she is going to be at risk anyway...]

[I'd rather that she was prepared.] He could feel Obi-Wan's concern.

[All right. We'll make sure she is, the best that we can.]

Obi-Wan's attention turned to the lifebond that lay between them, intertwining them into one. Qui-Gon could feel how heavily attuned his lover was to the bond and his needs, his thoughts, his feelings. A legacy of his long nap brought into focus. It was heady and humbling all at the same time. To have someone, even his lifemate, so aware of him, so in tune with him... He only hoped he could reciprocate. 

 

[We don't have the time to do this the way I did, with listening to the whispers.] Obi-Wan's mind voice was soft and clear.

[No time for the subtle approach,] he agreed.

He could feel Obi-Wan's presence, which had been subtly subsumed within him being to grow within him began to grow, coloring the bond with his lifemate's fast moving presence. The color of their aura shifted from aqua to a brilliant blue and Qui-Gon could feel his mind trying to match pace. Obi-Wan deliberately slowed the pace of his thoughts until they could react together and then began speeding up in increments. But there was more to it than just the speed at which he reacted. It was his inner sense of things, how they felt, how *he* felt that was the important part. The patterns were just a key to the rest of it; a path to follow in Qui-Gon's vastly accelerated self-knowledge of his lifemate.

An example came to him as Obi-Wan shifted again to keep the sunlight on his face. While Qui-Gon had always known that his lover had enjoyed sleeping in sunlight, now he knew *why*. There was a soul-deep joy in the simple pleasure of feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on his skin. It resonated within his sense of the Force, too -- echoing and amplifying the Light Within. That is why Obi-Wan liked to nap in the sun, that and getting a decent tan, his mate told him wryly. He always knew there was a reason why he thought of Obi-Wan as his Light, Qui-Gon thought in the small part of his brain that was still aware he was   
Qui-Gon. A Light that was so bright at the moment it threatened to blind him, burn him, incinerate him.

Obi-Wan didn't back down, he shared the thought that he'd be lost inside the vast strength and stability that was Qui-Gon. Be brought to his metaphorical knees by the depth and breadth of Qui-Gon's soul. That thought seemed impossible. Obi-Wan's Light was so strong, it could never be lost. Perversely that knowledge steadied him. With another flash of humor Obi-Wan resumed their integration. Only two such as themselves would find strength in the other's admission of weakness.

He could feel himself sinking deeper and deeper into the light that was their soul. Everything was burned away, all of his thoughts became Obi-Wan's but it was safe because Obi-Wan held the essence of Qui-Gon at the center of that light. He went through the crucible and was once again himself but now indelibly branded with Obi-Wan's mark. The stuff of his soul had been transmuted, mingled together forever.

Opening his eyes, he stared down into the chameleon eyes of his mate. "That was..."

"Me."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Yes."

"I'm going to take a nap now. Enjoy my sunbeam and being here with you while I can."

He nodded and kissed Obi-Wan gently. "Live in the moment," he said softly.

"Something I've finally mastered." Obi-Wan slipped down to stretch out on the grass, his head resting in Qui-Gon's lap.

He gently began massaging Obi-Wan's temples. "As well as living within each other."

"This will give us both a chance to adjust to the new sensitivity." His lifemate yawned hugely.

An action that Qui-Gon found himself echoing much to his surprise.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "We'll need to balance things out. Definitely."

"I have a greater sympathy for what you went through when I first woke up now," Qui-Gon said, with a chuckle of his own.

Obi-Wan grinned and thought of chocolate. How it tasted to him.

Qui-Gon felt his mouth water. "Trying to wean me off the berries and cream?"

"Just showing you the light, master."

Suddenly serious, he replied, "You always do."

Obi-Wan's eyelids closed for a long moment but Qui-Gon could feel him thinking, knew a question was coming. "So are you going to talk to me about the Emperor now?"

Qui-Gon couldn't keep from tensing at the question. "I thought you were going to nap in a sunbeam. Live in the moment." Even to himself he sounded defensive.

The general's tone was even, calm. "I'd like to have more moments in the sunbeam after today. That requires knowing the enemy, unfortunately."

He took a deep breath, knowing Obi-Wan was right. "I haven't come out ahead in my brushes with the Sith."

"But in the end you've triumphed."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I survived. Barely."

"Then this time we will."

He nodded, though deep in his soul doubts and the fear remained.

A word hovered in Obi-Wan's mind -- collar.

Qui-Gon flinched. "Obi-Wan-"

"You are shutting me out on one of the biggest battles of our lives. What am I supposed to think?"

"It's not like that-"

"You want me to risk my life and the life of my padawan when you won't talk to me?"

"I'm trying!" His voice cracked, the fear and darkness surging up in his soul.

"I've been inside your soul. I know what you fear but I need you to tell me. Face it."

He knew Obi-Wan was right, knew he had to do this, for his own sake as much as the upcoming battle. That didn't make it any easier.

"We stay here until you can tell me." Obi-Wan's hand came up and cupped his cheek. "I will not rush headlong into death nor will I let your fear defeat us before we even meet him."

He leaned into the touch, taking comfort in it, knowing that Obi-Wan would always be there. "It was..." he swallowed, "like facing the personification of the Darkness."

Obi-Wan nodded slightly, his features cast into high relief by the sunlight. "He is the Sith."

"I've face others who have fallen to the Dark, even another Sith, but this..." Words failed him as the remembered touch of the dark one overwhelmed him, blocking the warm summer light. It even blocked the lifebond for a moment; Obi-Wan's presence winking out like a lantern in a storm. The knight bloomed inside of his soul, lighting them both from within. Comfort and reassurance that the darkness could be driven away by even the smallest bit of love.

[He is defeatable.]

Qui-Gon became aware of his body, wrapped in Obi-Wan's arms. [It won't be easy.]

[If it were easy we would have done it already. We like big challenges to do at the end.] 

 

The end. If...when they faced down this challenge the end would be in sight. A time when they could go back to Garos and put their energy into something other than war.

[Not that we'll be finished with living by that point, or ready to retire.] Humor bubbled up. [Just time enough to Nap and Pounce when we want.]

He felt his lips curve up into a smile. [Yes. And Bask in a sunbeam.]

[So, rather than take this all on at once, why don't we meditate on it a bit each morning and evening? Cut it -- and him -- down to size.]

[A sensible approach.] He nuzzled Obi-Wan's ear. [My practical padawan.]

[One of us needs to be. So, bask with me until sunset and then we will go in search of dinner.]

[Yes, General,] he responded, humor creeping into his voice. Then, more seriously, Qui-Gon added, [Thank you.]

[You are most welcome, my Qui-Gon.]

**************   
Anakin had spent many hours with the twins and his wife over the last two days. Not at the same time yet, she wasn't ready for that, but they would get there eventually. The healing had brought Amidala back to them. She still had moments of vagueness, still very much expected by the healers. They were getting rarer and were expected to vanish altogether over the next six months. Amidala would definitely need constant care in that time, reinforcement of her best memories and the supportive strength of the people around her as she dealt with the old traumas. This is what had led Qui-Gon to set up a meeting between himself and Anakin.

To talk about him staying behind.

He waited for Ani in the gardens, where he'd been spending as much time as he could, relishing being surrounded by the growing things and their concentration of the Living Force. It was a wonderful restorative, enhanced even more when Ani appeared. His former padawan's step had more of a bounce than it'd had in ages and there was a light in his eyes that Qui-Gon hadn't seen in years.

"You wanted to see me, master?"

"Yes." He smiled and gestured for Ani to join him. "I wanted to check how...everything was going."

"I know it's probably an exaggeration but she seems to be improving by the hour."

"From what the healers tell me not much of one."

"I fear for her progress once she reaches the dark times."

"It may get difficult, but with the proper support she'll get through it." He glanced sideways at Ani.

The excitement was gone, drained out of the man. "I know."

He reached out and laid a hand on Ani's shoulder. "I want to talk to you about that."

"How do I choose?"

"As cliché as it may sound, listen to your heart." In a quieter voice he added, "No one will fault you for staying."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

"So I need to decide tonight." Anakin's shoulders bent under the weight of his decision.   
"Can I tell you at breakfast?"

"Of course." He ached for the young man's dilemma, wishing he could make it easier. But however much he might wish otherwise, he had to leave the decision up to Anakin.

"I don't suppose bringing her with us is an option?"

"Everything is an option."

"Thank you, master." Anakin bowed slightly. "I'll see you in the morning."

Qui-Gon nodded. "If you need someone to talk to before that, I am always available."

"I will contact you."

He watched Anakin leave, saddened by the contrast to his movements when he had arrived.

Obi-Wan contacted him through the bond. [Do you want me to come sit with you?]

[You're busy with arrangements.]

[Never too busy to be with you, love.]

[If it isn't going to interfere...]

[I'll be there in a few minutes.]

Qui-Gon shifted position and stared up at the sky as he waited. His thoughts dwelt on how much things had changed, how much he had changed. Finally able to admit weaknesses, needs. And more, able to let his mate help him with something approaching good grace.

Obi-Wan arrived with r'val tucked into the hood of his black cloak. "Master."

"Obi-Wan.” He held out a hand to him.

Obi-Wan took his hand and settled at his feet, resting against his legs. "Good afternoon, love."

"Good afternoon." His hand seemed to naturally come to rest against Obi-Wan's hair.

"I can't blame Anakin for wanting to stay with his love."

"Nor I." He sighed and looked off into the distance. "He's torn between responsibility and love. It is an untenable place to be."

"They will find their balance just as we did."

"If they are given the time."

Very softly Obi-Wan spoke, "We should leave tonight."

"Without telling them?" he asked, just as softly.

"There are spies on planet. If we leave early we do get a step ahead."

"Logical." Qui-Gon nodded. "And the fact that this means Ani doesn't have to make an impossible decision-"

"He's going to be irritated with us."

"Irritated? Apoplectic would be more accurate."

"I'll bring him some Torques candy or something."

"He'll pout at us."

"Anakin is a knight. The pout doesn't have the same strength it used to."

"Rank has never affected yours."

"Continued exposure to felinoids has kept mine in shape, master."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "Is that what it is?"

"Mrr mrow," r'val opined. t'lya's pout was a very powerful tool against Himself and the Obi-Wan on Many occasions.

"I don't doubt it," he told the felinoid.

"See?" Obi-Wan smiled and shifted so his back was resting against Qui-Gon's knees, the long braid of hair frazzled at the ends landed in Qui-Gon's lap.

"Rough day?" Qui-Gon asked, his fingers automatically smoothing the ends and twitching as he resisted undoing the braid.

"Our loyal furry companions were using it for a bat toy during my meetings." Obi-Wan's ears pinked slightly. "And I fidgeted with it later."

"May I-"

"Please. I'd leave it undone if I could get away with it."

With another faint smile, Qui-Gon slipped the tie off and began to unwind the braid. "You've got it so tight I wouldn't be surprised it was giving you a headache."

"Why don't you check and see if I do?" Obi-Wan hinted.

"You mean like this?" he asked, threading his fingers through the hair at his mate's temples as he opened the bond more fully between them.

"Mhmmm." The knight's head tilted back slightly, resting in Qui-Gon's hands. There was indeed a headache but the touches were easing it already, as was simply relaxing in his lifemate's presence.

Qui-Gon was more than pleased to continue the touches of both fingers and mind. "When this is all over-"

Obi-Wan gave him an image of their garden on Garos and the huge oak tree that he used as the roof and walls of his classroom when he could be persuaded to teach.

He sighed, the sound having a tinge of wistfulness to it. "Yes."

"Soon, love."

"After we face the Darkness."   
\-------------------(--(--0--)--)------------------------


	3. Pt 3

Rebellion Missives 9  
by Lori and Wolfling  
Feedback always appreciated  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*****************************  
Turns out the bond between Anakin, myself, and Qui-Gon wasn't as thin as I thought. I think I'm still partially deaf from the 'talking to' that Knight Skywalker gave to me and Qui-Gon after he discovered we left him behind. It's nothing in comparison to the pain I'll get from t'lya, r'val and the rest of the felinoids though. The only one I caught sight of was m'wan but she never leaves Jayden alone. Jayden must have sensed I was planning something because she was already aboard and asleep in her bed in our quarters when we left just before midnight local time. That child is too wise by half.

And of course where there is a Jayden, there is a Jess. Those that know us best...

Qui-Gon and I have been meditating every free moment we can, preparing for the battle with the Emperor. I really wish we could get away with an aerial bombardment or something but my lifemate is insisting that only a face to face confrontation will truly see the Sith dead. Sometimes my lifemate is a very irritating man.  
****************************

Jayden and Obi-Wan were going over her lessons when Qui-Gon entered their quarters. m'wan and four bright red balls were hovering in the air between them, m'wan stoically cleaning her fur with her tongue.

"Now float me and if I land hard on my bottom you get to answer to Master Jinn about it," Obi-Wan ordered softly. "Tell me the major agricultural products of Garos IV."

Qui-Gon felt Jayden pull more heavily on the Force and watched as his mate rather shakily rose from the floor. "Agricultural products?" Jayden asked, a line of concentration appearing between her brows.

Obi-Wan prudently floated a cushion between him and the floor. "Yes. What do the people on your home world eat and export?"

She thought for a moment and then her expression brightened. "Trellis berries!"

The young master laughed. "Yes. What else?"

"Um..."

"You know this, padawan."

Jayden's frown deepened.

"Cereal grasses," Qui-Gon prompted quietly.

The girl visibly startled and the balls' and m'wan's floating wavered. Obi-Wan dropped.

Obi-Wan put a hand out and gathered the felinoid in his hands. "Jayden," he warned.

She lowered her head contritely. "I'm sorry, Master."

"Would you like to try again?" It was never really a question.

The wry twist of Jayden's mouth was ample demonstration that she knew it. "Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan turned to Qui-Gon. "Good afternoon, love. How was your day?"

"It's had its moments." He came forward and settled beside Obi-Wan. [I'm not interrupting?]

[Did we not teach Anakin together?] Obi-Wan gifted him with a kiss before facing his padawan again.

"From the start?" Jayden asked.

"Instead of that I think now would be a good time to talk about what is coming -- since you invited yourself along to this skirmish."

"I'm your padawan." The girl gave them both a rebellious look. "My place is at your side."

"Then be a padawan and attend to your training with a good heart. We will need you."

The expression on her face shouted "I knew it" so loudly that Qui-Gon was hard pressed not to smile.

"Jayden -- I need you to focus. I will not lose you the way I lost your mother." Obi-Wan's voice was calm but Qui-Gon could feel the pain in his heart.

That sobered the girl immediately. "Yes Master. Whatever I need to do."

"We don't know how the battle with the Sith is going to go, but we suspect that it will start with a physical battle and then shift to a mental one. I need you to protect and guard yourself, and be ready to support us when we need your strength -- your heart."

"It won't be easy," Qui-Gon interjected, catching and holding Jayden's gaze seriously. "In fact it will quite possibly be the hardest thing you will ever do."

"But it's my calling, my duty." Her back stiffened. "You can count on me, 'On."

"I know, Jayden," he answered her, finding as he said the words that it was true. Somewhere deep inside him was the growing certainty that they would banish the Dark.

She smiled. "He's my 'B, you know."

He smiled back. "Your 'B and my Light."

"So how do we spread the Sith into a million teeny pieces that can't be put together again?"

Qui-Gon smiled faintly at her enthusiasm. "A lot depends on the circumstances we find when we get there."

"You're telling me you don't know." She sat back frowning. "Maybe Master Obi-Wan and I can try to See what is going to happen."

He glanced at Obi-Wan looking for his reaction to that suggestion. Obi-Wan was staring at his interlaced fingers that were resting in his lap. [Love?]

[I've Seen.]

[What?] He tried to ignore the sense of betrayal that tried to manifest at the thought that Obi-Wan hadn't told him.

[You were finally believing in victory and to tell you would have undone all that. It wasn't time to say anything yet. Like Rill, like your coma.]

[That doesn't sound encouraging.]

Obi-Wan snorted. [Bad choice of examples. It simply wasn't time to talk about it yet.]

[And now?] he asked mildly.

"It will be hard but doable. I didn't say anything because it's not necessarily useful information. He's used the Force as a mental weapon and it's eating away at him like corrosion."

A flash of memory assaulted Qui-Gon -- eyes glowing with insanity in a face that had already begun to waste away.

"He'll use his attacks against you in the past to get through the shields -- or try to."

"Logical," Qui-Gon observed, trying to ignore that that was exactly what had haunted his nightmares.

"If that doesn't work he'll try and break the lifebond." Obi-Wan shrugged. "Typical stuff."

[You're being rather...blasé about it all.]

[If it would make you feel better I can have screaming hysterics in front of my padawan.]

[I didn't mean that. I just...] He trailed off, unable to put his feelings into words, even in his thoughts.

Obi-Wan sighed and looked at Jayden. "I don't recommend trying too hard to See what is going to happen. He's likely to feel it and use that as a way into your mind, make you doubt reality."

"But you-" Jayden started, but subsided at a hard look from Obi-Wan. "Yes, Master."

"It wasn't on purpose so I am praying he didn't notice the ripples. It's certain that he is looking for us."

"Indeed," Qui-Gon agreed. "And he has enough of an advantage with his connection to me. We do not need to hand him another one."

With another grumpy looking pout Jayden nodded. "I'll work on my shields then." She shifted over to sit in Obi-Wan's lap. "And my bond to 'B."

[I think that may be my cue to leave.]

[It was definitely a 'mine' statement, wasn't it?]

Qui-Gon smiled wryly. [She couldn't have been clearer if she had yelled it.]

"Jay?" Obi-Wan waited until she looked at him. "Is this time you need for you and me -- without Qui-Gon?"

She considered seriously for a long moment. "You wouldn't mind?" she asked both of them.

Obi-Wan's smile was gentle. "Qui-Gon and I have plenty of bond time. Right, master?"

"Yes," he confirmed with a smile of his own. [Though there is not such thing as too much bond time.]

[Tonight I will give you some energetic loving bond time.]

[I look forward to it.] He sent a mental caress as he got to his feet. 

"Thank you, 'On. I'll have dinner with you later." Jayden snuggled closer, wrapping Obi-Wan's cloak around herself.

"I'll see if I can find a treat for dessert."

She smiled up at him. "My Da has a stash."

"I'll go see if I can talk him out of some then."

"You could take mww with you. She's good at diverting him."

Qui-Gon looked at m'wan sitting nearby, watching the proceedings attentively.

"I think she wants to see if she can pounce him again." Obi-Wan grinned and floated the felinoid to Qui-Gon's hands.

"We'll see what we can do. See you later." He turned and headed for the door.

[Thank you,] Obi-Wan said softly.

When Qui-Gon looked back for a moment Obi-Wan had wrapped Jayden in a hug. [You'll do just fine,] he sent as he left.

****************

It's late evening and I've put my padawan to bed. Qui-Gon is still out with Jess which gives me a few precious minutes alone. I don't know how I managed to keep my visions a secret from him beyond pure will. I really thought he'd caught some wisp of them in our meditations. Perhaps he is so focused on the darkness he thinks lives within him he didn't notice this little bit that flowed from elsewhere. Two days and we will be within striking range of Endor. Tomorrow is going to be taken up with last minute strategy sessions and the day after... Enough of my dwelling on it, time for a shower and then a nap until Qui-Gon joins me.

*********************************

It was quite late when Qui-Gon made it back to his quarters. He wasn't quite sure where the evening had gone; he and Jess had sat and talked and the next thing he knew it was beyond late. The bond with Obi-Wan had quieted some hours before, his lifemate going to sleep. So it wasn't a surprise to come in to an almost dark room. Jayden's door was ajar, a bit of light coming from there. From the other direction, their bedroom, there was also a small light on over the bed highlighting Obi-Wan's sleeping body. Instead of the sprawl he remembered from the old days, Obi-Wan was lying on his side, a pillow under his cheek. The pose looked odd until his mind filled in the pieces. His lifemate was sleeping as if he were wrapped around an unmoving man.

The sight both touched him and threatened to break his heart, knowing as he did where this habit had been formed. Quickly Qui-Gon stripped down and slipped in beside Obi-Wan, taking the younger man into his arms. Obi-Wan sighed and snuggled closer, definitely happier to have his lover close.

Dropping a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead, Qui-Gon concentrated on their bond, reaching out to his mate's dreams. It was fairly typical of Obi-Wan's dreams these days memories of Garos, the temple and their home. Qui-Gon carefully slid into the dream, wrapping himself around Obi-Wan's soul as he had his body.

The images expanded to include him, Obi-Wan picturing Qui-Gon there with him in their bed on Garos, drowsing in the morning light. Laughing softly, he kissed Obi-Wan. "Sunbeams in bed. The perfect fantasy."

In his dreams Obi-Wan pouted at him and pulled the blankets up over his head before slipping down to taste of the dream Qui-Gon's skin. Qui-Gon closed his eyes, his hands reaching out to touch his mates he basked in the sensations of Obi-Wan's touch. Dream and reality blended together as the touches continued. He could feel the Garos sunlight on his face and the cool air of the Rill's ventilation system. 

And then everything else faded to insignificance except the touch and presence of his mate. Much later they were curled up in bed with a shared cup of wine. "That was a very nice dream we had," Obi-Wan murmured.

"Indeed," he agreed. "That kind of dream I could have every night."

"We do -- almost every night."

"A definite fringe benefit of the bond."

"Mhmm." Obi-Wan shifted around until he was settled between Qui-Gon's legs and resting against his chest.

He smiled and nuzzled Obi-Wan. "Jedi security blanket."

"Just wanted to get a famous Qui-Gon hug."

"Famous?" Obligingly, Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around his mate.

"To those that know you they are famous, something to be enjoyed without distraction."

"Ah. Like Obi-Wan kisses."

"I'll have to take your word for that."

"I would never lie about something that important." He smiled and kissed Obi-Wan's upturned face.

"I never thought you would."

They lay there wrapped up in each other's arms in silence for a long while. "How did things go with Jayden?" Qui-Gon finally asked.

"You mean the leech?" Obi-Wan chuckled softly. "She's fine."

"Is she ready for...?”

"No."

He hadn't really expected another answer. "What do you want to do?"

"Put her into stasis until this is over."

"What do your Visions tell you?"

"That your master is coming to face him down."

"What?" Qui-Gon asked in surprise.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Master Yoda is on his way from Garos to face down Sideous."

"Without letting m- us know?" For some reason that shocked him more than anything else.

"I don't understand it either."

"Why now? Why..." Qui-Gon trailed off as a reason occurred to him.

"And that would be?"

"So I -- we -- wouldn't have to."

"As any master would do for his padawan."

"Yes." It still surprised him though.

He could feel Obi-Wan shift in his arms, some mental discomfort that he was trying to hide from Qui-Gon.

"Obi-Wan?"

"I should get more wine."

Qui-Gon let him go willingly enough but not before prodding, "And then you'll talk to me?"

"Not if I can avoid it."

"What makes you think you can?"

"If I asked nicely?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Would you let me get away with it if our positions were reversed?"

"For this?" Obi-Wan stood in the doorway. Qui-Gon watched silently, waiting for Obi-Wan to come to a decision. "My visions, while never clear-cut, don't show Master Yoda surviving the battle."

"What?" Qui-Gon heard himself ask weakly. He had to have misunderstood.

"He sacrifices himself to defeat the Sith."

"No."

"I'm sorry." Obi-Wan stepped backwards vanishing into the darkness of the main room. Without even thinking Qui-Gon was up and following him. Obi-Wan was drinking something much harsher than the light wine they'd been sipping. Qui-Gon walked over and wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan from behind.

"I pulled away from you. I'm sorry." Obi-Wan's voice was roughened by the liquor and emotion.

He tightened his grip. "This is why you didn't tell me you'd Seen."

"Yes. Just because I See those closest to me die doesn't mean I should give that burden out to others."

"It is a heavy burden to carry alone though."

"I've grown used to it."

"You don't have to be." Qui-Gon dropped his voice to a whisper.

"As you slip and think of fighting the Emperor alone, of Master Yoda not talking to you -- I think of myself as alone." His lifemate took another large swallow of his drink. "We are painfully human at times such as this."

"And that is when we need each other the most."

"The vision wasn't clear. As you, and he, are so fond of saying the future is always in motion."

He took a deep breath. "Yes. And forewarned is forearmed."

"Let's go back to bed where I can get warm under the covers and I'll share the vision with you, if you truly want to see it."

He nodded. "And then you can help me figure out a way to stop the old troll before he does something idiotic."

"We could put Jayden in his path."

"That might be a solution to both our problems."

"Perhaps. My plan needs serious revision. There is no one to stop Vader, my clone is running around somewhere, Yoda is arriving, Jayden is here and Orath is likely to be with the Emperor."

Qui-Gon grimaced. "Things are getting complicated."

"We need to simplify things, if we can."

"Can we intercept Yoda before he gets there?"

"If we don't mind being late to the battle, certainly."

"How late?"

"We're coming from inherently different trajectories, the earlier we intercept him the later we will be."

"How late can we leave it and still be sure we'd catch him?" Qui-Gon asked with a frown.

"You like testing my ability to time things, don't you?" Obi-Wan broke away from his embrace to sit down at his desk. He began running the equations. "I mean, we can just stop him when he arrives on the battlefield if you want."

"That would be cutting it close."

"An hour before? A day?"

"A day," Qui-Gon responded after a moment's consideration. "It'll give me time to talk to him." Even to himself, there was a rather menacing undertone to the word 'talk'."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, but sent the alteration in course to the helm. "I'll see what I can do to change the rendezvous time."

"Thank you. I realize this complicates things even more for you-"

"If it simplifies the result, I'll manage. Now that we've taken care of your first concern can we talk about the other complications?"

He nodded immediately, a little chagrined at letting his focus narrow too much.

"Vader."

"Vader," Qui-Gon repeated with a nod. "Does what you Saw give us any help?"

"Since Anakin isn't with us, it will fall to me or Jess to battle him."

"You or Jess." He lifted an eyebrow. "I'm not on the list?" He asked the question without heat, merely curious.

"You'll be taking on the Emperor at the same time."

That was definitely a good reason. And it made the answer to who should face Vader easier. "Jess will have to face him then. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm going to need you with me against the Emperor."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Jayden?"

"What is your first inclination?"

"Lock her up so she doesn't discover boys or the Sith until she's at least thirty."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "What's your second inclination then?"

"She'll insist on helping somehow and her strengths are protectiveness and empathy, both of which can be turned against her."

"So we need to find a way she can help where she won't be vulnerable."

"We can leave her on the Rill under the command of the captain."

"Can we come up with a reason to do so -- a job for her?" Qui-Gon asked, knowing if they didn't, there was going to be at the very least an argument.

"She can be my connection to the rest of the fleet. Give orders to the captain for me that are secure from any communications problems."

Qui-Gon considered. "That might fly with her."

"And she can always fly to the rescue if we are overwhelmed. Being the reserve force isn't the most glamorous thing but understandable given her age."

"And an important position."

"Yes." Obi-Wan sighed and scrubbed his hands through his hair. "I don't know if she'll accept it though."

"If you present it in the right way, she should." He moved over to stand behind Obi-Wan's chair and began massaging his neck. "And she does have to learn that there are times where your orders are not open for debate."

"She does. She is a good padawan, master."

He leaned over and dropped a kiss on the top of Obi-Wan's head. "I know. And you are a good master."

"I'm not so sure about that. Jess has never formally approved our training bond."

"Have you asked him?"

"Not recently." 

"Maybe you should."

"I've been a little busy," Obi-Wan said defensively as he got to his feet. "I'll go find him now."

"I know you've been busy, love," Qui-Gon said soothingly, reaching out and pulling Obi-Wan to him. "I didn't mean it as an accusation. Only that with the progress Jess has made you might get a different answer now."

"He didn't seem ready yet and with most everyone gone...I didn't want to upset any of the delicate balances." His lifemate studied the carpet. "And perhaps if she isn't formally mine Jess will feel he has a reason to stay and live."

"Formally or not, she is yours. That doesn't mean she's not Jess'."

"I don't know that he makes that distinction."

Qui-Gon didn't think that was going to be a problem but he admitted he wasn't infallible. "If he doesn't that's all the more reason to talk."

"If, in his mind, not having the oath means that Jayden is still his responsibility and that he comes back to us -- then I don't need the oath and neither does she."

"Perhaps then when this is all over..."

"If we ever need to."

"If we ever need to," Qui-Gon agreed, tightening his embrace.

"Which we won't." Obi-Wan looked up at him. "Want to stage a raid on the kitchen for a snack?"

He smiled faintly. "Feeling peckish?"

"A bit."

"Stage a raid and then take the food to bed?"

"Sure."

"And maybe see if we can re-enact some of that dream?"

****************

It had taken a coordination act worthy of a six armed juggler but Obi-Wan and his staff had managed to change the rendezvous time for the fleet by 16 hours. That would be enough time for the Rill to intercept Master Yoda but it still remained to be seen how successful they would be in their persuasion. Qui-Gon found himself swinging from doubt that anything would be able to change his master's mind to absolute determination to not stop talking until he had done just that. 

"Qui-Gon? I don't know that he's *going* to die. You do remember that right?" 

He glanced up from his -- being honest -- brooding to look at the earnest face of his lifemate. "You were worried enough to not want to mention it to me." 

"Because I didn't want this to happen. You need to go into the battle with the Emperor focused." 

"I will be." He reached out for Obi-Wan's hand. 

"Then stop this...fretting." 

"Fretting?" Qui-Gon felt the corners of his mouth curl up into a smile. 

"If r'val was here you would have petted him into a puddle by now." 

"Is that why there's a sudden dearth of felinoids around here?" 

"We left most of them on Alderaan, that's why there isn't many. Though if you are feeling the lack I'm sure m'wan would be happy to take her father's place." 

"I admit I am feeling... restless." He got to his feet and paced over to the view port. 

"Should I pet you?" There was a hint of humor in Obi-Wan's voice. 

Qui-Gon glanced back over his shoulder at his mate. "I won't say no." 

"You are fretting," Obi-Wan murmured as he stepped closer, his hand sliding up Qui-Gon's back to cup the back of his neck. 

"Worrying maybe," he admitted leaning back into that touch. 

Strong fingers began to rub his skin. "You are certainly entitled." 

"He thinks his usefulness is over." 

"You know that from one talk with him?" 

"It was an intense talk." 

"I see." Obi-Wan's hands kept working on his muscles, trying to loose the tight bands of stress. 

He thought back to the conversation he'd had with Yoda on Garos, and more importantly the look in his master's eyes as they had talked. "He kept insisting I didn't need him anymore." 

"I can understand that. Sometimes I feel the same way." 

Qui-Gon turned around to face him. "What?" 

"I always have, you know that." 

He shook his head. "I will always need you."

"We're getting distracted. The point is that sometimes you look so strong and self contained that we forget that you might need us for something. Even I forget, and I share a soul with you."

"If I am, it's only because I've always had the support of those I care about." He sighed and moved closer, leaning his forehead against his mate's. "And I know you already know this."

Obi-Wan's hand came to rest on Qui-Gon's chest, gently rubbing the exposed triangle of flesh at the base of his throat. "It will be fine, one way or the other, love."

He nodded, though there was still a part of him that worried. That doubted.

His lifemate smiled crookedly. "If your persuasion fails I have a plan."

"Oh?" Qui-Gon smiled faintly.

"If I don't officially tell you he won't get mad at you for whatever I do," Obi-Wan hinted mysteriously.

"When you put it like that I don't know whether to be grateful or worried."

His lifemate chuckled. "It isn't anything dangerous. If you truly don't want him to arrive at Endor Rendezvous, he won't."

"Ah, a patented General Kenobi plan is it?" 

"If it becomes necessary, yes."

Qui-Gon sighed again, finding his tension easing a little, knowing that if he failed there was a backup plan. Even if he didn't know what it was?

"If I tell you, I'd have to tickle you," Obi-Wan commented into the quiet that had slipped in behind his tension.

That surprised a chuckle out of him. "Don't snoop on pain of laughter?"

"Mhmm-hmm."

"Interesting threat."

"I thought so."

"Thank you," he said softly.

"You're welcome," Obi-Wan replied, just as soft. "We should meet up with your master's ship within the hour."

He nodded. "Do you have to go do something generally?"

"No, not unless you want the time alone."

"No. If I did spend it alone, I would most likely start to 'fret' again."

"Then come sit with me and I'll pet you some more while we wait."

"I won't say no," Qui-Gon said, repeating his words from earlier with a faint smile.

For the next half hour he managed to relax at least a little until it came time to transition out of hyperspace and wait for Yoda to arrive. They had deliberately crossed over his path and left a message buoy for him to meet them here. Within a minute of their return to normal space, Yoda's ship shimmered into view and came along side. Obi-Wan extended the travel tube that would temporarily connect the two ships then waved Qui-Gon through.

"Good luck."

"Thanks." Qui-Gon smiled wryly. "I'm probably going to need it."

"I'll wait here with my patented General Kenobi back up plan ready."

His smile widened and he leaned in for a kiss. "Hopefully we won't need it, but I'll let you know." He turned and started through the tube.

The hatch at the other end hadn't opened yet by the time he'd traveled the ten meters or so but it swung wide after he entered the correct control codes. It was as cramped as he remembered. Stooping to spare his head, he moved forward further into the ship. "Master?"

"Knew of my coming you did." Yoda's tone was sharp and resigned at the same time.

"Obi-Wan Saw it."

"Nosy your lifemate is." The scant height of his master finally came into view as he left the cockpit to meet Qui-Gon.

"He neither asks for nor encourages his visions. But this time I am grateful for them." He settled down in the corner that used to be his when he was a padawan. The cushion seemed to still remember the curve of his body, fitting around him in all the best places, including that tiny lump from where he pushed the stuffing back from the corners as he tried to meditate. Yoda settled in his usual spot opposite and it felt like years had fallen away between them.

"Grateful you should be, to have me in your life after all this time."

"I am. I'd like to be able to continue to be grateful to have you in my life," Qui-Gon added pointedly.

His master's expression darkened. "Expect to go somewhere I do not, padawan."

"Then why the secrecy?" He wasn't able to totally keep the plaintive tone out of his voice.

"Help you needed. Help the Emperor did not expect." Yoda chewed on the end of his stick.

Qui-Gon leaned forward and pinned him with his gaze. "Help you couldn't tell me you were providing?" 

"I decided after you left." Yoda's face was unreadable, calm and remote.

"Why do I have the feeling that you did that on purpose?" Qui-Gon murmured, more to himself than outloud. "Sneaky old gnome." The words were said with affection as much as exasperation.

"Gnomes are much shorter, padawan," his master snapped, not without humor. "Told you this, I have."

"Sneaky old overgrown gnome, then," he elaborated.

Yoda cackled at that. "Must be able to outsmart overgrown padawans, yes?"

Qui-Gon refused to be distracted from his point. "Just as long as you don't outsmart yourself as well."

The old master narrowed his gaze, piercing through verbal parrying. "What is it that Obi-Wan saw that had you racing to meet me, hmm?"

Qui-Gon didn't answer, merely lowered his gaze, unable to even say the words.

"Master Jinn?"

"Are you telling me you don't know what he Saw?"v Qui-Gon challenged, feeling much the rebellious padawan again.

"Always in motion the future is." With another chew on his stick, his master tried to look inscrutable.

"That isn't an answer." Though in a way it was; Yoda would not be avoiding the question if he didn't know.

"Does not make it any less true, Qui-Gon." He could hear the rustling of Yoda's robes against the chair. "Battle there will be, the outcome uncertain."

"Too uncertain," Qui-Gon said softly, letting his worry show.

"Life is never safe, my padawan."

He refused to accept that. Calling on all his persuasive skills, he said, "There are ways of minimizing the odds, however. There is safety in numbers."

"Be there, we all will," Yoda conceeded.

With a nod, Qui-Gon challenged, "Then you'll come aboard the Rill and plan with us."

"Take my own ship, I will."

Qui-Gon suppressed a sigh. He'd have to give it a chance for it to be easy. "Why?"

"Feel it is best." The gimmer stick tapped the floor in front of his eyes. "Know best I do, sometimes."

"You're going to face him alone." It wasn't, quite, a question.

"If the Force sees fit," Yoda muttered, "Perhaps."

Qui-Gon shook his head, a denial of the possibilities. "I can't lose you as well, Master." 

"Lose me you will not. Crude matter we are made of. You attach yourself to it and forget the greater whole."

"The whole may be greater than this 'crude matter' but without it, the distance to bridge is far wider."

"You are more than capable of the challenge." Yoda's stick tapped him on the chin, bringing Qui-Gon's eyes up to meet his own. "No answers are certain. Do not doom me before my time, yes."

"As long as you don't rush to become one with the Force," Qui-Gon challenged.

"Fine everything will be, padawan. Fuss too much you do."

The affectionate scolding brought a faint smile to Qui-Gon's face in spite of himself. "Obi-Wan says the same thing."

Yoda grumbled and grunted before he got to his feet. "Time to go."

"No." The word was out before he thought about it.

His master's face showed faint surprise at being contradicted again. "No?"

Qui-Gon shook his head, and then continued more calmly, "If you are not going on a suicide mission -- which you keep insisting you're not -- it would behoove all of us to sit down and coordinate our attacks at the very least."

The old master glared at him and smacked his stick against the ship's inner hull, making it ring discordantly. "Need that I do not. Know what to do already."

"But need that I do." Qui-Gon remained still, letting his eyes convey his feelings. Quietly, he pleaded, "Please."

"No."

"I'm not leaving." He felt like a padawan again, sulking and dragging his feet in against a hated exercise. But he couldn't let Yoda go.

"Rest you will," Yoda began using Force persuasion against him.

Qui-Gon shook his head, fighting it with all his considerable stubbornness, and with the added strength he drew from the bond. Obi-Wan threw all of his considerable abilities into fighting as well. Qui-Gon had only a moment's notice before he could feel his lifemate come to some sort of a decision and then there was a huge blast of gas filling the ship and cutting them off from any clean air. [I'm sorry.]

[A headache for possibly saving my master's life? More than an equable trade-off,] he replied as he felt consciousness slipping away from him. Even Jedi couldn't hold their breath forever.

Some unknown time later, he woke in the infirmary with Obi-Wan watching over him. "We gave you some counter agent to wake you up sooner. I wasn't very commanding trying to hold my eyes open in the briefing an hour ago."

"Master Yoda?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice almost as harsh a croak as it had been after waking from his coma.

Obi-Wan tilted Qui-Gon's head up enough so Qui-Gon could take a sip of water. "Still asleep."

[Thank you.]

"You're welcome."

[He's going to be grumpy when he wakes up.]

"There is a time when he isn't grumpy?" Obi-Wan's smile was gentle.

"Grumpier than usual, then." He returned the smile, allowing himself to feel the relief that Yoda hadn't gone on alone.

"Some of our crew is on Yoda's ship so we can dock it with the big cruisers at the rendezvous point."

Qui-Gon's smile widened. "The General has thought of everything."

"They will call us when your master is about to wake."

"As long as you don't mind going a bit slow until my legs get reacquainted with my brain."

"I could carry you," his lifemate teased.

Qui-Gon opened his mouth to tease back but instead, when he looked at Obi-Wan's face, said, "You already do."

"No, I don't. I help you along from time to time, as you do to me."

He smiled. "We carry each other then, if you prefer."

"Let's get you to your feet then." Obi-Wan put an arm under Qui-Gon's shoulders, helping him to a seated position.

The world swam briefly in front of his eyes when he moved but settled down soon enough. "What was that gas that you used?"

"A combination of sleep gas with a mild skin based nerve deadener. Even if he had gotten up he wouldn't have had the dexterity to release the controls."

"That would explain the revolt my limbs are attempting to carry out."

"Yes, and there isn't a good reversal drug for it. Mostly you have to wait for it to wear off." Obi-Wan's stance reflected personal discomfort. "You said to stop him, so I did."

"You did. I won't second guess you."

"We have," Obi-Wan paused and looked at his chrono, "twelve hours before rendezvous. From there it's ninety minutes to landing on the planet."

"Are we ready?"

"Everyone but us."

Qui-Gon took a deep breath, taking inner stock of his soul and his own readiness. Obi-Wan just kept an arm around Qui-Gon's shoulders and waited.

"The nerve deadener will wear off before then?"

"Perhaps an hour before that wears off. Less if we meditate and break down the medications."

"I would very much like to meditate with you."

"Of course, master." Obi-Wan took the next turning which would get them back to their quarters. "Jayden is with Jess."

"Good," he replied softly. "They need the time together."

"So do we."

"I cannot argue with that."

"You rarely do, love." His lifemate's smile was small but genuine.

Keeping his face straight, he responded, "I strive to be agreeable."

Obi-Wan's tone was the soul of a devoted padawan and lifemate. "Of course, my master."

He smiled faintly. "Excellent acting, love."

"As was your performance." Obi-Wan ushered him into their room and onto the couch.

Qui-Gon sighed as he relaxed into the cushions, his body protesting all the movement while still partially under the effects of the gas. Immediately Obi-Wan stripped off his tunics and then deftly undid Qui-Gon's, leaving them both bare from the waist up. He then picked up Qui-Gon's left hand and stroked his fingers across the back, the Force sinking in deeper with each caress, transmuting the poison. 

Another sigh escaped him, of contentment and relief as his body started tingling as the drugs retreated. Longer strokes along his forearms and biceps before brushing across his shoulders then Obi-Wan began again with Qui-Gon's right hand.

"Getting better?" Obi-Wan asked softly.

"Yes," he breathed.

His lifemate knelt at his feet, pulling off the soft short leather boots and brought that skin, muscle and bone back to its full liveliness and health. Up his shins and calves, across his knees then along his things. Feather light strokes across the pelvis and groin and finally up the torso, his hands resting on Qui-Gon's collarbones.

Qui-Gon reached up and covered Obi-Wan's hands with his own. "You would've made a great healer."

"I wouldn't have had the patience before now."

He smiled fondly, acquiescing the point. "You were always a bit of an action addict."

"Just a bit."

"It's all that energy you've always had."

"I think the last ten years has finally burned it out of me."

"Not burned out. Just..." He paused searching for the right word, "focused."

"It should be interesting to see if I can manage to refocus after the war is over then, hmm?"

"That will be the challenge for all of us." He smiled, looking forward to it.

"Some will manage better than others."

"That has always been the way of things." Qui-Gon was finding talking about what happened after the war, far easier than then dwelling on what they would have to do to end it.

Obi-Wan rose off the floor and settled next to Qui-Gon on the couch. He tugged on the wrap at the end of his braid and let the hair unravel from the binding. Qui-Gon reached up and combed his fingers through his mate's hair as it slowly loosened from the braid. When it was once again in lazy waves, Obi-Wan turned and rested his head in Qui-Gon's lap, stretching out to his full length on the couch, booted feet propped up on the far arm.

"Comfortable?" Qui-Gon asked, letting his hands continue petting Obi-Wan's hair.

"Yes," Obi-Wan spoke the word slowly, drawing it out between them.

"Twelve hours huh?"

His lifemate nodded, his eyelids closing, the bright auburn eyelashes dusting his cheeks.

[Tired?] He could feel the drowsiness hovering at the edge of Obi-Wan's thoughts.

[Just enjoying being with you.]

[My favorite past-time.]

[Always.] Sleepy eyes watched his face, warm with contentment.

He continued stroking Obi-Wan's hair, combing his fingers through the strands. [Do you really want your hair this long?]

[Are you suggesting I cut it today?]

[No...] Qui-Gon paused, choosing his words carefully. [I've just been thinking that I don't really know, truly, how you feel about keeping it long. My own desires aside, it is your hair.]

[It is just hair. It makes little difference to me and you take great joy in it.] His lifemate shrugged, making the hair ripple in the dim lights like water at sunset.

[I can't deny that I do,] he admitted, with a smile. 

With a patient sigh Obi-Wan's eyebrows quirked up.[Have we dispensed with the topic now?]

[Yes. Every now and then I just need to make sure I'm not running roughshod over your wishes.]

[The day you cease caring how my hair is, is the day I will cut it.]

[If you're waiting for that, I fear your hair is going to grow very long indeed.]

Obi-Wan's eyebrows rose again. [I draw the line at it growing past knee length. That is entirely too much and very heavy.]

[And you would be in danger of tripping over it while sparring.] He paused thoughtfully. [Though the felinoids would probably find it quite fascinating.]

[You can't be serious.] His lifemate squinted up at him. [Floor length hair or longer?]

[The felinoids would enjoy playing with it.]

[The felinoids enjoy playing with it at any length.] Obi-Wan had caught on to his teasing and was relaxing into the forgiving surface of the couch again.

Qui-Gon let the smile he'd been suppressing show. [Yes, but they wouldn't have to jump for it then.]

[What is the challenge in that? Any kittens that might be around would adore it.] Obi-Wan shared an image of himself in full general's uniform, bright auburn braid just brushing the heels of his boots and a wide assortment of felinoids following behind him, taking turns at Stalking and Pouncing his hair.

[That might detract from the General's air of authority,] Qui-Gon commented, chuckling.

[If I sat down anywhere they would be laying on it in just a few moments. No. Sorry, love. Knee length is it.]

[And you would grow it that long, if I asked you to, wouldn't you?] Qui-Gon could hear the wonder that he was feeling in his tone.

[I've let it grow since you woke didn't I?]The faintest bit of hurt behind the simple words.

[Yes, you have.]

[Only when it hinders me in combat do I draw the line.]

Every now and then Qui-Gon was struck all over again with just how lucky he was to have Obi-Wan in his life and his heart. "You indulge me too much," he whispered, needing to give the words extra weight that mind speech sometimes stripped away.

[You indulge me constantly.] Obi-Wan leaned up enough to press a quick kiss to his lips.

"Do I?" 

"Yes. My moods, schemes, plans, and foibles. How about not sleeping at the same time? You haven't pushed me on that."

"Considering it is my fault that you have problems with it, I would be extremely insensitive to push it."

"See? We indulge each other. Good friends -- lifemates do that."

Qui-Gon nodded his agreement. "It still amazes me sometimes though. That I have you."

"Good," Obi-Wan said smugly.

He smiled, relaxing again. [Afraid I was going to start taking you for granted?] he teased.

[What it means is that we don't take the other for granted at some level.]

He looked down at his mate, at a face he knew as well or better than his own. "I don't think that's possible."

"It happens to others. I just don't want it happening to us."

"It won't."

"As long as we take the effort to recognize it occasionally." Obi-Wan shrugged.

"Basking in each other's presence as much as in a sunbeam?" Qui-Gon asked with a smile.

"If that's how we do it. Sometimes it's a simple as handing over the last bite of dessert or leaving some hot water."

"Or spending time just being together on the couch when you should be up on the bridge overseeing things." He leaned down and kissed Obi-Wan gently. "And I do appreciate it."

"I trust those people with my life, why shouldn't I trust them to do their job?"

"That attitude is why they would follow you anywhere."

"They are loyal as am I." Obi-Wan shrugged again.

He shook his head, smiling, unsure if Obi-Wan would ever truly see what others saw in him.

"We do what we need to," his lifemate finished.

Qui-Gon nodded seriously. "Yes we do. And I think I need to kiss you some more right now."

Obi-Wan sat up partway, resting so they could kiss much more comfortably. "Well?"

Putting on his most serious expression, Qui-Gon leaned over and captured his mate's lips in a kiss that started out gentle but quickly turned into something else. Obi-Wan responded with every bit of love that was in him. Deep inside, Qui-Gon sighed and let go the last of his worry about the upcoming confrontation. Whatever happened, he would still have this moment, this soul entwined with his own. And that was far stronger than anything of the Dark that the Emperor could throw at them.

*******************

They had used the remaining time to strengthen the bond reattuning themselves to each other. Obi-Wan also took several hours to prepare Jayden for her part in what was coming. Yoda had woken, not totally surprised by the circumstances and less grumpy than everyone had expected. Perhaps some part of his master had wanted to be stopped, deep down. When they arrived at the staging point everyone was there that had joined their cause over the last seven years. By a very elaborate series of holograms and shuttles they brought the captains and leaders of the various squadrons to the Rill for the last briefing. Intelligence had put the Empire Fleet at the size they had expected. The odds, by pure numbers were two to one. If you counted in the abilities of the Jedi pilots and gunners, it was almost an even match. They were counting on that to really help them win through to destroy the ground installations on Endor. But if it didn't brute force would suffice.

"We're going to start with our flying wedge assault against the Empire's cruisers. It's only been a few years, and thanks to several key spies we know what the weak points on their ships. We have a small assault shuttle that my team is going to take down to the surface in the midst of the battle, hopefully lost in the mass confusion. After the fleet has broken through the enemy's formation then you'll begin your ground assault. Am I aware that puts us at personal risk? Yes. Do we need to take out the Emperor regardless? Yes. I'll have several methods to communicate our position and continued excellent health." Obi-Wan paused to let the soft laughter from his joke die down. "I think that's all unless someone has any comments or questions...."

There was silence as the entire audience stood, practically vibrating in place as they waited for the word to go.

"I'll take that to mean you want this instead -- Go, live well and fight for the freedom of all. For the Alliance."

With almost an air of eagerness now that the waiting was over, the holograms winked out one by one as those that were there in person got up and headed for the assigned stations. Obi-Wan stood at his position at the end of the table until the room was empty except for their team Jess, Yoda, Jayden, and himself, Qui-Gon. "So, any of you have questions?"

Jess shook his head. "No questions, other than when do we leave?"

"We get underway in about three minutes. I suspect we'll be in the shuttle inside of a half hour."

"Ready?" Qui-Gon asked all of them one more time.

Jayden nodded seriously, giving each person a hug before heading for the bridge and her seat there. Jess clasped hands with each of them then headed off to get their shuttle ready. Obi-Wan nodded to Yoda and Qui-Gon and headed to the bridge which left Qui-Gon alone with his master for the first time since they'd awakened.

"Ready for this, you are?" Yoda slipped out of his chair and headed for the door.

"I don't know if I'll ever be fully ready," Qui-Gon answered honestly falling into step beside Yoda, shortening his stride to match his master's out of old habit. "But I believe I am as ready as I will get."

"Then we will succeed," his master said serenely.

Qui-Gon gave Yoda a faint smile. "We have a better chance together," he murmured pointedly.

"Mentioned it I have not," Yoda grumped.

"No, you haven't," Qui-Gon agreed equably. 

"Accept it gracefully, padawan." His tone was even more soured this time.

Qui-Gon responded in the way padawans from the beginning of time had responded to their teachers."Yes, Master."

"Plan you have, yes?"

Qui-Gon nodded as they entered the docking bay. "Obi-Wan has quite the gift for strategy."

Yoda looked up at him warily. "What part do I play?"

"The same thing you were planning on doing on your own, only now it's with back-up." He put a bit more emphasis on the 'only now'.

"Ah. Lead the attack on the Emperor with you and your lifemate one step behind me?" The ramp was down on the small shuttle there were using for the trip and his master began the steep climb.

He nodded again as he followed. "That is the plan. Of course," Qui-Gon admitted, "the plan is subject to change depending on what we find."

"Vader and Kedith are not on Endor. They are elsewhere -- advancing the Emperor's plans."

Qui-Gon stopped at the top of the ramp and turned to look at his master. "Are you sure?" They had heard rumors but had nothing even remotely concrete and had heard just as much that said the just opposite.

The gimmer stick tapped against Qui-Gon's right boot making an irritated staccato. "Sure enough to send two knights to keep track of them."

Qui-Gon let out the breath he'd been holding. Though this bit of news might mean complications later, it meant that the assault they were planning now would be that much easier.

"Leaves us with the Emperor and Orath, yes." Yoda's expression was grim.

A reminder that it was still going to be anything but easy. "Which is more than enough to deal with."

"Knight Anakin will have his battle with his clone, but not today." Yoda looked very satisfied with himself at that.

"We made the right decision leaving him behind then," Qui-Gon murmured, relieved to be able to lay his doubts to rest.

"Guessed at that, you did," was his master's shrewd statement.

"Technically, yes," he admitted. "I listened to my heart."

"Wise heart you have." The taps against his boot softened.

Though always moved greatly by such comments from his master, Qui-Gon accepted the compliment gracefully with a nod of thanks.

"The Emperor is arrogant and that will be his downfall."

"Our confrontations with him so far have given him reason to be arrogant." The memories of his own battle floated through his mind, no longer paralyzing in their horror but still disturbing nonetheless.

Now the gimmer stick cut through the air like a 'saber. "But we have never fought him together."

"That's true." Qui-Gon smiled faintly.

"Strength in numbers, there is."

"Strength in feelings, there are," Qui-Gon clarified softly.

"How badly do you want him gone?"

He examined his feelings before answering. "Badly," he finally said. "But not at any cost."

Yoda's expression darkened and his tone grew harsh. "Then you will fail."

Qui-Gon set his jaw stubbornly. "There are some things I will not sacrifice."

"You must be willing to risk your padawan, if you are to win."

He shook his head, every protective instinct flaring at that."I won't sacrifice Obi-Wan."

"Sacrifice not what I *said*. Risk. Risk as you never have before."

I haven't much choice but to share the risk with him. Considering how we are connected." If there was one thing Qui-Gon could change about their bond, it would be that. He knew how Obi-Wan would react to such a suggestion even if it was impossible so he buried that feeling as deep as he could. It still leaked out occasionally however.

"And Jessant?"

He glanced at Yoda. "Jess isn't going to face the Emperor."

"No, he is not, but he will be at risk as much as everyone else." Yoda seemed to fixated on all the danger that surrounded them/

"I know. He is a Jedi."

"And Jayden?"

"She is a child." He fought the urge to squirm under his master's gaze, a familiar feeling from his padawan days.

"No more relevant than you when you were a padawan." Death respected no boundaries.

Qui-Gon could see where this was going. "You think we should bring her along."

"The bonds between all of you make physical location irrelevant except in how you find strength when you are together and fail when you are apart."

It was something that if Qui-Gon was being honest with himself, he had known all along. Still... "It is not my decision to make. She is Obi-Wan's padawan, and Jess's daughter."

"They will do as you ask." Yoda was too used to unquestioned leadership, it was obvious in his methods of thinking.

"It's up to me?" The doubt he was feeling was clear in his voice.

"Yes."

"If something happens to her-"

"Then it will happen to you all, most likely, yes?" Yoda interrupted.

Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon reached out along the bond. [Obi-Wan?]

Obi-Wan was half way to the shuttle bay, a pack bumping on his hip. [Master?]

He sent his mate the memory of the conversation he'd just had. [I know you want to keep Jayden out of this but...]

His lifemate paused and debated for a long moment before answering. [I will bring her with us.]

Qui-Gon turned back to Yoda. "We will take her."

"Wise of you, yet again padawan."

"I've learned to yield to my elders' advice," he replied with a faint smile. "Sometimes."

"Go, we should, yes?" Yoda gestured to the overhead commscreens that showed outside where the battle had begun, unnoticed by either of them.

"Yes." Anticipation tightened his stomach.

"Upset you are, calm you should become."

"Easier said than done," he admitted with a rueful smile, his usual calm refusing to surface.

Yoda gave him a shrewd look. "Stiff drink you need."

He raised an eyebrow, again reminded of his padawan days when seemingly outrageous comments from his master were the norm. "Before going into battle?"

"Loosen you up, it would."

Of that, Qui-Gon had little doubt. The last time he'd drank something Yoda had given him, he lost two whole days from memory. "I'd fear it would loosen me too much."

"Unfortunate then. Share this ale with Obi-Wan then." Yoda patted his pack.

He blinked. "You brought ale?"

"To soften your anger, yes."

He considered as they headed into the shuttle proper. "I've been far more concerned about my fear than my anger," he admitted.

"Trust in your heart, my padawan. Obi-Wan will never lead you astray."

He felt his mouth curve upward in a full fledged smile. "That I know."

"Then we will prevail." His master gestured with his stick, encompassing the entire Alliance in that one small gesture.

"As simple as that." Qui-Gon didn't disbelieve but still...

"Never simple, always complex. It is the nature of us to make it simple to cope, yes?"

He gave his old master a fond look. "You used to accuse me of making things more complicated than they needed to be."

"Backwards as usual, padawan. Love you anyway, I do."

"It is returned as well, Master. Even when you're being a stubborn old --overgrown-- gnome."

"Overgrown we both are," Yoda cackled as they went forward.

Jess looked up from where he was running a preflight check. "Everything is ready."

"Good this is. Seat for me up front so I can see, yes?"

"We'll need an extra seat as well," Qui-Gon began.

"Anakin caught up to us after all?" Jess asked then caught sight of Obi-Wan crossing the hanger, a short figure, also in Jedi cream and brown at his heels. "WHAT?"

"No, not Anakin," Qui-Gon said needlessly. 

Jess half rose out of his seat. "No. She's not coming. I forbid it."

"Leaving her behind won't make her any safer."

"And bringing her within reach of my master *is*?"

"She'll be where we can protect her." He was careful to keep his voice and expression calm.

"I forbid it. She's not coming."

Qui-Gon took a deep breath, holding onto the calm facade with an effort. "She has to. And she is."

Through the view port he could see that Obi-Wan had slowed down, stopping to talk to a crewman, trying to buy Qui-Gon time to deal with this before they arrived.

"Something he's Seen?" Jess asked, accusation thickening his voice.

"Obi-Wan wanted to leave her behind as well."

"I see." Qui-Gon could see the fight draining out of Jess's eyes, watched him fade into the apathy that had plagued him since Rilka's death. "As you think is best."

"Don't," Qui-Gon asked softly. "Don't retreat."

"Tell them to come aboard, Master Jinn. I won't bite."

He sighed and stopped pushing. [The coast is as clear as it's going to get, Obi-Wan.]

Obi-Wan's head bobbed slightly. [Yes, master.]

Qui-Gon took his seat and leaned over towards Jess. In a low voice, he said, "Be angry with me if you want but don't take it out on her. She's just got you back, don't retreat from her again."

"You are taking my daughter into the biggest fight of our lives and I am supposed to just nod my head and agree?" Jess's voice was filled with disbelief. 

"With the bond she has with Obi-Wan, leaving her behind would not keep her safe."

"If it wasn't for the example of you, Master Yoda, and Obi-Wan I would personally ask for disbandment of the padawan system."

"I won't deny it has its flaws. We can take a look at the whole system after the war is over," Qui-Gon promised.

"That does nothing to solve the problem today. I will accept this, with the understanding that Obi-Wan gives her up as his padawan afterwards." There was no room for leeway in Jess's expression.

"That isn't my call. That is something you'll have to take up with Obi-Wan -- and Jayden."

Jess turned back to his preflight check, ignoring Qui-Gon with a will rarely seen outside of the salle. Qui-Gon sighed and rested his head against the back of his chair. This wasn't how he had pictured this moment. Idly he wondered if it was too late to take Yoda up on that ale.

Jayden pounded up the ramp. "Yoda! 'On! Da!" Giving them each a hug.

Jess held on to her, hugging her tightly; the look he shot the others acrimonious.

Obi-Wan just slipped into the copilot's seat and started his own check. "Into your seats, please. We're going."

Qui-Gon sat back in his chair as he watched his mate work the controls. His emotions were in turmoil and he was sure the others were too. Considering what they were facing....

[You're brooding,] Obi-Wan teased as they gently lifted off the deck and prepared to slip through the dog fighting to the surface.

[It is difficult not to, considering.]

[I was hoping for resigned happiness, actually.]Obi-Wan's hands kept busy on the controls. [This should bring it to some sort of end.]

[But what sort? Going in at odds with each other...] His gaze drifted over to Jess' still form.

"That's it. Jess, whatever your problem is, deal with it now or get off the ship. I will not have anyone at odds with anyone else with the battle ahead of us." Obi-Wan hovered just inside the bay doors.

Jayden had grown still, looking back and forth between Obi-Wan and Jess with wide eyes.

"Qui-Gon, you too. If you are going into this convinced you'd better off with most a bottle of ale in you then you shouldn't be here either. Master Yoda -- you act like you are going to make your famous last stand and die with honor today. With these attitudes we certainly will lose and frankly, I'm not ready to die yet, nor am I willing to risk *my* padawan, *my* best friend, and two of the finest masters I've ever known in my life because they are all feeling like twits." Obi-Wan turned and glared at everyone but Jayden in turn.

"A colorful but not inappropriate description," Qui-Gon admitted ruefully. 

"As I can apparently be 'generally'," Obi-Wan winced, "you can all be twitty. Get over it."

"I am willing," Qui-Gon said, watching Jess.

Jess nodded. "Fine, with the understanding that the bond between my daughter and Obi-Wan is dissolved when the battle ends."

"What?" Jayden blurted. "No!"

"You have no right to ask such a thing," Obi-Wan said quietly, "But if that is what you truly wish, I will."

"I won't. You can't make me." Jayden was all but bristling, glaring at her father.

"As your father I have the right to make the decision for you," Jess's calm had clearly returned. 

Qui-Gon could see the anger and frustration glowing in the girl's eyes but Jayden took a deep breath and answered in almost as calm a voice as Jess was using. "'B is mine. You can't change that."

"Obi-Wan will always be yours, Jayden but he does not have to be your master."

"But if he isn't, who would be?"

"Master Qui-Gon or Master Yoda or..." Jess shot her a desperate look. "Me."

Jayden got out of her seat and went over to stand in front of him, reaching for his hands. "You're my Da. That's just as important as my master, but it's different."

"It doesn't have to be. Outside of the order fathers raise their daughters."

"I know. You and 'B and 'on, you're all my family. You all raise me."

"We'll discuss this afterwards, Jay. Right now we have a few things to do."

She nodded and hugged him briefly. "I love you, Da, but I'm not giving up Obi-Wan. But we can discuss it more later if it'll make you feel better."

Jess's wry smile reflected her at least temporary win. "Thank you, sweets."

She gave him a grin that was pure Rilka. "I'll still win but we can talk about it."

"You don't always win, Jayden P'Quall."

She just grinned wider and patted his cheek before going back to her seat. 

"At least we know the Emperor is going to lose once she sets her mind to it," Obi-Wan muttered as he took them out of the safe haven of the Rill and into the chaos of the battlefield.

"That's why you're bringing me along, isn't it?" 

"I have no idea why we are bringing you. *I've* learned not to argue with Qui-Gon and his master. I lose." 

They dipped and turned underneath the ship, sizing up the best way out. Obi-Wan flipped on his headset and connected to the fleet's open channel. "General Kenobi to Alliance Fleet. I stand here on the bridge of our flagship and am ready to bring death to the enemy and freedom to the Republic."

All the alliance ships lit every light they had, blazing into the endless darkness of space.

"Forward, for the people of a thousand worlds, so they may know our light."

A wedge began to form, the larger class ships lining up against the Emperor's new frigates and the firing of the laser batteries began. Obi-Wan slipped off his headset and then nose-dived their shuttle towards the planet's surface, cutting through and around the vastly renewed battle.

[You certainly know how to make an exit,] Qui-Gon teased, taking his inspiration from the display of the light in the dark.

[They have inspiring recordings of me to play at key points as well, if needed. It's so embarrassing. I'm running a battle I'm not even in.]

[A testament to your skills. I am sure it will become legend.]

[I've told them as much as I could about what is coming. I hope it is enough.]

[It will be.] Somehow, now that they were underway, Qui-Gon had found a core of certainty and confidence that he would not have thought possible earlier.

As they slipped through the last of the fighters in ever increasing speed, Obi-Wan nodded. Endor's green moon, with the pure white of its polar caps filled a larger and larger portion of the forward viewscreen.

[Today will be the day remembered as the first step towards the return of the Light.]

[Yes,] Qui-Gon agreed, staring out the view port at the landscape. [It's been a long time coming.]

[Not all that long considering the life span of the Republic.]

[In our lifetime, however...] he replied, thinking of the years he had slept and that Obi-Wan had waited.

[We have much more living to do, my life.]

[Yes. There is many a sunbeam with our names on them.]

They entered the upper atmosphere on the dark side on the small planet, leaving a brilliant comet trail behind them, lost in the other falling debris from the battle. It only took a few minutes to land and off load the speeder bikes. Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Jayden in a sidecar on one; Jess and Yoda on the other. 

Obi-Wan stopped when he pushed the first one out, looking down into the seat of the sidecar. "It seems that no battle is complete without our friends."

Qui-Gon stepped forward to see t'lya, r'val, and m'wan sitting on the small benched seat.

"So I see." Trying to look stern though he could feel a smile trying to break through. "And you think you're going to come with us?"

r'val mrred a yes, t'lya and m'wan just headed for their humans.

"If we say no?"

r'val just gave him a look and commented that they would be left here Alone, against the Enemy? Three small felinoids?

"And it would be far better for three small felinoids to go directly into the Enemy's stronghold?" The smile was beginning to twitch its way out.

They Owned Jedi, did they not? They could Sneak and Help and Mew warnings.

The smile got away from him and he bowed to the inevitable. "On the condition that if we say run, you run, no questions, no arguments."

r'val mewed that was a Wise plan and then hopped up on Qui-Gon's shoulder, purring.

"A Wise plan you will follow, correct?"

His felinoid settled himself a bit more firmly on Qui-Gon's shoulder and asked if they would be going Soon, before the Enemy came.

Qui-Gon sighed, giving in. If things fell apart, he would just have to make sure the felinoids were out of harm's way.

r'val's purring carried the slightest hint of remorse. They would Run and start a family here, causing the Enemy much Harm in the Years to Come.

He smiled and reached up a hand to stroke r'val's fur. "Then my mind is at ease, knowing the Enemy will eventually fall."

With help, r'val commented slyly, from their owned humans.

"That is the plan." He moved to get on the speeder bike he was to share with Obi-Wan.

Jess and Yoda settled on the other one while Obi-Wan finished shutting down their transport craft and grabbing his pack. Jayden bounced into her seat, whispering excitedly to m'wan.

[The roster on this mission seems to keep expanding,] Qui-Gon reflected ruefully as his mate stowed his pack and climbed on in front of him.

[It always does.] Obi-Wan powered up the whisper quiet bike and they were taking off through the trees. [You might want to close your eyes.]

 

He watched the scenery going by in a blur. [Yes, that might be a good idea,] he said faintly, closing his eyes.

r'val squirmed his way down until he was squished between the two Jedi as the engine revved up again, taking them fast and faster to the heart of the enemy stronghold. Paradoxically, considering what was waiting them, Qui-Gon found himself growing calmer and more certain the closer they got. A sign from the Force that this was the right time and the right thing to do. Obi-Wan's mind reached out to him, twining them together minus what he considered the exhilarating sensations of driving through the forest at several hundred kilometers per hour. Jayden was there too, and more distantly through her -- Jess. Of course the bond that Qui-Gon had with his master shone brightly. And shining brightly from the edges were three more sparks of consciousness as the felinoids added their own strength to the whole.

The sensation of wind and the faint pop of sounds as the passed between the huge trees filled his ears as the journey continued. They slowed eventually, coasting to a stop on the crest of a hill. When he opened his eyes and looked downward he could see the ugly black and silver building, a leech in the side of planet and its inhabitants. A leech on their Republic and today it was going to be removed. The Emperor wasn't guarded by droids, or clones, but by living thinking fanatical guards -- all of which seemed to be present on the grounds judging from the six outside the door, guarding it. 

"Thank the stars we're Jedi or we'd need some heavy firepower and lots of distractions to get in there," Obi-Wan muttered as he leaned forward over the bars, surveying the site closely.

"Distractions might still be useful," Qui-Gon murmured back, their bond carrying the words more than the sound.

"Like?"

"Something to get the guards away without a lot of noise." He looked around, searching for inspiration.

The shuttles at the base of the hill caught his attention. Through more hours than he cared to remember he could recall his lifemate and Anakin talking about the fully automated features of that model. Features they were both derisive of since they made having a pilot superfluous. "What about that?" He nodded in the direction of the shuttles. "A shuttle taking off by itself is bound to be a bit distracting."

Obi-Wan nodded and slipped off the bike. "I go do that and meet the rest of you at the base of the hill?"

Qui-Gon nodded in agreement. [Be careful.]

[And so it begins, with a whimper.] Then his lifemate was gone, vanished into a blur of Jedi enhanced speed.

Jayden climbed up into the driver's seat in front of Qui-Gon. "I'll drive for you, master."

"You can drive one of these?" Qui-Gon asked with a raised eyebrow.

She tapped her temple significantly. "Master Obi-Wan knows how so *I* do."

He wasn't sure if that inspired confidence, but kept his uncertainty to himself. "Slowly, padawan. We don't want to attract their attention."

"Sneaking," Jayden said confidently. "I know."

They started moving and Qui-Gon relaxed a little as it became apparent that Jayden did know what she was doing. He glanced over at the other bike and Jess. Jess was glaring at him and nearly ran into a tree. Qui-Gon saw Yoda say something sharp to Jess and suspected if it hadn't been for the fact they were moving, the old Jedi master would've taken his cane to Jess' shins. Jayden snickered and kept to her chosen course, bringing them into the backside of a thick clump of trees and brush 100 meters from the doors.

And then there was nothing to do but wait for Obi-Wan to join them. Qui-Gon told himself that yes, as a Jedi master he was supposed to have mastered patience long ago. They all huddled together to wait. And wait. And wait. Qui-Gon found himself beginning to shift worriedly; he had no sense of trouble from his lifemate but...

He could hear a shuttle power up, finally. It slowly rose from behind the building, did a barrel roll, circled around the facility once before slowly turning end over end above the doors, firing apparently at random. The guards all looked up at it, frozen for a second, and then their guns came up tracking the shuttle as it flew by. Still at random it wobbled and bobbled, a very credible imitation of a system gone haywire as it drifted towards the other shuttles still firing and now occasionally hitting equipment, trees, the ground and the nearby building. The guards were now showing signs of alarm and moved off to try and shoot it down.

Obi-Wan popped up next to the Jedi, panting heavily. "I disabled most of the other shuttles, and that one should crash and burn in the midst of the holding area if they don't shoot it down onto their heads first."

"Well done." Qui-Gon smiled. "One distraction, Obi-Wan style."

"Thank you, master. It will make it interesting getting back out though."

"Hopefully what we do while we're inside will leave them in enough chaos that we won't need a distraction."

"That would be ignoble wouldn't it? Getting shot on the way back out?"

"It would indeed," Qui-Gon agreed. "This is as good a reason as any to avoid it."

Obi-Wan's smile faded into seriousness. "Shall we?"

Qui-Gon looked around at everyone, his gaze finally coming to rest on his mate's. "Yes," he finally said.

Obi-Wan picked up Jayden and m'wan, Jess picked up r'val and t'lya, which left Qui-Gon to carry Master Yoda at high speed into the Emperor's stronghold. It wasn't the first time he'd done so for his master on missions and brought back memories from his padawan days. Somehow that seemed to be appropriate to be thinking of his beginnings while heading towards the confrontation that promised to be the most pivotal of his life. It was the work of a few moments for Yoda to clamber up onto his back and then a few more for them to race through the trees and into the facility. Jess and Obi-Wan began checking the security system, trying to find the Emperor's exact location, while Jayden and the felinoids kept watch. Without conscious decision, Qui-Gon reached out his awareness through the Force; he could sense the Darkness they had come to destroy at the center of complex, like a spider sitting in the center of its web. A web they would have to traverse before even being able to start the final battle. A web the Emperor fully expected them to traverse and come to him. There was no surprise in the Sith Lord's mind at their arrival, only anticipation.

Qui-Gon suppressed a shiver that tried to go through his frame. He focused on the bonds that connected him to his companions, potent reminders that this confrontation was going to be different than the last time. He caught Obi-Wan glancing at him and he cleared his throat, but his voice still was a bit hoarse when he spoke. "He's waiting for us."

His lifemate nodded and stopped his high speed inputting. "Then anything else we do is moot. Is everyone ready for the next phase?" Obi-Wan received sober nods from everyone, even Jayden. "Master? Is Orath with the Emperor?"

Qui-Gon concentrated but all he could sense was that overwhelming Darkness. "I can't tell."

"He is." Jess' voice was cold and flat. "Or as close as makes no difference."

"Then splitting up makes no difference at all. We go together." Obi-Wan slipped off his cloak and lit his lightsaber as everyone else did, and then they went into the facility itself

Done in the most pristine white that could be imagined, the walls, ceiling and floor glowed with redirected light. Their uniforms in creams and browns looked muddy and dirty against that false pristineness. They came to a split in the corridor, both closed with blast doors. "Which way?"

Qui-Gon barely had to reach out; the Darkness seemed to call out to him so strongly he was amazed it wasn't visible. "Left."

Jayden nodded, her expression grim. "Nasty little man."

"Mrr," r'val agreed softly, his tail twitching as he sniffed the air.

Obi-Wan and Jess both sank their sabers into the door, melting through the lock. It didn't take long and soon they were making their deeper into the complex. They encountered no resistance and the emptiness made the metal corridors seem all the more sterile and dead.

"It's tomb," Obi-Wan commented. "He built himself a tomb whether he knew it or not."

"He knows it," Qui-Gon said. The Darkness was looming closer with each step, seeming to reach out to touch and cling to him cloyingly.

"He intends it to be ours then...."

"More than that." It was becoming harder to force the words out. "He intends it to be the tomb of our cause."

Obi-Wan stopped and looked at him. "We know where he is, my love. Stop trying to touch him. Focus on those around you."

Jayden came over and gripped Qui-Gon's hand while r'val leapt up onto his shoulder, purring reassuringly interspersed with tiny growls. The light of their presence did force the Darkness back enough that he was able to breath a little easier. "Thank you."

"Back with us?"

"More or less. Though when we get closer-"

"I will hold you myself," Obi-Wan vowed.

The promise steadied him and pushed the Darkness back just that bit more. "Thank you," he repeated.

Obi-Wan turned back and began leading again, t'lya at his heels. The Emperor stopped bothering to close doors in front of them; instead he let them shut behind their small party, locking them further and further inside his dark web. Jess and Yoda were next in line, with himself, r'val, m'wan and Jayden in the rear. Qui-Gon felt his unease grow at the obvious anticipation the Emperor was showing for their confrontation. It could just be arrogance, but he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it. If they were walking into a trap.

The floor opened under Obi-Wan and t'lya's feet, sending them plummeting downwards and out of sight without warning.

"No!" Qui-Gon cried out, throwing a hand out and the Force with it, feeling the others react similarly half a second later.

"Up would be good," came Obi-Wan's shaky voice.

Qui-Gon stepped forward to the edge of the void and looked downward. His lifemate was hovering in midair above a grid of powered lightsabers. 'Sabres he recognized the resonances of from fallen friends in the war. t'lya was cradled in the General's arms, and there was a charred and blistered stripe along Obi-Wan's torso where he hadn't been able to elude them all on the way down. Qui-Gon was levitating them back up before he could even form the conscious thought.

[Nothing major,] Obi-Wan promised him privately.

He didn't release his Force hold on Obi-Wan until his mate was in his arms. [Compared to what it could have been...] he sent back shakily.

[Yes, but it wasn't and this was the risk we accepted coming here. He intended to wound, not kill I think.]

The others were gathering around, concern showing on all their faces.

"Jess? You have the med kit right?" Obi-Wan gingerly handed over t'lya to his padawan and then turned, letting most of his weight rest against Qui-Gon.

"Yes." Jess took off his pack and pulled the kit out.

[Qui-Gon, you might want to block the bond for a few minutes while he unsticks the material from my ribs.]

[No.] Not here. The last thing they should be doing this close to the Darkness is lessening their connection, even momentarily. Qui-Gon wouldn't be surprised if that was the reason behind the trap in the first place.

[You've been warned then.] And then the pain washed over them both as the tunic was pulled away. The deepest part of the wound didn't hurt yet, the nerves were gone, but along the two hand span length they were alive and sending their discordant messages of pain.

Qui-Gon bore it stoically, siphoning off what he could from Obi-Wan and releasing it into the Force.

Jess' face was grim as he gently treated the wound. "This is probably going to need bacta treatment when we get out of here," he said quietly.

"I think it's a Rule that I have to use bacta at least once a year," Obi-Wan managed to tease.

"That's really a habit you should try to break." The tone managed to match Obi-Wan's in lightness but the look in Jess' eyes did not. "I don't want to lose anyone else."

"It's not in the plan, Jess. I have a padawan to raise to knighthood."

"Then it behooves you to set a better example. I don't want my daughter getting the idea that ducking is optional."

Obi-Wan turned and gave Jayden the most serious look he could manage. "You heard him. Duck whenever possible. However, falling through the floor is the wrong sort of ducking."

"Yes, Master," Jayden replied. "Duck, but not fall."

"Excellent." With a bit of a feverish twinkle in his eyes he turned back to Jess. "See? She's got it."

"Just make sure she keeps it," Jess said gruffly, though his hands were gentle as they affixed a bacta bandage over Obi-Wan's wound.

Obi-Wan caught Jess's chin in his hand, raising the knight's eyes to meet his own. "I promise."

Jess held Obi-Wan's gaze and nodded slowly.

"Finish and let's find a way to get around this stupid thing and move on."

[Can you walk?] Qui-Gon asked, able to feel the pain and shakiness through the bond.

[In a few minutes, certainly.]

Briefly the thought passed through Qui-Gon's mind to send Obi-Wan out of here to safety with one or more of the others.

[And yet you won't close down the bond any? Try again.] Obi-Wan pulled away from him and rested a hand on Jayden's shoulder instead. "Let's go."

Qui-Gon nodded and with Jayden's help, got Obi-Wan to his feet. He knew he couldn't have sent Obi-Wan back even if his mate had agreed. He needed him too much in the impending confrontation.

The pit was still open and spanned the entire hall except a thin ledge on each side. It was only three meters or so across, an insignificant barrier under normal circumstances.

Obi-Wan glared at the floor. "I should have sensed it."

"This whole place feels like a trap," Jess pointed out. "Alarms can only sound so loudly."

"So you and Qui-Gon each take one of my arms and leap over?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I levitated you out of the pit; I should be able to levitate you across -- and with far less jarring than a leap."

"Fine."

"I'll go first," Jess said, taking a few steps back and then running and leaping, landing easily on the other side.

"Jayden and Yoda go next," Obi-Wan insisted.

Qui-Gon saw Jess stiffen and raise his hand in an aborted protest as Jayden made her jump, clearing the pit easily and coming down lightly at her father's side. Yoda serenely floated over, bringing the felinoids with him. That left Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon on the wrong side of the obstacle.

[I wanted to jump to downplay the seriousness. You know he's watching,] Obi-Wan grumped as he was picked up.

[I know.] He could feel that regard bearing down on him, heavy and smothering. He held Obi-Wan, their bond, tighter. 

[Then we'll be strong here, in our hearts.]

[Where he can't touch us,] Qui-Gon murmured, jumping and then using the Force to land with as little jarring to the man in his arms as possible.

[Exactly.]

He kissed Obi-Wan on the forehead once, before gently setting him on his feet.

[Fighting should be interesting.]

[Hang back if you can if it comes to any physical confrontations.] Qui-Gon knew in his heart that the final battle wasn't going to be physical, was going to be one of the mind and the soul instead.

[The only physical confrontation I'm expecting is the one with Orath.]

[That is why we didn't come alone.]

Obi-Wan fell silent as they continued onward with Jess now in the lead. Qui-Gon felt the Darkness growing with every step they took, beckoning now as much as repelling and that scared him more. "Slow down," Obi-Wan said softly, holding the bandage tight to his side.

"Wha-" He blinked, realizing he had been quickening his pace, outpacing Obi-Wan and nearly the others as well. Stopping dead, he turned and reached out to his mate. "I-"

"Was focused. Noticed we did," Yoda commented.

"Focused is one word for it." Qui-Gon took a deep breath, trying to shut out his awareness of the Darkness waiting for them. 

"I think he was trying to be positive about it," Obi-Wan murmured with dark humor.

"I hadn't anticipated this reaction," Qui-Gon admitted, reaching out for Obi-Wan's hand, needing the physical connection.

Obi-Wan wrapped an arm around his waist instead, leaning into him. "No more racing ahead?"

"Not consciously. I'll trust you to hold me back if I do."

"I don't think we have much choice."

He didn't have anything to say to that so he only nodded and tightened his grip on Obi-Wan. His lifeline.

Jess stopped at the next intersection then looked back at them. "I think this is where we split up."

Qui-Gon nodded, regarding the other man seriously. "Be careful."

Jayden ran up and gave him a hug. "You won't die, Da."

He hugged her back tightly. "I'll see you after," he promised.

"Yes. Momma and I will be waiting."

Jess' arms tightened visibly around her at the mention of Rilka.

"'On and 'B will be angry if you get hurt," she warned, smoothing back his hair.

"That goes both ways you know," he told her seriously.

"You'll get angry if they get hurt? I know that already," she said with all the seriousness a not quite twelve year old could muster. "And I'll keep an eye on them."

"And on yourself," Jess added in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

"Yes, Da."

Jess looked up at them as he let go of his daughter, his eyes saying what he wouldn't with his mouth. Qui-Gon answered it with a significant look of his own, conveying what was sacred in his heart about any padawan, and especially the ones in his care. Jess nodded and then turned and disappeared down the left corridor. r'val was clearly torn between going with Jess and staying with the rest of the group.

"You can go," Qui-Gon told him. "Watch his back."

"Mrow." r'val leapt to the floor and took off after the knight.

When they were gone Qui-Gon took a deep breath and turned to those that were still with him. "Shall we continue?"

t'lya agreed that they should, so she could meet up with her mate Soon.

"They'll be all right," Jayden repeated with absolute conviction as they started walking again.

The rest of the walk was nerve-wrenchingly normal. No sliding walls or floors, no guards, no spikes -- nothing but the ever growing Darkness. There was no blocking it out now, it was everywhere, seeming to even be trying to seep into their pores. Jayden and m'wan walked closer and closer until they were practically on Qui-Gon's heels. Only Master Yoda seemed unaffected by the miasma. For Qui-Gon reality was taking on a surreal quality as the Darkness seemed to overlay everything. Only the bright presence of his lifemate at his side still seemed real.

[Come back to me, love.]

[Obi-Wan...] He clung to their bond like a lifeline, but was unable to totally pull free of the Darkness this time.

Obi-Wan stopped again and turned to face him, drowning Qui-Gon in the Light Side of the Force.

Qui-Gon breathed a little easier as his lifemate's presence created an island of reality within the Darkness. "Thank you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against Obi-Wan's.

[I could stay here and rest while you continue on. I'll be in your heart and mind more fully if I don't have to try and keep walking.]

He took a moment to try and objectively assess Obi-Wan's condition. He didn't like what he saw. [I'm leaving Jayden with you, just in case.]

[Leave me t'lya. You'll need Jayden.]

Qui-Gon knew better than to argue with his mate. Instead he leaned in and kissed Obi-Wan with all the feeling in him.

Obi-Wan returned that kiss and then let Qui-Gon help him into a shallow alcove. [Go. I'll be fine.]

He nodded. "Guard him well, t'lya," he murmured to the small felinoid as she carefully climbed into Obi-Wan's lap.

"Mrow mew," she purred. She would Guard her Human Well.

Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon clasped his mate's hand one more time, then stood and left. But he didn't leave Obi-Wan behind. His lifemate was sunk deeply into Qui-Gon's mind, watching and feeling everything that Qui-Gon was. A little island of light where it couldn't be taken away. Jayden held his hand now, with m'wan in her other hand as they walked towards the inner sanctum of the Emperor. Master Yoda had vanished at some point, gone ahead without them. He felt a frisson of worry at that. [He's determined to face the Emperor alone.]

[As stubborn as his padawan,] Obi-Wan answered. [Hurry.]

Qui-Gon quickened his pace, urged on by more than his mate's exhortation. The hallways seemed endless as they traced Yoda's Force strand through the complex. It came to an abrupt halt in front of a large archway, one that shimmered with a crackling blue shield across it. Through the miniature lightening he could see his master facing off against the Emperor. Tattered homespun robes of brown versus the sleek black ones of the Sith.

Jayden reached past Qui-Gon, her small fingers nearly touching the surface of the semi-transparent shield. Tiny sparks arced from it's energized surface to her fingertips. Pulling back she sucked on them. [That burns.]

He could feel Obi-Wan's concern, reaching out even further to touch his padawan as close as he could and then turn his attention to the shield itself. [Take too long to try and get through it. Is there any other way in there?]

It looked like there were large entrances on three sides of the room, the  
fourth 'wall' looked out over the forest itself, giving a view of the nighttime  
sky.  
In all the goings on, the sun had set, plunging their part of the world  
into darkness, a darkness that was eating away at everything he loved.  
Qui-Gon tore his gaze away from the room and the battle that was  
about to take place to glance down the hall again. It looked like there was a  
parallel hallway that would eventually lead them to the other door but it would  
take precious time.

Time is elderly master could ill afford them to waste. With a deep breath he swept Jayden up into his arms and began to run, no longer conserving anything in a bid to save his master from the dark fate that Obi-Wan had forseen. The path was much more complicated than it had looked from the previous vantage point. Doubling back on itself and going up at least one level before bringing him back down to the proper one, he was afforded split second glimpses of his master against the backdrop of the darkling forest.

A final turning and they had clear view of the fight that was beginning to come to actual blows. He set Jayden down and she ran alongside as they burst into the main room. Yoda and the Emperor were on the far side, near the huge windows that overlooked the forest. As they closed in the first bluish lightening bolt flew out of the Emperor's fingers to dance around the old Jedi Master's body.

"No!" Qui-Gon yelled, running towards them.

[Master Yoda is fine,] the icy calm of his lifemate's voice cut across the terror in Qui-Gon's heart. [It didn't touch him.]

He forced himself to slow down, trying to focus on Obi-Wan's presence instead of half-buried memories of that electricity playing across his own nerve endings.

"Nice to meet you in person, Qui-Gon." The Emperor's oily tones reached out, coating him.

Controlling the shudder that wanted to go through him, Qui-Gon kept his expression calm and answered, "I can't return the sentiment."

"That's unfortunate. Master Yoda and I were having a lovely discussion. Wouldn't you and the young one care to join us?"

He walked forward to stand beside his master. Distantly it felt like that movement was echoed within his lifemate but before he could analyze the sensation the Emperor spoke again.

"We seem to be missing several of your party," Palpatine whispered.

"They're busy elsewhere." His voice was still calm belying the turmoil inside.

"Unfortunate. I was interested in meeting them after all the trouble you've been causing me."

Qui-Gon smiled though it was more a baring of teeth. "It's been our pleasure."

There was a snarled frown from the Emperor as he turned back to Yoda. "Ah, I was right here...." And the lightening flew again.

Yoda calmly deflected it without a word, but Qui-Gon still was not able to stop his flinch.

The Emperor's other hand raised, this time towards Qui-Gon since Yoda wasn't proving to be as easy a target as he had apparently hoped. The Jedi had but a moment to react as he felt Obi-Wan's mental growl and a mental shield was added to his own. Qui-Gon could feel his hair beginning to stand on end from the electric charge but the combined shield held. The pain and the screaming remained only in Qui-Gon's memories.

Jayden's giggle carried over the crackling. "It tickles, 'On."

The child's laughter did more than anything else to steady Qui-Gon's nerves. To put the Darkness into perspective. His shields strengthened along his confidence. "Yes it does, Jay."

"Can we squish him now and go home? m'wan is hungry."

Qui-Gon surprised himself by chuckling. "I'll see if we can speed it up."

"Thanks." She turned back to the Emperor, still holding m'wan firmly to her chest. "I don't like him."

"I don't either." He reached out and pulled her to his side.

"No wonder he killed Mama. She would have squished him good."

"I'm sure she would have."

"Oh, this is the Lieutenant's daughter. Good, saves me the trouble of tracking her down." Palpatine smiled, showing rotted teeth.

Qui-Gon's arm tightened around her. "You won't harm her."

She smiled at him, taking a half step forward. "I'll will myself to join the Jedi first."

Qui-Gon took another step toward his nightmare. "This time you're not going to hurt anyone else."

"Are you very sure about that?" With a wave of the Emperor's hand a set of doors opened, and beyond them he could see Jess and Orath fighting.

If he had meant to dishearten Qui-Gon with the sight, the Emperor was going to be sadly disappointed. He had known where Jess was going and what he was going to do; seeing him doing it now -- and holding his own -- actually acted as another break in the Dark. 

They watched as the two traded parries and blocks in the brilliant lightsaber battle up on the balcony. Obi-Wan chuckled richly in his mind. [Good for Jess. He needed this.]

[Yes. To banish the past.] He glanced at the Emperor. [That's why I have to do this as well.]

[Then by all means...] Obi-Wan lent more of his strength to Qui-Gon.

He stepped forward reaching for his saber.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Master Jinn."

Ignoring the words Qui-Gon continued forward.

With a wave of one emaciated hand, a bier rose up out of the floor behind him, faintly shimmering behind a shield. Obi-Wan's body stretched out on top of it. Qui-Gon stopped dead in his tracks.

Obi-Wan's voice was shocked as he tried to slip away from Qui-Gon's mind and back to his body. [I can't get back. The shield. I think it was meant to prevent me from helping you, instead....]

"As you can see, I hold your life in my hands."

Gritting his teeth, Qui-Gon ground out, "What do you want?" At the same time he was hanging onto Obi-Wan's essence with all of his strength.

"What do you think I want?" The Emperor chuckled richly and with a casual gesture made the shield flicker, stepping throught it before it stabilized again. Petting Obi-Wan's hair he hissed, "Everything of course."

He heard himself growl at the liberty and took another step forward.

A rather prosaic and sharp dagger was held to Obi-Wan's throat. "Just stay right where you are, Master Jinn. I'd hate to make a mess."

He froze again, helplessly.

Behind the Emperor he could see Jess run Orath through, the corrupted Jedi falling to the floor in a heap.

"It would appear that it's time for a strategic withdrawal." The Emperor stepped closer to Obi-Wan's unconscious body, cradling it. "Thank you for the companionship."

[Kill him,] Obi-Wan pleaded. [I don't want this. Please!]

"B?" Jayden was swiveling back and forth between Qui-Gon and the Emperor.

[Obi-Wan...] Qui-Gon whispered but was already moving forward, unable to deny that plea.

[Let us die free. Get closer, see if you can get through the shield and I can attack him physically.] Desperation from his lifemate was bleeding into him, coloring every action, everything that he wanted to do.

"Stay back, Jayden!" Qui-Gon warned as moved forward, concentrating on the increasing resistance to his progress.

The Emperor was petting Obi-Wan still, and then casually sliced the blade through the thick braid of hair, tossing it at Qui-Gon. "A memento."

It unraveled as it flew through the air, fanning out across the floor in a rich amber puddle at his feet. Qui-Gon saw red and lunged, the shield shattering under his anger. 

With an expression of utter calm the Emperor sliced Obi-Wan's throat, his hands instantly coated with blood. The withered face filling out as he drank in all the anger and hate that was focused on him in that unbelievable moment. Then he took half a step backwards laughing his hands dripping blood, and vanished. 

Obi-Wan's mental scream of rage was much louder. [No! He doesn't win. I won't pass into the Force without taking him with me.]

Qui-Gon could feel his lifemate try to force his body forward, mentally pushing forward even further, trying to reach the Emperor before death overtook him. He responded by holding onto Obi-Wan even tighter. In his mind, numbed with shock, that was the only thought -- don't let Obi-Wan go. 

He grasped the bloody material, trying uselessly to staunch the flow of blood, delay the inevitable. [I'm sorry,] Qui-Gon whispered, waiting for Obi-Wan to be pulled from him, and knowing he would follow.

Jayden stepped up to him and put her fingers on the one clear patch of skin, his forehead, perhaps to give her master a blessing. She stopped and pressed harder on the cooling skin, confused. "It's not B," she said simply and turned away looking to Qui-Gon for answers. 

Not the real Obi-Wan? Qui-Gon shook his head as the words penetrated -- as did the fact that he was still alive -- and Obi-Wan was still very much with him.

[Maybe the shield?] His lifemate sounded like he was shattered to the very core.

He didn't feel much better. [I-I don't know.] 

Yoda stepped through the blood, Qui-Gon noticing absently that it had stained all of them now, to poke at the body. "No wounds it has, not Knight Kenobi. Clone perhaps."

"Clone?" Even to himself Qui-Gon's voice sounded small and weak.

"Where is the burn from his clumsiness, hmm?" Yoda poked again at the body as Obi-Wan's mental voice made a choking sound.

"Told you," Jayden muttered. "Now we need to stop the Emperor before he takes away B for real."

Qui-Gon nodded, trying to shake off the paralysis of shock. [Can you sense anything from your body, love?]

[Down.] Was the unhelpful answer from his lifemate's stunned psyche.

[Can you get back to it -- wake up?]

[Do you really want me to?] Obi-Wan's voice was shaky, a bare step from terrified.

He cradled Obi-Wan's consciousness within his own, soothing as much as he could in his own agitated state. [I'm not going to let you go, but we need to know.]

There was a fading moment as his lifemate tried and then he was back in full force. [I can't. It's like I'm frozen.]

Qui-Gon smothered a curse. [Did you get any better idea of direction?]

[Down and south?] Obi-Wan's thoughts seemed to indicate the shuttle pad.

That was all that Qui-Gon needed to break into motion. "The shuttle pad," he passed on tersely to the others even as he was running for the stairs the Emperor had taken.

r'val and m'wan took off past him following the scent even as Yoda, Jayden, and Jess fell in behind, trying desperately to keep up. Qui-Gon moved faster than he ever had, spurred on by both his own and Obi-Wan's fear. Nearly breaking down the door at the other end of the tunnel he had the briefest glimpse of Obi-Wan, frozen in some sort of crystalline structure propped up against the window, right next to the Emperor as a shuttle powered up from the surface, leaving.

"No!" Qui-Gon yelled in denial, even as he realized there was nothing he could do but watch impotently.

The shuttle suddenly wobbled in mid-air and Qui-Gon turned to see Jayden and Yoda trying to hold it back with the Force. The little girl and the ancient Jedi Master had teamed up to prevent this horrendous thing from happening, from preventing the Emperor from getting away. The battle was fought silently on the ground, above them in the air, the engines of the overpowered black vessel whined and screamed in protest. The battle tipped in their favor when Jess added his strength to the fight, bringing the dark ship closer and closer to the ground -- almost close enough for Qui-Gon to leap aboard. The Jedi Master could feel the Emperor's rage at being thwarted and sensed that the Sith was going to do something desperate to break away.

The engines whine grew to an unbearable pitch, pulling away again but it was clear it would not be enough for him to break free. Then a large crystal box was balanced on the rear ramp. In the high winds Qui-Gon could see the Emperor's dark cloak whipping around and he could almost imagine the look of glee on the evil being's face as he kicked the delicate structure off the transparsteel edge. It plummeted downward, glittering and reflecting all the bright colors of the sun, sky and trees as it fell. Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan's helpless terror. To die twice in one day?

He flung a hand out and grabbed at the container with the Force, its speed and distance making it hard to get a hold of. But he wasn't going to let his mate fall. He put all his strength and determination into the effort and was rewarded by the container slowing to a stop in midair.

"B!" Jayden yelled and then was running out onto the landing field, heedless of anything around her but her master floating overhead.

Qui-Gon didn't have any attention to spare as he brought his mate's body down as gently as he could.

[What did he do?] Obi-Wan asked.

[I don't know,] Qui-Gon answered as he released his mental hold on the container and started forward shakily.

Jayden was pounding on the crystal that encased her master from head to toe in a giant, almost clear prismed block. It looked like ice until Qui-Gon touched it and felt the smooth warmth and the faintest of vibrations -- Obi-Wan's slowed heartbeat.

He pressed his hand flat against the surface, over Obi-Wan's heart. [Can you feel it?]

[No. Can you?]

[I feel you with me. Not there.]

[Now what?]

[I...] Qui-Gon shook his head, not having an answer.

**end Rebellion Missives Nine

Rebellion Missives Ten

[If I had someplace to sit, I'd really want to sit down and have a drink. On the other hand, I think the Emperor's guards are coming.]

Qui-Gon latched onto the last bit, pushing through the shock with an effort of will. "We've got to get out of here."

[Don't forget -- me.]

[Never,] he promised.

[Qui-Gon?]

[Yes, love?]

[t'lya was in my arms when I lost awareness of my body. Is she still there?]

He looked down through the crystal at his lover's body; in the crook of Obi-Wan's arm was a barely visible small gray body. [Yes.]

Obi-Wan's relief was palpable. [Much better than the alternative. She was Guarding me.]

[As always.]

[Explain to r'val before he refuses to leave without her.]

[I don't think there's a need,] he replied, watching as the russet felinoid jumped up on top of the crystal, staring down at t'lya, mrring softly.

r'val looked up at him a moment later. "Mrow mew." The t'lya would keep the Obi-Wan Company while they Napped.

"Yes." He reached out and picked r'val up.

Time to Go, r'val commented with another sad mrr.

"Yes," he replied again, looking over to where the others were in the process of breaking into another shuttle.

[What about the bikes and our shuttle?]

[There's no way to take you on the bikes. We have to improvise.]

Obi-Wan fell silent at that, withdrawing to the 'back' of Qui-Gon's mind.

Jess came over, touching Qui-Gon's shoulder. "We're in. Shall we take him onboard?"

Qui-Gon nodded. Jess waited a moment more and when no one moved he Lifted the crystal up off the shuttle pad himself, floating it toward the cargo doors. Qui-Gon followed, not willing to let it out of his sight.

Jayden had laid out her cloak on the floor. "Put him there, so he's not resting on the metal, Da."

Jess nodded and the crystal lowered onto the cloak.

She sat down next to Obi-Wan's body. "At least with 'On I could still hug him," she whispered.

Sitting beside her, Qui-Gon opened his arms to the girl. "He's still here."

Her eyes filled with tears as she crawled into Qui-Gon's lap. Jess' hand briefly rested on his shoulder and then he disappeared into the cockpit to get them out of there. Yoda and m'wan found seats and then they were lifting off Endor's moon. Qui-Gon sat and held Jayden tightly, his eyes never leaving the trapped form of his mate.

[Love?] Obi-Wan asked so very softly.

[Obi-Wan.]

[Can I hold her too?] Behind that quiet statement was a world of terror.

He couldn't help but respond to that. [Try,] he said softly, consciously giving up control to his lifemate.

Obi-Wan cautiously slipped into control, squeezing Jayden tighter and shifting to hold her the way he normally did.

Jayden froze then looked up. "B?" she whispered.

"My Jay," Obi-Wan whispered hoarsely through Qui-Gon's form.

She flung her arms around his neck and held on tightly.

"We'll fix it, Jay. Somehow."

Face buried against his shoulder, she nodded. "I know."

"Qui-Gon will keep me safe and I think we can persuade him to share at bedtime."

She laughed at that, the sound just this side of tears. "My B."  
[And you can always talk to me this way,] Obi-Wan offered. [I'd like it if you did that.]

[Me too.]

[So, we'll chat, like always, my padawan.]

Her arms tightened even more and she nodded again.

Obi-Wan's attention turned to the lifebond. [Can I hold her a bit longer, love?]

[Of course.]

[Thank you,] Obi-Wan held his padawan tighter. [Now if only I could have you hold me like this.]

[We'll have to make do with our souls holding each other until we can free you.]

[And that is the only reason I haven't gone insane already.]

[That makes two of us.]

*****************

Qui-Gon fell asleep and I found myself staring up at the ceiling through foggy eyes. We haven't quite figured out how this all works yet, but I'm guessing that if he's resting I can borrow the body for a little bit. I know he won't begrudge me that. Gives us a few minutes not in such tight proximity to each other's minds. Now there is a joke for you -- tight proximity. I'm trapped within him, or my consciousness is and we don't know how to reunite my half of our soul with my body. So we're headed back to Alderaan and what's left of the Great Library there to see if there is anything we can do to *undo* what the Emperor has thrust upon us. This is the most normal I've felt since the whole battle started. Sitting here and typing. Until I realize the chair is too short and my hands are too big and oh stars....

**entry ends

********************

Qui-Gon's sleep was restless, unable to escape his worry even in his dreams. It drove him back to wakefulness while his mind was still reeling from shock and exhaustion. Waking up didn't make things any better; his body was pacing their room and he couldn't stop himself from reflexively reaching for control.

Obi-Wan made a panicked sound and retreated so quickly that he almost lost his balance. [I'm sorry.]

[It's all right.] He sat down on the edge of the bed. [I just wasn't expecting...]

[I wasn't tired.] Obi-Wan's tone was somewhere between sheepish and mortified. [I wrote in my journal and then I just had to *move*.]

Qui-Gon smiled sadly. [You always were unable to sit still when you're upset.]

[Still am, apparently.]  
[If you want to pace some more-]

[If I start I won't want to stop until I exhaust us both and you are already in severe need of rest.]

[I would protest that I am all right but...]

[You'd be lying. So would I for that matter....]

He ached to hold Obi-Wan in his arms. Instead, he had to settle for wrapping his thoughts around his mate's.

[You could hold r'val. I'm sure he's as lonely, if not more, for t'lya than you are for me -- at least we can still talk.]

[He's in the infirmary. With...]

[Ah. Well, you need to pet *something*. Call for a felinoid, love. We both need the simple comfort.]

[Perhaps your padawan would let us borrow m'wan.]

[I haven't met a felinoid yet that couldn't use some more loving.]

[That can be said for far more than felinoids.]

If Obi-Wan had been capable of it, he would have given Qui-Gon a Look. Instead he settled for saying, [You're still sitting on the bed.]

[So I am.] He still made no move to get up, finding himself strangely reluctant to carry out Obi-Wan's advice.

[Qui-Gon?] The hesitance was beginning to bleed over to his lifemate now. [Would you rather meditate and maybe we can Dream together and hold each other there?]

[I would like that.]

[Get comfy then.] 

Qui-Gon could feel an odd tug of the Force through his body and when he turned to look Obi-Wan had managed to pull back the blankets and arrange the pillows to Qui-Gon's preference. Qui-Gon smiled sadly, touched by the gesture. [Thank you,] he said softly, as he lay down in the prepared spot.

[I'm somewhat limited in what I can do for you, love. Let's make the best of it.]

[You do more for me than you could ever know.]

[I think I'll learn to over the next however long it takes to make everything right again.]

[At least we're together,] Qui-Gon whispered back as he closed his eyes and reached for a meditative state.

[Yes.] Obi-Wan was waiting for him there, in that hazy place between meditation and dreams. Looking exhausted and nervous as he hadn't in all the years they'd been fighting; his lifemate actually looked his age for the first time that Qui-Gon could remember.

Qui-Gon didn't say anything, just opened his arms.

Obi-Wan fell into his arms, holding on tightly. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." He rested his head on top of his lifemate's. "Lean on each other. Hold on for as long as we can."

With a slight nod, Obi-Wan wrapped himself even more tightly in Qui-Gon's arms. "You're my only connection with the physical world."

"Whatever you need that I can give..."

"I wonder how the crew is managing without me."

"You've picked good people and trained them well." 

"So that answer is 'managing just fine, thanks'. What about Jayden?"

"She's...coping," Qui-Gon temporized. "Jess has got her."

"Nothing for me to take care of then." Obi-Wan sounded so lost.

"I didn't say that," he replied quickly. "Just because the ship is running smoothly doesn't mean the crew wouldn't   
benefit from your personal touch. And Jayden still needs her lessons from her master."

His lifemate looked up at him with a sad smile. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better."

He leaned in and kissed him gently. "I know it's difficult, love..."

"It's incredibly hard. Be patient with me."

"Always."

"I love you."

Qui-Gon smiled at him, knowing the expression was bittersweet. "My Light."

"My l-life." Obi-Wan's voice broke on the last word.

"You're mine as well." He tightened his embrace.

"Just don't let go yet."

"I'm not planning to. I'll stay here as long as you need me to."

"Good."

He sat down and pulled Obi-Wan to sit in front of him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "I mean it. I spent six years inside my own mind; I can stay until you tell me to go."

"We can't both hide in here forever."

"If that's what it takes."

Obi-Wan's hands gestured nervously. "It's not right, love. We need to a part of life, whatever part we can do. Not hide."

"I doubt anyone would begrudge us if we did." He tightened his embrace, giving into selfish petulance for a brief moment.

"It would scare them more than me being in that Sith contraption in  
the medical lab."

"But can you handle it?" Qui-Gon asked softly.

"I'll tempt you here with a vision of me naked if I can't."

He chuckled and pulled Obi-Wan's hair back so he could nuzzle at his lover's ear. "That would do it."

"And occasionally get a few minutes to pet r'val, write in my journal and train my padawan," Obi-Wan asked the favor hesistantly.

"Of course."

"Then we'll do our best not to go crazy in the meantime."

He smiled faintly. "That much is very familiar."

Obi-Wan chuckled as he finally began to relax.

In an effort to lighten the tone, Qui-Gon mentioned, "There are advantages to this reality, you know."

"Oh?"

"You can change things with just a thought. And change them back if you don't like them. Hair length for example."

"You want to try the floor length?"

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow, projecting an air of hopefulness. Obi-Wan smiled and tugged on his braid and it began to grow in his hands until would have reached the floor. Smiling, Qui-Gon sat back and watched, his hands itching to touch as well. With a knowing grin, Obi-Wan slowly unraveled the braid. It rippled in the light as it was let loose, a cascading fall of bright auburn around Obi-Wan's body.

"Well?"

"Beautiful," Qui-Gon whispered, letting his eyes caress his lifemate.

"And yet you tell me constantly that I can cut it."

He gave a small shrug. "Sometimes fantasies aren't practical."

"I thought you would like it." Obi-Wan shrugged back. "If you enjoy it, it's enough."

"I do," he admitted, reaching a hand out to Obi-Wan. "Very much."

His lifemate kissed his fingers before intertwining their hands together. 

Qui-Gon asked, "Is there anything you'd like from me?" 

"Being able to be held, knowing I am alive *somehow* is enough."

He leaned in closer. "Should I do more to prove you're alive?"

"If you're feeling up to it," Obi-Wan said archly.

"For you? Always."

When Qui-Gon woke though, it was to an empty bed. He reached out and rested a hand on the other side of the bed, where his mate should by lying, trying to keep the ache in his heart under control.

[Love?] Obi-Wan's sleepy voice reached out and enveloped his mind.

Qui-Gon's hands clutched at the sheets as he pushed the pain away, not wanting to undo what good the meditation had done his mate. [My Obi-Wan.]

[Thank you for last night. I feel so much better.] There was a thick feeling purr to his lifemate's voice.

In his mind, Qui-Gon could picture the expression that went with that purr. [It was my pleasure, love,] he replied, his hand sliding up to Obi-Wan's pillow, palm resting against where his mate's head should be.

[Are you all right?]

Qui-Gon shook himself, pulling his hand back. [Of course, love.]

[No, you're not.]

[As right as I could be under the circumstances,] he amended.

[Do you want to go back to sleep?]

Yes. But Obi-Wan had been correct, that was hiding from universe. More, it was forcing Obi-Wan to hide from the universe. [That wouldn't be fair to you.]

[I'll rest with you. It's not a problem.] His lifemate was striving to be agreeable under the worst of circumstances.

[What do you want, love?]

[Breakfast, but that's probably habit and not true hunger.]

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and sat up. [Right. Breakfast it is. Any preferences?]

[Anything but those muffins. Still can't stand the taste.] Obi-Wan was clearly trying to be cheerful and cope the best he could this morning.

[I think I can forego them this once,] Qui-Gon replied, trying to take his cue from his mate.

[I ate them while you Napped and immediately drank a liter of tea,] his lover teased.

Qui-Gon chuckled at that, the sound surprising him a little. [Above and beyond the call of duty.]

[I overachieve,] Obi-Wan agreed easily.

[You always have.] He got up and got dressed, pausing when he picked up the brush to do his hair.

Obi-Wan looked out through his eyes and commented on Qui-Gon's reflection in the mirror. [The squished on one side could be a new look for you.]

[I don't want to scare the felinoids.] He ran his brush through his hair and then began separating it into strands to braid.

[Master....] Obi-Wan's voice died away as he realized that Qui-Gon was pulling his hair back into a braid like Obi-Wan typically wore his.

[I fear your uniform won't fit me. We'll just have to make do with this.]

[I appreciate it.]

[It's the least I can do.] He tied off the end of the braid and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

[You look properly masterly now.]

Qui-Gon smiled, though he could see the sadness still in his eyes. [That is good to know.]

[I'm going to meditate and let you have some privacy.]

[You don't-]Mentally he flinched at being left alone, even under this sort of strain.

[I think I do. You need time to cope and then it will be my turn.]

He couldn't argue with that. [Just remember that if you need me...]

[A thought away, as always.] Obi-Wan's touch was just as strong and then there was a stilling and calmness to his lifemate's mind. 

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and then tried to focus his mind on the day ahead, exiting his quarters and heading for breakfast.

"Mrow?" r'val was waiting for him in the hall.

"Good morning," Qui-Gon greeted him seriously.

Himself wanted to report that the Obi-Wan and t'lya had Rested Well.

"I am glad to hear that. I was going to check on them myself after breakfast. Would you like to join me?"

Would there be tuna?

Qui-Gon smiled, happy to have a request he could fulfill. "I think that can be arranged."

r'val purred in satisfaction and then trotted down the hall towards breakfast.

"How are you holding up?" Qui-Gon asked softly as he fell into step at the felinoid's side.

As well as could be expected, r'val commented one blue eye turning to look at him. And the Lion?

"The same."

r'val had found it quite Cold to be in space without his mate. He was extremely Unfond of the whole situation.

"As am I. But I promise you," he vowed, "we will get them out of that crystal."

The little felinoid huffed indignantly. Of course! They were Jedi, were they not?

"Yes, we are." r'val deserved the title as much as anyone.

Then we should eat plenty of tuna to keep up our Strength, r'val said as they entered the small eating area.

"A wise decision," Qui-Gon replied, hiding a smile.

Jayden and Jess were there, eating hot cereal. "Good morning, Master Qui-Gon."

"Good morning." He sat down across from them, fixing a bowl of tuna for r'val then reaching for a bowl of cereal for himself.

Jayden gave him an intent look before returning to her cereal. "Morning, 'On."

"Hello, Jayden. How are you?"

"Fine." Her tone bordered on sullen.

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow and exchanged glances with Jess. "That is a very unfine sounding fine."

"I was hoping you'd fixed everything."

"No, not yet." As he answered her, he told himself once again that they would fix it. They had to.

"'B is still in your eyes."

That was an unexpected but accurate description. "Yes."

Jayden stood up and bowed slightly. "May I go now?"

"Of course," he said quietly, for once at a loss of what to say to try and make a situation better.

She left her barely touched bowl of cereal behind.

Jess sighed and stirred his own congealed breakfast. "I don't think she slept."

"This is particularly difficult for her. Obi-Wan's always been there for her."

"Now she's learning that even he can go missing, like everyone else."

"A harsh lesson." He sighed, looking down at his cereal, realizing he had fixed it the way Obi-Wan liked it. "Obi-Wan isn't missing though. He's right here."

"Within you, yes. It's a bit more distant for the rest of us."

Turning inward for a moment, Qui-Gon sent out a questing thought to his mate. He didn't want to interrupt Obi-Wan's meditation but...

[Hmm?] Obi-Wan sounded very distracted.

[Are you up to dealing with Jess and Jayden? I think they could both need reassurance that you're still here and more than just in my mind.]

[What's wrong with Jayden?] His lifemate's attention was suddenly focused.

[She is missing you.]Qui-Gon tried to make the words both reassuring and urgent.

[I'll....] Obi-Wan's voice died away as he realized how little he could do.

Qui-Gon offered up control. [Go talk to her.]

[No, I can't.]His lifemate shied away.

[Why?]he asked, puzzled.

[No!] Obi-Wan was drawing away from him, upset. [It isn't right.]

[Obi-Wan-]

[No!]Out of the corner of his eye he could see a shape coalesce.

Jess was staring, wide-eyed. "Obi-Wan?" 

Qui-Gon turned more fully and could see the blurred bluish outline of his lifemate. 

His very upset and agitated lifemate who was standing there with his eyes clenched shut. [What Jess?]

"Obi-Wan, you're here," Qui-Gon told him softly. "He can see you."

With an undignified squeak Obi-Wan looked downward, taking in the transparent vision of himself. Qui-Gon caught one glimpse of his lover's terrified expression before he vanished.

[Obi-Wan?]he asked, reaching mentally for his lifemate's presence.

[I'm really dead and we just don't know it yet.]Chilled fear permeated Obi-Wan's voice.

[No!] Qui-Gon denied even the possibility vehemently.

[Just leave me alone.]The cold seemed to be overwhelming the fear now, pushing the knight into apathy.

[No.] That was something he could never do.

[Yes. Leave me alone.]

[That is never going to happen, love.] He closed his eyes, turning inwards even more.

Obi-Wan refused to speak to him, falling silent and withdrawing to his Dreamspace. The temple on Garos in the middle of winter. Qui-Gon stubbornly followed. His lifemate was standing in the midst of the garden, holding a dried up leaf in one hand and dressed in the thinnest of clothes. The braid that normally kept his hair so sleek and pulled back was in disarray, whipped around in the wind that his mind had conjured. Qui-Gon stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan. He could feel the temperature plunge, his breath coming out in vast white plumes as he held his silent lover. In Obi-Wan's hands was the sleeping t'lya and his lightsaber. 

"Talk to me, love."

"What if I'm dead and the bond won't let me go?" Words fell from bluish lips.

Qui-Gon tightened his embrace. "You're not," he said fiercely.

"I can't go on for years like this, Qui-Gon. I'll go insane." And take you with me, was left unspoken.

He rubbed his hands over Obi-Wan's chilled flesh. "It won't. I promise."

"Can you explain what just happened?"

"No, but-"

"Have you ever known," Obi-Wan shivered, "*that* to happen when the person wasn't dead?"

"No," Qui-Gon admitted softly, "but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. If you were dead, you'd feel the pull of the Force calling you. Whether the bond enabled you to resist and stay, like it has for me more than once, you'd feel it."

"What if I can't because I don't want to hear it? Because I refuse to ever think of leaving you?"

Qui-Gon turned Obi-Wan around to face him. "You know where you go, I would follow?"

Obi-Wan nodded slowly.

"If you went into the Force you wouldn't be leaving me because I would be right behind you. Your soul knows that. The Force knows that."

"Then maybe it's not time to go yet," his lifemate's voice was so soft Qui-Gon could barely hear it over the wind that still howled around them both.

"It's not time because you're not dead." The Force resonanted with the rightness of his answer.

"Then you might want to go explain that to Jess."

Qui-Gon nodded, distantly feeling the other knight's concern. "I will. And then we are going to have a talk about Jayden."

"Go. Take care of them."

He kissed Obi-Wan gently. "Love you."

"Love you, my life." Obi-Wan stepped away, vanishing into the winter garden.

Qui-Gon watched him go, not wanting to leave, but needing to reassure the others. With a sigh that seemed to come from the bottom of his soul he turned his attention outward again only to find himself being carried to the infirmary by a worried Jess.

"Jess."

"Qui-Gon, you're back." Jess didn't slow down or shift his grip.

"You can put me down now." Discomfitted by being carried, he wiggled a little.

"Yes, I could." Jess's grip shifted to hold him more firmly as they turned a corner.

"I notice you're not doing so."

"Observant of you. Noticed what's stuck to your beard? Cereal, from where you took a dive into it ten minutes ago."

Qui-Gon felt his face heat slightly. "Ah. Not the smoothest meditation trance I've ever gone into."

"No, it wasn't." Jess sounded perturbed.

"I apologize. But I had to go after Obi-Wan."

"Understandable. It was a startling experience."

"He thinks he's dead." The words felt all wrong on his lips.

"He's not." The knight shook his head in vehement denial. "I know what dead feels like and he isn't it."

"If I can convince him to come out of hiding you'll have to tell him that. He's not taking my word for it."

"I'll go in there after him if he doesn't surface in a day or two." A flash of the passionate Lashar spirit shone in his eyes.

"Thank you." He paused. "Jess?"

"Yes?" the knight asked patiently.

"Are you going to put me down?"

"After we get you to the infirmary, certainly."

"I'm not ill," he protested. 

"I have to explain it to the crew somehow and this way we can say it was stress and pass it off. They can't take any more instability right now."

Instability was an understatement for what had happened lately. "That is something I am willing to sacrifice my dignity for."

"Excellent because you're staying in my arms if I have to knock you over the head," Jess whispered intensely.

"I appreciate your restraint."

"Now hush and look properly peaked."

Qui-Gon turned his chuckle into a cough. 

"It's a good thing we don't need you undercover very often," Jess muttered as he hefted the Jedi master slightly higher.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you impugning my acting abilities?"

"Instead of getting into a debate with you I will share a fact. No one in there saw Obi-Wan but you and myself."

"No one? The other Force sensitives didn't...?"

"No." Jess tilted his head in question. "So, was it having some sort of bond with him that allowed me to see him?"

Qui-Gon was thinking quite fast now. "That would make the most sense. And would prove, even to my most stubborn lifemate, that he isn't dead. If had been a normal Force ghost, any Force sensitive should have been able to see him."

"Are you going to go tell him now?"

"If you don't mind me fading out again...?"

"Gives me an excuse to fuss over you in the infirmary."

Qui-Gon nodded and closed his eyes. But before he turned inward, he opened them again briefly. "Jess? Thank you."

"Anytime."

With that, Qui-Gon shifted his awareness inward, searching for his lifemate. He found him under a blasted oak tree, shaping the snow with his hands. "Obi-Wan?"

His lover glanced upward for a moment and then back to the snow. "You've been gone a while. Is everyone all right?"

Qui-Gon frowned in concern. "I've only been gone a few minutes."

"Seemed like longer." Apathy again predominate in Obi-Wan's expression and voice, making him look listless and old. His hair was dusted with the snow, turning it's normally vivid color darker, contrasted with the white of the unmelted flakes.

Qui-Gon reached out, urging Obi-Wan into his arms. "I talked to Jess. He said no one except us saw you."

His skin wasn't much warmer than the surrounding air. "Interesting. So some sort of new phenomena."

"Yes." He wrapped his arms tightly around Obi-Wan trying to impart some of his own warmth. "Obi-Wan-"

"Come to tell me I'm not dead, right?"

"I came to check on you."

"I'm fine. See." Obi-Wan gestured and the garden suddenly changed to late summer.

"I'd be more convinced if this was the way it was when I first appeared."

"I am nothing if not a gracious host." His lifemate's tone was dry.

"You are far more than that love," Qui-Gon told him softly.

"It's what I'm capable of at the moment." Cool eyes raked over him.

He brushed his hand against Obi-Wan's cheek. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," Obi-Wan said flatly.

"Nothing?" He ached to see his lifemate like this.

"I've become the one thing I cannot stand to be. A burden."

"Never," Qui-Gon denied vehemently.

"If I hadn't been caught then we could have beaten the Emperor, right there. So much went wrong." Hands still blue-tipped with cold cupped his face.

"Things didn't go the way we had hoped, but they could've been much, much worse."

"Right. He got away, I'm trapped in some crystalline box, the clones are still running around, my padawan is morose and we're about to go back to a planet that is hosting your very peeved padawan. Absolutely wonderful trip," Obi-Wan said sourly.

For Obi-Wan grumbling was normal and Qui-Gon did what he could to encourage it. "You had to remind me of Ani, didn't you?" 

"You can tell him it was my idea. Motivate his entirely too tall self into getting me out of the box so he can yell at me properly."

"He'll yell at me regardless. Actually he might appreciate the fact that at the moment, if he yells at me, he yells at both of us."

"But he can't be sure I'm listening."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I wouldn't be so sure. Jayden knew."

"The idea is to motivate him to get me out of that thing, master. Not convince him this is better."

He smiled faintly. "Yes, General."

"Sorry," Obi-Wan withdrew again, petting the sleeping t'lya in his lap.

"Don't be." He reached out, cupping Obi-Wan's chin and raising his head to meet his eyes.

The colors reminded him of a forest shrouded in fog, muted and dull. "Guess it's my turn to not handle this well."

"It's a lot to handle." Qui-Gon settled down at Obi-Wan's side. "For both of us."

"What's going on out there?" Obi-Wan's hand gestured toward the 'sky'.

"They are worried about you." He wrapped an arm around his mate's shoulders. "You could come and see."

"It just reminds me how limited I've become. It seems better not to."

Qui-Gon gestured at their surroundings with his free hand. "This is better?"

"Right now, yes."

"Even if you are needed?"

His lifemate snorted rudely. "To do what exactly?"

He said one word. "Jayden."

Obi-Wan flinched.

"She needs you in whatever form you can be there for her. Even if it is mine."

"Fine. Let me know when she and you are ready and I will come -- look."

Qui-Gon nodded as he privately vowed to not let Obi-Wan withdraw from life -- even if he had to drag him kicking and screaming the entire way.

Obi-Wan's attention wavered for a moment as he -- faded. "You're in the infirmary. You better go back before they start shock treatment or something else barbaric."

He smiled faintly. "Jess knows what I'm really doing. He'll keep the more...enthusiastic of the healers at bay. But I should go back. Unless you want to...?"

"I don't know how well the healers are going to react to *me* talking to them."

There was that. "After I make our escape?"

"Certainly."

He smiled again, approvingly. "I will call you then."

"I'll be waiting."

Qui-Gon leaned over and kissed him gently before willing his awareness back to the universe around them.

Jess and a healer slowly came into focus. The knight smiled. "Back with us, Master Qui-Gon?"

"Yes."

Jess waved the healer away and leaned down, closer. "Got the cereal off. How is he doing?"

"He's wavering between brooding and grumbling." He pulled himself up into a sitting position. "As long as he's grumbling more than brooding, I am not worried."

"He needs time with Jayden and her stuffed felinoid. A good whapping does amazing things for focus."

Qui-Gon smiled. If anyone knew it would be Jess. "I've got that planned for later."

"Excellent." The knight pressed a piece of fruit into his hands. "Something to make up for the loss of breakfast."

"Thank you. I'll try not to plant my face in it this time."

"At least it prevented you breaking your nose on the table."

"Ah yes." He raised a hand to the body part in question protectively. "That would have been..."

"Uncomfortable," the knight said with a slight smile.

"Yes. Once in a lifetime is more than enough for that particular injury. Especially with this particular nose."

Jess chuckled and helped him to stand. "Completely understandable. r'val followed us and is now keeping my daughter company."

"Good. He will be good for her."

"They are watching the nappers."

Qui-Gon turned his head towards the alcove where they had put the crystalline box holding Obi-Wan and t'lya. Jayden and r'val were settled on one end of the box where they could watch the faces of their loved ones. Now that he had a bit more time to take in the details he could see that Obi-Wan was suspended in the middle of the crystal, his hair actually floating below him slightly. Frozen in time. The thought blazed through his mind and he could feel his eyes widening in sudden comprehension. "Jess, can you ask the crew to add to the next transmission to Alderaan that they search for any mention of time suspension?"

"Certainly -- but isn't his heart beating?"

"Yes, but..." He thought back to what he had felt, the sensation in his memory being far more mystical than physical in nature.

"Jayden insisted it was but no one but you and she can feel it."

Qui-Gon looked sharply over at Jess. "I didn't know that."

"We tried to tell you but you weren't listening. It's been less than a day since we left Endor's orbit, master."

"I know. It's just-" He broke off with a sigh, running a hand over his face. "It feels like a lot longer."

"It does. It's been a very long busy day."

"I have a new awareness of how it must've been like for Obi-Wan when I was..." He shook his head. "If our places had been reversed I never would have made it."

"Well, at least you can touch him sometimes."

He felt his mouth curve upwards into a bittersweet smile. "Yes. Even in this I am lucky and I'm well aware of that."

"So it was a trade-off. Last time he could touch you physically and not mentally. This time I'm guessing it's the other way around." Jess's tone was amazingly even for someone who lost his own lover a few years before.

"Yes. That's it exactly."

"Then share that with more people than me. The crew thinks he's totally beyond reach and isn't happy about it."

"I'm hoping Obi-Wan will tell them himself. He's able to take control if I let him -- and I can talk him into it." And he would talk him into it, one way or the other.

"He needs to. They are wonderful beings and will manage without him but would do much better with his leadership."

Qui-Gon nodded in agreement. "And he needs to feel...needed."

"At the very least a set of daily orders from him sent by pad. He always did that."

Remembering Obi-Wan writing in his journal the night before, Qui-Gon nodded again. "That I'm pretty sure I can convince him to do."

"They'll accept the rest of it pretty easily after six years of other oddnesses."

He smiled faintly. "It has been that."

"You going to sit with them for a while?" Jess gestured to the alcove that held their most precious cargo.

"I think so. It'll give me a chance to talk to Jayden about whapping him."

Jess grinned. "Be careful, it's your head she's whapping."

He winked. "That is one of the things I should discuss." Then he headed into the alcove where his mate's body lay.

"Hi 'On," Jayden said morosely, squeezing r'val to her chest. "Sorry I was grumpy at breakfast."

"It's all right. You have reason to be grumpy." He gestured at the chair that had been left beside the crystal box. "Do you mind if I join you?"

She shrugged and went back to staring at her master's face. "He looks uncomfortable."

"He's not in there. Only his body is."

She nodded. "I remember. I talked to him and he held me once."

"I want to talk to you about that," Qui-Gon ventured, holding the girl's eyes when she turned to look at him. "I need your help."

"Of course, Master Jinn." Her back straightened. "What do you need from me?"

"I can let Obi-Wan have control. But he's scared."

"Whyfor? We'll fix it." She whacked the box with her hand, making the whole thing resonate. "This won't stop 'B for long."

"We have to convince him of that. And that, despite the way things are at the moment, he's still needed."

She made a rude sound with her tongue. "He's being stupid. I should go fix him."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "I was hoping you'd say that."

"Do I need my stuffed Mww?"

"Hopefully the threat of it will be sufficient."

Jayden nodded seriously. "When do I get to talk to him?"

"Now?" He glanced at his mate's body. "Though we might want to change locations..."

"How about my room? We won't be interrupted there." She hopped down off the box and straightened her cloak and shifted her grip on r'val who blinked placidly at all the moving about.

"An excellent choice," he agreed, getting to his feet.

She bowed reverently towards Obi-Wan's body then gave her father a hug and a kiss before heading off to her room.

Qui-Gon followed at a more sedate pace, tendrils of awareness reaching inward to get Obi-Wan's attention. Reluctantly he could feel Obi-Wan focusing outside the dreamscape and back on the real world. [Yes?]

[Jayden's waiting to speak with you.]

[About what?] Obi-Wan asked warily, well honed instincts of an ambush coming to the fore.

[Matters between a padawan and her master,] Qui-Gon temporized.

[Oh.] Obi-Wan sounded a bit chagrined. [One of *those* talks.]

[Yes. And if you don't go willingly, she will track you down.]

[Any idea what in particular I am failing spectacularly at, just so I can prepare my arguments?] his mate asked hopefully.

[That is not my place to say. You'll have to ask her yourself.]

[Rats.]

Qui-Gon chuckled and mentally "shoved" Obi-Wan forward to take control. [She's waiting in her room.]

[EEep.] Obi-Wan muttered under his breath as he stepped through their quarters and with a reasonable amount of gracefulness settled on the end of Jayden's bed. "You wanted to talk to me, padawan?"

From a mental spot somewhere behind Obi-Wan's consciousness Qui-Gon watched as the girl turned to look at her master, expression blank but her eyes searching.

"It's 'B, Jayden."

She knelt on the bed and leaned in, looking at him so closely his eyes almost crossed before settling back on her heels. "Yup, it's 'B."

Qui-Gon mentally grinned. Leave it to the child to confirm it for herself.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Obi-Wan asked cautiously.

"Yes, master. You need to stop hiding from everyone."

"Jay, I don't have a--"

"Master! You do too. You *always* tell people things, even when you are asleep."

Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan's skin flush slightly at that. "That's different, Jay," Obi-Wan answered earnestly. "This is bigger than that."

"Doesn't have to be," she said stubbornly. "Just borrow Qui-Gon's body or tell me through the bond. I can give orders as well as anybody."

"Yes, you can. You give orders better than me sometimes."

"See?" She insisted.

"I don't know...."

That's when she struck, whapping him with her stuffed mww across his shoulder.

"Jayden!" Now Obi-Wan sounded scandalized.

"You're being silly, 'B. I need you and so does everyone else. Stop pouting." She held the mww up again, ready to thwap.

"I am *not* pouting."

This time it caught him on the ear.

"Jayden P'Quall!"

"B!"

He growled and she growled right back before breaking up into giggles. "You are too pouting."

"Fine, I'm pouting. Don't whap me again." Obi-Wan rubbed his ear and grumbled.

"Yes, master." She didn't let go of the stuffed critter though. "You going to talk to people now?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really." Big brown eyes gleamed with victory. "We need you."

"Then come here where I can give you a hug then -- and put down the stuffed felinoid."

She giggled again and tossed the toy across the room before diving into his arms.

[That wasn't so bad was it?] Qui-Gon asked, trying not to sound smug as well as hide his relief.

[My ear is throbbing from mww's nose.] But Obi-Wan sounded much happier.

[I know. It seems to have had the desired effect though. Perhaps I should add stuffed animal whapping to my repertoire in dealing with stubborn former padawans.]

[Don't you dare.]

[No?] Qui-Gon asked innocently.

[It's something to do with Jayden in particular, I think.]

[So I should just ask her to whap you when you need it?]

[She does, thank you very little.]

Qui-Gon laughed and mentally embraced his lifemate. [Nice to know I have backup when I need it.]

[You can fight over who is backup for whom later.] Obi-Wan smiled and hugged his padawan tighter to his chest.

[When you're done here you can go talk to your crew.]

[Deep end of the pool, hmm?]Obi-Wan was almost humming with contentment.

[You've never been the one to sink.]

[True. I'll think of something to say to them.]

[I know you will.]

Jayden poked both of them. [A-HEM. It's padawan time right now, please.]

[Forgive me,] Qui-Gon said, contrite, though at a loss at how to give them the privacy Jayden deserved.

[It's okay, 'On. I just don't want 'B to wander away yet.]

[He's not going to.] He tightened his own mental embrace.

She grinned. [We've got him squished good.]

[Which can be almost as effective as whapping.]

With another giggle she slid closer. They'd accomplished their mission.

**end Rebellion Missives Ten

Rebellion Missives Eleven

********  
TO Crew of the Rill  
FROM General Kenobi

Greetings,

I regret that I cannot give you this message in person but as you are very aware I've been physically indisposed thanks to the good graces of Emperor Palpatine. I am however, able to contact you through my lifebond with Master Qui-Gon Jinn and he will speak for both of us in this very difficult time. If you have any questions or concerns, *please*, feel free to speak to Qui-Gon and know that I will hear you and answer.

We are currently underway to Alderaan at best speed where the combined wisdom of the Jedi Temple and the Alderaanian people will strive to free me from this temporary physical prison. Regardless of the outcome, and I do hope for the very best, we will continue our pursuit of the Emperor and what's left of his clone army within the month. I will not let anything delay our total victory. Our time has come and nothing will stop us. Thanks to you and other members of our fleet we were victorious at Endor and the Emperor is now on the run. We will bring him to heel and return Light to the Republic.

With honor I remain,

Obi-Wan Kenobi  
Jedi Knight and General

***********

Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan typed up the message and sent it out, more relieved than he wanted to admit.

Obi-Wan relinquished control. [There. Everyone knows more now.]

[Yes,] he replied a bit smugly. [Everyone knows you're still here.]

[Missing in action, but still here. The legend grows again.] That hint of self derision about his infamy rising to the surface.

[It will only make them more loyal to you.] Qui-Gon let his affection and pride color his words.

[They need someone to lead them. Can we ask Jess to take over the day to day?]

Qui-Gon nodded. [I'm sure he'll do whatever we need him to do.]

[Excellent. It will give him something to focus on after what happened down on the planet.]

[He seems more...] Qui-Gon paused, testing his impressions of Jess like he would roll a good wine over his tongue. [More centered now. More alive.]

[He finally put Orath behind him, literally.] The satisfaction of Orath's demise tasted sweet to his lifemate.

[Yes, exactly.]

[It is good to have him back.]

[Yes.] The Jedi Master hesitated for a moment before saying, [You should be the one to ask him.]

[Me? Why?] Obi-Wan would have blinked at him, if he'd been able.

[You're the general for one thing. And...] Qui-Gon trailed off, letting Obi-Wan finish the thought.

[We need to heal the rift between us....]

He nodded. [Exactly.] 

[And you think now is the time?]Obi-Wan was clearly thinking out the idea.

Qui-Gon spread his hands. [Is it going to get any easier if you wait?] 

[I think being able to talk to him in my own body might.]

After a moment's hesitation, Qui-Gon offered, [We could do a joint meditation if that would help.]

[You mean one with him and I alone or one between all three?]

[One with the three of us.]

[Ah.] After a moment's more thought Obi-Wan sent assent. [Tonight.]

[Tonight,] Qui-Gon agreed, and then was caught by surprise by a yawn.

[We're both tired. It's been a wearisome day.]

[To say the least.]

[So let's rest for a while.]Obi-Wan urged sleep on him.

Qui-Gon nodded. [We both could use it.]

After a long nap, he awoke if not well rested at least less tired. It was the work of only a few moments to get Jess on his commlink and ask him to come to their quarters. Jayden had gone to stay with Master Yoda for the evening. She wanted some more advance lessons in the Force. With a bit of trepidation for his ship and his padawan, Obi-Wan had agreed.

[Dangerous combination,] Qui-Gon observed.

[Yes.] Obi-Wan would have been pacing nervously if he'd been able.

It was making it difficult for Qui-Gon to remain sitting. [Relax,] he soothed. [Nothing's going to happen.]

[I'm not worried about that. The energy is about meeting with Jess.]

[Nothing's bad going to happen there either.]

[I know but I still like to move when I'm thinking.] Obi-Wan took a step deeper into Qui-Gon's mind. [I'll go wear a path in the non-existent grass.]

[If you want to pace here-]

[Not really your style.]

[I have been known to adapt my style when it's easier for those I care about.]

[I'll just fidget quietly over here.]

[As you wish, love.] He sent a pulse of affection towards Obi-Wan as he let him go further inward to pace.

[Fidget, fidget, fidget. That's me. Pacing over here,] Obi-Wan muttered as he disappeared into the garden.

Qui-Gon smiled at the grumbling that was so a part of Obi-Wan and settled in to wait for Jess. It wasn't that long of a wait before Jess slipped into their quarters, carrying a commpadd and a bottle of ale.

"You asked to see me?"

He nodded and gestured for Jess to join him. "We did."

"We? Ah, a grand Obi-Wan plan?"

"A joint effort actually." He met Jess' eyes. "Would you consent to doing a joint meditation with us?"

"Joint." Jess pursed his lips then nodded slightly. "Certainly."

"He wants to face you in his own body and this is the closest that we can manage at the moment," Qui-Gon explained.

That got all of Jess' considerable attention. "Face me about what in particular?"

"He has a question to ask you and as for the rest, I think you know."

"And now is the right time for this?" Jess' eyes closed. "I see everything is coming to a head at once."

"What's been happening is one of the reasons I am pushing this now," Qui-Gon said seriously. "Obi-Wan needs all the support he can get, and you-"

"Used to be that support."

Qui-Gon nodded. "I've gotten the sense that you're ready to be again...?"

"I'm waiting for you to lead me to him."

"Thank you," he said, then closed his eyes and reached out for Jess' consciousness.

His old friend was waiting for him, that familiar sensation of weight and steadiness standing on the edge of the space between them. He stretched his essence over that space, providing a bridge for Jess to slip into the dreamscape where Obi-Wan was lurking.

[I am not *lurking*,] Obi-Wan said indignantly. [I am waiting, patiently. Here.]

[I stand corrected,] he responded, leading Jess toward where Obi-Wan was not-lurking but waiting. Patiently.

[Somehow when you think it that was it seems much less -- patient.] Obi-Wan bowed slightly as he came into view. "Qui-Gon, Jess."

Qui-Gon reached out and brushed his fingers against Obi-Wan's briefly.

Jess bowed just as formally in return. "Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan cleared his throat nervously. "Thank you for coming. Qui-Gon thought we should talk, in person so to speak."

"He mentioned something of the sort to me."

Obi-Wan gave Qui-Gon a look that spoke volumes before turning back to Jess. "I'm asking you to take command of the Rill."

Jess' eyes widened. "But you-"

"Can't. Besides, it's time for me to focus on raising my padawan properly." Obi-Wan tucked his fingers into his sash, trying to still their nervous movement.

"And you trust me with your ship?"

"It should be yours. It carries your lady's name."

A flicker of emotion passed over Jess' features, gone as quickly as it had been there. "She would laugh herself silly at the thought of me running it," Jess said with a bittersweet smile.

"Well then, run it for Jayden until she can take over," Obi-Wan offered.

"I'll take over the responsibility but you'll always be the general."

"I think it's tattooed on my forehead, Jess." The smile was slight but genuine.

Jess grinned. "It's not but if you wanted it, I could-"

"Thank you, no."

"Well if you ever change your mind...." Jess reached towards his pocket and the stylus he kept there.

"Doubtful, but I'll keep you in mind."

"That goes for more than a tattoo you know," Jess said, turning serious again.

Obi-Wan nodded. "I know. I'll have Qui-Gon get in touch with you if I need something."

"Anything. Even if it's just someone to talk to."

"I may invite you over for tea then," the general teased weakly.

"An old and noble custom," Jess teased back. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, for many reasons."

Jess nodded, brown eyes serious.

Obi-Wan studied the toes of his boots for a long moment before speaking, "I still miss her every day."

"So do I. And I know I will until the day I can join her again."

Obi-Wan's smile had a brittle edge to it. "Say hello to her for me."

Jess flinched a little. "Obi-Wan-"

The knight focused, intent as he hadn't been on anything else since this had happened. "You are going to see her again, Jess. I know it. I probably won't unless the Force is feeling generous. Your separation from her is temporary, mine more permanent."

"You really think Rill isn't going to wait for all of us?" Jess raised an eyebrow. "We are talking about the same woman, aren't we?"

"I -- you-- never mind. Thank you for sharing the meditation with Qui-Gon and myself and accepting the leadership of the Rill. I know we'll all prosper for it." Obi-Wan bowed formally and took a step back.

Jess opened his mouth, and then closed it again without saying anything. Finally he managed, "You're dismissing me?"

Obi-Wan blinked. "Um, no. I just don't know what else to say without us fighting again."

"You...could fill me in on all the responsibilities I've just accepted that I don't know about. I'm sure it's a lot harder than you've made it look."

"Mostly it consists of letting everyone else do their job." Obi-Wan shrugged. "Herding felinoids."

Jess laughed. "You expect me to do the impossible as well as the merely difficult?"

"If you move fast enough and carry food you can lead them anywhere."

"Any other secrets I should know?" Jess' posture was beginning to relax as they continued to talk.

"Listen, let them debate but don't argue. Arguing means you're indecisive, especially in a staff meeting with the military. Make a decision and carry through with it, you're allowed to change your mind, just don't waffle."

"Don't argue, no waffling, and move fast and carry food." Jess nodded. "Maybe I should be writing this down."

"I'm sure Obi-Wan can record all of it in a commpadd for you," Qui-Gon put in.

Obi-Wan nodded and with a slight blush offered, "I have the notes for a junior officer's seminar that I'd been meaning to give that has all of this in it. I'll make sure Qui-Gon gets it to you."

"Thank you."

"Was there anything else?" Obi-Wan leaned into Qui-Gon slightly, tiring.

"No more business, I don't think." Jess gave him an uncertain look.

"Something personal?" Obi-Wan asked softly.

The other knight nodded. "Qui-Gon's right. It's past time we deal with it all so we can put it behind us, don't you think?"

"I'm willing to do it."

"So am I."

"What do you want to talk about first?"

Jess took a deep breath. "I owe you a long overdue apology."

"No, you don't." Obi-Wan rested a hand on Jess' arm, the first time the two men had touched in an age.

"I needed to lash out and you were an easy target." Jess shook his head. "It was badly done of me."

"You just said it yourself. You needed to lash out. I understood. It happens."

"Rill would've whapped me good, for that as much as anything."

"I think your daughter took care of that." Obi-Wan rubbed his ear absently.

Jess smiled, paternal pride shining out of his eyes. "She has a lot of her mother in her, doesn't she?"

"A goodly measure of her spirit, definitely."

"And her father's focus," Qui-Gon put in.

Obi-Wan nodded. "She's the best of both of you."

Jess fidgeted. "About what I said on the way down to Endor..."

"I'm willing to say it was stress and forget it if you are...."

He nodded. "Thank you."

"And I want to apologize for not reaching out to you before now. I should have."

"You were dealing with your own pain." Jess' eyes glanced at Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan glanced at his lifemate for a long moment. "Yes, but I still should have done something."

Jess quirked his mouth up into a half smile. "I'll accept your apology if you'll accept mine?"

"Done."

"Jayden will be pleased with us."

"I'm surprised she hasn't bullied her way in here, actually." Obi-Wan glanced around, clearly expecting her to appear.

Qui-Gon chuckled. "If my master wasn't distracting her, she probably would be."

Obi-Wan blanched. "I'd forgotten about that. Do we have a ship to go back to?"

"I suspect we would've noticed something if the ship disappeared," Jess said with a grin.

"I hope she hasn't figured out how to turn off the gravity or we're going to have some desperate felinoids."

"A few," Qui-Gon said. "Most of them like to float."

"r'val," Obi-Wan said flatly," will not be pleased."

"I'll give you that. r'val would not be."

"t'lya on the other hand, would have adored it."

"Maybe when we get you and her out of that crystal thing, we can arrange a short stint for her," Jess suggested.

"She's going to spend hours racing around after her nap, I think."

"And wear poor r'val out."

"Definitely time for hover mode."

Qui-Gon smiled, reaching out and brushing a hand against Obi-Wan's arm, thinking that t'lya wasn't going to be the only one moving nonstop when they were released.

"Yes, me too," Obi-Wan murmured. "I think I'm going to run a marathon or something."

"I suspect I'll be as worn out as r'val," Qui-Gon murmured back.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Keep the oil on hand, love. I plan on keeping you very busy the first day or two."

"And I think that is my cue to make a graceful exit," Jess said, chuckling.

"No, Jess." Obi-Wan stopped him. "Unless you have somewhere to go...."

"No," he said, a shy smile that Qui-Gon hadn't seen in years gracing Jess' face.

"Then why don't you sit down with me and we'll talk for a while."

"I'd like that." Still wearing that smile, Jess suited actions to words and sat down beside Obi-Wan.

"I don't think we've done this since Rill left."

"We haven't. And not often before that...for a long time." He glanced over at Qui-Gon; obviously his words referring to the older man's coma.

"Can we try to mend that, at least a little?"

Qui-Gon allowed himself to release some of the tension in his muscles at that; he had been *fairly* sure these two would be able to work it out if given a chance, but he couldn't deny that he had worried.

"Anything else you want to know? I know you have a lot to do in the next few days...."

Jess grinned. "Still the General."

Obi-Wan pointed to Qui-Gon. "Blame him, he trained me."

"A lot of it is natural ability," Qui-Gon murmured.  
"You aren't helping," Obi-Wan murmured back.

"Was I supposed to be?" He put on the most innocent expression he could.

"It wouldn't have been taken amiss."

Qui-Gon reached out and idly took Obi-Wan's hand. "You were doing fine on your own." 

"Right. Go on, go to work. I'm going to stay here and get a tan."

"And pace some more?"

"Maybe." Obi-Wan shrugged.

Jess shifted on the dream ground uneasily. "You couldn't have left out the rocks when you made this?"

"Obi-Wan has always been good with details," Qui-Gon said dryly.

"I'm sorry," his lifemate replied just as dryly. "Speaking of details can you tell us about something that happened on Endor's moon?"

"My battle with Orath."

"Yes, if you can."

Jess nodded. "I'll try."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan shifted closer. "After all that time chasing him and being angry I'd like to at least hear how it ended."

"I...might be able to do that one better," Jess said slowly.

"You would share that memory with us?"

Jess nodded, meeting both their gazes. "It's like you said, you've been involved in this almost as long as I have."

"Thank you."

"I...haven't done this before," Jess' voice faltered.

"Perhaps Qui-Gon would be willing to guide you through it...." Both knights turned and looked at the Jedi master with their best pathetic expressions.

Qui-Gon smiled ruefully. "Even if I were inclined to refuse having you both stare at me like that would make it impossible."

Obi-Wan blinked and then smiled. "The big doleful eyes got you, eh?"

"Potent weapons."

Jess grinned. "Nice to know I haven't lost my touch completely."

"Far from it." Qui-Gon took a deep breath and settled in. "This should be relatively easy since we're already in the midst of a shared meditation."

Jess nodded. "So I was thinking I could recall the battle and we could 'see' it happen, since this is an artificial construct world anyway."

"That should work."

"Qui-Gon? Since you brought me in, could you help...?” Jess waved his hand towards the opening in the clearing, paved with flagstones.

"Of course." Reaching back into his memory, he projected the images outwards.

The hallway shimmered into view. Jess was just vanishing out of sight with r'val racing after him. The perspective shifted to Jess's point of view, his anticipation at being ready to finally face down his master.

It was long overdue. He scooped up r'val settling the felinoid on his shoulder as they raced through hallways and crosscuts. Homing in on his master. There was no longer any doubt and even the burning need for vengeance had diminished. This was simply something that had to be ended so the universe would be safer for his daughter.

Jess was mildly surprised he could even recognize the aura of his master anymore; it was so twisted and dark now. A tiny fragment remained though, like an aftertaste that he could recall from his years of being Orath's padawan. Skidding slightly on the tile floor he bypassed a large open room, some nudge of the Force telling him it wasn't time to go there yet.

"Jessant."

Even the voice had changed, becoming a hideous old man's cackle but with still a ghost of the distant refined tones he remembered from his training.

"My name is Knight Lashar," Jess ground out. He could feel r'val leaping off his shoulder and retreating to an alcove. With the slightest of grim smiles he lit his saber.

A cloaked figure stepped out into the light, though the shadows seemed to cling tenaciously to his form. "Knight?" Orath derided. "If I had knew what kind of knight you would become I never would've cut your braid."

His saber lit, throwing his face into even darker shadow.

"You didn't make me a knight, Feduc. I did it on my own." Jess shifted, sidestepping.

"You?" Venom dripped from the word. "You would be in the gutter somewhere trying to make a living out of those pitiful drawings of yours if it hadn't been for me."

Jess smiled. "Anything is possible and I probably would have been a lot happier for it. Fortunately for me I found the right group of people."

"Degenerates and norms." 

"Coming from someone who is in collaboration with a Sith? Thank you for the compliment."

Orath snarled, the sound less than human. "The Jedi turned their back on their rightful position in the galaxy. They deserved what they got."

"And so do you." The knight lunged forward, making the first attack.

Their blades clashed and parted only to meet again, hissing and spitting like two wild creatures.

Jess kept his guard up as they circled one another. "Your time is past, Orath."

"Never," Orath snarled, lunging forward. His hood fell back, revealing his face for the first time. He looked already dead. His skin looked pasty, with the consistency of old paper, eyes sunken in until they appeared as twin abysses.

It repelled the knight at the deepest levels of his soul -- that someone could fall to those depths so quickly. His purpose remained clear, it was time for Feduc Orath to die properly. Jess blocked the attack, straining under the weight of the downward blow for a long moment. Shifting his right foot, he changed the balance of the fight and was able to twist his blade free.

The death mask that was his former master's face twisted into a rictus of hatred as Orath attacked again. "You think you can beat me? I taught you everything you know!"

"The only thing you taught me was what not to be." Jess parried and turned it into an attack of his own, one that he and Anakin had worked out over the long months in space.

And Orath fell into it just as they had planned. Self-absorbed and soul darkened, Orath had lost the spontaneity that had been his strength, becoming sadly predictable in his reactions. It made it almost easy. Not simple, but easy. The pattern was leading his former master into the most untenable of positions. With a distressed smile he continued the series of blows, only then noticing how old and tired his master looked. Behind him there was the sound of someone running and he caught a glimpse of Qui-Gon and Jayden before the battle claimed all of his attention again.

When the end came it was almost anti-climatic. Orath brought his saber up to parry and Jess twisted his blade to glance off it and slide against his erstwhile's master's abdomen. Across and then up, burning through flesh, bone and organ his blade brought death in the cleanest and most honorable way he knew how.

Orath's expression never changed as what life that was left faded from his eyes and he slowly collapsed. Another flick of his blade separated the head from the body then it crumbled into charred bone and black goo, formless. The specter that had haunted Jess for so long in one form or another and it had ended like this.

With another deep breath he let it go. It was over and while Rill might have chided him for a lack of passion about it, it did resonate within him and the Jedi code that he'd grown up with that this was right.

Turning, he saw the Emperor and Qui-Gon facing off.....

The battle faded away, replaced again by the garden. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were kneeling on the grass opposite him.

"You were right, you know," Qui-Gon said softly. "You did make yourself a knight."

"I know that now," Jess said getting to his feet. "I've got a lot to do if I'm going to be a proper stand in for Obi-Wan."

"You're right," Jess said, getting to his feet. "I've got a lot to do if I'm going to be a proper stand-in for you."

"More than a stand-in, Jess." Obi-Wan also got to his feet then bowed slightly to the other knight. "Thank you for this."

"Thank you for the confidence." He returned the bow respectfully.

"Then I'll see you when I see you."

"Soon," Jess promised.

Obi-Wan nodded and they watched as Jess faded out. His lifemate blew out a great sigh. "That went better than I expected."

"What were you expecting?" Qui-Gon asked, wrapping his arms around his lover and pulling him against his chest.

"I don't know."

He chuckled affectionately. "That is my Obi-Wan."

"But Jess and I don't get along too well these days." Old pain wrapped carefully away years had been exposed today.

Qui-Gon ran a hand along Obi-Wan's spine soothingly. "You are both very stubborn men."

"Well, yes."

"And you both have been hurt in the past and are finding it difficult to lower your defenses." He gently stroked Obi-Wan's hair as he spoke.

"And you are very patient with us both." His lifemate leaned into the touch.

He shrugged. "You both mean a lot to me."

"I love you," Obi-Wan breathed.

"I know." He pressed a kiss to the top of Obi-Wan's head. "I love you too. You're my light, my soul."

"And you are my life."

Things with Jess will work out," Qui-Gon said encouragingly. He didn't doubt it. They had enough other things to worry about.

"As much as they ever do." Obi-Wan shrugged under his hands.

He tilted Obi-Wan's chin up to meet his gaze. "How much they do might surprise you."

Obi-Wan's eyes were dark with pain. "It has so far on this trip."

"I cannot argue with that." Surprises had become the norm.

"Have you heard anything from Bail yet?"

The casualness of the question belied the anxiety Qui-Gon could sense below the surface. "Not yet," he replied, letting one hand slide soothingly up and down Obi-Wan's back. "But we'll be at Alderaan soon."

"He's come through every other time. I have faith."

"Good."

"I also think that between Jayden and Anakin they'll figure something out."

"Indeed. We will free you, love. That is not in doubt."

Obi-Wan nodded, but the thought was clearly hovering in his mind 'one way or the other'.  
*********

Ten days. Ten days journey from the Endor system to Alderaan at the best speed the Rill can manage. I keep track of the days by watching the chronos that Qui-Gon comes in sight of. It's beginning to turn into an obsession I'm afraid. Otherwise I find myself drifting, losing track of time with so little to do and I can't bring myself to ask Qui-Gon to keep a schedule, something for me hold onto as a cornerstone of my reality.

With so much change going on he's been sleeping and eating erratically, disorienting at the best of times, and these are certainly not our best moments. But he gives me a few minutes each morning, regardless, to write in my journal. In the evenings I get time with Jayden and r'val. Two things I look forward to because it means another half day has passed without me losing my mind and my life, and time to just be me and not this leech on my lifemate's soul.

***********

Qui-Gon stood on the bridge and watched as Alderaan grew to fill the viewscreen. This place had become a touchstone, something to hold onto when he could feel Obi-Wan starting to falter, something that gave him enough strength for both of them. A concrete goal.

'When we get to Alderaan' had become a mantra. When they got to Alderaan they would have the time and the resources to get Obi-Wan free. When they got to Alderaan they would have a greater support network and maybe they could help him convince Obi-Wan to let Qui-Gon give him control for more than just the hour or so a day he allowed now. That worried him more than anything that Obi-Wan seemed to be withdrawing from reality, only keeping up his journal and the time with Jayden -- and the latter only after Qui-Gon's and Jayden's vehement insistence. He had long since run out of valid arguments to bring his lifemate back. The withdrawal made no sense given as connected as Obi-Wan was to life. All Qui-Gon could do was hold tightly to him, try to keep him from sliding further away and do his best to pull him back.

[Look at it this way -- I've gotten all the meditation done that I promised you as a padawan,] Obi-Wan offered.

[I hadn't meant all at once,] he replied, injecting a light teasing into his tone.

[Very true. However, it has given you a chance to recover from my pacing....]

[Your pacing isn't that bad.]

[So the hot shower to get the cramps out was my imagination?]

[I've had worse workouts. And this was in a good cause.] He sent a mental caress with the words.

Obi-Wan soaked up the touch like he had every other one. [I think you're making up for the Nap.]

[Perhaps. The felinoids are quite put out with me.]

[Because you aren't holding still?] Obi-Wan chuckled and sent him an image of r'val, who'd found an out of the way spot half way along Obi-Wan's walking route. The little felinoid would raise his head and mew softly each time they went past.

Qui-Gon laughed as well. [Perhaps we can spend some time in a sunbeam to make it up to him.]

[That would be nice.] Obi-Wan's voice had a hint of wistfulness to it. [And I think he wants to check on his children...and grandchildren...and great-grandchildren.]

[They've created quite the legacy,] he said, privately promising that the first thing they were going to do after the obligatory greetings was seek out that sunbeam.

[I think that t'lya just has too much energy.] His lifemate chuckled. [All that Investigating and Napping.]

[She and r'val have quite the history of Investigating each other.]

[Well apparently his fur and his eyes are quite Changeable, or at least susceptible to it.]

[Ah.] He sent another mental caress. [I can understand the lure of Changeable eyes.]

[I want lots of inspections when this is over.]

[I promise you, love,] Qui-Gon began voice thick with feeling, [that I will investigate every millimeter of you when this is over as often as you want.]

[At least twice a day for months.]

[For the rest of our lives. At *least* twice a day.]

[Good.]

Jess was sitting in Obi-Wan's usual seat, directing the piloting of the Rill into orbit, his manner and voice solid with confidence. He was definitely living up to Obi-Wan's confidence in him, but still. It jarred to see someone other than his Obi-Wan there, even Jess.

[You and me both,] Obi-Wan grumped. [And he isn't even arguing with traffic control. They aren't going to believe it's the Rill.]

As if he heard the private conversation, Jess turned and looked their way. "Would you like to-" he began hesitantly, gesturing at the viewscreen.

[No.] Obi-Wan immediately withdrew.

Qui-Gon suppressed a sigh. "You've got it," he told Jess, before turning most of his awareness inward to go after his lifemate.

Obi-Wan hadn't bothered with creating a garden this time. Instead it was just a small patch of grass and his oak tree. "Just go away, Qui-Gon. Jess needs to handle this."

"Jess is handling it which means I can be here with you."

"You're always with me."

"Focus my attention on you," he modified, spreading his hands.

"Ah, and what if I wanted to be left alone?"

"I'd ask why."

"Because sometimes I'd like to be in a snit and not have to justify it," Obi-Wan ground out slowly.

Qui-Gon nodded slowly. "And if I don't ask you to justify it?"

"We've been over this a hundred times already. I'm utterly and totally useless right now and it's irritating me beyond measure. I'm also terrified, angry and in severe need of chocolate and a nap."

"And privacy?" Qui-Gon ventured.

"A little bit, yes."

He moved closer and gently ran his hand over Obi-Wan's cheek. "If you ask, I will leave; give you what privacy I can."

"Privacy is so over-rated," Obi-Wan murmured, pulling Qui-Gon down next to him.

He went willingly wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan and pulling his lover half into his lap. 

In a radical change in mood, Obi-Wan settled the rest of the way into his lap, curling up as close as he could. "I can't do this much longer."

He held his lifemate tightly. "Just hang on for a little while more, love."

"Everything but you is so far away."

"Can I ask something?"

Obi-Wan nodded, tucking his head into the curve of Qui-Gon's neck.

"Why are you so reluctant to take control when I offer it to you?" He kept his voice soft and calm when he asked. Non-accusatory.

His lifemate shrugged but Qui-Gon could feel the unease in Obi-Wan's mind, and a reason. It was disconcerting. It reminded him it wasn't his own body in a million different ways. And yet, he didn't want to let go every time he stepped into control. It was better than nothing and that terrified him even more.

"Oh love," Qui-Gon whispered, holding him as tight as he could. 

"Quite the conundrum."

"Maybe we can work out a way of...sharing control."

"We don't need to. Bail will fix it." Absolute surety in that statement.

"And in the meantime?"

Obi-Wan insisted, "What we have now is fine."

"Is it?" He brushed a stray strand from Obi-Wan's face.

"I can manage for a few days."

Qui-Gon hated to bring up the possibility but felt like he had to. "And if it's longer?" 

"Then we'll discuss it at that point."

"All right. What can I do for you in the meantime?"

"Just hold me, right now." Obi-Wan pulled on him slightly, trying to draw him inward.

"I can do that for as long as you want."

"Not too long. Everyone will be waiting."

"I'll know when they want us." He had become adept over the last ten days at being this focused inward and still aware of his surroundings. No more face plants in his breakfast.

"Should I be doing this differently?"

"You're surviving. That means you're doing fine."

"'kay," Obi-Wan whispered, relaxing against him.

Qui-Gon stroked his lifemate's hair soothingly, murmuring words of comfort under his breath. Around him the garden came to life as Obi-Wan's mindscape shifted into a true dreaming. Qui-Gon stayed there with him, letting his body operate on auto-pilot until he could sense they were about to land. "We should go back," he said softly.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Of course."

"We'll greet everyone, find out what Bail has discovered and then go find a sunbeam, all right?" Wanting to give his lifemate everything he could.

"Whatever needs to be done, master."

He kissed Obi-Wan. "Ready?"

"I'll be there shortly. Just want to hold onto this peace for a few moments longer."

"All right." One last kiss, then he turned most of his awareness back to the real world around him.

Jayden was standing next to him and was wearing her formal uniform. "Hello 'On."

"Hello, Jay," he replied with a smile. "Did we miss anything?"

"Traffic." She waved her hand out the window. "People grumping at each other. Hand waving."

"Ah. The usual."

"Yes, Prince Bail gets very excited about it for some reason."

Qui-Gon smiled. "You've noticed that too, have you?"

"Hard not to." She sighed. "But he's going to help right?"

"Of course. Bail and your master have been friends since they were not much older than you are now."

Jayden stepped closer and took his hand. "We need to go get 'B and take him to the garden."

He took a deep breath and nodded, pulling the calm demeanor he'd mastered in years of negotiations around him like a cloak. By the time they'd made it to the medical bay Anakin and Bail were aboard, waiting for him in the doorway.

"Master Jinn." Bail bowed slightly.

"Prince Bail," he replied, returning the bow. "Once again we come to you for help."

"Help I am more than happy to provide."

"Thank you, my friend." Qui-Gon turned to his former padawan. "Ani..."

"We'll discuss leaving me on Alderaan later. *After* Knight Kenobi is back to hear me properly."

Qui-Gon smiled wryly. "I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

[Not,] Obi-Wan murmured.

"So, let's get Obi-Wan into the palace and get started." Bail waved to the two waiting Jedi guards with the hover cart.

"Have you found something that will help?" Qui-Gon asked as they gently Force-lifted the crystal containing his lifemate's body.

"Perhaps. Even with the description you gave there are a number of materials it could be made out of. I am confident we will know much more by nightfall."

He nodded, and then added in a low voice, "Time is becoming rather important."

That got him a flicker of unease rarely seen in Bail's eyes and a quick nod. "Then we will move with all haste my good friend."

Jayden just held onto Qui-Gon's hand more tightly. Qui-Gon squeezed it back, and gave her a reassuring smile. "Hi 'B," she whispered, her hood turning enough to give Qui-Gon a glimpse of her face before they began walking behind the crystal that held both their hearts.

[Do you want to...?] Qui-Gon asked Obi-Wan, glancing at Jayden.

Obi-Wan took partial control, shifting the grip of their hands to one that intertwined their fingers. [This I can do.]

Jayden held on tighter and glanced up at him again with a brave smile. She must have seen some part of Obi-Wan in his eyes because her smile was a bit brighter than what he usually got.

It was a sharp ringing sound that got his attention, along with Obi-Wan's faint 'ow'. He looked forward to see Anakin walking alongside the crystalline container, the hilt of his saber resting against one edge. "Hmmm."

Qui-Gon could see the absorption in Anakin's expression that always appeared when the young knight was faced with a problem, the slight frown turning the corners of his mouth down, the distant look that took over his blue eyes as his thoughts turned inward. His fingers twitched slightly, the only outward sign of the frenetic mental activity that was now taking place.

[Is that a good hmm or a bad hmm?] Obi-Wan asked with dry humor.

Ani's blue eyes flicked from the crystal to Qui-Gon's face and back again. "Fascinating," he murmured.

[A 'wow it's a new project' hmm,] the knight commented. [Hello Anakin.]

"Hello Obi-Wan."

[You look happy.]

Ani's smile reached his eyes. "I am. But that's not getting you off the hook for leaving me behind. We'll be discussing that when we get you free."

[Of course.]

Ahead of them, the box had reached the hatch of the ship and come out into the broad afternoon Alderaanian sunlight. The light hit the crystal and bounced off in a blinding cascade of colors. At the same time an incredible sound rang out, halfway between a groan and a bell ringing. And Obi-Wan vanished from his mind, appearing as a Force empowered spirit directly in front of Qui-Gon. His hand reached out to touch his master but just before it did, Obi-Wan vanished again. He was back in Qui-Gon's mind. [MASTER!]

"Cover it up!" Qui-Gon ordered. Anakin and the two Jedi escorts were already taking off their cloaks to throw over the crystal.

[Qui-Gon? Help me? Hold me?] Obi-Wan was terrified.

Trusting someone to catch his body, Qui-Gon turned his full attention inward, wrapping himself tightly around Obi-Wan.

"M-mental note. Sunbeams are bad-d." His lifemate was shaking violently.

"It's all right, you're all right," Qui-Gon murmured as much to convince himself as his lifemate.

"But it pulled me away from y-you. Gone." Obi-Wan's pupils were huge in the false twilight of his inner garden.

"I've got you. I'm not letting you go." He tightened his grip, fiercely determined to hang on even if the universe was ending around them.

"It hurt."

"It's over now. They've got the crystal covered." Obi-Wan nodded and burrowed closer. Qui-Gon held him as tight as he could and murmured soft reassurances.

*************

What felt like hours later, Obi-Wan had relaxed enough that Qui-Gon felt he could return his attention to the outside world. He was stretched out on a bed in the heart of the palace. Jess and Anakin were seated at a small table nearby playing holo chess. Slowly he sat up, drawing the two men's attention.

"Master?" Ani slipped away from the table and came towards him. "Everything stabilized?"

"For the moment."

"Well enough to let me try something?"

He could feel Obi-Wan's skittishness at that. "Depends on what it is."

The familiar light of experimentation came into Ani's expression. "The light made the crystal resonate a certain way; my 'saber made it resonate another. I think we just need to find the right resonance and --"

Obi-Wan's terror at that overwhelmed Qui-Gon and his answer was louder and sharper than he had intended. "No!"

"Master, how else do you expect us to free him?"

Qui-Gon held up a hand in a mute request for a moment to gather his wits. He took a deep breath, trying to release both Obi-Wan's and his fear. He could sense the suggestion had caused his lifemate to retreat further and turned partially inward to coax him back.

The knight was clearly nervous about the whole thing but overwhelming that was the need to get this solved. [L-let's hear him out.]

Mentally wrapping himself around Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon focused outward once again. "We're willing to listen."

Anakin had clearly calmed himself in the interval. "Everything resonates at several frequencies. The lower the frequency in this case, the more painful. The higher frequency drew him out of you. There has to be one that frees his physical form from the crystal. Once we've done that, he can return to it."

It sounded logical to Qui-Gon. [Love?]

[He starts with the lower frequencies first.]

"Obi-Wan agrees," Qui-Gon told the others. "As long as you start with the lower frequencies."

"Pain over bond dissonance," Ani agreed. "In the morning?"

"In the morning. What time is it now?" The change from ship time to Alderaan's cycle had turned his inner clock around completely.

"Not quite time for supper."

They had lost most of the afternoon to the incident with the sun. "I hadn't realized it was so late."

[And you wonder why I feel so disconnected?] Obi-Wan shivered and moved 'closer'.

"Knight Lashar said to leave you alone until you were ready to come back." Anakin gestured in Jess' direction. "And Jay glared at me. Acquiescing seemed the wise thing."

"Thank you. We needed the time."

With a nod his padawan stepped away. "I need to get back to 'dala and the twins."

"How are they doing?"

"Good." Anakin fairly glowed with happiness.

Qui-Gon smiled. "Amidala's memory continues to improve?"

"Yes. There are blank spots, but she lives in the here and now."

"Excellent. We shall stop to see her before we leave. After we've got Obi-Wan back where he belongs."

Anakin grinned. "Let's not confuse her all over again."

"Exactly."

"So I'll send in some food and let the Prince know you're up and about."

"Thank you."

"Fair warning. The felinoids you left here are all lurking nearby. Something about naps..." Anakin grinned saucily and opened the door.

"Mrrow!" A small russet streak darted around Anakin and jumped up on the bed.

{One felt t'lya for a moment,} r'val spoke excitedly.

"When the crystal went into the sun?" 

{Yes! The sunbeam Warmed her and she purred at this small One for just a moment.}

Qui-Gon smiled at the felinoid. "A good sign."

r'val crouched down on the bed, tucking his feet under himself properly. {One has renewed faith that this is the right Place to bring our mates back.}

"Indeed." The words rang in Qui-Gon's head again 'When we get to Alderaan...'

Then there was five or six more felinoids on the bed, all clambering for his attention and wanting to know how the Battle had gone.

**************

In the heart of the official home of the Organa's, far away from any natural light was the chamber that Anakin had chosen to start his tests on the Emperor's box. Under any other circumstances Qui-Gon would have been fascinated to learn about it too but with his Obi-Wan trapped inside there was only a sick fascination to get it over with as soon as possible. At the insistence of several very persuasive padawans Qui-Gon had managed to eat dinner last night and then chatted with Bail for an hour before giving up on sociability.

Instead he and Obi-Wan had played holo-chess, something refreshingly normal. With the only light coming from the fireplace he had allowed himself the luxury of imagining his lifemate in the empty chair across from him. Several hours of that with r'val on his lap before he'd gone to bed. At what he supposed was dawn Jess came and woke him. They had not given him a room with windows and he'd not asked. Now it was time for the tests to begin. Seated in a chair on the far side of a Force screen, he waited and watched with Obi-Wan for it to begin.

[You ready for this, love?]

[Yes. Anakin knows the signal to stop a test?]

[You mean aside from me yelling for him to stop?]

Obi-Wan sighed. [Well -- that worked last time.]

[We've got something less drastic worked out,] Qui-Gon assured him. He nodded toward the small control panel resting on the armrest. [A kill switch.]

[Ah.]

[He is taking all the precautions he can.]

[Then let's get started.]

Qui-Gon caught Anakin's eye and nodded. "We're ready when you are."

"I'll start with the subsonics -- a series of five for several fifteen seconds each then a pause. All right?"

He felt Obi-Wan's acquiescence and nodded. It was so low it wasn't even a rumble, only the shimmering of the crystal itself gave him a sensory clue that the test had started. 

[If I had teeth I would be grinding them,] Obi-Wan muttered uncomfortably.

[Thank you for not grinding mine.] He mentally wrapped his presence around Obi-Wan's.

Through Anakin's patient testing they found that each true fifth caused extreme discomfort, outright pain if Obi-Wan would admit to it. And what a musician would call a sharp made the crystal shiver, but no cracks appeared and they were no closer by noon to an answer than they had been at dawn. Anakin was frowning when he joined them for lunch.

[Doesn't he look grumpy,] Obi-Wan commented.

"I heard that," Ani said.

[You were supposed to.]

Qui-Gon chuckled. "I'll just stay quiet and eat my salad."

[You? Quiet? Right.]

He opened his mouth to answer, and then deliberately shut it, taking a bite of his lunch pointedly. Both of his padawans chuckled at that and Anakin applied himself to his lunch in a better mood. After they finished eating, Qui-Gon sat back and asked, "What do you have planned for this afternoon?"

"Well, since I know what frequencies to avoid it can go much faster, but that does mean we'll be in the audible range soon. I thought we'd work at least a few more hours before stopping for the day."

He directed the question to his lifemate, concerned, [Are you up to that, Obi-Wan?]

[Certainly.]

Focusing on the outer world again he told Anakin, "That'll be fine."

[You were supposed to politely turn him down and come ravish me,] Obi-Wan teased.

[We can do that tonight,] Qui-Gon promised.

His lifemate sighed dramatically and then began to retreat. [I'm going to meditate for a bit.]

Qui-Gon sent a brief mental caress. [Call if you need me.]

Obi-Wan sent one in return and then his presence diminished.

Anakin was watching them carefully. "I can see now how Jay can tell when he's there or not."

Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "Even without a body, Obi-Wan makes his presence felt."

"Yes, he does. I remember how different it was when he came home the first time with us, after the lifebonding. You felt so much...bigger, more alive than before."

"It felt like that to me as well. Without Obi-Wan..."

"You are a shadow of what you are with him. I can see it in you now. Not that the Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn is without his accomplishments but when you are with him...there is just more...to both of you."

"My soul is no longer entirely my own, just as his is no longer entirely his. It is both our greatest strength and our greatest weakness."

"I don't think it was ever entirely yours to begin with. Sometimes when I look at you I sense a great age in your soul. Like you and he have been together through the eons." Anakin shrugged, clearly uncomfortable.

"I would not discount the possibility." Qui-Gon found it a comforting thought; that he and Obi-Wan had been together that long, it would follow that they would continue to be together in the future beyond this life.

"That's more than most of the philosophy teachers I had would speculate."

He smiled slightly. "Obi-Wan has always defied speculation."

"For someone who is such a traditionalist he is the one that breaks the most rules by simply being what he is."

"Indeed. Over and over."

"How are you and he holding up through this?"

"We are coping. It is difficult for Obi-Wan-"

[Hush.] Obi-Wan gently thumped him.

[You are supposed to be meditating,] he replied, not without affection.

[I am - with the one diversion. How about telling someone how *you* feel about all of this.]

Qui-Gon blinked. [That's what I was doing -- wasn't it?]

[You were telling him what it was like for me.]

He blinked again, reviewing his words. [I was, wasn't I? How extraordinary.]

[Aren't you glad you have me around to tell you these things?] He could feel Obi-Wan's humor bubbling up.

[I am very glad to have you around,] Qui-Gon replied heartfelt.

[And I am glad to have you. Now he's staring at us patiently again. Answer his question.]

Focusing his attention back on Anakin, Qui-Gon said, "My apologies. Obi-Wan decided he needed to whap me. And he was quite probably correct."

Anakin smiled slightly. "Whatever you say, master."

"How am I holding up? What I said was true we -- *I* am coping." He smiled faintly. "I only have to think of the possible alternatives to be grateful for what I do still have."

"Good because I cannot promise a quick solution to the problem."

"Quick or slow, a solution will be sufficient. Though I cannot deny I would prefer quick."

"So you don't have to admit how much this frightens you?" Ani asked softly as he got to his feet. "When you are ready, master."

Startled, Qui-Gon just sat and watched his former padawan go.

[Perceptive, smart and cute. If he wasn't involved with 'dala I'd be worried,] Obi-Wan teased gently.

[I do seem to be...blessed with padawans who know me better than I know myself.]

[That's because you show and share more of yourself with us than anyone else.]

[Including myself?] Qui-Gon asked with a raised eyebrow. [I suppose that is true.]

[Don't you tell me I can't see myself properly?]

[You have gotten better at it over the years.]

[As have you,] Obi-Wan returned the compliment.

[But not right now?]

[You find it easier to be strong for me since I'm having periods of great stress and irrationality.] The knight sent the impression of a shrug.

[You need me and I have to be there,] Qui-Gon simplified.

[Yes. So you aren't dealing with your own pain. Will you at least do that when this is over?] Now his lifemate sounded worried.

[When I do not need to be strong for you, yes.] His pain and upset would wait until then, and maybe longer. Never, if he could get away with it.

[Thank you.]

[I suspect you would beat me about the head and shoulders with Jay's stuffed felinoid if I did not agree.]

[That -- or pout.] Obi-Wan sent the impression of one.

Qui-Gon shuddered, not entirely pretending.

[Now, back to testing, if you would please.]

[Yes, General,] he teased, getting to his feet and heading back to the testing chamber.

[You're such a good lifemate,] Obi-Wan said, heartfelt.

[I'm glad you think so because you're stuck with me.]

[I'd like to be stuck to you.]

[Instead of stuck in me?] He brushed a mental caress over Obi-Wan's presence. [Soon, love.]

Again there was a soft purr, even at so ephemeral a touch, from his lifemate. Anakin had everything ready and the moment he sat the tests began again. Now audible, the tones had a reassuring monotony to them. Climbing ever higher in pitch, it made for almost boring afternoon until Anakin's fingers slipped and the next tone was much higher than any other they had tried.

Obi-Wan shivered. [Qui--]

Alarm surged through Qui-Gon as he felt Obi-Wan's presence flicker. "Anakin!"

Obi-Wan's Force manifestation appeared again, this time overlaid over his physical form within the crystal. [Qui-Gon!]

The crystal was vibrating now at an incredible rate. "MROW?!" t'lya fell through the crystal to the hard floor, yowling.

Suddenly the generating tone stopped though it was a long series of moments until the crystal itself stopped shivering. Obi-Wan was still manifested in the center of the chamber. [What in the name of the Jedi Council and all her blessed councilors was THAT?]

t'lya climbed to her feet and walked over to where Obi-Wan was "standing" complaining loudly.

[This was *so* not my idea. Take it up with Shorty.] Obi-Wan pointed in Anakin's direction.

Anakin was looking from the crystal to Obi-Wan to his controls and back again, a deep frown on his face. 

[Skywalker.] Obi-Wan glared at him; much in the manner that t'lya was glaring at himself.

"That shouldn't have happened," Anakin muttered, still staring at his console.

Qui-Gon meanwhile moved towards his lifemate's manifestation. "Obi-Wan?"

His lifemate turned to look at him. [Yes?]

"You're..."

[Stuck somewhere else, yes. And somehow t'lya got free.]

"Do you feel any...pull? Towards your body or towards...?"

[No. Not even back towards you.]

"MrrRROW!" t'lya opined.

[Pardon me for just a moment Qui-Gon.] Obi-Wan knelt so he could see t'lya better. [I'm sorry you got dropped, lovely. You do know that r'val is here, right? Probably with Jayden.]

"Mrrow?" She looked around.

Obi-Wan Called r'val and then turned back to his felinoid. [He'll be here in a moment, all right?]

"Mrr," t'lya replied, seemingly mollified. Then, curiously, "Mrr mew?"

[Ahh...umm...err...because the Emperor did it to me. I'm not supposed to be blue, glowing, or see-through.]

She growled. "Mrrow mew mrr," she offered.

[I'm afraid biting him would leave a terrible taste in your mouth.]

"Mew mrr," she said bravely.

[Thank you but it might even require a bath afterwards, to get rid of the flavor.]

"That shouldn't have happened," Anakin said again, louder. "If it freed t'lya it should've freed Obi-Wan as well."

[Well obviously it did something. I'm not where I was.]

"Maybe if we did it again..." Anakin mused.

"MROW!" t'lya took off for the door so fast her claws scrabbled against the floor. She didn't want to be anywhere near that crystal box if they were messing with it again. She ran headlong into r'val who was running just as fast towards the room.

"Mew!" "Mrr!"

After a second of staring at each other, r'val walked around t'lya, purring loudly as he sniffed at her.

"Mew mrr," she said primly. It had obviously been a while since she'd been groomed properly.

"Mrrow. Mrr mew mrr?"

She purred at him coyly. Perhaps they could go find a sunbeam and discuss it. If there was a sunbeam wherever Here was....

r'val mrred enthusiastically and they left, still talking.

Qui-Gon looked over at Obi-Wan who had also watched the two of them, seeing a longing in his lifemate's eyes similar to the one in his own heart. A longing for something as simple as being able to wrap his arms around his lifemate and drowse in a sunbeam.

[Glad to see I still rate somewhere on her priority list,] Obi-Wan tried for lightness. [Well, Anakin?]

"I just don't know." The young knight sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. 

[Why don't you check Qui-Gon first? Make sure there are no other changes.]

"I'm fine," Qui-Gon said. "Other than you seeming so far away."

Obi-Wan moved closer and let his hand rest against Qui-Gon's cheek. There was no weight or warmth to the touch, but the sensation of distance faded. [Not so far away.]

Qui-Gon met Obi-Wan's gaze and smiled faintly. "Perhaps not."

[And I can pace now,] his lifemate tried mentioning the up-side.

"Without me pacing as well you mean?" He tried to match Obi-Wan's upbeat tone.

[You could keep me company.]

"Don't I always?" There was a bit of a tremor in his voice.

His lifemate's smile softened. [But this time I won't get tired.]

Anakin was still muttering to himself as he checked his settings. "Maybe it needs a longer exposure."

[You better go sit down before both of us ends up like this.]

Qui-Gon nodded but found it difficult to leave Obi-Wan's side.

[Anakin -- give us a few moments please.] Obi-Wan waited until Anakin had cleared the room. [Love?]

He shook his head, reflexively half-reaching for Obi-Wan then stopping.

Obi-Wan stepped forward until they were close enough that had he been corporal they could have kissed, and then he turned and backed into Qui-Gon's body, merging them again. [Better?]

Qui-Gon felt his lifemate's presence grow to its normal strength within his mind. [Yes,] he sighed.

[This could be a problem....]Obi-Wan caressed him as best as he was able.

[Give me a few minutes to adjust.]

[Of course, that's why Anakin is taking a walk.]

Qui-Gon took a few calming breaths and smiled ruefully. [I had gotten used to having you in my mind.]

[And I had gotten used to being there. Very comfortable.]

[We still need to get you your body back.] He looked down at Obi-Wan's physical form, still trapped within the crystal construct.

[Yes. I think Anakin is taking it personally now.]

[It offends him when things don't work logically.]Qui-Gon recalled that from so many lessons over the years.

[It's a Force construct. It doesn't obey the rules he is used to.]Obi-Wan sent the impression of a shrug.

[Maybe you should mention that to him. For all his strength with the Force and his intuitiveness when it comes to puzzles, he still doesn't automatically connect the two.]

[In a moment. Right now I'm having some bonding time.]

Qui-Gon smiled. [Is that what we're doing?]

[Yes. Bonding time for my lifemate.]

[I'm all right. Really. It was just...] His hands twitched wanting to touch.

[So much,] Obi-Wan agreed wistfully.

He nodded. [Exactly.]

[Then call back Anakin and let's work on this some more.]

Qui-Gon soaked up a few more seconds of closeness then stepped to the door to call his former padawan back.

Anakin came when called and listened to Obi-Wan's theorizing about the nature of the crystal. "Hmm. So maybe I need to be using natural Force resonances rather than artificial ones."

"You have something in mind?" Qui-Gon asked.

"If the Coruscant temple still existed I'd have several dozen things to try. Here...I'll have to think about it."

"Try to think fast," Qui-Gon said, staring at Obi-Wan's manifestation.

[You need to relax,] his lifemate offered calmly.

He lifted an eyebrow. [This doesn't bother you?]

Obi-Wan turned away, refusing to look at him. [Anakin, if you would start please.]

Qui-Gon took a deep breath as he retreated to the spot he'd been observing from, struggling to get his emotions back under control. It wasn't the time for them yet; Obi-Wan still needed him to be strong. Anakin frowned at his control set for one last time and then restarted the resonance that had freed t'lya. Immediately Obi-Wan was transported back to his physical form, overlaying it like a bright shadow. And as happened before, the bond between them dimmed, the resonance drowning it out.

"It's not working," Anakin called out over the sounds.

"Turn it off," Qui-Gon called back, his sense of Obi-Wan continuing to dim.

Obi-Wan's head turned, clearly trying to talk to him and Qui-Gon couldn't hear him. Anakin nodded and the machine cut out. The second it did, Qui-Gon was across the room to the side of the crystal. "Obi-Wan?"

[....Gon? What hap....]

He reached out, needing to touch, only to have his hand go right through.

Anakin raced around the console. "Total physical dissonance. He's out of phase with the rest of us."

Qui-Gon heard the words but all his attention remained focused on his lifemate. [Obi-Wan?]

As the crystal stopped moving so too did Obi-Wan. His Force manifestation sunk into his physical form once again.

Trapped.

Swallowing against incipient panic, Qui-Gon called out to him again. 

[Qui-Gon? I can't move.]

The words calmed Qui-Gon somewhat; at least they could still communicate. [Ani succeeded in getting you back in your body. But you're still in the crystal.]

[In the crystal.] 

[Yes.]

[I think I liked the other two choices better.]

Qui-Gon laughed humorlessly. [So did I, love.]

Anakin was passing his hand through the crystal, clearly trying to sense it within the Force. "If I use a Force-push against it then I can feel the block, otherwise I can't."

"And Obi-Wan's still trapped in it."

"But his soul is within you, right?" The blond knight asked, obviously expecting a positive answer.

Mutely Qui-Gon shook his head.

Anakin paled. "Oh."

"He's in there." Qui-Gon nodded at the crystal.

"This is bad. Maybe I can do the other one that got him out again."

"If it doesn't make it worse."

"The crystal does seem to be destabilizing." Anakin frowned at his machinery again, clearly displeased at how it had failed them all.

"Physically, but not in the Force."

"Would applying the Force destabilize it completely and send him out of phase from us or set him free?"

"I don't know." Qui-Gon began to pace, feeling the frustration creeping up to choke him.

[Qui-Gon?] Obi-Wan's voice reached through the frustration.

Instantly he stopped, moving back to Obi-Wan's side. [I'm here, love.]

[Whatever happens - I will always love you.]

He shivered at the hint of good bye those words carried. [I'm not giving up on you, yet. We'll get you out.]

[I know. Let Anakin try the Force. Maybe another crystal?]

He passed on the suggestion to Anakin. "He wants to go again."

"Lend me your saber. I want to try your crystals first." Qui-Gon handed over the weapon. Anakin gave him a sharp nod and then leapt upward, landing deftly on the edge of the emitter array. "A few minutes to change out the focuser...."

Qui-Gon turned his attention back to Obi-Wan, wanting as much time with him as he could get.

[This is very...confining.] A world of panic behind that simple statement, hidden inside an iron calm.

[Ani's hooking up my saber crystals now.] Wishing he could do *something* to help.

[Good.]

[It could just make things worse...]

[If you don't feel the pull to move into the Force, don't. I'm still here.]Obi-Wan ordered him.

[I won't leave without you,] Qui-Gon promised. He left the rest of the thought unsaid that he wouldn't stay without Obi-Wan either.

[I know, love.]

[Together,] Qui-Gon breathed. [That's the one thing I can promise you.]

[Always.]

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and let himself bask in Obi-Wan's presence, as tenuous as it was. His lifemate reached out as far as he could, trying to extend the sensation as much as he could. Distantly they could hear Anakin telling them to keep doing that as he started the array again. This time Qui-Gon could feel the resonances down to his bones, and further, they seemed to be vibrating his very soul. It made him ache and stretch at the same time. 

[Qui-Gon?] Obi-Wan sounded further away than ever.

[I'm here,] he replied, grabbing onto his lifemate's presence with all his strength. [Stay with me.]

The box was phasing in and out now, glowing a brilliant white. [Tell...to go...] Obi-Wan's voice was fading in and out. [Vibrations need to....higher.]

"Turn it higher, Ani," Qui-Gon called out, the words feeling strange on his tongue.

The tone rose again and there was a terrible moment where he was the one trapped in the box, all sense of his body gone. Everything was gone. The Force, Obi-Wan, even his heartbeat - lost to the terrible stillness. Then it was all back and he was laying on something soft and yet uncomfortable at the same time. And warm. Opening his eyes he got an extreme close-up view of Obi-Wan's chin.

[Qui-Gon, I love you but get your elbow out of my burnt ribcage.]

Immediately he shifted, rolling to the side. But he didn't relinquish his hold on Obi-Wan, pulling him with him as he moved.

[Good to be back,] his lifemate murmured.

[Obi-Wan,] he murmured, everything important summed up in three syllables. 

[Qui-Gon.]

[You're here.] He couldn't stop looking, touching.

[Yes. Finally.] Obi-Wan's eyes caught his, glittering with love. [Touching you.]

[Never letting you go again,] Qui-Gon vowed knowing it was impossible even as he said it. But needing to say it just the same.

[Good. Want to sleep now, really sleep, with you holding me.]

[Yes.] He paused. [But maybe not on the floor.]

[But getting up means the healers and they'll want you to let go.]

[Nothing in the universe could make me let go of you right now.]

[One of us should speak out loud so Anakin doesn't turn that machine on again.]

Qui-Gon tore his gaze from Obi-Wan's long enough to look up and see Anakin smiling down at them rather smugly. [I think he knows.]

[Good.] Obi-Wan moved closer, wrapping his free arm around Qui-Gon.

"I love you." He needed to say it out loud.

"My life."

"My light." Qui-Gon's voice broke and he buried his face against Obi-Wan's neck.

[Always with you. Always.] Then Obi-Wan's mind was gently Pushing on his, urging him to rest for a little while. [When you wake it will be to a soft bed and me. I promise.]

[I should be taking care of you,] he protested as he felt himself going under.

[That's what you've done since the battle with the Emperor. Let me help you for a change.]

[Can let go?] He was so tired of holding onto everything, the pain, the loneliness, and now Obi-Wan was back in his arms.

[Yes, rest,] his lifemate promised.

[You'll wake me if you need me?]

[Of course.]

With that reassurance he let himself drift off. When he woke it was as Obi-Wan had promised. There was the comforting softness of the bed under his hip along with the warmth and unique supple hardness that was his lifemate. Curled up in his arms back to chest Obi-Wan was dozing, his hair tickling Qui-Gon's nose and chest with its softness. As his arms tightened around his lifemate's chest he could feel the roughness of a linen bandage interrupting the otherwise seamless flow of skin pressed against him from knees to neck. He let his fingertips explore it gently, running them along the bandage's edges, using its width and thickness as a gauge of how badly his lifemate was injured. From his belly to just below his nipples, Obi-Wan's chest was wrapped securely, the thicker padding of absorbent material along one side of his ribs. Bad enough then but not as bad as Qui-Gon had feared. He sighed and buried his face in Obi-Wan's hair.

[Anakin healed some of it for me. I didn't think we were up to the bacta tank,] Obi-Wan answered sleepily.

[It would've been....difficult,] he agreed.

[Long day.]

[Long month.]

[Mhmm,] his lifemate still sounded like he was barely awake.

The words dripping with satisfaction, Qui-Gon said, [You're back.]

[To your front, yes.]

Qui-Gon snorted in amusement.

[Sorry, couldn't help myself. I'm in such a good mood.]

[Are you?] He moved his hands lightly over Obi-Wan's skin.

[I am. I am with you. I can touch you. Clean bodies, clean sheets....]

[But not necessarily clean minds.] He lowered his head to nuzzle his lifemate's shoulder.

[I leave that to the innocents.]

[And you haven't been innocent for a very long time.]

It was Obi-Wan's turn to chuckle. [Not for a while, no.]

[So what shall two non-innocent bondmates do with clean bodies, clean sheets and no clothes?]

[Make love until the early hours of the morning?]There was a note of hope in Obi-Wan's voice that had been absent in the last weeks.

[And just how far away is that?]

[About sixteen hours.]

[Might be enough time.]

[We're alone until Jayden can't stand it any more or r'val needs a rest from t'lya.] Obi-Wan snuggled a tiny bit closer to him with a happy sigh.

[No interruptions?]

[None. The door is locked.]

[So it's just you, me and a bed.] He grinned. [Making love for sixteen hours is a definite possibility.]

[You, me, a bed and dinner.]

[Dinner?]

[Bail arranged for a tray. Some sort of roast, tubers, and bread. Oh, and ices for later.]

Qui-Gon's stomach rumbled at the recitation; he hadn't been eating very well in the past week.

"Why don't we sit up and eat? The healers say I can have some tea and soup."

He paused and looked at Obi-Wan. "Tea and soup?"

"They gave me medications to fight off infection that's left me a bit queasy."

"How bad is the burn?" he asked, his hand once again moving to the bandage.

"Bad enough to confine me to bed for a few days."

Qui-Gon frowned.

"It went untreated for almost an hour, love. Besides healers are always cautious."

"Not that cautious."

Obi-Wan sighed and laid his hand over top Qui-Gon's. "One of my ribs got partially charred. They have nano bone knitters working on it."

Qui-Gon gentled his touch. "That has to be painful."

"The burned spot on my lung hurt more but Anakin healed that. I can't really complain about this."

"Because you're here to feel it."

"Yes."

He reached out and cupped Obi-Wan's cheek, relishing even that simple act. "There are better things to feel."

"Yes." Obi-Wan turned enough to face him and then pouted faintly. "You haven't kissed me yet."

"I haven't, have I?" He leaned closer. "I should probably rectify that."

"You better, before I decide that Jess is lonely."

Smiling faintly, Qui-Gon leaned in and gently pressed his lips against his lifemate's.

[Oh, that's nice.] Obi-Wan wound his arms around Qui-Gon's body.

[Yes, it is,] he murmured deepening the kiss.

[More, until I'm drunk with your touch.]

[Yes.] He pushed Obi-Wan further into the mattress, never releasing his lips.

[Until I can feel you in every pore of my skin,] his lifemate begged softly.

[Until you can feel it right down to your soul.]

[And me in yours.]

[Yes,] he breathed.

**************

 

end RM11  
\-------------------(--(--0--)--)------------------------  
Co-Written with Wolfling. Feedback always wanted....


	4. Pt 4

Alderaan Royal Palace

Journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi

So, this is the first time I've been awake and Qui-Gon hasn't since I've been released from the Emperor's box. We've been released is more accurate, judging from the way everyone is dealing with us as a set. A pair ripped apart and then reunited.

You'd also think that they've solved the universe's problems by getting me out of that thing - judging from the parties I hear are going on.

I thought I was the one trapped in there, going out of my mind but now I wonder.

When does it get to be about me and not about Qui-Gon? Me and not us?

Maybe after we get back to the Rill and start trekking back to Garos but somehow I doubt it.

There is General Kenobi, there is Knight Obi-Wan, there is Master Obi-Wan, and lifemate Obi-Wan. Where am I? Where is the Obi-Wan who makes model starships, cooks and putters around ranting?

***

Half awake, Qui-Gon rolled over and reached for his lifemate only to encounter empty sheets.

That jolted him the rest of the way awake and he sat up alarmed, only relaxing when he saw Obi-Wan sitting at the console unit across the room.

He could just make out the familiar layout and text of Obi-Wan's journal before the console was locked and shutdown. Turning carefully in the seat, his lifemate stood. [Sorry, had some thoughts I needed to put into words.]

"It's all right," Qui-Gon said, trying to slow down his racing heart. "If I had been awake enough to think I would've realized you'd be restless."

Moving slowly, with a care for his still tender chest, Obi-Wan nodded. [As restless as I can be anyway.]

"How are you feeling?"

[Well enough.] He settled back down on the edge of the bed.

Qui-Gon reached over and slowly ran a hand down Obi-Wan's side, sending a bit of healing energy through the bond.

[It will be fine, eventually.] Edging over a bit more, he settled against the pillows, reclining and relaxing slightly. [Other than how you woke up, how are you?]

[Happy to have you back.] He couldn't keep from touching Obi-Wan, running his hands idly over him, reassuring himself that his lifemate was indeed by his side again.

[Good.] Obi-Wan stretched out his legs and arms, flexing the undoubtedly stiff muscles before turning and settling on his side facing Qui-Gon. [What is on the schedule for today?]

[You tell me. Though I was thinking we deserve a day of basking in a sunbeam or two.]

[Probably. As soon as I can walk that far.]

[I could always carry you,] he offered, threading his fingers through Obi-Wan's long hair. [Or we can just stay here and rest if you prefer.]

[I will be happy with a sunbeam when we get to it.] His lifemate smiled gently. [Live in the moment, remember?]

"Yes." Qui-Gon closed his eyes and moved his head closer to Obi-Wan's so he could feel his lifemate's breath against his skin. "Talk to me?"

"As you wish, love. What would you like me to say?"

"Anything. I just want to hear your voice."

"Perhaps we could finally go to the beach. Take Jayden swimming and just sunbathe for a few days - away from the palace."

He smiled, still with his eyes closed. "I would like that."

"I would also like to go home to Garos and finish our recovery there."

Home. "Yes," he breathed.

"Wouldn't that be much nicer than circling on the Rill out on the Rim somewhere? Sunbeams and teaching for a few months..." Obi-Wan's voice was soft and more resonant than he remembered.

Had it changed or had he'd forgotten the richness of his lover's tones after so short a time? Either answer disturbed him and made him all the more desperate to reconnect, re-imprint everything.

"It sounds wonderful," he murmured softly.

He could hear the faint sounds of a commpadd being turned on. "Why don't I read the latest cultural news to you while you relax, hmm?"

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you. But I would like that."

"You want me to talk and I find myself at a loss for a topic. This seemed easier."

He opened his eyes and shrugged slightly. "I've missed the sound of your voice. And reading would be more than fine."

"And recordings just wouldn't be the same?"

"No." He shrugged again, wryly. "Foolish of me, perhaps..."

"All right." Obi-Wan reached out and gently brushed his fingertips against Qui-Gon's eyelids, encouraging them to close again. "Three days ago the play commissioned by the palace opened to rave reviews...."

Qui-Gon drifted off to the sound of his lifemate's voice, a part of him still worried that he should be taking care of Obi-Wan, not vice versa.

When he woke it was still that sound, but mixed with another one, Anakin, in a very intent conversation barely carrying above a whisper. It seemed that Knight Skywalker had finally caught up to General Kenobi about the mission to Endor's moon.

"You had no right to leave me behind, Obi-Wan."

A rustle of the sheets and a sigh. "It was my decision as a fleet commander to do so."

"I was *supposed* to go."

"Ani -- Knight Skywalker, yes you were originally on the roster for the mission. Things changed. You were needed here far more than with the Emperor."

Ani grumbled. "You mean staying with the women and children."

"I mean helping the most important person in your life recover from a long illness."

"You should have asked."

"You were asked, however I did not wait for your answer. I wasn't bound to. The joys of command were mine alone in this case. I overruled Master Jinn."

"Then my anger is for you alone."

Obi-Wan sounded tired and resigned. "Yes. If it is any consolation, Vader's death is still yours to take. We'll be going after him and Kedith at year's end. A change in strategy."

"Oh?"

"Before we go after the Emperor again we will strip him of as many allies as possible."

"That won't consolidate the power within him?" Anakin sounded dubious.

Obi-Wan's hand rested against Qui-Gon for a moment, caressing the warm shoulder. "It's a chance we have to take. It will narrow our targets, hopefully make it easier to contain him."

"Risky." It was Ani's turn to shift in his seat. "And I'm still angry."

"Far be it for me to divert you with something useful." Obi-Wan's tone was wry.

Qui-Gon suppressed a smile at that; the technique familiar from Obi-Wan's padawan days. Obi-Wan hadn't liked it much more than Ani seemed to.

"As soon as the healers declare me well enough to spar you can beat me back into a state unable to leave the bed, all right?" Obi-Wan offered when the silence stretched out.

"Be careful, Knight Kenobi. I might just take you up on that."

"If that's what it takes for you to get past your anger, then I will do it gladly." Obi-Wan's weight shifted. He was holding out his hand to Anakin. "I did as I thought best for everyone. I thought Amidala needed you far more than I did."

"Then you were mistaken." Anakin got to his feet. "I'll be back in the evening to speak to my master."

"I'll tell him you asked after him." There was stoked sorrow in his lifemate's voice. "In a few weeks we'll be leaving for Garos, if you care to travel with us."

"We should pack now, so we don't get left behind." Boot heels made a sharp staccato against the floor as Anakin left.

"Damn," Obi-Wan whispered as the door closed between them. "No less than I deserved."

"Far more than you deserved," Qui-Gon countered quietly, opening his eyes.

"He needs someone to be angry with, love. I am that someone."

"Understandable. But that does not mean you deserve it."

"He'll be over it eventually."

Qui-Gon nodded, dropping it for now. He rather expected he would be getting his own lecture from his former padawan as well.

"You up for a walk down to the healer's quarter? It's time to change the bandages again."

"Of course." He sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. "How are you doing?"

"Unless you count this never-ending hitch in my side I am doing well."

He accepted that, trusting Obi-Wan to tell him if something was seriously wrong. "And you've been busy strategizing."

"Something to do while I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling."

"I agree with Anakin -- it's a risky plan. But also probably our best chance."

Obi-Wan sighed and slipped into a pair of loose leggings and a dark silk robe. "If someone comes up with something else I'll be pleased. At least this way we won't have them running around to be cleaned up."

"And we'll bring able to bring our full resources to dealing with Palpatine without having to worry about being blindsided."

His lifemate nodded and gingerly bent to get on his short boots. "Right now I'd settle for being able to walk from one end of the building to the other."

Qui-Gon quickly knelt at Obi-Wan's feet to help. "It won't be long."

"It's been too long already."

"I know you hate being confined in any way, love." He looked up at Obi-Wan's face. "Anything I can do to help..."

"Only good health will help me." He smiled and cupped Qui-Gon's jaw in his hand. "And perhaps a walk in the garden afterwards?"

"Of course."

"Shall we go?"

Qui-Gon quickly got dressed and held out a hand to his lifemate to help him to his feet.

"Today hopefully, I will be able to walk the whole distance, hmm?" Obi-Wan stood and tied his robe shut then held one hand to his wounded side. "I am healing too slowly."

"You are healing," Qui-Gon emphasized.

"Right. Of course." His lifemate began walking slowly in contrast to his thoughts and speech. "Any word on the Emperor's whereabouts? Is he back to Coruscant yet?"

"I haven't heard anything more than you. We can check after the healers are done with you."

"That is troublesome. We should have heard something."

"It's possible there has been word. We've been rather incommunicado recently."

"Or they've been hiding it from me in a misplaced effort of good will."

Obi-Wan sighed and kept walking. "Which would be just like them."

"The hazards of being cared for."

It was stubborn willpower that kept Obi-Wan on his feet the rest of the way to the healers. And it was that same stubbornness that kept him upright as they changed the bandages.

The wound was nasty looking, still puckered and crumpled around the edges. Infection had also set in, turning the skin an angry red that was warm to the touch.

The general was silent as they peeled away the last of the linen and slathered him in antibotic creams and bacta. Only a slight hiss escaping his clenched lips when they pressed a new bandage over the treated area.

His chest was securely wrapped again and he was given several hypo-shots to also help stave off the infection. As the war lingered on the level of medical care was slowly beginning to drop. They simply couldn't spare the bacta tank even if Obi-Wan had allowed it.

When they were finished he once again belted his robe shut, and with Qui-Gon's hand under his elbow, got back on his feet.

They paused at one of the small treatment tables. Leia was there, along with one of the newest kittens who had apparently been leaping off of something she shouldn't.

The child was bravely holding onto the squirming bundle of bright orange fur as the healer manipulated the tiny paw. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She should be fine, Mistress Skywalker."

"But doesn't she need a bandage or something?" Leia nodded towards Obi-Wan. "The general was hurt and he gets a bandage."

"I suppose we can get one but don't fret if your little friend chews it off all right?" The healer turned and winked at the lifemates. "I'll be right back."

"You have an adventurer there?" Qui-Gon asked the girl, and reaching out to caress the kitten's tiny head.

She nodded, dark hair bobbing with the force of it. "She was leaping from the top of the wardrobe to pounce on something--"

"Mrr!" A sunbeam the tiny one protested. It was going to escape.

Obi-Wan's chuckled turned into a cough. "Indeed."

"And she didn't land quite right. Well, Papa always insists on checking out these things," the little girl finished off gravely.

"Quite sensible. Better to be safe," Qui-Gon agreed seriously. "How are you liking it on Alderaan?"

"Good. I take medicine now so I can keep a kitty in my room. How are you?"

"Getting better. And your family?"

"Doing better too."

He smiled. "I am glad to hear that. And to see you again."

"Good seeing you too, Master Jinn."She freed up one hand long enough to wave and then started an intense whispered conversation with the kitten.

They took that as their signal to depart. "She seems happy," Qui-Gon observed as they slowly made their way along the palace corridor.

Obi-Wan paused, looking towards the garden. "Shall we try for a sunbeam?"

Even if he had thought it unwise, the yearning he sensed from his mate would've made Qui-Gon agree. "As long as you promised not to leap after it," he teased.

"If you help me catch it, I won't have to."

"We do our best work as a team, don't we?"

"Yes, we do. We always have." His lifemate smiled, a smile that softened as they passed a window. "It's beautiful out there."

"Yes it is," he said softly, memorizing Obi-Wan's expression. It had been too long since he'd seen his mate smile like that.

"Even with the rain," Obi-Wan teased, clearly aware of the regard.

"The rain has its own charms." He smiled; a wet Obi-Wan was an enticing Obi-Wan.

But then so was almost any Obi-Wan he could coax into being with him....

***

Qui-Gon found himself at something of loose ends, with Obi-Wan napping again and trying to recover from his injuries. Not that he ever got tired of watching his lifemate sleep...or eat...or making love... With a bit of a sappy smile he ran his fingers along his lifemate's arm, reveling yet again in being able to touch.

There was a soft knock at the door but it could only be one of the padawans or Bail. Obi-Wan's grumbling aside, he really wasn't up to being the general again and they were going to keep it that way until he was.

He sat up slightly as the door swung open enough to show a furred triangular ear. "Masters?"

Qui-Gon rose to his feet, smiling in pleased surprise. "Kitaara," he greeted her, holding out his hand to her in greeting. "Come in, please."

"Thank you, Master Jinn," she said softly, taking his hand and rubbing their cheeks together.

"When did you get here?"

"Just arrived and they told me you were on planet so I came to give my report."

"I'm glad you did. It is good to see you." He gestured for her to take a seat, taking note of her slightly ragged appearance though her fur was still shone with health.

"It is good to see you as well - and the General." She settled down in the chair.

From where they sat they both had an excellent view of the gardens as well as the big bed that Obi-Wan was currently sleeping on, though only Qui-Gon was close enough to reach out and touch him.

Which he did now totally unconsciously, only realizing he had when he felt the warmth of Obi-Wan's arm beneath his hand.

"Closer than before," she murmured, watching them both closely.

"Yes," he agreed, unable to keep the soft smile from his face as he stared down at his lifemate’s face.

"I've heard stories about the last year. Disturbing stories."

He glanced at her, letting his expression ask the question.

"You are asking me to broker rumors for you? I won't." Her ears went flat with irritation. "I came to give my report and to see if you were both all right."

"We are." His gaze drifted back to Obi-Wan's face. "Or getting there at least."

"Should I come back when he is awake and you are not distracted?"

Qui-Gon pulled his attention back to Kitaara. "Forgive me. I'll try to stay more...focused."

"It really can wait, if you prefer."

"Perhaps wait on the report until Obi-Wan awakens, but I would appreciate your company while we wait." He smiled at her. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has. The years have been kind?"

He thought about that for a long moment, thinking of all that had happened. "I don't know if kind is the right word, but we are surviving and taking back as much as we can of what was lost."

"In times such as these, that is all you can ask for. My own home world is still under the control of the Empire."

"I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "Force willing, the Empire will not be a factor for much longer." He wished he thought its remaining lifespan could be measured in months, but he feared, though they were definitely turning the tide, the death throes would still go on for years yet.

"I know that everyone is doing as much as they can. It is all that can be done."

Qui-Gon nodded his agreement. "And you in the thick of it. You are a credit to your masters -- both of them."

"I do my best, Master Qui-Gon." She shifted back in her chair, stretching. "And I need a break if I am going to continue to do that."

"So do we," he admitted, glancing again at Obi-Wan. "Part of the reason we are here."

"How did he get hurt this time?"

"We went after Palpatine. There was a trap." The words came out clipped and short, the images in his mind still bright with horror.

Her voice seemed to be coming from the other side of that great pain. "Was it worth it?"

"Palpatine got away."

She chuckled, her expression bitterly ironic. "I think I would have heard otherwise, with all due respect master."

He managed a small rueful smile. "It would be a rather hard piece of news to keep under wraps."

"So to you, it was not worth it. Would he agree?" She flicked an ear in the direction of the bed.

"We eliminated a large part of Palpatine's forces. But we could've done that without going down to the planet."

"You are better at not answering questions than I remember."

"Am I?"

Kitaara nodded. "Either that or more clear about his opinion not necessarily matching yours."

"Perhaps." He sighed, focusing inward for a moment. "It's...harder...to let down my guard nowadays."

"You should not guard against him, honored one. He would never hurt you on purpose."

"It is not him hurting me that I worry about," he said softly, once again studying Obi-Wan's sleeping features.

"When did he become fragile?"

That made Qui-Gon look up. "I never said he was." But the memory of Obi-Wan's panic when he had found himself trapped outside his body still haunted him.

"Yes, you did."

He blinked at her.

"You never worried about him this way before. You used to say he was the strongest person you knew." She shrugged and pulled her cloak in closer around herself.

"He is," Qui-Gon protested, then sighed and softly admitted, "but even the strongest person has a breaking point."

"And he's reached it now - before the enemy is defeated."

"Or close to it."

"Then we need to bring him back."

Qui-Gon couldn't stop himself from smiling at the determination in her voice. "So simple as that."

"Simply stated goals are understandable. Reachable. Doable." Her tail began swishing back and forth.

"I begin to see why you have been so successful in your assignments."

"People count on me, Master Jinn. I do my best not to fail them."

"You haven't, Kitaara. Far from it."

She straightened in her seat. "I was trained by the best."

"On that we can agree."

They both turned at the faint sound of Obi-Wan rolling over with a breathy moan. Without conscious thought Qui-Gon reached out to soothe him. His lifemate settled again as soon as their skin touched, resting his cheek against Qui-Gon's hand. Qui-Gon caressed his cheek, unable to take this simple action for granted any more.

The rustling sounds of cloth against upholstery drew his attention away from Obi-Wan for a moment. Kitaara was gathering herself to leave. "Call me later, when you are able to talk."

"I will. He'll be glad to see you."

"And I to see him." She bowed and let herself out.

t'lya's excited meep made Qui-Gon smile. The little felinoid must have run into Kitaara. For a long moment there was purring and meows and then she was slipping in before the door closed completely, r'val right behind her. The two felinoids stopped at the foot of the bed and waited for his nod before leaping up and joining Obi-Wan in his nap. His lifemate made space for them automatically, letting them curl up in the space behind his knees. They purred at the lifemates before settling down to rest.

Anakin's soft laugh once again drew Qui-Gon's attention away from the bed. "Naps. More regular than mealtime around here."

"Napping is an Important Thing," Qui-Gon responded, waving his former padawan to the empty chair.

"Almost as important as tuna."

"Indeed."

"You both look better today."

"We are recovering."

"How much longer will you need?" Anakin's expression was concerned, his brow was furrowed with it.

He raised an eyebrow. "Is there some kind of time limit I don't know about?"

"No, but as some of the fighter pilots I know say 'there are bad guys to catch and daylight is wasting'."

"And you want to yell at us," Qui-Gon added.

"I did that already. I can do it again though if you aren't feeling guilty yet." The blue eyes had gone cool.

Qui-Gon refused to flinch. "There are some things that are more important than the war."

"Like being left out of it."

"Like seeing to your family," he countered.

"You were my family long before they were," Anakin shot back.

"And that makes their need of you somehow less?"

"Yes." Thin lips clamped shut, refusing to say more.

Qui-Gon began to realize there was more than there at first appeared to be here. "Ani?"

"Nothing. Just let me know when we're leaving."

"It won't be for awhile," he promised. "Hopefully we can...talk...in the meantime."

"Whenever you like." Ani bowed stiffly.

"I hope it'll be when you like."

"That might be a while, master."

"I will be here for you when you're ready."

"You sure about that?"

All the times he hadn't been there in the past rushed through Qui-Gon's mind at the question. He wasn't going to let that happen again. "I'm sure," he answered quietly, determinedly.

"Then when you can leave his side for a few hours we'll talk."

He nodded. "All right."

"And discuss what my role actually will be going forward."

He smiled slightly at that, seeing the ghost of the determined boy he'd taken as a padawan so many years ago in the young man standing before him. "As you wish."

"This once, perhaps." Anakin stood and bowed again. "Good afternoon, master."

"Good afternoon, Ani."

One more long cool look and then Anakin saw himself out.

Qui-Gon sighed, knowing that it was probably going to be a while before that coolness went away.

Obi-Wan reached out mentally, even in his deep sleep, trying to soothe that discomfort; urging Qui-Gon to come join him in bed.

Smiling, he gave in, getting up from the chair and sliding in beside his lifemate, Obi-Wan automatically moving to accommodate him. With a sigh, he wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan and relaxed.

His lifemate gave a tiny happy sigh and snuggled closer.

The sound did much to raise Qui-Gon spirits and he dropped a kiss on his lifemate's shoulder.

[Nap with me?]

[If you want me to.]

[Wouldn't have asked otherwise,] his lifemate murmured. [Or you can argue with Ani some more.]

He shook his head. [It won't do any good. He's not ready to talk yet.]

[Oh.]

Qui-Gon dropped another lazy kiss on Obi-Wan's shoulder. [Napping sounds like a wonderful way to pass the time.]

[Good. I can't think of anything else.]

[Don't think. Just nap.]

[Yes, master.] Then he was drifting away again, further into dreamless sleep.

Qui-Gon decided to take his own advice and relaxed his body as he stilled his mind, following his mate down into slumber.

***

Qui-Gon stepped away from the windows in time to hear Obi-Wan say,"--I want a briefing today. Not tomorrow, not 'when I'm better', today."

A rather grim-faced Jess nodded. "As you say, General." His voice rose on a hopeful note to ask, "Here?"

"No, the briefing room downstairs. I am not meeting the staff in a lounging robe."

Qui-Gon pressed his lips together to keep from protesting. The look in Obi-Wan's eyes told him that his lifemate was not about to be moved on this. Still, he couldn't totally keep his worry and disapproval from leaking across their bond.

"They need to see *me*. I need to see *them*. Most of them haven't seen me since the attack on Endor. Having me sit at the table, growling and grumping, will put their fears to rest. I need to get back in touch with what's going on."

"*Just* a briefing?" Qui-Gon asked, finding that despite his resolve he was unable to not speak to at least some of his concern.

Obi-Wan clearly wanted to push for more but nodded instead. "Just a briefing. I can't sit up for more than an hour anyway."

"Just remember that what you're trying to accomplish won't be helped by your collapsing in front of them."

"I. Won't."

Qui-Gon nodded, accepting at least for now. He turned to Jess who had been standing quietly, waiting for them to reach a decision. "Can you arrange the briefing to start in an hour?"

"Of course. We could make it a working dinner that way. Distract everyone."

"An excellent idea. Then the General can show how well his appetite has improved."

Obi-Wan's frown intensified. "My appetite is just fine, thank you."

"Of course it is," Qui-Gon replied. "And this way you can show them that."

His lifemate sighed and leaned back against the pillows, the slightest signs of a pout beginning to appear. "This was more fun when I was the only bully in the room."

"You have to learn to share."

"Jess, if you would..." Obi-Wan gestured to the door. "Have it start in an hour, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Jess nodded. "I will see to it, General," he said formally.

"Thank you, Commander."

With a half bow, Jess left.

Obi-Wan turned to Qui-Gon. "Whatever is brimming over in your mind - save it and say I told you so when this is over."

Qui-Gon spread his hands and put on his best innocent expression. "I wasn't going to say anything."

"Right." Gingerly his lover climbed out of bed and headed to the wardrobe, his only garment the bandages around his chest. "I'll need help getting dressed, if you don't mind."

He was briefly tempted to make Obi-Wan do it himself in case his lover had any illusions about how recovered he was, but watching Obi-Wan in pain was not something he ever wanted to do. So he restrained himself to a ultra polite, "Of course General," and got out the uniform Obi-Wan would need to put on.

Obi-Wan's eyes had a faint shadow of hurt in them that was quickly masked as he took the material out of Qui-Gon's hands. "I'll take care of this in the 'fresher. Thank you anyway."

Qui-Gon caught Obi-Wan's hands and held him in place. "I'll help," he said, his voice softer.

"I know you disapprove but it's time to begin again. The Emperor will not wait for me to get better."

"Granted, but it will do no good if you overdo it and put yourself on the sidelines for even longer." He sighed and dropped his voice even further as he admitted, "And there are few things that I hate worse than seeing you in pain."

Leaning forward slightly, Obi-Wan brushed their cheeks together before stepping back. "It's an hour long briefing, not an all day strategy meeting."

"The one has been known to morph into the other with very little effort." He met Obi-Wan's eyes. "Just not today, please?"

Eyes the color of an early morning misty forest held his. "I promise. Why don't we plan on a top level Clan Jinn meeting afterwards? Meet back here and give you someone to talk to while i recover."

"Good idea." It had been too long since they'd had their family around them for no other reason than to just be together.

"Now, how about we put the clothes on me instead of just holding them between us?"

"You don't want to start a new military fashion?" Qui-Gon teased, running his eyes over Obi-Wan's body.

"While I did intend on reassuring everyone that I was alive and well, this is probably a bit too much information for most of them."

"Perhaps for some of them." He took the pants from Obi-Wan and knelt in front of him, holding them for his lifemate to step into.

Obi-Wan's hand came to rest on his shoulder for balance. "And the rest would be too busy comparing fantasy to reality to pay any attention to what I was saying."

"And thinking that Jedi Master Jinn is a very lucky man."

His lifemate managed a chuckle as the material was pulled up over his hips. "So is General Kenobi, for having Jedi Master Jinn."

"As long as General Kenobi thinks so, I am content."

"He will think so forever."

"Then I will be content forever." He stood again and helped Obi-Wan into the uniform's dress shirt.

Obi-Wan waited patiently as the buttons were done up on the shirt and cuffs. "Leave the collar undone, please. We'll go for 'Generally casual'."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly at that and left the top buttons unfastened. "And the jacket?"

"On, but not buttoned."

Gently, Qui-Gon helped him put it on, holding Obi-Wan's thick braid out of the way so it didn't get caught. As always, he couldn't seem able to keep his touch from lingering.

"Maybe I should take down the braid. It'll keep you too fascinated to argue with me during the meeting."

"That's playing dirty."

"Is it?" A faint sparkle came into Obi-Wan's eyes. "I could do a ponytail at least. Keep you close at hand."

"You are going for casual, aren't you?" He smoothed a finger along the braid's length. "The felinoids would play with it."

"They play with it now." His lifemate shrugged carefully. "As for casual... I do need to put on my boots."

Qui-Gon couldn't keep from smiling, Obi-Wan sounded so dismayed about that. "You could probably make an excuse for not wearing them if you wanted -- too hard to bend over to get them on." The sad part was, that wouldn't be an exaggeration.

"I think fuzzy slippers or sock feet would be taking casual too far, don't you?" Obi-Wan looked down at his bare feet in the thick grey carpet.

"You could go bare foot. Your crew I'm sure all knows your fondness for such a state."

Obi-Wan shot him a look, half-suspicious half-longing. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." He ran a finger along Obi-Wan's open collar. "You're going for casual on the top, why shouldn't you on the bottom as well?"

"But... it's so undignified." Obi-Wan sounded faintly offended.

"But you'd be more comfortable," Qui-Gon countered. "And you have enough discomfort to deal with right now."

"How about socks? It's always drafty in the briefing room and I don't need a chill with everything else."

Qui-Gon nodded and moved to get a pair. "We don't want that."

"And perhaps we can arrange for a hover chair, to get me there and back." His lifemate wouldn't look him in the eyes. "Conserve my strength."

"Of course," he said softly, knowing what such a request cost his lifemate. "Or...I could carry you. Though I doubt that would be as dignified."

"Either."

"I would be honored to be your transportation."

"Thank you, master."

"And you can always blame it on my need to keep you close."

"I don't need to blame it on anything, love." Obi-Wan pulled him in for a gentle kiss. With help he got his hair pulled back and socks on. "Should we go?"

Qui-Gon nodded and, with judicious use of the Force, lifted Obi-Wan into his arms. "I fear I'm going to enjoy this part more than I should."

"I am going to insist on sitting in my own chair and not in your lap during the meeting," his lover teased gently.

"That would be taking casual too far I suppose," he agreed with a mock sigh.

"A bit hard for people to take me seriously."

"I promise I won't cuddle you in front of your crew."

"Not while I'm giving at briefing anyway."

"Afterwards, however..." He dropped a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead as they moved down the wide airy corridor.

"Cuddling during a Clan Jinn gathering is a fine tradition."

"Indeed. We'll have to think up others."

"Bare feet?"

"Bare feet of course. And loose hair?"

"Then it needs to be declared a felinoid grooming free zone."

"How about 'only groom your mate'?"

"Hmm. That might work. How about no pouting?"

"I wouldn't want to take that weapon away from you."

"Oh. Hmm." Obi-Wan shifted, resting his head against Qui-Gon's shoulder.

"Hmmm?"

"Just thinking that the no pouting would prevent any of us giving into t'lya on the grooming thing. It might be worth it."

"Ah." He considered. "I see your point."

"And no felinoid pouting yet letting everyone else do it would be rather...."

"Unfair."

"Biased, yes." Obi-Wan sighed. "A quandary."

"I trust the General's strategic mind can come up with a solution."

"Sitting in your lap out of reach."

Qui-Gon smiled as they turned down a new corridor. "I like that solution."

"I thought you'd like that plan."

"It makes the tradition of cuddling easier to carry out."

"I don't take it for granted," Obi-Wan whispered.

He stopped at that, stepping to the side of the hallway and kissing Obi-Wan with heartfelt determination. "Nor do I," he whispered back. "Never for granted."

"Good." Obi-Wan slipped out of his arms to stand upright. "Now let's get this over with."

Qui-Gon nodded, forcing himself not to reach to pull Obi-Wan back.

"You carrying me into the briefing room will undo the point of me going, master." Obi-Wan brushed his hand against Qui-Gon's cheek. "Let me have the illusion of health for a few hours."

"I will let you do what you have to," he replied, leaning into the touch. "And you are getting healthier every day."

"Slowly."

"Far faster than many would in your shoes." He smiled faintly. "Or should I say socks?"

"Me and my healthy socks." Obi-Wan wiggled his toes. "Let's go in and sit down before everyone else gets there. Get a good seat."

"Like the one at the head of the table?"

Obi-Wan grinned as they went in. "The one with my name on it, so to speak? Yes."

"Yes, we wouldn't want anyone else to take that one," Qui-Gon said with a straight face.

"We could take Bail's chair instead."

"I wouldn't advise it. He might give try to give you the job that goes with it."

Obi-Wan stopped and looked at him, then said as seriously as he could, "That would suck."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes."

"Think of all the uniforms he has to wear..."

"And the meetings he has to attend..."

"And those pointy toe boots." Obi-Wan continued around the table and into his regular seat, carefully curling one leg under himself so he could sit comfortably.

Qui-Gon stood and observed him for a moment, trying to see him as the crew would. He was still a bit pale, and there was still a bit of dark shadow under his eyes, but Obi-Wan's eyes were bright and clear and the usual aura of energy and competence that surrounded him was definitely present.

Then the sea-change eyes met his and Obi-Wan's hand came up, held out to him. "Sit next to me? Please."

He smiled and came forward, taking his lifemate's hand. "Always."

"Is there anything you want put on the agenda?"

"I..." He tried to force his mind back onto business. "Nothing I can think of at the moment."

"I was going to give you and Anakin the joint task of keeping track of Kedith and Vader."

Qui-Gon nodded. "That will go over well with Ani, I think."

"And you'll hopefully keep him in balance about it."

"I will of course do my best."

Obi-Wan smiled and squeezed his fingers before releasing them. He picked up the commpad someone had left for him. "I need to read through this before we start, if you don't mind."

"Of course. Can't have the General not up to date."

His lifemate nodded and turned his attention to the briefing papers, though he did swing his head enough that the loose ponytail of hair cascaded down his shoulder nearest Qui-Gon.

[Tease,] Qui-Gon sent, keeping his hands demurely in his lap despite the itch to reach out and touch.

Obi-Wan blinked and looked up at him. "No. I want you to touch me. I need you to."

He was reaching out for Obi-Wan even before the words had truly registered.

For a long moment he could see how thin and brittle Obi-Wan's facade of competence and energy was then his lifemate turned away, gathering his shredded composure and becoming General Kenobi again.

This time Qui-Gon didn't resist the urge to run his fingers through Obi-Wan's pony tail, deliberately brushing against the skin of his neck.

[Now who is being the tease?] Obi-Wan asked softly.

[Guilty as charged,] he replied, not stopping his movements.

[Jess.] Obi-Wan's voice faltered at the light touch then recovered. [I thought Jess could continue his role as commander of the Rill.]

[Good idea. He's been doing an excellent job.]

[And I'm thinking of stepping down as commander of the Jedi fleet, just run the Rim sector detachment instead.]

Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan for a long moment, taken aback.

[You disagree.]

[I didn't say that. I just...you've surprised me.]

[I'm not sure I'm the best choice any more.]

[Why?] Qui-Gon asked gently, wanting to follow Obi-Wan's reasoning. He didn't think it would be necessarily a bad thing if Obi-Wan gave up some of the huge responsibility he'd shouldered for years but he wanted to make sure it was for the right reasons.

[I think I'm counting too much on my abilities as a Jedi to make strategic decisions.]

[Like what?]

Obi-Wan didn't raise his eyes from the padd. [And with me in charge we are far too predictable for Kedith and the Emperor.]

[Because Kedith can think like you,] Qui-Gon murmured, following the train of thought.

[Yes and the Emperor keeps him on a short leash. The Rim should be far enough away.] Obi-Wan shrugged. [It is a very unpredictable area anyway. The impact is minimized. Besides, the Alliance won't let me go completely. This would be a compromise.]

Qui-Gon touched his lifemate's cheek gently, the weary tone of Obi-Wan's words bringing forth all his protective instincts. [Is that what you want? For the Alliance to let you go completely?]

[Sometimes.]

[You've been thinking about this for a while.]

[I think about everything for a while.] Another ultra careful shrug.

That was true. Qui-Gon sensed that this was going to be a long conversation with many possible pitfalls. One that this wasn't really the time or place for. [Are you going to make that part of the briefing? Or are you still thinking about it?]

[I'm willing to wait.]

[How about we just get through this briefing right now? You can make the decision about what you want to do while you're recovering enough to do it.]

[Before I leave Alderaan I'll make my choice.]

[Whatever you decide, I'll be with you.]

[Thanks.] Anything else Obi-Wan might have said was cut off by the arrival of the upper levels of command.

They came in by twos and threes, greeting Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon before taking their seats around the table.

Qui-Gon watched them watching Obi-Wan, saw their surreptitious looks. Checking for any signs of injury or weakness, he knew.

Obi-Wan barely looked up from his padd, acknowledging the greetings but not diverting himself from reading until it was time. When Jess entered and stopped at the doors, closing them behind him, it was time.

The general looked around the table, taking in the faces of those present then nodded to Jess. "The remote units are patched in that need to be?"

Jess nodded. "Everyone is listening, General."

"Thank you Commander Lashar." Obi-Wan stood with his typical fluid ease, only Qui-Gon and perhaps Jess could guess what the gesture cost him. He leaned on his fingertips, pressing them into the Alderaanain heartwood table.

"As most of you can see, or hear, I'm back."

Much to his lifemate's embarrassment there was a smattering of applause that he rapidly waved away.

"Knight Skywalker's efforts freed me from the Emperor's device and it's been verified by a neutral panel of healers that I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, the original. Not a clone. Anyone who would like other verification can take it up with them or myself in private."

When no one said anything he continued on. "I've been reading the briefings you all prepared for me and with that in mind I have assignments. Are there any questions before I begin?"

Again there was silence; all the seasoned officers staring at him with belief and blind faith shining in their eyes.

"Knights Skywalker and Jinn are going to take over the task of hunting down the rogue clones Kedith and Vader."

There was a murmuring among those gathered and Qui-Gon felt their attention switch to him.

"What better people to find the clones than those that know them best?" Obi-Wan finished quietly.

Qui-Gon sought out Anakin in the crowd, meeting his eyes and trying to gauge his reaction. Anakin looked outwardly calm except to those who knew him best, he was vibrating with eagerness to get on with this new task. The problem, Qui-Gon realized, was going to lie in holding him back from charging blindly in.

[Which is why you are working with him. You're the only person besides me that can rein him in,] Obi-Wan commented mentally. "Next assignment isn't actually a change but a permanent confirmation. Commander Jess Lashar is taking over command of the Rill, that is if he accepts what I've laid at his feet."

Jess visibly started at that, his eyes going wide as he stared disbelievingly at Obi-Wan.

"Jess, you were an outstanding commander under pressure - even if you don't argue with traffic control enough to suit me. Will you do it?"

"If you want me to, then yes," Jess said softly, standing a little taller.

"Excellent, effective immediately then. I am retaining control of the fleet itself for the time being so it isn't getting me out of any paperwork..." Obi-Wan smiled at the titter of laughter that circled the room. "Next, is Knight Kitaara with us?"

"Here, Master," Kitaara called, moving forward from the back of the room.

"First, you owe me a hug."

She smiled slightly as she continued towards the front. "Yes, Master."

"And I'd like you to take on the unenviable position of running the intelligence service. We lost Master Yulashian a few months ago and I can't keep up."

"Me?"

"Unless you know some other knight who has been undercover with the Empire for several years, yes. You."

Again, Qui-Gon watched someone straighten under Obi-Wan's regard. "I won't let you down, Master."

"You never have." Obi-Wan gave her a hug, repeating his statement softly, "You never have, kit."

The rest of the briefing was routine. Obi-Wan, as usual, had everyone all but eating out of his hand. Qui-Gon kept a close eye on him and when he began to notice signs of fatigue, did what he could to help bring the meeting to an end.

Obi-Wan shot him a look and then nodded. "Gentlebeings?" He rapped on the table with his knuckles, drawing their attention back to the head of the table. "As you've heard I didn't escape the Emperor totally unscathed so I need to return to my quarters and rest. Please feel free to carry on in my absence. Department heads - I expect manpower and readiness briefings in two days. Jess, Kitaara if you'd come with me please..."

The two people so named stayed where they were as the others filed out, Anakin hesitating as well.

Obi-Wan began the slow walk from the head of the table to the doors, Qui-Gon right behind him. Jess and Kitaara made their way around. "Knight Skywalker? Please?"

Anakin closed the distance between them, expression unreadable.

"Qui-Gon and I are having a gathering tonight. I would include you automatically but we've been having problems lately. It's just going to be family..." All of the smooth interaction was gone, Obi-Wan was stumbling over his words.

Qui-Gon slid a comforting arm around his lifemate's waist. "We would be honored if you and your family will join us, Ani," he said softly.

"I'm not sure 'dala is up to it," Ani began, his gaze thawing as he continued, "but I'll be there." He looked directly at Obi-Wan. "Thank you for the invitation."

Obi-Wan nodded. "As soon as you can get away then, in our rooms."

Ani nodded. "All right."

"And Anakin - thank you."

The young knight stopped in the midst of turning away. "For what?"

The general looked away. "Nothing. See you later. Qui-Gon, shall we go?"

Qui-Gon tightened his hold around his lifemate as they started to move away.

Half a dozen steps outside the door Obi-Wan stopped, swaying slightly in place. "I could use some help," he said softly.

Without a word, Qui-Gon swooped him up into his arms.

"That will do, I suppose." There was more than a trace of irony in Obi-Wan's voice.

"Indulge me. It's not every day I can carry a general around."

"Far be it from me to stop you." Obi-Wan's words were sheer bravado. He couldn't stop anyone with fatigue making his muscles twitch and weigh down his limbs.

"You are too good to me," he said, kissing Obi-Wan briefly.

"I am no such thing and you know it," his lover muttered. "Now, can we get out of the hallway?"

He chuckled, seeing the grumpiness as a positive sign. "As you wish General."

"Kitaara? Why don't you see about getting some food delivered. Jess? Round up the rest of the usual crowd?"

"Yes, Master."

"Sure, Obi-Wan. See you two later?"

"It's in our rooms. You better see us," Obi-Wan snapped.

Jess wasn't the least bit cowed. "I see I better make sure we bring chocolate."

"Chocolate and some pain killers would be great."

"Consider it on the list."

"Thanks."

Jess nodded and both he and Kitaara took their leave.

"Are you hurting very much?" Qui-Gon asked as they continued on their way.

"Enough to ask for medication," Obi-Wan grumped and still holding shields over his pain.

"There's some back in our quarters." He dropped a kiss on Obi-Wan's forehead as he quickened his pace. "Hang on for a few minutes more."

"Of course. Perhaps a short nap would be in order...."

"An excellent idea," he praised.

Obi-Wan gave him a Look. "You're humoring me."

"Perhaps a little."

"And do I need to be?"

"Humored?"

"Coddled."

He didn't answer right away, choosing his words with care. "It's not so much a need on your part as a need on mine."

"Ah." His lifemate sighed and closed his eyes, relaxing slightly into Qui-Gon's hold.

"Thank you," Qui-Gon murmured.

"Perhaps a long nap in your arms then?"

"I can't think of many ways to spend the afternoon that would be more satisfying."

"We'll do that then."

Qui-Gon sighed, relishing the warm weight of the most important person in his life as they walked.

***

The family gathering had been quiet with Obi-Wan sleeping through most of it but clearly happy that he had almost all of his people in one room where he could lay eyes on them. No information of real consequence was passed but there were plenty of hugs and teasing. By early evening everyone was scattered again, heading off to their quarters and Obi-Wan was stretched out on a sofa with his head in Qui-Gon's lap when there was a brief knock at the door. It was opened a moment later by one of the Alderaanain royal guard and Bail stepped into the room. "Master Jinn, General Kenobi."

"Your Highness," Qui-Gon replied, with a half bow from his seated position, resting a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder to keep him in place.

Obi-Wan tensed and then relaxed under that touch, not moving. "Your Highness."

Bail waved away the guard and crossed over to join them, sitting in one of the chairs opposite the couch. "Thought I'd drop in and get my own briefing."

The general managed a smile. "I managed not to take anyone from your staff this time."

Qui-Gon absently caressed his lifemate's hair. "Just rearranged his own."

"Forever fine-tuning," Obi-Wan murmured. "How goes things on the civilian side with our win at Endor?"

Bail shifted uncomfortably. "Not as well as I would hope. Most citizens just want the fighting to stop. A return of the services and goods they had just a few years ago."

"People rarely seem to look past their own comfort unless forced to." It was a depressing truth that years of being a negotiator and diplomat had driven home.

Obi-Wan sighed and Qui-Gon could feel his emotions dip through their life bond. "Well, we'll have to force them then. What can we do for you?"

Bail smiled and there was just a tinge of evil to it. "I want the parade you've been putting off."

*That* got Obi-Wan upright. "No."

"Yes. I want the parade. You in dress uniform with the rest of the command staff. Banners and flags, confetti."

"No," Obi-Wan shook his head.

"In your staff car," Bail continued on inexorably. "And I want musicians."

"Bail, are you even listening? I said no."

The prince grinned. "And perhaps a festival afterwards. Yes, that will do nicely."

"Obi-Wan is still recovering," Qui-Gon warned, though he could see by the look in Bail's eye that the parade was a foregone conclusion.

"That's why he's riding in the staff car, Master Jinn. We wouldn't want anyone to take a shot at him."

He narrowed his eyes, an arm going protectively around his lifemate. "Take a shot at him?"

"Surely you know that the Jedi are evil and out to overthrow the rightful leadership," Bail said sarcastically.

Qui-Gon made a face. "You couldn't pay us to take the job."

The brown eyes brightened. "You think that would work? I think Obi-Wan would make an excellent chancellor."

"Absolutely not. I have plans for him for the next decade or two."

"Damn." Bail sagged back against the chair. "Maybe we can convince Valorum to come out of retirement."

"Oh, I can think of a likely candidate for the job." Qui-Gon smiled at the man.

"Absolutely not. I have children to spoil and a planet to run."

"You were up for the job before," he pointed out logically.

"For now, yes but not long term."

"You are the best man for the job, Bail."

The prince flicked away the issue with one hand. "A problem for another day. For now, what can I do for you and the fleet?"

"Just what you've been doing -- providing us with a place to restock and recover." Qui-Gon slid his hand possessively over Obi-Wan's shoulder again.

"That's all?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "I'll send you my supply requests as soon as I get them in."

Bail chuckled and got to his feet. "Now that was more along the lines of what I was expecting. Was there anything else we needed to chat about before I get back to my terribly boring state dinner?"

"Just...thank you for all that you've done," Qui-Gon said softly, his gaze going back to his lifemate. "Having a place to retreat to and recuperate has been...." He shook his head. "Invaluable."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Having a friend has been..." His lifemate shrugged unable to find the words.

It was hard to tell with Bail's olive toned skin but there might have been a blush coloring his cheeks as he nodded. "Well then...ahem...thank you both for the kind words. I'll check back on you in a few days."

The prince bowed slightly and left, the door closing behind him.

Obi-Wan groaned. "A *parade*? Is he totally nuts?"

"It could be helpful for people to have a focus, a symbol of our progress," Qui-Gon mused, keeping his expression totally straight.

His lifemate gave him a look worthy of t'lya spotting her bath. "Thanks for your support."

He pulled Obi-Wan into his arms, being careful of his injury. "A parade wouldn't be the end of the universe, love."

"Days of preparation. Rehearsal. Formal uniforms."

"The one with the really short tunic?"

"Yes, and the skin tight white pants."

Qui-Gon let his gaze rove over his lifemate's body. "It's been quite some time since I've seen you wear that."

"You are *so* not helping me here."

He leaned in and kissed Obi-Wan gently, letting his fingers rub soothingly at his scalp.

Reluctantly his lover softened. "But I'm not going to purr."

"That is entirely up to you, love." He let his mouth trail down to nuzzle at his throat.

"Moan, perhaps," his lifemate admitted breathlessly.

"You'll do what you feel you must."

Obi-Wan managed a nod. "H-how about bed?"

He smiled, gathering Obi-Wan up into his arms. "There's that fine strategic brain at work."

"Which you seem to be doing your damnedest to turn off."

"Any objections?"

"Not particularly...." Then Obi-Wan was pulling him down into a kiss as they sank into the mattress.

***

Onboard the Rill

Journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi:

Enroute to Garos IV now from Alderaan after two more tendays of rest and recovery. And the dratted parade. I have to admit it was probably good for morale but it was still a definite pain in my afterburners. Still, I managed to get through it without getting whapped by anyone and what I hope was an honest smile. The crew certainly seemed to enjoy it, judging by the hangovers the next day.

Anakin and his family are traveling with us to Garos. He feels that Amidala can handle the change and Garos is safer than Alderaan. I'm not sure I agree with that last point but then what place is truly safe anymore?

Kitaara remained behind on Alderaan with my blessings. She'll be coordinating with the other ship captains and sector commanders to get the intelligence branch working again.

Bail was sorry to see us go on one hand and relieved to have all that armament out of orbit above his head on the other.

Qui-Gon talked me out of saying anything about resigning from the fleet, at least for now. Instead I've given the sector commanders a lot more autonomy, which should help dodge Kedith's tactics.

Word has it that Palpatine has finally limped back to Coruscant but hasn't been seen in public since we fought him. Odd. I'm not quite sure why since we certainly didn't lay a hand on him. His fleet did take heavy losses but their manufacturing can outstrip ours. I've asked our sector commands to make that their top priority for the next few months. We need to get ahead of the Empire and stay there.

I think I've finally healed up from the wounds on Endor. My stamina isn't what it should be but I don't need the medications to get through the day any more. It's left an ugly burn scar and the muscles aren't working correctly on that side of my chest yet but I have faith I'll get my flexibility back eventually.

Qui-Gon and I managed a quick trip off-world and got in a bit of gambling and reconnecting. That was nice but now it's time to get back to business. Something certainly has him riled up. I got a huge spike of nervousness and then nothing. Enough for now while I go check and see what's got him going.

***

Qui-Gon stared at the holo projector long after the images had disappeared. His mind still trying to grasp what he'd seen. It couldn't be, had to be some kind of trick. Still...

The hair was the wrong color. But the rest of it...it was their long lost Rilka -- in the flesh. Was it possible that it was really her? Hope flared even as he cautioned himself to skepticism. They would have to follow it up. One way or the other they would have to find out for sure.

He started a serious perusal of all the information they had for that system and everything that had gone on there since Rill's disappearance five years previous. Until now there had been no hope of her survival, the bond that she had with Jess had flared out as brilliantly as the explosion that had taken her life. Not even a hint that something of her might have survived such a deadly explosion and if so, why hadn't she contacted them? Hope stubbornly took hold.

The next decision was one of the hardest: who to share this knowledge with. It would be beyond cruel to mention it to Jayden or Jess without any other proof. If he'd had a choice he wouldn't mention it to Obi-Wan either, but that was out of his hands. Even if he had been able to keep it out of their bond, Obi-Wan reviewed all intelligence tapes and would see this one for himself in the next few days. A good choice to mention it to immediately though was Bail. The Prince could do some intel research from Alderaan that would be nearly impossible from anywhere else in Alliance controlled space. He would be able to do so dispassionately, something lacking among the Rill's crew and sorely needed in the days ahead.

Qui-Gon composed a quick message, explaining what he suspected and what he needed, attached the files he had and sent it off over the secure communication channel. Now he could have a few hours to think it over, perhaps meditate before Obi-Wan would be off-duty and be asking those questions he could already feel building in his lifemate's mind. He needed this short time he had to regain his own equilibrium.

Shoving himself away from the desk he got out Jess's portfolio and the last picture that was drawn of the lieutenant, only days before her death on a supply run. He wanted to verify his memory and not confuse wishes with reality. With that picture laid out in front of him he settled into meditation.

When he opened his eyes a few hours later it was to find Obi-Wan watching him. "Good evening," the general said quietly from his chair.

"Good evening."

"Dinner is on the table."

He nodded as he stood and took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you."

"After you eat. If it can wait a few hours it can wait an hour more."

He smiled faintly. "Have you eaten?"

"Not hungry." Obi-Wan lifted his wineglass. "Go ahead."

"And if I said I wasn't hungry?" Qui-Gon asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"You'd be lying. I'd pout and ask you to eat anyway."

"One of these days that pout isn't going to work you know." Nonetheless he sat at the table and began eating.

"Then I'll borrow one of the kittens and let them float in front of you and pout for me." Obi-Wan finished the ritual argument with a faint smile of his own.

"You always have contingency plans," he teased.

"You taught me that a long time ago."

They bantered back and forth as Qui-Gon ate, admitting privately that he felt better for the food. When he finished and Obi-Wan was well into his third glass of wine, his bondmate finally relented and asked, "So what was it that had you so excited earlier?"

Qui-Gon took a fortifying breath. "I found something on the intelligence holos."

"The ones from sectors near the Rikoth system that came in today?"

"Those are the ones. It's impossible but I saw... Maybe it's better just to show you."

"You think you saw Lt. P'Quall."

He turned to stare at Obi-Wan.

"The soaring in your mind, the picture you meditated with -- and we've had reports before of someone in that sector but never confirmed."

"You've known?" Qui-Gon asked, hearing the disbelief in his own voice.

"We've had dozens of reports, even when she was still alive. Back then we fostered them to keep the Emperor's spies confused."

"You've never said anything."

"I ignore them. She's dead. Do you pay attention to any of the reports about yourself? Grewllean? Me?"

He took a deep breath. "No."

"We're digressing. What makes you believe this one?"

Wordlessly, he flipped the switch on the holo projector.

Obi-Wan leaned forward, staring at the face of what might be Rilka, a split second capture in time and space. Only half of her face was visible in the frame, but the stubborn line of chin and the fire in her eyes he could recognize anywhere. The Rilka they had known always wore her hair short and this woman had it much longer, nearly to mid-back. And their Rill would never have worn the shapeless outfit of a drudge worker but the coincidences could not be ignored.

Qui-Gon tore his eyes away from the compelling image to see his bondmate's reaction because the bond had gone silent.

Obi-Wan's face had hardened into grim lines. "Either she lived and didn't tell anyone or it's a clone. Regardless, whoever that is, is going to answer to me."

"She could be a prisoner."

"She still owes me an answer." Obi-Wan stood, carefully setting aside his wineglass before stalking out of their quarters.

Qui-Gon turned off the projector and followed.

Obi-Wan was muttering and growling at every inanimate object that came within reach and a few crewmembers. Qui-Gon walked silently beside him, waiting for him to work out enough of his feelings to calm down. By the time they reached the exercise room, Obi-Wan had graduated to hand waving and cursing in Huttese. His uniform jacket was stripped off and thrown with unnecessary force towards the nearest wall. The boots and leggings followed, leaving him in his customary pair of shorts.

"Need a sparring partner?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I just need to *move*."

"Time for your old master to run you around the room three or four times?"

"Maybe I should run laps first."

"If that's what you need."

"Coming with?" Obi-Wan was vibrating from stress and restrained energy.

"I'll keep you company if I can keep up," Qui-Gon said wryly.

"I'll just stay here then. Ready?" Obi-Wan dropped into a crouch, weight balanced on the balls of his feet.

He flowed into a defensive position. "Whenever you are."

Obi-Wan tackled him around the knees and it turned into an all out wrestling match from there. They rolled around on the mats for some time with neither of them gaining the upper hand, equally matched and knowing the other's moves so intimately.

Finally Obi-Wan broke away panting. His eyes still bright with frustration. "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"It is unexpected," Qui-Gon agreed, keeping his voice neutral.

"Unexpected." His bondmate fell backwards into a sitting position on the mat, his legs drawn up in front of him. "What in the name of thousand gods are we supposed to do if it is her?"

Qui-Gon sat up, idly stroking Obi-Wan's hair. "Rescue her."

"What do we tell Jess?"

"Nothing for the moment. Not until we know for certain."

Obi-Wan pulled away, making a rude sound. "Like I can hide this for any length of time from anyone. I think you underestimate Jess's perception."

He sighed, laying down on the mats himself. "He won't take it well."

"He'll make my reaction look like nothing."

"It hasn't been all that long since he was...."

"And it will probably send him right back to it," Obi-Wan finished the thought.

"Is there some way we can send him away for a little while? Just until we can figure out if this is real. To Garos maybe?"

"Probably."

"And Jayden....?"

"Maybe you could put me back in the crystal," his bondmate quipped, clearly not relishing the prospect.

"Only if I get to go with you."

That got him a tired chuckle. "Seriously, we should send her with Jess."

"Yes, the hard part will be getting her to agree."

"It is time for her to learn teamwork training with her age mates in a regular temple environment now that we have one. She is due for a six month evaluation period. All of us went through them and with the war in a lull she has no reason not to go."

Qui-Gon rolled over and propped himself up on an elbow as he looked at his mate. "You've been practicing that."

"She needs to get off this ship and breathe something besides recycled air. I just hadn't decided when."

"Now would be good, then."

"We'll ask Jess to go with her but I can't order him."

"We could always contact Kae," Qui-Gon suggested. "If she invites him..."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "As you think is best. I need to go run and burn off the rest of my energy. I'll be too tired to be nervous after that."

He nodded. "We can take a shower when you get back if you're still able to stand and I'll wash your hair."

"I won't be able walk afterwards, that's for sure."

Qui-Gon smiled. "I'll just have to carry you then."

"At least I will be able to sleep."

"Good. You've been getting far too little rest for my taste."

"I did enough for several years when I was trapped in the Emperor's box."

"I know how you feel -- who better? But I don't like seeing you with dark circles under your eyes either." He raised a hand to caress Obi-Wan's cheek.

Obi-Wan controlled his habitual flinch and let himself be touched. "I'll be fine. Eventually."

"I know. I know how hard this has been for you." Qui-Gon let his fingers trace the outline of Obi-Wan's nose and mouth. "I'll never take touching you for granted again," he whispered.

"How about we do some of that tonight? Something I know hasn't changed...."

"I would like that very much," Qui-Gon admitted.

Obi-Wan leaned up enough to give him a kiss and then he was on his feet and moving.

Qui-Gon stayed where he was, watching appreciatively. He felt a touch of sadness at how much Obi-Wan had been through but let the pride shine in his heart at how well his former padawan had coped with the pressures of his position. Next to that the occasional bout of insomnia and concentration of nervous energy were a cheap price to pay.

***

In the guise of Jenan and Jenai they waited just outside the Rikoth system for Bail's latest intelligence information. The sighting of Rilka had been confirmed by a second party which was enough to get them on a ship and take the first holoshot seriously. The picture itself had been matched against the records they had of Rilka pre-war. Now they were just waiting for one last report from Bail who was trying to pinpoint locations and get them the proper security codes.

"Do you really think Jess believed Kae's request to come to the temple?"

Jenai turned to look at his partner. "I don't know. As you said, he is perceptive but if he saw through it, he still went along."

Jenan was slipping into his black and gray leather jacket. "I'm just trying to figure out how nice of a gift I should get him."

"Force willing, we'll be bringing back a gift that is priceless."

"True." Another blaster was strapped on the outside of one boot and there was the glitter of transparasteel chain in his mate's long braid of hair.

"I like the new piece," Jenai said, nodding toward the chain.

"Thanks. Be careful of the end, it's sharp."

"I will just have to console myself with grabbing other parts of your anatomy."

"I know how you like my hair. The rest of it is safe to pet, Jenai."

"You are too good to me." He was dressed in Jenai's typical gray, gray, gray and weapons, exuding an air of sleek danger. It was surprising to find how easily he slipped back into the persona after so long.

"Along with the rest of me," Jenan added. Sleek leather covered his mate from the hips down, dark gray and black ending in heeled boots that soaked up the light.

"Don't tempt me. Bail will be calling any moment."

"It isn't anything he hasn't seen," his mate teased as he slipped into the pilot's seat.

Jenai growled playfully at him as he took his own seat. Jenan growled back, sounding like a big game felinoid daring to be caught. He let it die away as the discrete beeping started, signaling Bail's incoming contact.

[Later,] Jenai promised as he reached for the communit's switch.

"Well, aren't we looking dangerous?" Bail smiled. "So, my high priced friends how is the business treating you?"

"Passably," Jenai replied with a faint smile. "Do you have what we need?"

"Yes. Location definitely confirmed. The goods are what we want with a ninety percent probability. Best I could do in the time allotted."

He let out a breath. "That was better than we had expected."

"You know what a perfectionist I am. I wanted more."

"And were you a perfectionist with our invitations?"

"That I did manage to get down to the last detail. Transmitting now."

He glanced at the board; saw the reading of a file being uploaded. "Receiving."

"There is a second set, just in case you crash more parties."

Jenai let a real smile grace his features. "If you ever decide to change jobs..."

"A few people might miss me."

"Our loss."

"Though perhaps I could accompany you on one of these excursions eventually?" Bail's voice rose on the last word, revealing a wistful humor rarely seen in the Prince these days.

"We'll see what we can do, even if we have to break you out to do it."

"How exciting. I'll start plotting for it now."

"We'll contact you when we've picked up the package and are on our way back."

"Understood. Good luck."

"Thank you." He turned off the connection.

Jenan was already plugging the exact coordinates and security information into the system. "Closer than I thought, we could be there by the end of the day."

He nodded. "Good." All that waiting, all the cautious research was over.

Jenan was as good as his word. By nightfall they were on planet and headed for the small house that Bail had listed as Rilka's current address. Jenai glanced at his partner; he could feel the tension rolling off the man, could feel his own tension tightening his muscles and bracing his thoughts and emotions. They carried nothing on them that would mark them as Jedi. No lightsabers, no identification. If she wasn't the Rilka they were expecting, if it was a trap, there would be nothing to lead the Empire back to the Alliance. A necessary caution in these chancy times.

The walk was quiet, marked only by those who were out in the early evening. Lights shone from the windows of the house she purported to rent, and the voices of two women echoed out onto the street. One voice, very familiar, the other less so.

Jenan pulled up short, stopping and tugging on Jenai's arm. "Wait. We know both of those voices," his mate hissed, sliding backwards into the shadows.

Another few seconds of listening and the image of Tatooine formed in Qui-Gon's mind, the first time he'd heard that throaty soprano.

"They never met on Coruscant. Bit of a coincidence now don't you think?" Jenan unholstered his blaster and thumbed the power up to full.

"Don't do anything hasty," Jenai told him, resting a hand on Jenan's arm. "Until we figure out how things stand."

"We come halfway across a galaxy and find the two women we've been looking for, for the better part of ten years -- together, and you aren't a little concerned?"

"I never said I wasn't but there could be a logical explanation."

"It's a trap."

"We don't know that for sure. Caution is definitely called for, I don't argue with you there."

"You are too optimistic by half," Jenan muttered under his breath.

"Perhaps but humor me."

"When haven't I?" His lover snarled and stalked up to the door, completely on edge.

Jenai followed, trying to project calm when his own emotions were churned up. Rapping sharply on the door, Jenan announced their presence, his blaster held out of sight behind his right leg. The voices within stopped at the sound.

With a look that held more hope than Jenan would ever admit to he called out, "Rill?"

There was a long pause and then a familiar voice answered with a mixture of hope and disbelief, "Obi-ki?" And the door opened just a crack.

"Don't make me have this conversation on the street Rilka-ki." Jenan pushed on the door, blaster still at the ready. The thin wood gave way spilling light out into the night. Jenan's visor slipped down over his eyes, protecting his night vision as he took a step into the room, the door guarding one side of his body. "Well?"

There were cosmetic differences but the eyes that stared at them were the ones that Qui-Gon remembered so well. "It is you," Rill said.

Jenan continued forward, crowding her between the door and the wall. He rested one hand on the clapboard next to her head, the other, holding his blaster pointed in Shmi's direction. "Explain where you've been."

"Somewhere that doesn't officially exist, somewhere that bore a remarkable resemblance to hell." She didn't back down from him. "Where do you think?"

"Dead."

She stared at him for a long moment. "That would explain why you never came for me."

"The station blew up and the bond with it. Jess thought you were gone."

A flicker of pain flashed across her face at the mention of her bondmate. "I...woke up in a lab."

Jenai could feel Jenan's distrust of the answer and mounting impatience. "Come on then, we can't stay here."

"You won't get any argument from me. I've been trying to get us off-planet ever since we got free."

"Let's go. You have some people to see."

Rill nodded. "That's what kept me going."

"And your companion?"

Shmi stepped forward, speaking for the first time, "I am more than ready to go back as well. The reason I left no longer exists."

"Let's go then." Jenan waved them out the door. [You making an appearance now or when we get back on the ship?]

[I will watch your back from here,] Jenai replied, still in the shadows. [The sooner we are out of here, the happier I'll be.]

[Understood.]

His mate sauntered on ahead with the women following him at a discrete distance. Jenan wasn't the type to be seen with anyone in less than impeccable clothes. Jenai followed senses open and alert. Quiet all the way back, it looked like Imperial control was loosening on this world, another good sign that they were winning their war.

Jenan made it all the way up the ramp without incident and escorted the women on board. [They are strapped in and I've magnetically locked the belts. Clear to come ahead. Too quiet for my taste. I'm getting us out of here now.]

Giving one last look of the surrounding area Jenai made his way onboard. [Right. I'll see to our passengers.]

[She should be happy to see you.]

[The feeling is mutual.]

The hatch slammed shut on his heels and the lights came up. "Qui-Gon!" "Master Jinn!"

He smiled and came forward. "Hello."

"Aren't you cutting a fine figure," Rill said as she sized him up.

"As are you for a dead woman."

Rilka snorted. "It's vastly overrated."

"I seem to recall having a similar opinion."

Jenan's mental touch warned him to grasp something solid; it was going to be a hot liftoff. "Ten seconds to burn," came over the ship's speakers.

Jenai braced himself against the bulkhead as the ship suddenly seemed to leap forward. [Problems?]

[Someone doesn't seem to appreciate our taking the ladies out for a date. You better strap in.]

[Do you need help up front?]

[No,] Jenan said sharply. [Help later.]

He took a spare seat beside Rill and belted himself in. "Hang on," he told the women.

"What is Obiiiiii...." Rill nearly bit through her tongue asking as they rapidly changed direction.

"That."

She growled at him.

[You sure you don't want me-]

Jenan's growl was almost identical and he could hear the whine of the lasers firing. [Stay. Put.]

[As you wish. For now.] "He's enjoying himself," he said out loud.

"Oh boy," Rill muttered and tightened her straps. "I'm glad I haven't eaten dinner yet."

"My mate does tend to be overly....enthusiastic."

"Last time he enjoyed himself there was a perfectly round hole in the middle of a megaplex hotel."

He blinked. "I don't think he's shared that particular exploit with me."

"Someone dared him after he complained that he couldn't see the waterfall from his room. You could when he was done and the hotel was still structurally sound." She rolled her eyes. "Showoff."

"I think I'm glad I slept through that."

"When did you wake up?" she asked as they inverted.

"Two years ago, give or take." He chuckled. "Scared some of the kittens out of their fur."

Rill chuckled then had to spit out some hair as they rolled upright again. "Guess the crew is going to get regular lap mates again."

"A significant number of felinoids have found homes elsewhere, but there is still a good sized contingent on the Rill."

"THE WHAT?"

He looked at her mildly; part of his soul soaking up the typical Rilka reaction like plants would sunlight. "The Rill," he repeated with a faint smile.

"I go away for a while and you rename the ship AFTER ME? That's it. Let me out of these straps. Obi-ki and I are going to talk right now."

The ship shuddered at a near miss. "He's a little busy right now."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "The millisecond that it's over then."

"Keep in mind we thought you were dead."

"But to rename the ship after me? I mean...that would mean that I was..."

"Missed very much."

It was hard to tell in the dim lighting but her cheeks might have been warming with a blush. "But..."

"Very, very much."

She harrumphed and looked away. "His edge is slipping. We should have been gone by now."

"He's playing." But Jenai sent out a mental inquiry. [Jenan?]

[Hmm?]

[The object was to get away before we drew too much attention.]

[Right.] Jenan sighed and sent him a mental pout. [You never let me have any fun.] They abruptly climbed out of the atmosphere and headed for a clear jump point.

[I'll show you fun later,] Jenai growled the promise.

[If I don't get you first.]

***

Obi-Wan refused to ease out of Jenan mode the entire trip back to Garos. While he wasn't rude per se, he didn't relax his guard around either of the women at all, and kept all the vital systems locked down. Shmi took it all with good grace but Qui-Gon could see how it was starting to wear on Rilka's nerves.

"He's been through a lot the last few years," Qui-Gon told her quietly after Jenan had gone and locked himself in the cockpit again.

"And I haven't?"

"I never said you haven't. Losing you was one of the most traumatic things that's ever happened to him. He just needs to make sure this is real before he allows himself to feel it."

She kicked the door to the cockpit. "How much more real do I have to get?"

"After what happened with Ani..."

"Ah...he questions if I am a clone. I don't remember much after getting on the station."

Qui-Gon related what he had been told of that horrible day. "They were sure you were in the ship that was destroyed."

"There is no way to tell now what really happened that day. I got on the station, had started to get supplies and then....nothing."

He nodded in agreement. "But that is why he has doubts. That and because he wants to believe so badly, he doesn't trust his own instincts."

"He never used to doubt himself." Rill began to pace in the small passageway.

"As I said, he's had a rough few years." Qui-Gon spread his hands.

"How long till Garos?"

"About another day and a half."

"Are there logs I can read so I know what I missed at least? A picture of Jess or Jayden?"

Qui-Gon went to the control panel and called up a recent picture of the two, taken in the rush of relief after they had gotten Obi-Wan out of the crystal.

Rill froze. "She's changed so much. Gotten so tall...and Jess's hair...."

"It's grown out some. He....wasn't doing well for a while. He's better now."

"Grown out?" she whispered, fingers reaching out to stroke the cold surface. "Losing me killed him, didn't it?"

"Just about."

"But it's so short...."

Qui-Gon smiled. "As I said, he's starting to grow it out again. It's been an emotional barometer for him."

"So he's better now? Over me?"

"He is as capable of being over you as I am of being over Obi-Wan."

She nodded and kept staring at the picture. "Can you leave this up for a while?"

"Of course." He brushed the back of his hand along her cheek. "I know what it's like to come back after missing years."

"You would, wouldn't you? Maybe I can borrow Obi-Wan's journal and catch up."

"I'm sure he'll lend them gladly once he settles down. If there are any questions you need to ask..."

"There will be plenty of people to answer it, as soon as they get over that naming thing on the D'Ka."

"The Rill," Qui-Gon corrected with a grin.

"D'Ka," she muttered. "Perfectly good name."

"And 'Rill' isn't?" he teased.

"Not for a ship. For a svelte lieutenant, yes."

"It's become rather famous through the Alliance."

"You're saying I'm stuck with it, aren't you?"

Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes." He kissed her on the forehead. "You'll get used to it. If I could get used to being the Lion who Napped..."

"I can be the Rill who isn't Dead?"

"It's a good name, don't you think?"

"Perfectly good name," she murmured. "Thank you."

"It is good to have you back," he said, heartfelt.

She leaned into him, tucking her head under his chin. "Good to be back."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. "You were the one thing I missed most when I woke up."

"I missed you too. A lot."

"When you're ready to talk about-"

Rill nodded. "I only want to tell that story once."

"I understand."

After a long comfortable silence she mentioned, "This is as nice as I remembered."

"For me as well."

"Any chance we can keep up the snuggling for a while?"

"I think that can be managed."

"Without getting into it with General Grumpy?"

"Getting into it may be exactly what he needs. And if not, I will run interference with 'General Grumpy.'" He chuckled at the name.

"I may have to go snuggle him into submission soon."

"If you can get him to sit still long enough."

"What is with that anyway?"

"That is a long story."

"Do I get to hear it eventually?"

"You get to hear everything eventually." Qui-Gon glanced towards the locked cockpit door.

"Still rules your heart with an iron hand," she said softly, drawing away.

"It's not that- let me try talking to him again. See if I can pull him out of this....brooding." He smiled slightly. "Or at least get him out here long enough for you to kick him in the afterburners."

"They pay you extra to be that brave, don't they?"

Qui-Gon gave her a deadpan look. "I'm supposed to get paid?"

Rill grinned and patted him on the arm. "Good luck and here is to hoping you come out with all your parts intact."

"Luckily he likes my parts where they are." He kissed her on the forehead before heading towards the cockpit.

The hatch to the cockpit was shut and locked but yielded to his touch. Inside all the instruments were ablaze, running checks and diagnostics. The communications display was filled with messages, incoming and outgoing. There was still a war going on and apparently his lifemate was keeping up on it all. Even the life support displays were on, running test after test. And it was Jenan meditating in the pilot's seat because Obi-Wan didn't tend to balance a blade on his fingertip as a concentration exercise.

"That always makes me wince," Qui-Gon said softly, knowing that his partner was perfectly aware of his presence.

Jenan gave the blade a tiny bounce upward then caught it by the hilt before sheathing the blade. "It reminds me to keep aware of my surroundings while letting my mind roam free. Focus was often a problem when I was younger -- and less wise."

"I remember the results of your attempts when you were just learning." He moved forward and sat in the other chair. "I dislike seeing your blood."

"It was a strong motivator to get it right, no worse than any of the other training I've been through."

"I would disagree but you know too well my views on the matter."

"And I always stop when you mention it."

Qui-Gon cut right to the heart of it all. "You can't keep hiding from her."

The answer was as oblique as his mate could get. "We'll be arriving on Garos soon."

"And that is going to change everything?"

"It will give me time to consider it properly."

He nodded. "And what is it you need to consider?"

Obi-Wan turned and looked at him. "What relationship Jayden and I should have with her mother returned to her."

"You really think that Rilka would interfere in that?"

"I think that Rilka didn't want her only child raised as a Jedi padawan."

"She didn't want Jayden to end up with a master like Orath. I think you would be one of a very few -- or perhaps the only one -- she would accept as Jayden's master."

"You underestimate her stubbornness in the matter."

"And you underestimate her faith in you," Qui-Gon countered, "and her affection."

"Her faith in me was misplaced. I've checked the logs. Three of the messages in the last few years were from her, trying to contact me. I ignored them." Obi-Wan's tone was thick with bitterness and self contempt.

"Ah." He nodded as the reason for his mate's withdrawal came through clearly. "So she'll discover you're not perfect."

"Perfect is one thing. Leaving her and Shmi there for an extra year is something else."

"And so you are going to avoid your best friend indefinitely?"

"My best friend passed out of my life years ago. I'm not sure what she is now."

"Don't you think you should find out?"

"Not particularly."

"Avoiding it is only going to make it worse." He paused and then added, "It's only hurting you both more."

"Like I'm going to even notice with everything else stacked up, waiting to be dealt with? Go on, Qui-Gon. I know you want to be with her. No sense in both of us keeping our distance."

He sighed. "I should let Rill in here and not let either of you out until you talk."

"Do you honestly think that I am doing this just to be stubborn or hide? Let Rill find her place with her family first. I'm not going anywhere."

"You are part of her family," Qui-Gon said quietly, firmly.

"Yes. The part that misunderstood a foreseeing and left her for dead. The part that left her rotting on some backwater because it hurt too much to check into it. The part that just wants the last eight years to disappear so I can do it right this time." Obi-Wan's face was hidden, but his voice and the bond between them sang of a deeply wounded heart.

It was not something Qui-Gon could walk away from or leave untended. Reaching out, he caught Obi-Wan's hand and tugged gently, urging his lover into his arms.

"How can I ask her to take me back when I'm the one that gave up first and then told everyone to do it with me? Even her daughter." Now he could see his lifemate's expression and it was bleak. "I wonder how much of Jayden's interpretation was because of me."

Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. "You're not infallible, love. Rill isn't going to hold it against you."

"Are we talking about the same person?"

"The one who befriended you and kept you sane when we were apart? The one who has always been the first to remind you -- remind us all -- that being Jedi does not equal being perfect?"

"I told her she was going to die, Qui-Gon. Besides, the person I'm worried about really is Jess. Just stay out of the way when that confrontation starts, and it will eventually, when Rill lets him up for air."

"All the more reason to try and work things out with Rill now."

"There isn't enough time. No."

"It's enough time to do plenty of things, including talk to me yourself Obi-ki."

Qui-Gon looked over his mate's shoulder to see Rilka standing in the doorway. "Please come in," he said pleasantly.

[I hate you,] Obi-Wan said as he stood to face Rill. "Please do."

"So, let me cut you down to size right from the start, Obi-Wan. I've been a bit too busy escaping the Empire and keeping myself alive to hate you. So sorry to remind you that you aren't the center of the universe after all."

Obi-Wan flinched.

She continued, "Last I checked, prescience isn't an exact science and to see my ship blow up and feel the bond go dormant at the same time any reasonable person would conclude I was dead especially after my daughter had the same vision. Were you supposed to think absolutely clearly about the death of a close friend, take it apart so--"

"Rill! That's the exact reason I should have. It was arrogant of me--"

"And you being arrogant should be a shock why?" She just glared at him.

Obi-Wan gaped at her. "But I...."

"Yes?" Drawing out the word, she waved her hand, urging him to explain.

"Should have known better?" he said meekly.

"Well, duh. And next time you will. Right?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good." She grinned outrageously and patted him on the head. "All done being stupid?"

"One can at least hope so for now," Qui-Gon put in quietly.

Obi-Wan growled at him softly. "I'm in enough trouble here. Don't encourage her."

"I need encouragement? Heh." Rill snickered. "Come eat something and tell me what sort of Jedi my daughter has turned into."

Qui-Gon heroically restrained the urge to say, "I told you so," and waved his mate on. "Go on. The ship's auto pilot can handle it for a little while."

"But..I...fine. Just don't touch anything."

"I can pilot you know," he said mildly.

"Yes, you can. Just don't touch anything."

"You have no faith in me," Qui-Gon said mournfully.

"I have lots of faith in you, love."

"Just not with your ship."

"After the last time it does make me a bit nervous..." And then he was being yanked out of the room by Rill. "Yipe!"

Qui-Gon managed to keep a straight face until they were out of sight. Then he cracked a smile. Rill was indubitably back.

***

Qui-Gon found himself having a restless night without his lifemate at his side. Obi-Wan's insomnia wasn't as common as it had been when he'd first gotten out of the crystal, but one night in five did find the general somewhere besides in bed. As usual on those nights, the wee hours found Qui-Gon up and looking for his mate. This time Obi-Wan was at the galley table, reading a book of Qui-Gon's, a closer glance revealed it to be poetry. His lifemate looked up with a smile and offered some hot cha.

"I see I'm rubbing off on you," Qui-Gon commented, nodding at the book as he sat down.

"I'm liking it more and more as time goes by."

"It is good for helping reflection, for calming and focusing the mind. And you don't bleed if you drop it."

Obi-Wan snorted. "I take it you'd prefer that I never did that particular meditation again."

"How would you feel if I took it up?" Qui-Gon countered.

"In this particular case I think you'd be doing it to make a point to me."

"It's the point I'm worried about." He took a sip of the cha and shook his head. "I recognize it's something that helps you in extremis. And I'm no longer your teacher. I have no right to say anything about it."

"As my lifemate you have every right to ask me not to. I can find other ways to do things."

"Like staying up all night reading my poetry?"

With a smile and a casual salute of his cha Obi-Wan conceded the argument. "Indeed."

"How are you handling things? Really?"

"Not well, even with Rill's thumping."

"Do you want to talk it out?" Idly he reached over and began fiddling with Obi-Wan's braid.

"We can try." Obi-Wan gave him an amused look. "Should I undo the braid for you?"

He smiled ruefully at being seen through so easily. "I could even go get your brush."

"If you like, but I never turn down the touch of your hands."

In response he undid the tie and began unraveling Obi-Wan's braid. Obi-Wan turned so his back and the bulk of his hair was resting in Qui-Gon's lap. Qui-Gon began smoothing it out, running his fingers over and through it.

"Mmmm, feels nice." Obi-Wan picked up the book again. "Should I read aloud?"

"If you like but I thought you were going to try and talk about Rill and...everything."

"I'm not sure it would help to talk about it."

"Would it make it worse?"

"Probably not," Obi-Wan admitted.

"Then..."

"You're pushy, you know that?"

He smiled. "It has been mentioned a time or two, yes."

"I just don't think I could take being wrong about her, not after Vader."

"You still have doubts?" He continued stroking Obi-Wan's hair as they talked.

"She doesn't remember anything about the explosion, the bond vanished, and we've seen how convincing the clones can be."

"She 'feels' right, though. The clones we've encountered..."

"Maybe she died and Palpatine caught her soul somehow. We've dealt with the crystal and we know how sensitive he is to any sort of bond."

"If it is Rill's soul, does it matter if her body is cloned or not?"

"I don't know."

"What did you feel with Vader?"

His lifemate tensed and pulled away, wrapping his arms around his drawn up knees. "I attributed my discomfort and total lack of sense about him to your coma and my pathetic bond with Ani."

"I'm not in a coma now," he said, gently tugging Obi-Wan back against him. "And your sense of Rill is far from pathetic."

"And I don't trust it, at least not right now."

"Because of the past?"

"Because my judgment has been quite faulty of late."

"How?"

"Let's see: We haven't caught the Emperor. I spent far too long in that box. Jess has been a mess for years. Yoda still won't talk to me. We've discussed Rill to death. What else do you need?"

"We will get the Emperor in time. You're out of the box now. Jess has been much much better the last half year. My master is stubborn old troll who doesn't like to admit when he's wrong, and your feelings about Rill are natural."

"Then why are you pushing me to trust her now?"

"I'm only pushing you to trust your heart."

"And what's the hurry?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "I don't want to see people I care about hurting."

"Me? or Rilka?"

He wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan. "Both."

"But..." His lifemate sighed. [It hurts anyway.]

[I know.]

[And you aren't going to leave me alone until I deal with it, are you?]

[Old habits die hard.]

[I wish you'd put it out of my misery.]

[This does seem familiar, even if the particulars have changed.]

[I'll work on it. How about that?]

[That's all I can ask.]

[Poetry now?]

[Poetry now. That and petting.]

[How about nuzzling instead considering how tightly you are holding me?]

Qui-Gon smiled. [I can do that.] He suited his actions to his words.

***

Rill sat down next to Qui-Gon at the breakfast table, sipping her tea like it was the most precious substance in the universe. "Yum."

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow at her. "I don't remember you being quite so...enamored of my tea before."

"It is another reminder that this is all real - and hoping to soften you up before I ask what is quite probably a mean question."

"Is this where I'm supposed to start squirming?"

"Only if you want to." She grinned and took another sip of her tea. "I wouldn't mind watching."

He felt his face heat slightly at that and shook his head with a smile. "I have missed you, my dear."

"And I you. So, now onto my question. I realize I am stunning, amazing and totally captivating - but you have hardly said a word to or about Lady Skywalker. "

"Ah." He had wondered how long it would take for someone to call him on that.

"Are you worried about her being not what she seems?"

"I...haven't really let myself think about it," he admitted.

"Why not?"

Qui-Gon smiled ruefully. "There is only so much emotional upheaval that a person can deal with at a time -- even myself."

She nodded. "You realize this doesn't get you off the hook?"

"I am aware of that -- especially with you looking at me like you are now."

"Excellent." She stood. "Now if you'll excuse me I think it's time to have another humble session with General Grumpy."

He chuckled. "Have I mentioned how apt that nickname is?"

She grinned. "Be careful or I'll come up with something for you as well." Rill saluted him casually with her mug then headed for the cockpit.

Qui-Gon watched her go, trying to ignore the vague feeling of relief that he had gotten off easy. Rilka tended to have that effect on people when she got going.

She'd be back eventually and he better have his thoughts straightened out when she returned.

Shmi Skywalker. How did he feel about her? Qui-Gon took a hard look at his feelings. He did have doubts, he realized. Doubts he had been trying to avoid facing because of the decisions he would have to make if they proved real.

He had promised Anakin years before that they would find his mother. He didn't want the act of keeping that promise to end up hurting his former padawan any more. Ani had already been hurt more than anybody deserved.

That was a guilt he had yet to purge in himself, Qui-Gon knew. He didn't dwell on it very often even in the privacy of his own mind because he knew what Obi-Wan's reaction would be -- and Obi-Wan would notice. The drawbacks of being bonded.

Fortunately Obi-Wan was thoroughly distracted by Rill at the moment and it would take something like a large meteor shower to even impinge on his lifemate's consciousness.

And he was letting his mind wander from the point, he told himself firmly. He had to make a decision about Shmi.

And to do that, he needed more information. He needed to talk to the woman.

She was easy enough to find, sitting in the cabin that she and Rill were sharing for the duration of the trip.

The woman seemed essentially unchanged from the proud lady he'd met on Tatooine so many years before. A bit more grey in her hair, a sadness in her eyes that he knew would never go away, but other than that she still looked to be the sand-scarred mother of his last padawan.

She was staring out the window at the hyperspace they were traveling through and Qui-Gon took the opportunity to watch her unobserved for a moment. He reached out with all of his senses, trying to divine if the woman in front of him was a threat.

She just seemed to be a tired woman. Worn by life but still willing to face people with her head held high and her back straight.

The shadow that had hung on her when she had ran so many years ago appeared to be gone. Qui-Gon's doubts faded a little.

Taking a step forward caught her attention. "May I come in?" he asked softly when she turned her head to look at him.

She nodded gracefully, bending her neck in a gesture that was regal and intimidating at the same time. "Of course."

Qui-Gon crossed the room and took the seat next to her. "We haven't been the hosts we should be."

"You've been distracted. It is understandable."

"Perhaps, but I apologize nonetheless."

"Accepted." She watched him patiently. He got the feeling she would watch him until the end of time if need be.

"It's been a long time," he finally ventured.

"Yes, it has. You look well."

"Thank you. So do you."

Her work-roughened hands smoothed the simple homespun skin. "Thank you."

"We were...surprised to find you with Rill."

"As was I at the time. A fortunate circumstance."

"How exactly..." Qui-Gon began.

"You want the details or just an overview? It's been a long time since we chatted."

He smiled faintly. "Indeed. Perhaps we can start with an overview and go from there."

She smiled back. "I left Coruscant and tried to stay ahead of the Empire for the next few years. I had less than stellar success."

"We tried to track you down," Qui-Gon offered. "We almost caught up with you on Morva."

"That was the start of a dark time. I spent a long time 'under arrest'."

He made a small sound of sympathy; that was not something he would have wished on his worst enemy.

"A year ago there was a huge turmoil at the facility I was in and most of the troops were reassigned elsewhere, or that's what we figured out in retrospect."

Qui-Gon recalled that was when many of the Alliance initiatives in other parts of the Empire had gone underway in preparation for the disastrous attack on the Emperor himself by the Rim fleet.

"Prisoners always plot escape and fortunately for us, it worked. There were about twenty women who ended up together on a transport out of the system. Our rescuers turned out to be pirates looking for cheap labor, or to take us for what little goods we had left. Those that survived them - I was too old and Rill too dangerous, and were too much trouble to bother with were dumped off back there. Easier on their consciences than killing us outright I suppose. Lady Rilka and I had spoken a few words, enough to know that the other was sympathetic to the Jedi for more than relief from the Empire and we teamed up to protect each other. After prison you get a feel for who to trust."

"Indeed. Shared suffering is one of the surest way to bond people together."

She nodded slightly. "Yes. After we'd been together for a while we discovered our mutual past. It came as a surprise to us both to realize how close our mutual pasts really were. Perhaps the Empire thought to put us together to find something out - unfortunately for them we didn't figure it out until later."

There was a lot of details missing that Qui-Gon knew he would need to hear before he felt totally at ease with her story. And there was other things he needed to know -- like her intentions toward Ani. "Did you and Rill talk about your son?"

"Just a little."

"What did she tell you?"

"That he was a good man despite what life had handed him and that the Emperor was still after him."

Qui-Gon smiled. "He is a very good man."

"I knew he would be."

"He's everything a Jedi Knight should be."

"And did he find his true love?"

"Yes." Qui-Gon smiled again as he remembered the last time he talked to his former padawan and the look in his eyes as he mentioned Amidala's progress. "And he has children as well. Twins, a girl and a boy."

"Grandchildren," Shmi whispered.

"Yes. They're four now."

"Four?" Her expression was bleak. "I've missed so much."

"You have a lot to catch up on," Qui-Gon agreed quietly, knowing what it was like.

"I feel like I'll never catch up."

"You will. It takes time, but it is possible."

"Right."

"I've had to do it myself," he told her, seeing the doubt in her face.

"Perhaps." She shrugged and turned back to the window for a long moment. "Anything else?"

"Is there anything you want to ask me?"

"Just when we are arriving and if I can expect some sort of debriefing from whoever is in charge where we're going."

"Whoever is in charge? That would be Obi-Wan. General Kenobi." He cast a fond glance in the direction of the cockpit. "Though Master Yoda may want to talk with you. And I would greatly appreciate getting some of the details to go with the overview."

"I imagine before it's all over I'll have told the tale many times."

"Most likely, yes," Qui-Gon told her apologetically. He realized that, while there were still questions he wanted the answers to, his doubts had seemed to settle themselves.

She smiled slightly. "Maybe I can just get it recorded..."

"I'm sure we can work something out."

"If you have any pictures of Ani and the children I'd love to see them at some point."

"I can call some up on the computer console in the main room, if you'd like."

"That would be lovely."

He stood and held a hand out to her. "Shall we?"

***

Obi-Wan glared at Rill. "Go sit down before you fog up the window and I can't see to land."

She snorted but leaned back in her seat. "Can't you go any faster?"

"Not without burning the grass off the landing field."

"It'll grow back," Shmi commented from the doorway.

That made Obi-Wan chuckle. "Back seat pilots."

"As long as we don't crash I will be happy with any landing," Qui-Gon said then added, "You don't need to dawdle any though."

"Some example we'll set." But Obi-Wan picked up speed, sending them screaming into the atmosphere. "It's a dramatic entrance, that's for sure."

Rill grinned. "That's more like it."

"Just take it easy on Jayde. I have no idea how she's going to take all of this."

"I will. I still have no idea how *I'm* going to take all this when down there."

"We need to do something about the clan gathering stone," Obi-Wan muttered.

Rilka frowned. "Clan gathering stone?"

"Nothing to worry about. I'll take care of it during your reunion."

"I always worry when you say nothing to worry about."

"All right then -- a task that I need to take care of myself." Obi-Wan gestured out the viewscreen. "Home."

That distracted everyone as all eyes went to the viewscreen and the cockpit fell silent. The now familiar horizon was a balm to Qui-Gon's tired mind and body. As they got closer, racing over the nighttime sea to the dawn side of the planet, the small city and temple came into view. Every light in the place was on and every resident of the temple, not to mention a significant portion of the Rill's crew was lining the edges of the landing pad.

"I see they got our message," Qui-Gon said dryly looking out at the gathered crowd.

His eyes easily found their 'family' all in a cluster near one of the outbuildings. Jess, Jayden, Anakin, Yoda, Kae and the children watching them, an island of brown in a sea of Alliance uniforms. Even from this distance he could sense their curiosity; Obi-Wan hadn't gone into the details of who they had with them, merely that they were bringing back two friends. With so many people gone missing in the last few years they could be bring back almost anyone. This was going to be an interesting moment. Behind him he could hear Rilka and Shmi muttering to each other and fussing with their clothes.

"Nervous?" he asked them with a faint smile.

"With that crowd wouldn't you be?" Rill snapped.

Qui-Gon glanced outside again. "You have a point."

Obi-Wan slowed down as they neared the landing pad, shaking his head as the crowd surged closer. "I need something bigger than a credstik to land on."

"Take it down a bit lower," Qui-Gon suggested. "Hopefully they'll take the hint." He frowned. "They do seem a bit...eager, though."

"They missed your cooking?" Obi-Wan teased.

"That wouldn't be eager, that would be insane," Qui-Gon replied wryly.

His lifemate spared him an amused glance then hit the cooling jets, forcing the crowd back. "They all report to me don't they? I believe that's the definition of insane."

"That kind of insanity I can easily live with."

"Speaking of insanity - no felinoids that I can see. They must be irritated with me." Obi-Wan finally landed them on Garos with the slightest of bumps. "Ladies, if you'd stay here for a moment I'll go make the announcement...."

Qui-Gon smiled as he got up and followed his mate to the ramp; Obi-Wan may deny it but he had quite the dramatic streak that he rarely indulged. This situation was tailor-made for him to show it off.

It was the General's turn to take a moment to straighten his collar and tug the tunic straight before hitting the hatchway and ramp buttons.

After a moment he stepped into sight and said, "Glad to see that I was missed. Who has the chocolate?"

That got a few chuckles and groans.

"I'll end the suspense and tell you who we've brought back with us." Obi-Wan's expression sobered. "Would that it was everyone that's gone missing since this all began, but this is what Master Jinn was able to accomplish for us. Gentlebeings, if you'd please give a warm welcome to Lady Shmi Skywalker, mother to our most favored knight, Anakin Skywalker..."

Qui-Gon had been watching Anakin's face as Obi-Wan spoke and the disbelief, shock and dawning hope that he saw there was all that he had imagined.

Obi-Wan held out a hand to Anakin, beckoning him forward. The crowd slowly parted around him. His lifemate's other hand was grasped by Shmi and he walked her down the ramp at a leisurely pace, timed so Anakin and Shmi would reach it at the same time. When they did, they stopped and stared at each other for a long moment before Shmi reached out a trembling hand to touch him.

Anakin caught it in his own. "Mom," he murmured, the universe in that one syllable.

Shmi gave him a watery smile. "You got so tall."

"I grew up," he said with a self-conscious shrug.

It was Anakin's turn to reach out, hesitating before he touched. "Are you... You're okay now?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

"So you're back for good?" In the man's eyes was the shadow of the boy who had lost his mother.

Again Shmi nodded, then hesitantly asked, "If you still want me? I know I hurt you when I...left."

"Yes, you did." With a fierce expression, Anakin continued, "You're my mother. I never stopped wanting you in my life."

From where he stood watching, Qui-Gon could see the tension go out of Shmi's body at that. "Then wherever you'd like me to be, I'm there."

Anakin reached out again, finally closing the remaining distance between them and pulling his mother into a close hug.

Qui-Gon's attention was caught by the sight of his lifemate moving back up the ramp.

Obi-Wan turned back to the crowd. "Now, the other person that Master Jinn managed to locate is well known to most of you - by legend if not in person." He could just see Rill's hand come out and whap Obi-Wan across the shoulder.

The general grinned and continued on, unabated. "Loyal friends and allies, it is my great pleasure to return to you the biggest pain in my posterior since the Emperor himself, Lieutenant Rilka P'Quall-Lashar."

She stepped out of the shadows hesitantly, blinking against the sunlight.

A collective gasp went through the crowd and Qui-Gon could feel the disbelief radiating off the group in a wave.

She picked someone out of the first row. "Ensign? I don't know what sort of ship got run in my absence but that uniform is a disgrace."

The young man in question straightened out of reflex. "Yes ma'am!"

Then Rill looked further out. "Jess? Where are you? We've got some catching up to do."

The crowd seemed to part between her and where Jess was standing. The expression on the knight's face was so full of grief and hope and desperate love that Qui-Gon found it almost impossible to look at.

"There you are," she said softly and stepped down the ramp towards him. "I've missed you, my brave Jedi knight."

Jess didn't move, seemingly frozen to the spot as he stared at Rilka.

"Jessant?" She moved towards him, reaching up to his cheek.

A soft sob escaped the knight when she made contact. Qui-Gon had to swallow his own emotion; there was so much pain in that sound.

"It's me, Jess. I love you."

Another sob and Jess raised a trembling hand to touch her cheek in turn.

She stepped forward into his arms, wrapping herself around him and resting the side of her face against his chest. A softly spoken 'Jess-love' touched on Qui-Gon's hearing.

Slowly Jess' arms went around her in return and his head bowed enough to hide his face in her hair; Qui-Gon could see his shoulders shaking with the release of all that pent-up emotion.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, drawing attention away from the heart-wrenching scene. "There will be a dinner tomorrow night in Rill's honor, everyone can bug her there about what she's going to do with all that back pay I owe her. In the meantime I suggest that you all get everything in order - she'll be back on active duty in a few weeks and you know what that means."

This time the groans were heartfelt and more than a bit rueful. The crowd began to slowly disperse, with many glances tossed between Obi-Wan and the reunited couple. This was definitely going to be a change in everyone's lives.

Qui-Gon moved to his mate's side, reaching out and resting a hand at the small of Obi-Wan's back. "Well done," he murmured.

"And not the least bit dramatic," Obi-Wan murmured back, one corner of his mouth turned up in a faint smile.

He smiled in return. "I have to learn to think quieter."

"I was paying close attention."

"You always do."

Obi-Wan nodded and then turned away from him, suddenly focused on the crowd. One shortish figure in Jedi tan and cream was heading toward them at high speed. Jayden. The padawan was radiating upset and it was obvious that the only thought going through her mind was get to her master.

"If you'll excuse me," Obi-Wan murmured, kneeling and opening his arms to her.

Jayden moved even faster, until she was close enough to throw herself into Obi-Wan's arms, her own wrapping around his neck. Through the lifebond he could hear Jayden babbling. Imperfect, at the time something happened it was like listening through a thick wall - total understanding came later through the lifebond itself as the knowledge was absorbed. But at the moment he was reduced to watching the young adolescent ride the thin edge of hysteria as she saw her thought-to-be-dead mother hug her shattered father.

Obi-Wan's hands smoothed her hair and gently stroked her shoulders over and over as she tried to deal with this radical change in her life. He looked up at Qui-Gon. [Perhaps we should go to the southern meditation retreat. Give everyone time to adjust on their own...]

One look at Jayden was all it took to banish any reservations Qui-Gon might have had for that plan. [Take her onboard. I'll go leave word of where we're going.]

Obi-Wan nodded and awkwardly got to his feet, picking up his padawan. [Thank you.]

Qui-Gon sent a brief mental caress, then headed down the ramp. It took a few minutes to find someone he knew that had the authority to remember and face down Rill when she discovered they'd left with her daughter. Kae and his master were both waiting under the shade of a tree within easy walking distance.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance," Kae told him with a smile when he walked up.

"Hrumph."

Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "We have to maintain our reputation after all." He got serious. "But there was some...collateral damage. Jayden is a bit... We're taking her to the southern retreat to give her some time to adjust."

"Good idea. I think we could all use some time to get used to the idea of Rill being back." Kae reached out and took his hands in hers. "Thank you for bringing them back. You are a great healer of hearts, Master Jinn."

He shook his head, feeling his face heat at the praise. "I merely do what anyone would. And I was not the only one involved in this particular mission."

"I know - and when I get the chance I'll bend the General's ear too." She went up on her tiptoes and gave him a buss on the cheek. "Thank you anyway."

He nodded. "I best get back before Obi-Wan decides to leave without me."

She returned the nod. "Contact us with an itinerary when you have one. I'll make sure they leave you alone as long as possible."

"Hopefully we will only need a day or two, but if it looks like it is going to be longer I will call and let you know."

"Of course you will, or I'll send someone down with t'lya and r'val to find out," she said sweetly.

Qui-Gon chuckled. "You've developed a merciless streak."

"Thank you."

He chuckled again, clasped her arm in farewell, nodded to his master and then started back for the ship.

Obi-Wan had settled into the crash couch, Jayden draped across his lap.

[Ready to go?]

[I'll even try for a gentle landing.]

[I don't think we'll notice, love.]

He briefly clasped Obi-Wan's shoulder then stood and headed for the cockpit.

With a bit of deprecating humor his lifemate commented, [I don't think Jess and Rill will even notice.]

[At the moment I don't think they'd notice the planet exploding out from under them.]

It was a short ride on the ship to the small cottage they'd gotten as a meditation retreat a few years ago. Settled on the edge of a vast meadow, the climate was almost an exact opposite of the one they'd left.

Early spring at the temple, it was fall here and the colors were brilliant.

Qui-Gon brought the ship down at the other end of the meadow, then locked down the board, giving his mate a few minutes longer alone with Jayden.

[I'm going to carry her into the house. She's fallen asleep, or something.]

[Or something?] he asked, with alarm.

[Can't you feel her in the bond? She's retreated, trying to cope.]

[My bond with her isn't as strong as yours.]

[I'm surprised I can still talk to you actually, she's hiding that deep within and around me.]

[Do you need help?] Qui-Gon finished in the cockpit and headed to his mate's side.

[Yes, please.]

He found them where he'd left them, with Jayden curled in Obi-Wan's lap. "Do you want me to take her?"

"You can try, I'm not sure she'll let go." Obi-Wan gave him a lopsided smile. "A hand up might work better."

"That I can do as well," he said, suiting actions to his words.

Obi-Wan pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Thank you."

"I wasn't expecting this bad a reaction."

"I rant and retreat, she cries and retreats."

"You are much alike." He gathered up both his own and Obi-Wan's packs and followed Obi-Wan toward the hatch.

"Too much, probably."

"It makes it easier for you to predict how she will react and to understand those reactions."

"Yes. Enough to leave her alone for now and make her come back tomorrow."

"You are her Master."

"As you are mine."

They exchanged a long meaningful look and then Qui-Gon led the way to the cabin. Obi-Wan settled Jayden on one of the thick sleeping pads and settled m'wan next to her. At Qui-Gon's surprised look he explained she had had m'wan inside her cloak.

"Stealth felinoids," he muttered with a chuckle.

"I'm surprised we made a getaway from the Rill without a few joining us," Qui-Gon commented setting their packs down by the door. "t'lya and r'val at least."

"She's expecting again."

Qui-Gon blinked. "I suppose that was inevitable considering the amount of celebrating their reunion they've done."

"I think it's her last set and they want to enjoy it."

"They deserve the happiness."

"Yes. r'val asked if I could go without them."

"We haven't given him the quiet life at the temple that we promised him," Qui-Gon said wryly.

"Maybe we can from now on. Leave them here."

"We'd never have been able to talk them into it before, but now..."

"There are little ones to take care of. They'll stay."

He crossed the room to look out the window. "With any luck, we'll be able to join them soon."

"Soon, yes."

Glancing back over his shoulder, he asked Obi-Wan, "How are you doing?"

"Tired. Could use a nap myself." Hair in disarray and cloak askew, his lifemate looked as shattered as Jayden felt.

"Come here," he said softly, holding out a hand.

Three steps and Obi-Wan was in his arms. "Do I just give her time to absorb the change?"

"It's going to take time regardless of what we do. But hopefully we can help."

"I have to help somehow."

"I know you do."

"It's good to be breathing something besides recycled air though."

"Very good. I never realize how much I miss this place until we come back."

"And when we're leaving," Obi-Wan said sadly.

"We don't have to leave for a little while."

"You know what I mean though."

"I do." He nuzzled Obi-Wan's forehead. "No place has ever spoken home so strongly."

"You have always been home to me."

"You're more than home to me. As essential as oxygen."

"Why don't we stretch out and relax." Obi-Wan's fingers flickered in the direction of the sleeping pads.

"An excellent idea."

"Meditate as Jedi were intended to."

"Yes. Or we could just nap." He led Obi-Wan over to the sleeping pads.

His lifemate gave him a look of patently false innocence. "You mean that sound that Master Yoda made really was snoring. You always told me it was a chant."

"It is a padawan's duty to protect his master's honor," he replied with dignity.

"That explains why I told Master Windu that you were meditating so deeply you couldn't hear him talk my first year I was a padawan."

"Yes, it would."

"Having you has made my life."

Qui-Gon leaned in and kissed him gently. "My life would have been a much darker place without you."

"For some people who made reunions happen we're fairly depressed."

"We'll feel better after some sleep."

"Right." Obi-Wan stared at him patiently.

Quirking his mouth up in a half smile, Qui-Gon slid out of his tunic and laid down.

Obi-Wan slipped out of most of his uniform, leaving him in shorts and unraveled his braid then laid down on top of him. "Mmm, perfect."

"Yes it is." He let his hands slide over the fall of hair and the warm skin of his mate's back beneath it.

That's when Obi-Wan began to purr. "Dinner in a couple of hours?"

"When we wake up."

"I hope someone kept this place stocked or we'll need to go out and catch it."

"We still have supplies left on the ship. We'll be fine, he replied, beginning to wonder what he was going to have to do to get his mate to slow down enough to fall asleep.

"Maybe I should just lay down next to Jayde. She'll hold on so tight I won't be able to move," Obi-Wan speculated.

"Or we could move the sleeping pallets under the window." He nodded to the bright patch of sun on the floor.

"The sunbeam would work," his lifemate said with forced casualness.

Closing his eyes, Qui-Gon indulged in a little extraneous use of the Force, lifting the sleeping pallet they were resting it on and moving it into the sun.

Even before they were settled back on the floor Obi-Wan was relaxing. Through the lifebond he could feel how the sun's energy kissed Obi-Wan's skin, easing the frentic patterns within him.

He continued to stroke Obi-Wan's hair, timing them to the slowing of his conscious thoughts, urging the relaxation that was soaking in.

[Thank you,] Obi-Wan's sleepy mind voice barely reached him.

[Sleep, love. I'll watch over you.]

With one tiny sigh Obi-Wan let himself fall asleep. Qui-Gon held him and guarded his dreams.

***

Hours later, Obi-Wan had prepared lunch and was reading through his messages when Jayden shyly stepped up to Qui-Gon and asked if they could go for a walk.

"Of course," he told her with a smile.

"I figured we could chat -- you know Jedi to Jedi."

He nodded solemnly. "I would like that."

"Just need to tell 'B I'm going." She dashed over to her master, gave him a hug and a kiss and then ran back. "I'm ready."

"Shall we then?"

With a cautious glance, she put her hand in his as they stepped off the porch and into the tall dying grass. "It's pretty here."

"Yes it is." He looked out at their surroundings, feeling its soothing presence through the Living Force. "This is one of my favorite places in the whole universe."

"It feels familiar and comfortable," she agreed.

"You were born on this planet so it would resonate for you even more."

"And Momma was born here. I bet that helps too."

Qui-Gon nodded. "It's in your blood."

"Have you ever gone back to where you were born?"

"Once. Right after I was knighted."

"And did it feel like this?"

He thought back to that trip and what it had felt like. "There was a sense of recognition, and of fulfilling a promise going back. But I knew it wasn't my home."

She nodded. "Being with my Da and you and 'B feels like home to me."

"Obi-Wan says much the same thing."

"My master is a very wise 'B."

"Indeed."

"So how come it took so long to find Mamma?"

"There isn't one simple answer to that. Not one that will satisfy you."

"Am I supposed to live with Da and Mamma here now, or on Alderaan?" Her tone didn't veil the distaste as well as she probably hoped.

"You're still Obi-Wan's padawan, aren't you?"

"Yes," she drew out the word, uncertaint clear in the tone.

Qui-Gon nodded. "A padawan's place is with her master. Unless she needs to go somewhere for special lessons and even that is at her master's behalf."

"But 'B's never taken me as his padawan, not really."

"Only officially. Would it make you feel better if he did?" He reached down and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"He's been my master since I was born, words aren't going to change that. I just wonder why he didn't."

"First, you were too young. Then your father was in no condition for Obi-Wan to approach to ask permission." He paused. "They have been talking about it recently however."

"Really?" For a moment hope rose on her face then it vanished. "Mamma is back now though. That changes everything."

"Does it?"

"Yes, for Da at least." Disappointment that she wasn't the one that helped clear in her voice.

Qui-Gon chose his words with care. "It is a miracle to have her back, true, and yes, that is something you couldn't have given him. But he was healing before this, and that you did help with."

She gave him a long look. "Da loves Mamma more than he loves me, that's how it's supposed to be. I know that."

"I wouldn't say that. Loved differently, yes, but not more. Losing you would have devastated him just as badly. If not more."

"He would have gone on living as long as he had Mamma."

"Rill would've been devastated just as badly." Again he brushed that one errant lock back, looking down into that so serious face. "We all would've."

"Don't let her take 'B from me." Jayden held onto his sleeve urgently. "Please."

"I promise." He pulled her into a hug. "I don't think she would try but if she does I promise we won't let that happen."

"I can't lose you and 'B," she murmured into his chest. "You and m'wan are all I have."

"You won't. Though I suspect you have more than you think."

"Mamma and Da are going to be busy with each other for a while. Knight Ani with the Queen of Naboo and his children, Knight Kae with the temple...."

"That doesn't mean all of them wouldn't be there if you needed them."

She shrugged and pulled away. "But I'm not their first worry."

He gently pulled her back. "You've had a rough time of it, I know."

"I'm a Jedi," was her staunch reply.

"Yes you are," Qui-Gon was quick to agree. "Practically from the moment you were born."

"I can manage then, just like you've managed 'On."

He smiled. "I know you can. Just don't forget there's help when you need it from those who love you."

"Yep. You and my master."

Qui-Gon wanted to protest again that there were many more than that but he knew she wasn't ready to believe it yet.

"Oh, and the mwws."

"They would be very offended if you forgot them," Qui-Gon agreed with a smile.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his middle. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Jay." He hugged her tightly for a minute then asked, "Shall we go back and see if Obi-Wan has found the chocolate yet?"

She grinned. "It's in my bag."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "Sneaky padawan."

"I learned from the best."

"Yes you did."

"I bet Mamma and Da don't even notice we're gone until we get back."

***

Rill tasted deeply of her lover's mouth for the first time in more than eight years. It was better than she remembered, to have all that fearsome concentration and focus on herself.

Vaguely she was aware of the people moving around them, but that was all. Everything else had faded into insignificance when Jess had drawn her into his arms.

Jess held onto her tightly, as if afraid she was going to disappear if he let her go. A sound that was suspiciously like a sob came from deep within his throat as he tasted her lips deeply.

"My love, my heart," she murmured when the kiss ended.

"Rill..." Jess' voice broke as he traced a trembling finger over her features.

"Jess-love. You're really here."

He laughed brokenly. "Isn't that my line?"

"I'll share everything with you." He shook his head and smiled wonderingly. "I can't believe this is real."

"Can we go somewhere private and prove how real we are to each other?"

Jess' eyes closed briefly. "I would like that."

"Is the room in the same place?" She gently tugged him in the direction of the main building, reveling in how little it had changed.

"It is but I haven't been able to bring myself to stay there." He hesitated a moment and looked around. "Jayden was..."

"I think she went to be with Obi-ki and Qui."

Jess nodded. "That would make sense."

"Should we go to your room instead?"

"It's not that far." He took the lead tugging her gently with him.

"I don't particularly care which, as long as we can lock the door and pull the drapes."

"I can promise getting the door shut."

"Good." She grinned and let herself be pulled along. "You are growing your hair out again right?"

Jess raised the hand not clasped in Rill's to his hair self-consciously. "Um..."

"This is fine for the summer heat," she continued, trying to ease the awkwardness, "but I really did enjoy having it longer."

"That's why I cut it," Jess admitted softly, not looking at her.

"Ah." Reaching up on her tiptoes, she let her fingers brush the back of his neck. "I can see where this might have some advantages too."

Eyes closed to half mast, Jess leaned back into her touch, the expression on his face one of heartbreaking longing.

"At least a week of you not wearing anything so I can touch you as much as you need to be touched."

"I don't think you could ever touch me as much as I need you to, but at the same time any touch is more than I thought I would ever feel again."

"And I'm so sorry you spent all that time thinking I was gone," she murmured as they finally made it to Jess's room.

She stripped off her jacket and boots then knelt on the bed, reaching out to gently undo Jess's belt.

"You're here now." He ran his fingers through her hair reverently. "You more than making up for my lack of hair length here."

"It was easier to hide behind than my usual style."

His fingers moved back to her face, touching it gently. "Was it horrible, the last few years?"

"Being apart from you is always horrible."

"More than horrible." He leaned in for another desperate kiss.

With an ache in her heart for all the pain they'd both suffered so needlessly she lost herself in Jess's touch.

By the time they were lying on the bed entangled in each other's arms basking in the afterglow Rill was fairly certain there wasn't one centimeter of her skin he hadn't caressed, worshipped. He had touched her like he had been afraid she was going to break while his gaze held her tight, never leaving her form, another touch all its own.

She kept petting the skin under her hands, trying to ease the hunger in him. "Thank you."

Jess laughed softly, the sound still a bit wild. "You keep stealing my lines."

"Well, in that case -- you're welcome." She grinned and rubbed her nose against chest.

"I've missed you," Jess said.

"I've missed you too," she murmured. "A lot."

"I missed you more than a lot. More than..."

"I know." She tilted her head up and gave him a kiss.

"I didn't handle...things very well."

"You were never meant to be alone."

"I was never meant to be without you."

"And you won't again."

"I don't think I could survive it again. Not after getting you back..."

"You won't have to."

Haunted brown eyes met her own. "Promise?"

"Yes."

"I know it's not something we really can control, but the promise helps."

"I won't leave you if I'm given any choice in the matter."

"You weren't this time."

"Wars are like that, Jess."

"I know." He gave a weak smile. "We sit the next one out, all right?"

"We can retire now if you want."

Jess hesitated, conflicted emotions on his face. "I can't. Not until-"

"Until?" she prompted.

"Until I've seen this through to the end."

"Then we'll stay." Rill shrugged. "At least until we can't stand it any more."

"It shouldn't be too much longer. The Empire is in its death throes."

"And people tend to die in the thrashing about."

"We're trying to keep that to a minimum. But, yes. It's going to happen."

"I need to get caught up on all the plans."

"Obi-Wan would be the one to ask. He's got them all in that overactive brain of his."

She raised her eyebrows at that. "You and Obi-ki have a falling out?"

Jess squirmed under her gaze. "It's gotten better this last year."

"Uh-huh. That explains why you all but spit when you said his name."

"I-"

"Save it, Jess. It's in the past."

"It's hard to get back to where we were before."

"Then lets not go back. Why don't we just start from here?"

"Forget everything that's happened in the past?" Jess shook his head doubtfully. "I don't know if we can."

"I didn't say forget, I just meant..." With a deep sigh she sat up, shaking her hair back out of her eyes. "Your focus is so tight."

Jess sat up behind her, running one hand down her back. "My biggest fault."

"You can't blame him for what happened."

"I don't. Not anymore. There was a time when I...needed somewhere to place my anger."

"Did he understand that?"

Jess shrugged. "Intellectually I think he did. But emotionally...especially before Qui-Gon woke up..."

She sighed. "And you're likely to get mad all over again when we all sit down and talk."

He wrapped his arms around her again. "It'll be easier with you here."

"Just don't hit him."

"Rill!" Jess looked shocked. "I'd never-"

She snorted. "Yes, you would."

"Well not without provocation," he muttered.

She decided telling him now would be good. Give Jess a time to get over his anger. "Obi-Wan had gotten messages from me a year ago. He thought they were faked to draw him out."

Jess got very still.

"He thought I was dead. You remember how we planted all those rumors...well, I guess we did too good a job."

"He didn't check them out?" Jess asked quietly.

"No, not that I know of, after all, I was dead."

A shudder went through Jess' form at that.

"And it's hurting him terribly to think that he ignored my plea for help."

"It would."

"So if you want to be angry about it, here and now is the time and place."

"I think I'm all angered out," Jess finally whispered.

With a sad sound she leaned back into his touch. "And I'm sorry for that."

"It isn't your fault."

"I can still be saddened at what life has done to us, can't I?"

"I think maybe you were right before," he said slowly. "We should focus on the future, not the time we've lost."

"Try to look on it as a vacation."

Jess snorted. "I need a vacation to recover from my vacation then."

"A few weeks in bed with me?"

"That would be a start..."

He did smiled, though it was small and sad. "We've made a mess of things without you to keep us in line."

"You just wanted me to have something to do when I got back."

"I think we may be a lifetime commitment."

"I was granted a second one, I'd be happy to give it to you."

"You are my life." His dark eyes bore into her with such intensity she felt like she was the only thing in the universe for him at that moment.

"And I will protect it with everything in me."

"I know you will. You throw your whole soul into everything you do." He brushed her hair back from her face. "That's one of the things I love most about you."

"Right now my whole soul is soaking up being with you."

He kissed her gently. "So is mine."

***

Obi-Wan had settled out on the porch in the dark, watching the stars and the grass apparently, judging from the random movements of his lifemate's shadow against the far wall.

After checking on Jayden to make sure she was still soundly asleep, Qui-Gon went outside to join him.

"Evening," Obi-Wan said softly.

"Evening," he replied, moving until he was directly behind his mate, and slid his arms around Obi-Wan's waist. "Star gazing?"

"I suppose. I don't really see them as stars anymore - just objectives. Is that one ours... or his."

He frowned, concerned at the weary tone. "You've been carrying a huge burden for a very long time."

"Probably." He could feel Obi-Wan's shrug move through them both. "Just doing what needed to be done."

"And doing it extremely well," he asserted. "Looking after everyone but yourself."

"In the next few weeks I'll find time to do that."

Qui-Gon nuzzled at his neck. "Why don't you start now? This is supposed to be a place to retreat and recharge."

"I'd rather spend a quiet evening with you and Jayden."

"That could be a good way to start."

Obi-Wan turned enough to look at him, one eyebrow raised slightly. "Aren't we doing that now?"

"We would be if you weren't proportioning up the universe." To temper his words he raised a hand and smoothed the line of tension between Obi-Wan's eyes.

"I can't just let it all go because you told me to."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Not let go, just...set aside for a little while."

"I've never been very successful at that."

That much was true, he admitted to himself. Obi-Wan had always latched onto a problem and worried at it until it was solved. "Take it in tiny steps," he suggested softly.

"So the first thing would be... not worrying about which star belongs to who."

"Yes. For tonight."

"All right."

He smiled encouragingly. "What can I do to help you relax?"

"Not ask me to let anything else go tonight."

"How about I ask you to hold on to something instead?"

"Like?"

"Me."

Obi-Wan turned to face him. "Of course."

Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around his mate. "And let me hold onto you," he murmured into Obi-Wan's hair.

[Don't I always?]

[You indulge me whenever you can.]

[Which is not nearly enough.]

He sighed, running a hand up and down Obi-Wan's back soothingly. [I have no complaints of you.]

[You should. I've been terribly lacking in coddling you recently.]

[No more than I have been in coddling you.] With one hand he undid the tie on Obi-Wan's braid and began unraveling it.

[I don't deserve it.]

"What?" He pulled back enough to look at Obi-Wan.

"I haven't been anything but difficult and grumpy lately."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "That's not true."

"I'm afraid that it is. Anyway...." Obi-Wan sighed and leaned into Qui-Gon's body, trying to cuddle. "I thought we were trying to relax."

"Yes, we are," he agreed, taking his own advice and letting it go -- for now.

***

Rilka had gone through the familiar/unfamiliar rooms at the temple, reacquainting herself with the layout and the people there. The children of course, barely noticed her existence which brought to mind her own daughter. The room set aside for her was barely used and was attached to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's room, just as Kae's room adjoined Jess's study even now.

Hungry for more of her daughter, she went looking through Jess's pictures for anything with her on it, and there wasn't much. Certainly nothing for at least three or four years.

Jess, never far away, found her in the middle of this task. "Looking for Jay?"

"Yes." She stopped sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I should have just asked."

She was still holding one of the few pictures she had been able to find of Jayden and Jess reached out a finger to trace his daughter's image. "That is the one thing I am most ashamed of."

"You let it all go?"

"When I lost you, I felt like I had died. I *acted* like I was dead. Even dealing with his own grief over you and Qui-Gon's coma, Obi-Wan was more of a father to her than I was."

"You are different people, Jess. Don't judge yourself by his actions. Obi-Wan pays his price in other ways."

"I should have been there for her. She shouldn't have had to have been strong for me, it should've been the other way around."

"She could be strong for you because she had other people to count on and you didn't."

"Maybe." He smiled slightly. "She whapped me with her stuffed felinoid. Kept doing it until I acknowledged she was there."

Rilka chuckled. "That's our daughter."

"Things have gotten better between her and I this last year as well. But the damage was done."

"Isn't this when she would have pulled away some because of age? Spent more time with her master?"

"It is the age that the typical padawan is chosen," Jess admitted.

"And you see far more of her than the traditional padawan, right?"

"Traditionally we wouldn't see her at all."

"Then, in reality, we gave her that break -- that pulling away. Neither of us was around and now she depends on her master."

Jess stared at the picture Rill still held. "You didn't even want her to be a jedi."

"I was afraid of what it meant."

"And now?"

"I won't know until I talk to her."

"We can see if we can get them on the communit."

He grinned. "I didn't then either. Kae told me they've gone to the southern retreat."

"Did Jay not want to meet me?"

"I think she was just a little....freaked."

"And she ran to where it was safe."

"Yes."

"Then let's call and see if she's ready to talk to me?"

Jess hugged her. "Or at least whap us long distance."

She grinned. "Maybe she'll whap Obi-ki for me instead."

"She's done a pretty good job of filling in for you in that regard."

"You'll have to fill me in on those."

He grinned. "It'll be my pleasure."

They headed for the communications room and Jess slid into the seat, bringing up the link to the southern retreat.

Obi-Wan answered. "Kenobi."

"Obi-Wan," Jess greeted him. "How are....things?"

"Been better, Jess. How are things there?"

"We're coping." He glanced at Rill, smiling slightly.

"Good. I wasn't expecting you up for air quite this soon or we would have come back already."

"We've been talking about Jayden."

Obi-Wan's face smoothed over into a professional mask. "If I can answer any of your questions about my padawan, I'd be happy to."

Rill saw a flash of pain in Jess' eyes at the defensive reaction.

When no one said anything to him Obi-Wan sat back in his chair. "Is this how it's going to be then? Fine -- give me a moment and I'll put her on." The screen went dark.

Jess leaned his head against the screen. "A prime example of what's wrong between Obi-Wan and me," he said with a sigh.

"When the two of you break something, you really break it." Rill reached out and brushed her fingers along Jess's neck. "Now sit up before your daughter gets a stunning view of your scalp."

He gave a snort of laughter as he sat back. "Force, I've missed you."

"Missed you too, my hapless knight."

Jess opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the communit screen lighting up again.

Jayden was in the chair and they could see Obi-Wan's hands resting on her shoulders, though his face was out of range for the small vid camera.

"Da? 'B said you wanted to talk to me..."

"How are you holding up, Jay?" Jess' voice was gentle.

"Confused and tired. I've been talking to m'wan and 'On about it."

He smiled. "Qui-Gon is good to talk things out with."

She nodded vigorously. "He listens really good."

Obi-Wan bent down and whispered in her ear then straightened again.

Jay rolled her eyes but corrected herself. "He listens really well."

"Are you up to talking with your mother?"

"If you and 'B stay, yes."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jess promised.

They could see Obi-Wan's fingers squeezing Jayden's shoulders in comfort and affirmation. m'wan also made an appearance, hopping up in Jayden's lap and mewwing a polite hello. With a nervous glance at Jess, Rilka took the seat, soaking up the view of her very grown up daughter.

The little girl she knew barely existed any more, only in the shadowed lines of her eyes could Rill see the toddler that laughed and played. "Hello mamma."

"Jay." She had to stop and clear her throat, so much seemed to be caught there suddenly. "Jay, you look so grown up."

"I have grown up," Jay replied seriously, almost challengingly.

"Yes you did. Very much the proper padawan."

"I am, you know. A proper padawan." The challenge was much more audible now.

"Yes, you are and Obi-Wan is very much the proper master. Your proper master."

Jay looked a bit mollified at that. "Yes. You can't change that."

"I wouldn't dare," Rill promised. "Obi-Wan was my best friend for many years, Jay. I can think of no one better to be your master."

"You're not going to tell me I can't be a Jedi?"

"Oh love, you are a Jedi down to your bones. You are as much a Jedi as your father is. No one can take that from you and I'd go after anyone who tried."

"You would?" Jay asked in a small voice.

"I would," she promised. "Why? Who has said you couldn't be?"

"You did. Before you...went away."

Rill flushed, remembering the heartfelt conversation with Qui-Gon years before. "Well, that's because I worry. It's part of my job."

"But you won't try and make Obi-Wan give me up?"

Her hand crept up to hold tightly onto Obi-Wan's as she spoke, the other was wrapped around m'wan.

Rill shook her head slowly. "You and Obi-Wan are a great team, Jay. I won't make you give him up. He's one of the best."

For the first time since the conversation started, Jayden smiled. It was directed to Obi-Wan but it was a real smile. In that expression Rill could see the little girl she remembered.

Feeling like she'd won and lost at the same time Rill sat back in her seat. "She grew up without me," Rill murmured.

"Without both of us," Jess whispered, squeezing her shoulder.

Nodding sharply she leaned forward again. "So, when can we expect you back here so we can chat in person?"

"I..." She turned and looked up at Obi-Wan. "'B?"

Obi-Wan bent slightly so his face was within view. "Later this afternoon most likely."

Jess leaned down similarly over her shoulder. "We'll be waiting. We've things to discuss." He glanced at his daughter. "Like setting a date for the official padawan ceremony."

Rill stared up at him then stared at Obi-Wan and her daughter. "You haven't done that yet?"

"Well...umm..errr...." Both men stammered while Jayden just rolled her eyes.

"They've been waffling," Jay told her.

"So I see. Two days from now at sunset. Bring whatever stuff it is you bring, I'll make sure there is drinks and snacks. Good? Good. Anything else?"

Jay shook her head, gracing Rill with a shy smile.

"Excellent. Jay -- tell Qui-Gon hello for me and I'll see you all when you're ready to come back."

"I will." She paused and then offered, "I'm glad you're back, Mama."

"So am I sweets, so am I."

"I'll see you soon."

"Love you, Jay."

"Love you too."

She smiled as the screen went dark a final time and then turned to Jess, bopping him on the arm. "I'm locking you and Obi-Wan in a closet until you work this out.

You hear me?"

"I-He-We-" Jess stammered.

"Are being stupid no doubt. "

"I..."

"Is it worth telling me the whole sordid story?"

"Not much to tell really."

"Then don't and just fix it."

Jess lowered his head and shuffled his feet. "I have been trying..." he muttered.

Holding back a sigh she offered gently, "You want me to talk to him for you?"

He looked up at her with hopeful brown eyes.

"And if I say it's worked out, you'll let it drop and move on?"

"If Obi-Wan is okay with that, yes. I realize it's mostly my fault that things have gotten as bad as they have."

"Somehow I think it's both of you not talking to the other that lead to this. Blame this late in the fight is useless." She blinked and stopped. "We need to tell my family I'm not dead."

"We can call them now if you want, though I wouldn't be surprised if the word has already spread to them. Rumors fly at light speed at the temple -- and it's not that big a step from there to Clan P'Quall."

"Then we'll go visit them after I've straightened out everything here."

Jess smiled. "I wonder how we managed to keep going without you."

"You were waiting for me to come back," she teased.

His expression sobered. "I spent the last few years waiting until I could join you."

"Well, now we are together." She patted his hand and got to her feet. "Now, feed me."

"Yes, dear."

"Then we can go back to working on giving Jayden a sibling...."

He slid an arm around her waist. "Practice makes perfect," he said deadpan.

"We have a lot of practicing to do then."

"Much, much practice."

***

In the end it was another day before Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jayden came back from the southern retreat. Bad weather had kept them grounded locally and it gave her another day to be with Jess, to get balanced and focused again so she really didn't mind.

It also gave her a day to marshal her arguments and gently pick over Jess's mind about what had happened between all of them while she was gone. She mentally went over her plans one more time as she and Jess watched the shuttle land and the ramp lower. Jayden was the first one out.

Their daughter had obviously been practicing her poise because she came down the ramp in her padawan uniform like she'd been doing it for years. Calm cool and collected, it brought a faint smile to Rill's face when she saw a felinoid pouncing on the end of Jay's cloak, ruining the serene image.

Jess was smiling as well when he stepped forward and held his arms open to their daughter.

"Da!" She jumped upwards, getting a hug. Her hood fell backwards, showing a full head of long black hair.

"Hello my Jay," Jess told her hugging her tightly and swinging her around until she giggled.

She put one hand on his temple and smiled hugely. "You're almost all better now."

He glanced over at Rill. "I've had a lot of help." He smiled down at his daughter again. "From a lot of people."

"You made noises, didn't you?" She waggled her eyebrows and giggled again.

"You know us too well."

The sound of footsteps on the ramp made Jayden wiggle until she was released. She turned, along with the rest of them to see Qui-Gon descend the ramp.

Qui-Gon also gave Jess a once over when he approached, then nodded with a small satisfied smile. "I see that you two have...talked," he said mildly.

Rill snorted. "Talk? Yes. We managed that in between other things."

"Good." He held his hands out to her. "And how are you both doing?"

"Much better for a few days together." His hands engulfed hers. "And you?"

He smiled at her. "We're managing."

Rill frowned, still no Obi-Wan. He was lurking again. "And your lifemate?"

"Is being stubborn as usual." He glanced back at the ship, his eyes going a little unseeing and Rill realized he was talking to Obi-Wan.

"Should I go--" she started to ask and then stopped when she saw the slender figure outlined in the doorway.

Beside her she could feel Jess go totally still. It felt like everything went on pause for a moment and in that moment she wanted to yell 'surprise' just to get everyone going again, but it passed. A breeze ruffled everyone's hair and clothing, breaking the stillness.

Obi-Wan passed through the hatch and down the ramp, looking for all the world like nothing had changed in five years, dressed in his Jedi uniform with its huge cloak. She was reminded all over again, despite their current lackluster reputation, that the Jedi were known and feared for a reason.

Qui-Gon took a few steps forward to meet him, one hand raising to touch Obi-Wan's cloak. Obi-Wan's eyes flashed hotly at his lifemate and then he was shoving back the hood. Clearly he and Qui-Gon were 'discussing' his behavior. Eyes warming with approval, Qui-Gon briefly caressed Obi-Wan's long braid before stepping back again.

"Jess, Rill," Obi-Wan murmured. "Glad to see you together again."

"Obi-Wan." Jess held out his hand to the other knight. "Thank you for bringing her home."

It was clasped for just a moment, before Obi-Wan tucked his fingers back inside his sleeves. "It was never my intent to make her choose between us. My apologies."

"There is blame on both sides," Jess replied. "I'll accept your apology if you'll accept mine?"

"Always."

Jess smiled slightly. "Good."

Obi-Wan turned back to the ship for a moment, hitting the controls that rolled up the ramp and closed the hatch. "Shall we all go inside or are we staying here?"

Rill sighed. This was going to be slow going. "Inside. I made lunch."

"What did you make?" Jay asked, curiously.

"Sandwiches. Didn't have time for much else." She gave Jess a look, trying to make him blush.

He just smiled rather smugly. "We have a lot of time to make up for."

Obi-Wan coughed and rolled his eyes. "I believe we did something similar on Alderaan once."

"Yes," Qui-Gon agreed placidly, slipping an arm around his lifemate's waist.

"But there we also had all of the Bail's staff to make food for us."

"That is a nice amenity to have when one is....preoccupied."

Rill cut in, "Well unfortunately the staff is a bit more limited here. My attempt at making a meal will have to do."

Qui-Gon gave her a polite half bow. "I'm sure it will be fine. The company will provide any spice that the food may be lacking."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you suggesting my cooking might be lacking?"

"Never. Just that the company is superlative."

"Smart man."

He winked at her, his eyes sparkling with good humor.

"Now." She turned back to her daughter. "I also managed to find some food that I really shouldn't, as a parent, let you have."

"Oh?" Jayden looked intrigued.

"Cookies, fried chips, cake, some cheese thing that everyone insists tastes wonderful...."

Jayden's eyes had got bigger with each item recited.

Rill stopped. "Are you not allowed to have them?"

"It's not that," Jess put in for their daughter. "We just don't get much of that sort of thing aboard the Rill."

"I figured. Which is why I collected it all up to save for your return."

"I think she's about to start drooling," Qui-Gon commented teasingly, then glanced at his lifemate. "She might not be the only one."

Rill twisted enough to catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan's face. Guarded longing that was replaced by serenity.

"There is enough for everyone, isn't there?" Qui-Gon asked.

"As much as I could find," she confirmed.

"Even for prone to be grumpy Generals?"

Obi-Wan reached out and whacked Qui-Gon on the arm.

Rill grinned. "I don't know. Grumpy generals usually need chocolate."

"That we always made sure we had a supply of," Jess affirmed.

Now it was Jess getting the glare from a pair of flashing green eyes.

Rill's smile got wider. "I have some of that too."

"Sounds like an excellent repast," Qui-Gon said with another faint smile.

"And no tea. I'm sick of tea."

Jess laughed. "That's my Rill."

"Who else would I be, Jess-love?" She patted his arm and blew past them all into the kitchen. "Sit..."

With varying degrees of amusement they all obeyed.

Obi-Wan was almost pouting but he took a package of the cheese things and set it beside his plate. His expression daring anyone to comment. Everyone wisely kept their silence. Rill decided to risk life and limb and pushed the plate of cookies in his direction. Turning away, she got the sandwiches out of the cooler and started passing the plate around. It was enough like old times that it highlighted the differences, the unease that existed, even more.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan murmured, trying to ease that tension. "Are we ready for the ceremony tonight?"

Jess nodded. "Everything's prepared. Unless you want to add something special?"

"No, not unless Jayden has something she wants."

Jayden hesitated then shook her head 'no'.

Obi-Wan faced Jess and Rill. "There might be a last minute addition. We'll let you know."

Jess glanced at her then nodded. "All right."

"Thank you for asking."

"This has been a long time in coming." Jess smiled a bit shyly. "I want it to be perfect."

"Having everyone there will make it perfect," Obi-Wan whispered, playing with a bit of his sandwich.

Jayden's hand crept out to cover Obi-Wan's. "Yes it will," she said shyly.

***

Rill wiped her eyes again. She didn't know how they did it but Obi-Wan and Jay had found the perfect way to show Jayden's new and old ties. In addition to the padawan braid that she had worn for several years, she and her master had concocted another symbol. A second braid, this one also three strands had been plaited and tied off during her ceremony. One strand for Qui-Gon, one for father and one for her mother. Bound together at several points, the two braids were woven together at the bottom, showing her loyalty and obedience to both her master and her family. A glance to either side of her showed her that Jess and Qui-Gon were equally moved, their usual Jedi composure not fooling anyone a whit.

With a shadow of Obi-Wan's old wicked smile he tugged on her new hair adornment then turned and bowed to the crowd. "Thank you for coming and witnessing our oaths to each other."

The majority of the audience broke up and began to wander back to the temple and the awaiting celebration; only family and close friends remaining behind.

Anakin pushed against the departing flow of traffic to step up to Jayden and give her a big hug. "Welcome to temple, officially, Padawan P'Quall."

"Thanks," she said shyly, accepting similar congratulations from Kae and some of the initiates she'd made friends with. Then she turned to face her parents, one hand creeping up to touch her new braids.

Rill nodded her approval. "Most appropriate, Jay -- I mean Padawan P'Quall."

Jess hugged her. "I'm proud of you, Jay."

"Thank you, Da." She turned in his arms to stage-whisper to Obi-Wan. "It worked just like you said it would."

"It is a wonderful tribute," Qui-Gon said amidst the soft laughter Jay's comment generated.

"To show nothing has to change," Jay said staunchly.

"No," Jess said softly, "nothing has changed. You've been Obi-Wan's padawan for quite some time now."

"I just wanted to be sure we all knew it." She scuffed the toe of her boot through the grass. "Even me."

Jess reached out and gently raised her chin to meet his gaze. "You were the one who convinced me. I promise you Jay that nothing's going to change between us." He quirked a half smile. "Except maybe for the better."

She nodded and in a gesture she'd learned from her master, bounced on her toes. "Yep. And I'm going to help with that too. Kae is taking me to help her check the supply caverns for the next few days. So you and 'B and 'On and Momma can work it out."

"And if you haven't by the time we get back, we padawans past and present," Kae gestured including Ani and Jayden as well as herself, "will have to take matters into our own hands."

Obi-Wan growled at them all. "Get out of here and take the Venturer."

Anakin laughed and mock saluted. "Yes, General!"

There was a general leavetaking with Jayden giving them each a hug. Kae too passed out hugs, whispering something to Jess as she hugged him that made him turn red.

She hugged Rilka last and murmured, "I haven't had a chance to say how glad I am you're back. He needs you. They all do."

"Thanks," she murmured back. "For everything."

Kae nodded, gave her a smile and stepped back.

"If we need more than three days it can't be fixed," she muttered to herself, watching the younger generation head for the airfield.

Then she turned back to her companions. Qui-Gon met her gaze steadily but the other two were both doing their best to avoid looking at anyone.

Perhaps she could enlist Qui-Gon in her deep desire to get this all straightened out. "Master Jinn, care to join me for a hot drink on the back porch?"

He smiled faintly. "I would love to."

She gently set her hand on his arm, pretending not to notice the slightly desperate looks Jess was sending her while Obi-Wan's mouth carried a hint of a pout to Qui-Gon.

"I have this really rich flavored caffee I've been wanting to share with an appreciative audience."

"I am honored to be considered one, milady," Qui-Gon said formally, ignoring the others just as she was.

When they were out of earshot and eyesight she smiled. "That wasn't nice of me, was it?"

"Drastic times call for drastic measures," he replied.

"It's too much to hope for that they'll actually talk tonight, isn't it?"

"Not without a great deal of prodding I'm afraid."

"In addition to caffee I thought I'd ask what you think might work to get them together."

Qui-Gon sighed, the sound speaking eloquently of his frustration. "With rope maybe. Talking hasn't gotten me very far. Or rather, every time I make progress with one of them, the other seems to back up even more."

She nodded and settled into a comfortable chair on the porch where the caffee and four cups were waiting, warmed in preparation. "Tonight then, in the main room."

"That would be a start."

"And I have a bottle of very good Coruscant liqueur to loosen them up." She grinned and poured some caffee for herself and Qui-Gon. "So Qui, do you know what is at the heart of their...discomfort?"

"From what I gather from what they and others have told me, it started when you were killed, or at least when we thought you were killed." Qui-Gon paused to sip at the caffee. "This is quite excellent, thank you."

She smiled at him. "I'm glad you like it. I'm afraid the taste would have been quite lost on Jess."

"He might surprise you."

"I also wanted the quiet for a few minutes before leaping into the fray." Leaning against the chair back she closed her eyes. "Obi-Wan and I talked about Jess's reaction to my death you know. He knew that Jess would blame him for not stopping me. I didn't believe him."

"Jess turned his grief -- and the blame -- as much inward as he lashed out at Obi-Wan. And I think part of Obi-Wan wanted the blame. He certainly was carrying the responsibility deep down."

"That is like saying because I see an accident I am responsible for it even though I couldn't stop it. " Rilka sighed. "I tried telling him that before."

"You're his best friend. He couldn't save you."

"I know. It wasn't his job to save me. It was his calling to save everyone else and he did."

Qui-Gon nodded. "And most of the time that's enough to help quiet his demons. But not when faced with Jess."

"So they look at each other and see their own failures."

"Yes."

"They were not prepared for this war in their hearts."

"None of us were." Qui-Gon's mouth quirked upward in a self-mocking expression. "At least they remained present."

That got her to open her eyes. The bitterness in his voice was echoed in his expression and bearing. "At least they didn't run off to their supposed doom, thrilled that they had a dramatic end awaiting them." Raising an eyebrow she waited. "Now -- are you done?"

Qui-Gon nodded ruefully. "Touche."

"I'll schedule you for a self pity exorcism next week, all right?"

That earned her a chuckle. "It is good to have you back, my dear."

She grinned and wrinkled her nose at him. "And you, my dear Qui."

"Indeed. The felinoids' opinions aside I'm sure I made a lousy throw pillow."

"Actually you made a wonderful tea tray, once Obi-Wan got over the indignity of it."

"Ah." He smiled faintly and nodded acknowledgement. "So I have a career to fall back on if this Jedi thing doesn't work out."

"Yes, though I suspect your lifemate would keep you busy long before you had time to return to your steady albeit boring job of bed filler."

"If he doesn't keep me busy in bed at the least."

"Nothing has changed there, if I had to guess. Is that hair as much fun as it looks?"

Qui-Gon's smile this time was quite wicked. "More."

She laughed. "Retire to the bunker for this round, Master Jinn and let me fight the next sortie with them."

He saluted her with an imaginary saber. "The field is yours Lieutenant."

With a mock sigh she raised her cup. "I didn't even get a posthumous promotion. Remind me to forge some orders from the general, would you?"

"I think they believed renaming the D'ka in your honor a better tribute."

"I'm in denial about that remember? It's still the D'ka."

"It could've been worse."

"Oh?" Knowing she was setting herself up for something.

"As I understand it there was some talk about changing the ship's uniform."

Rill straightened in her chair, staring at him suspiciously. "The uniform?"

"They wanted to change them to a rather significant shade of bluish-purple." He eyed her hair meaningfully.

Her best field sergeant yell of 'Kenobi!' could be heard all over the temple.

***

Qui-Gon had watched off and on for days as Obi-Wan tugged on a lock of his hair, tying and untying a knot in it until the hair was broken and fraying while he worked on different things. If he was typing the lock of hair was dropped but the moment he went back to scrolling through the lists or reading something on the datapad his fingers worried at the hair again. Teaching, the same thing. Cooking, petting the felinoids, even working on sporadically on his hoverbikes, one hand was perpetually in motion somehow.

At first he thought it was just a manifestation of the nerves that had plagued his lifemate since his release from the Emperor's stasis device, but nearly a tenday later he wasn't so sure. It took watching Obi-Wan twist and untwist a corner of the sheet in his sleep to really bring it to the forefront of his consciousness.

All the brushing wasn't healing the damage done by Obi-Wan's fretting. The ends of his hair were getting uneven and unkempt. Comments about it by anyone, even t'lya got a snappish 'It's fine' and a glare before Obi-Wan returned to whatever he was working on. He really would have left it alone, a habit to be eased away in time by the stresses that would decrease if it hadn't been for the other symptoms that were beginning to appear. The nervous tic of knotting his hair was only the beginning.

Obi-Wan had never been the calmest of people. Always in motion if he could be but with moments of deep stillness that surprised people who didn't know him well - but now there was never any stillness. He never dipped below anything that could be described as an exhausted calmness. Too tired to fret would be closer. Falling asleep after hours of exercise, communiqués, and classes with the little ones. As the days blurred into weeks even brushing and meditation came further and further apart. Obi-Wan unable to sit still longer than a few minutes before surfacing and sliding away to do a kata. When he stopped doing the Peace kata Qui-Gon knew it was time to intervene.

He waited until Obi-Wan was alone in the hangar area, working yet again to soup up his hoverbike. "Obi-Wan?"

Hazed with exhaustion, Obi-Wan's eyes met his for a moment before sliding away. "Yes?"

His heart aching for his lifemate, he reached out and gently touched Obi-Wan's face. "Enough. You need to rest."

"I'm not tired enough to rest."

"Obi-Wan, you're exhausted."

"And?" Tossing his tools in the direction of the toolbox, Obi-Wan straightened.

"And you're going to work yourself into a collapse if you keep up this pace."

"I know." He shrugged. "I can't quite bring myself to care."

"That's what worries me the most." As Qui-Gon watched, Obi-Wan's hand stole up to pull loose a lock of hair.

"If I stop to think about it I'd say I was going crazy."

He stepped closer, reaching for Obi-Wan's hand and pulling it away from his hair. "Not crazy. Just someone in dire need of a rest."

"But rest means having to think and I don't want to do that." The strain that had been in Obi-Wan's voice for years was spilling over and filling the air around them.

"You have to think, talk," Qui-Gon urged him. "Stop holding everything in. Let it out, let it go."

"I..." Outside Jayden and several felinoids ran past, laughing. "No."

His lifemate was nothing if not stubborn. "Obi-Wan-"

"Not here."

"Fine. Then we'll go somewhere else. Back to the retreat."

"Behind shields. No one knows." Obi-Wan's tone brooked no argument.

"No one but me," Qui-Gon agreed willingly. Whatever it took to get Obi-Wan to finally open up.

"And you'll let me work it out on my own."

He hesitated. "As long as you do," he finally said.

"I do, eventually - if left to it."

"You haven't so far."

"And that is an excellent attitude to go into it with," Obi-Wan said sourly and turned away. "Go away and bother someone else."

Qui-Gon held his ground. "I can't. Not when I can feel your pain."

"Then deal with it." His lifemate picked up a spanner and bent back down, starting in on the bike again.

He sighed, feeling Obi-Wan drift farther away. "That's what I'm trying to do."

"Find another way." Shoulders contained in a tight Jedi tunic shrugged. "I imagine eventually I'll be too tired to argue anymore and you will just drag me off somewhere and fix it. That's what everyone expects."

"As opposed to sitting back and watching you self-destruct?" He shook his head. "I can't watch your pain and not try to help."

"You did. It didn't work." Obi-Wan looked up at him, absolutely still for a long breath. There were terrible things hiding behind his eyes. Pain, death, failure, responsibility, leadership - and love. He turned back to the bike. "Now go and let me finish what I've started."

Qui-Gon reached out and laid a hand on his lifemate's shoulder. "The bike can wait."

"I've found that everything can wait, master. It's whether or not you get back to it that counts."

"And you're determined that dealing with what's bothering you is going to wait?"

"As long as you are determined to throw in my face that it has to be dealt with right now? Yes."

He sighed. "When then?"

"Is there someone you should warn we are vanishing?" Obi-Wan looked up at him and all traces of his lifemate were gone, it was General Kenobi watching him.

"Already taken care of," he responded, unsure if he felt relieved or more alarmed.

"Which vehicle are we taking?"

"I was thinking of the shuttle, but if there's another you'd prefer?"

"Shuttle is fine. If something comes up we can leave from there that way. You wouldn't care for my driving this," he gestured to the bike with a tiny smile and continued speaking, "that far."

Qui-Gon allowed himself a faint smile in return. "Not at the speeds you drive."

"You take the shuttle and I'll drive this down? I could use the stretch time."

"All right," he agreed after a moment studying his lifemate.

Or trying to. Obi-Wan had withdrawn and there was little to see by studying the outer form. The lifebond was still reverberating with delayed stress and was no doubt feeding the short-circuiting of his temper.

They were both going to be a mess over this.

If he let them. The bond had drawn them both in over their heads before and this was not a time that it could happen again. He wouldn't allow it.

This was about getting Obi-Wan to deal with the war in all the ways he hadn't so far. To let go of the guilt that was crippling his partner and cutting him apart inside. Making his soul bleed from a thousand invisible cuts.

He would do whatever he needed to help Obi-Wan heal. Everything else was secondary. Unfortunately life decided to argue with him in the form of one short irritable lieutenant and the current commander of the Rill. Jess nodded at him solemnly and then headed into the garage of Obi-Wan while Rill, without speaking took his hand and implacably led him to the back porch. "Sit down. We need to talk."

Qui-Gon found himself obeying before he even thought about it.

That bemused him enough that he looked at Rill and gestured for her to speak.

"Jess is going to go sit on Obi-ki until he stops fretting his brain apart and you are going to sit here with me while he does it."

He lifted an eyebrow. "I am?"

"You are. If you try to deal with this by flying off to the middle of nowhere you'll tear yourself apart. Obi-ki is not in the mood to be kind. Jess can say, and take things, from Obi-Wan that would tear you apart."

"He is my lifemate," he responded. It wasn't quite a protest, but part of him felt like it was his responsibility to get through to Obi-Wan as Obi-Wan had gotten through to him in the past.

"And that is precisely the reason you are the wrong person for this."

"You think I'm too close."

She shrugged and grinned. "I think he's going to be a royal ass and he and Jess need to work it out. You can be the good guy at the end of the day that rescues him from the oh so stoic Master Lashar."

"It's going to take more than one discussion." Qui-Gon had been considering strategies for several days. "It's going to take time."

"Yes. General Kenobi is a tough nut to crack and find Obi-Wan inside. We'll get there though. You just need to be patient and pick the right time. Let Jess get past the defensiveness."

"It doesn't look like I have much choice," he said dryly.

That earned him a snort. "There is nothing holding you here but my word."

"Your word, my dear lieutenant, is stronger than many people's all out attacks."

"Then you know that I have to be strongly convinced before I would interfere in something such as this."

Qui-Gon nodded. "And that, more than anything, is why I am sitting here instead of heading back to the hangar."

"Excellent. So tea or caffe?" She gestured to the two pots on the side table. "We're going to be here a while."

"Tea." He sat back and watched as Rill poured him a cup. Thinking. He hadn't even considered asking her or any of the others to help with Obi-Wan. It was a blind spot he hadn't even been aware of and it worried him. What else was he not seeing because his focus had become so tight?

She poured caffe for herself and settled back in her chair, putting her feet up on the low table between them. It was quiet as Rill let him think and sipped her drink.

***

Obi-Wan sighed and began putting the covers back on the engine and plasma connectors. If he was going to fly this junk heap south it needed to at least pretend it was together and running. Behind him he could hear the faint sound of boot heels against the plascrete. Reaching out slightly with the Force he recognized Jess. He turned around, straightening up as he came to face the knight. "Something come up?"

Jess gave a half shrug. "Just thought you might want someone to talk to. Or not talk, if you prefer."

"Oh. So you don't need me for something? I'm leaving in a few minutes."

"Actually, you're not." He leaned against the side of the hoverbike. "Or at least Qui-Gon's not. Rill's sitting on him. Metaphorically speaking."

"Why?" He narrowed his eyes. "What is Rill up to?"

"The same thing Qui-Gon was up to."

"I see." He turned back to his bike and promptly pulled the cover off again.

Jess watched him for a long moment. "Is that really helping?"

"It's more useful that standing around waiting for the war to come out to the Rim again."

"But are you going to be in any condition to deal with it when it does?" The question was asked in the same level tone that Jess had been using all along.

He sighed and kept on working. Apparently everyone had decided at once that he needed to be dealt with. "I'll manage when the time comes."

"You always do," Jess acknowledged. "But at what cost?"

"Cost? I'm alive." Much more than he could say for so many others.

"There's being alive and then there's living. I know the difference more than most."

"Yes, you do."

"There's no comparison."

"All right." He kept his eyes focused on the engine. "So you're out here to talk to me until I talk back, right?"

Jess shrugged again. "It seemed like a good idea when Rill suggested it."

"So did letting Jayden and m'wan bake cookies last week."

He turned enough to see the knight smile. "Is this going to end with me covered in flour?"

"Sometimes I think it's more dangerous here than aboard ship."

"In some ways it is. It's harder to wear masks here."

"Most of us don't bother."

"Most of us aren't carrying as much as you are."

Jess definitely wasn't go away. He gave in. "Go get that nasty stuff Rill's brothers insist is drinkable and I'll get the chairs out."

He got another quick smile as Jess moved off to comply.

Wiping his hands off on his leggings he headed over to the shuttle and stepped up on the wing, from there he squinted and made out the location of the two chairs that Rill and Kae both insisted needed to be thrown away. He had insisted they not be and kept hiding them from the females in his life.

With a whisper of the Force he brought them down off the rafters and into his hands.

Jess meanwhile had gotten a bottle of the homebrewed alcohol from their stash and was heading back in his direction.

"Here or under the trees?" He gestured vaguely in the direction of the stand of elms.

"The trees," Jess replied.

A few moments later they were comfortably seated and he was taking his first swig. It made his eyes water, like it did every time. "You'd think I'd be used to the stuff by now."

Jess took a swig of his own. "I don't think you can get used to it and still have a stomach," he gasped, coughing.

"At least it's not like that one batch that cleaned the corrosion off Anakin's pod."

"I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if this cleaned off more than its share of...stuff too."

"I was told this was aged. Probably two hours with our luck."

"That long?"

He grinned. "These are Rill's brothers remember?"

"I try not to think of it. That's one scary clan I've married into."

"Worth it though." He took another hit. Trying not to think about all the time Jess *hadn't* had Rill.

"More than worth it," Jess agreed fervently, heartfelt.

"Worth drinking home-made potables for?"

"Worth drinking poison for."

"We did some of that, didn't we?" he asked as he slouched down in his seat and watched the sun filter through the leaves.

Jess nodded and took another swig. "There's all kinds of poison."

"I can't believe Rill sent you out here."

"Why?"

"Does it occur to anyone that I could just go off and handle it on my own?"

"You could," Jess agreed easily. "But you've got a support network. You should use it."

"I've never been afraid to ask for help."

"When you think you need it."

He nodded, granting the point.

"It's sometimes hard," Jess began slowly, "when you're at the center, to see as clearly as those on the outside."

Again he nodded, willing to let Jess finish out whatever he was going to say.

"I don't think you can see how bad everything seems to be hitting you right now."

"Ah. Frayed at the edges and rapidly working my way to the middle?"

Jess' lips twitched upward in a brief smile. "An apt description."

He chuckled. "Not as blind as everyone thinks."

"So if you see what's happening, I have to ask -- are you waiting until you completely unravel before seeking help?"

"I've unraveled this much before and got it back together." He shrugged and wisely passed the bottle back to Jess before he got too drunk too early in the conversation. "I was expecting a crisis so I can push it all back into the corners. You know - like usual."

"Avoidance." Jess nodded knowingly.

"Exactly."

Jess took another swig. "That's just putting off the inevitable though."

"Yes, and before now I couldn't afford to break down. You weren't ready, Qui-Gon didn't know enough about what was going on...." He lifted one shoulder ever so slightly. "There wasn't anybody else to pick up the pieces of my command if I spent a few weeks dealing with it all. I'm not totally sure there is time now."

"Make the time," the other knight suggested.

"That bad?"

Jess nodded silently.

"And you've selected yourself as the recipient of all my pent up stress?"

"I'm used to taking abuse."

"No." He slouched further in the chair and watched Jayden in the distance, still chasing m'wan and some of the other felinoids in some bizarre game of tag. "Never abuse, Jess. Not from me."

"I know." Jess' voice had softened.

"What *is* your daughter doing with the pack?" It seemed to involve bouncing off the trees and something with flowers.

Out of his peripheral vision, Obi-Wan saw Jess turn and look. "I haven't the foggiest idea," he replied after a moment.

"As long as she doesn't hurt herself." He stopped and winced. "Or the trees, I'm fine with it. You?"

"She's happy, and she's not whapping me with any stuffed felinoids."

"That translates to yes for me." He turned back to Jess, shifting his chair so they could face each other comfortably. "Some of what I have to deal with is going to be - unpleasant."

Jess didn't bat an eye. "I know."

"A big piece of it is when Rill... left and how we all dealt with it."

"I know," he repeated.

"And you still want to do this?"

"You're my friend and you need to do this."

"All right." He got to his feet. "Come on then. We need to go for a ride and take care of something."

Jess got to his feet. "Should I bring the bottle?"

"We might need it. Grab a helmet too, we're taking the bike."

The knight nodded and followed Obi-Wan back into the hangar.

He picked up a long handled hammer and lashed it to the side of the bike then fired it up. An hour later they were in the clan gathering valley. He parked under a tree and slipped off the helmet. "We're here."

Jess followed suit, leaving his helmet on the bike as he moved away from it. "I should've guessed this is where you were taking us."

"We need to get this taken care of." He rested the hammer against his shoulder as they began to walk. "It's not like we can leave it here. She'd be...."

"She'd grumble about us being overly sentimental and act annoyed, but she'd be secretly pleased we'd cared enough to remember her this way." Jess smiled briefly. "Like she did when she found out about renaming the ship."

"Just be glad you missed the yelling." He grinned.

"I can only imagine."

"Then Qui-Gon told her about the uniforms."

Jess chuckled.

He stopped, staring down at the memorial stone with Rill's name on it. "This hurts so much more than I thought it would." He sighed and hefted the hammer. "You want first hit?"

Jess considered, glancing from Obi-Wan to the stone and back again, then slowly reached out for the hammer. The polished wood passed from his hands into Jess's. He took a big step backwards, out of the way. For a long moment, Jess didn't move, merely standing and staring at the memorial stone, turning the hammer over and over in his hands. Then suddenly he exploded into movement, the hammer becoming a blur as it was raised above his head and brought down with a deafening crack.

The sound of stone shattering, of hearts breaking. His own included. For a moment the sound matched the one in his head, from his memories of watching Rill's ship explode, then it faded away along with the echoes off the hillside. Jess brought the hammer down two more times, then stepped back, breathing heavily.

"You broke it really well," he commented looking at the fist sized pieces. "You're welcome to start throwing them off the ridge too...."

Jess blinked and looked over at him. "No," he said faintly. "I think I'm done."

"You sure? I can find something else for you to break."

The knight's lips twitched faintly. "That's all right. I'm fine."

"There's a whole Empire out there - if you change your mind," he teased.

"I'll let you know if I do."

"Good." He stared down at the pile of rocks. "This does of course, leave me at a bit of a loss as to what to break..."

He watched a faint blush come to Jess' cheeks.

He grinned. "And I thought you were beyond blushing."

"Sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. You obviously needed it."

"I guess I did." Jess shrugged. "Didn't know it though until you handed me the hammer."

He kicked at the glossy bit of stone nearest his boot, watching it roll down the hill. "There is something else I'd like to do before we head back."

"What?"

"You've done me the favor of cutting my hair once before." He grabbed the braid at the base of his neck. "I need this gone."

"You sure?"

He snorted. "You think I would be asking if I wasn't sure?"

"True." Jess put the hammer down and reached for his saber which hung on his belt. "With this or...?"

"One thing cuts as well as another." As soon as Jess had lit and adjusted his saber he bent over backwards, letting the braid hang straight down.

"How short?"

"Just cut it Jess." He felt Jess' hand pulling the braid taut, then the sudden release of tension on his scalp as it was cut, leaving his head feeling remarkably lighter. With that he straightened. "Thank you."

Jess nodded, holding the braid in one hand and the hilt of his saber in the other.

"Want to sit and drink here for a while or head back?"

"Which would you rather?"

"Here is my preference."

Jess nodded. "Then we stay here."

He sat down, watching the grass flutter and dance with the breeze.

"It's really is very peaceful here," Jess said, sitting beside him.

"You'd think with the fire that it wouldn't be."

"Actually I think that's part of it. Everything's grown back -- you'd never be able to tell it had been so devastated. It's proof that, given enough time, everything can heal."

"Like you."

Jess smiled and nodded. "Like me. Like Kae has. Like Qui-Gon has." He paused. "Like you will."

"Qui-Gon may have healed but he hasn't caught up to everyone yet."

"He will." There was a long pause and Jess glanced sideways at him. "You don't doubt that, do you?"

"He doesn't see me any different than he did when there was still a Republic." He shrugged. "I don't know if he ever will."

"How do you think you're different?"

He shot Jess a look. "I think I've grown up a bit since then, don't you?"

"You've come into your own," Jess confirmed. "And you think Qui-Gon doesn't see that?"

"When it comes to our private lives I have doubts."

There were silent for a long moment, then Jess asked, "What do you want from him?"

"For him to admit that he really is the dominant one in our relationship - and that I'm fine with that and neither of us has to panic about it."

"Are you?"

"Absolutely. He's always been in charge - and when I don't like something I say so. He thinks he has too much influence over me. I think I manage to have my own opinions, from time to time." Obi-Wan shrugged and lay back on the grass staring up at the sky. After a long moment he continued, "It used to bother me. That I felt like a padawan around him regardless of my age but I think now that's just the way we are. Like you and Rill. Rill's usually the one telling you what to do, but when you need to, you argue. Same with me."

Jess laid down beside him. "Doesn't mean I win when I argue," he said dryly.

"Like I win with ye old Master Jinn every time? The felinoids don't call him the lion just for his hair you know."

"And I get Jessloveknight." Jess grinned wryly. "Doesn't hold the same mystique, does it."

"Not even close." He chuckled. "At least they use your name. Poor Rill...."

Jess' smiled grew. "Her. Though there is something to be said for being so memorable that a single pronoun will identify you."

"And Jayden has gotten past the 'It' label."

"As soon as she was able to throw them food."

"True enough. That seems forever ago."

"Several lifetimes at least."

"Maybe now you can make those brothers and sisters for Jayden that you kept threatening me with. Give me another padawan to train in ten years."

"You'll have to talk to Rill about that."

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh, are you sure you meant to phrase it that way?"

Jess nudged him, rolling his eyes. "I only meant, she's just got back. She needs time to adjust. We won't be....initiating anything new until she's ready."

"And all I meant was a tease anyway."

Neither spoke for a bit, both of them staring at the sky above. "It's been a long time since we were able to tease each other," Jess finally said, quietly.

"We're way too serious these days."

"The days are way too serious."

"We should work on that. Start a morale program or something. 'New codenames for the Emperor' contest."

Jess chuckled, the sound seeming strange to Obi-Wan's ears. It had been a very long time since he heard it.

"No, huh?"

"It would be....interesting."

"They certainly wouldn't know what to do with the General of the Rim Fleet and the Flagship Commander sponsoring something like that."

"It might be out of character for the General, but it sounds very much like Knight Kenobi."

"Now there is someone who is hard to find outside of the training salle."

Jess turned on his side and looked at him. "Maybe that's the problem."

"Oh?"

"You've slipped so far into the General that when you don't need to be him, you don't know how to handle it anymore."

He mulled that over for a while. "I don't know about that. Jayden and I manage."

"That's just another mask you wear. Master, instead of General."

"And being a knight isn't?"

"It's closer to the real you than the others." Jess propped himself up on one elbow.

He looked into Jess's gaze, letting himself taste the truth of that statement. "You're right but there hasn't been time to be myself much recently. I think even Qui-Gon forgets I can be myself outside the bedroom."

Jess shook his head emphatically. "It doesn't matter what others remember or believe. Even Qui-Gon."

"Tell him that." He smiled lopsidedly.

His friend returned the smile. "I suspect Rill is doing just that. But we're not talking about him."

"No, we're not. We're managing to not talk about a lot of things."

"I've noticed."

He sighed and stopped evading the question. "So - being myself will help."

Jess nodded. "Before you totally forget how."

"All right. Anything else?"

"Have you talked to Qui-Gon about how you feel -- about your relationship?"

"No, those talks never go well."

"When was the last time you tried?"

"A while ago - we've been a bit distracted recently."

"Since he woke up?"

He thought back. "No."

Jess sat up. "You've changed. Shouldn't you give him a chance to see that and change as well?"

"Living with him didn't do that?"

"If you don't talk about it, how do you know for sure?"

He gave Jess a look. "Do you really expect me to answer that question?"

"You're so sure he misunderstands your feelings about your relationship dynamics. If he misunderstands you, can't you be misunderstanding him?"

He snorted and turned back to looking up at the darkening sky.

"Ultimately, it's your choice. But if the positions were reversed, wouldn't you want Qui-Gon to talk to you?"

"Qui-Gon would talk to me when he was ready. When he wanted it." With a sigh he closed his eyes and imagined his lifemate. The serious blue eyes watching him. "That's just how we are."

"When are you going to be ready?"

"It's not me that needs to be ready, Jess."

"If that's what you believe..." He opened his eyes and watched as Jess made a dismissive gesture.

"There is a difference between helping me deal with my stress and managing my relationship with Qui-Gon. Do *not* mix the two."

"That wasn't what I was trying to do, but if that subject is off-limits, it's off-limits."

"I've had enough for today." He climbed to his feet. "Let's get back before they come looking."

Jess nodded silently and got to his feet as well.

***

Qui-Gon could feel his lifemate approaching the temple complex -coming back from wherever he'd gone. He'd been careful not to not think about it or intrude. Trying to hold to Rilka's request, and avoid getting thumped.

Obi-Wan seemed irritated and only the tiniest bit less stressed than when he'd left. Though none of them had expected it to be easy there was a part of him that had hoped, faintly, that it would be. No one *enjoyed* being that wound up.

Rill's discrete cough brought him back to the present. "I take it from your face Obi-Wan is on his way back and you're going to stay put."

He smiled faintly, amused at him self. "Am I that obvious?"

"You went _away_. Your body tensed and then relaxed. I knew he wasn't that upset or you would have been up and gone, regardless of what I'd asked."

"Quite likely," Qui-Gon admitted. He wouldn't have meant to, but responding to his lifemate's emotions was never a conscious choice.

"And he's not let go of his burden yet either, has he? It's too soon."

"It's taken years for him to get into this state." He sat back with a sigh. "It was foolish for me to think even for a moment that it could be fixed in a few hours."

"But you hoped. Honest and human of you if nothing else."

"Don't spread it around. You might ruin my reputation."

Her eyes turned dark and serious on him. "There is more to that than you might credit, Master Jinn."

He raised an eyebrow, questioning.

"The reputation. You are more intimidating now than you were then. Bristly, stoic, *there*."

"Bristly?" he repeated.

Over the years he had always found it fascinating when he was given a glimpse into how others saw him; inevitably it was quite different from how he saw himself.

"Standoff-ish." She shrugged. "You give off a 'I don't fit here' feeling that I'm not used to."

Trust Rill to hit on something he'd barely admitted to himself. "Maybe I don't."

"Neither do I. I missed too much. *We* missed too much. Out of step."

"Out of step perhaps, but not out of the dance."

"I never said we were, Qui-Gon." Her tone gone from soft to hard in seven little words. "I didn't live through the last five years to be out."

"Good." He reached out and squeezed her hand. "We can be out of step together."

"And get Jess and Obi-ki to bring us back into the waltz."

"Yes."

"In the meantime, let's go see how dirty they got wandering the countryside."

Qui-Gon smiled and shook his head as they both stood up. "I've missed your irreverence."

She just gave him a crooked, almost broken smile before turning away.

On impulse he swooped her into his arms and danced her across the porch.

Her laughter was rusty, but she let him take her as far as the steps down into the garden before breaking away. Something in her eyes that looked very much like regret fluttered across his soul and then it was gone, swallowed up by her usual sardonic humor. "Never let it be said you can't follow directions, Qui."

"With my own inimitable style," he agreed. "As Obi-Wan always points out."

"Obi-Wan is," she said with great dignity, " extremely stuffy and well on his way to being old."

"He's been carrying far too much for far too long." Qui-Gon sighed, the tension and stress his lifemate was under a bitter taste that was always at the back of his mind.

"Then we need to take that weight and chuck it into the sun."

"Simple to say, harder to carry out." He glanced in the direction of Obi-Wan's presence then back at Rilka. "But I'm starting to think it's doable."

"Between the three of us and the padawans it is more than doable."

He smiled, realizing that in the last few hours he had truly started looking at the problem as something he didn't have to deal with alone. Him and Obi-Wan.

Rill's elbow connected gently with his ribs. "Don't look too smug, he might think you were up to something."

"Smug? I never look smug." He paused. "Do I?"

"I'd tell you all the times you look smug, but you'd be embarrassed."

The distant sound of a hoverbike's engine forestalled any reply Qui-Gon would've made. "Here they come."

Even with the stress rolling off him Qui-Gon welcomed the ever increasing closeness of his lifemate. There was something essential to his being that only Obi-Wan could fulfill. He watched as the three meter long bike slipped into the garage, catching only a flashing glimpse of dirty clothes and boots before they were swallowed up by the shadows. The hum of the engine died away, echoing tinnily off the metal doors then the staccato sounds of boot heels against the plascrete told him eloquently of their approach.

Jess first, a tall shadow that detached itself from the larger one of the building, legs moving in a smooth flowing stride that ate up the ground between them. A flickered glance over him before it settled on Rill, drinking up her living presence like the precious gift it was to the man.

He looked away, leaving the emotions between them private and fixed his own gaze on that shadow, looking for Obi-Wan as he always must. A crimsoned halo in the grayness became his focus, his lifemate's hair. Out of ancient reflex his eyes skimmed downward, checking for injury and there was none. Nothing but the graceful ease that marked the knight's movements as he closed the huge doors.

The protector in him eased, the trip back up his lifemate's body was one of frank appreciation. Now, at the start of his fourth decade Obi-Wan had lost none of his litheness that had marked his passage to adulthood.

He got to Obi-Wan's face and couldn't keep himself from visibly starting. Obi-Wan's long braid was gone. His hair now drifted around his face and shoulders and no lower.

The barest of flushes colored Obi-Wan's cheeks before he looked away. [I'm sorry. I needed it gone.] Before Qui-Gon could answer he was stepping forward and giving Rill a kiss on the cheek, teasing her about spending the afternoon alone with his chosen mate.

Qui-Gon didn't seem able to find his voice any more than he was able to take his eyes off Obi-Wan. It wasn't that he was disappointed, not really. But his lifemate looked so different. Younger. The Obi-Wan he remembered from before he'd lost six years.

Rill asked for him, ruffling her fingers through the ragged feathery ends. "Obi-Wan?"

Uncharacteristically Obi-Wan's explanation was awkward, almost painful to watch. "The reasons I had it - kept it. Well. They're here now, with me. I needed to let go of the burdens, right? This was the first one. The memories of being alone. I don't need a reason, my hair, for people to touch me. I needed that physicality when everyone was gone. That reminder I was touch-*able*. I don't now." He managed a fragile smile. "Though I'm sure I'll be talked into growing it back for other reasons."

"When you're ready," Qui-Gon said softly, reaching out and brushing a hand against the bottom of the newly shortened strands. "I'll still touch you whenever you need."

"I know, that's why it could go. I don't need it any more."

He smiled and moved closer. "You look younger."

"I'm not *old*," he said indignantly.

"If you're old, then I'm ancient. And my master is prehistoric."

"You can be old if you want but I'm not going to be."

"Good." He played with Obi-Wan's hair, smiling again. "You keep me young."

Rill made a coughing sound that was cut off by Jess standing on her foot. "Ahem, sorry. The sweet content was getting a little high for me."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at her. "Right, like you don't do that with Jess."

"That's different. He's just so...." She sighed and looked up at him happily.

"Ha!" It was Obi-Wan's turn to snort. "Sure. So, anyone up for dinner?"

"I could eat," Jess said, moving to slip his arm around Rill's waist.

"Something to mitigate that awful stuff your brothers-in-law foisted off on us..." Then Obi-Wan was taking off in the twilight with Rill chasing after him, defending her blood relatives from such disparagement.

Qui-Gon exchanged rueful glances with Jess. "I see things are starting to get back to normal."

***

Obi-Wan waited until nightfall and the main house going mostly silent before seeking out his lifemate. They needed to talk without interruption. Now was the time to finally say the things that needed to be said, before Rill or Jess could split them up again. Yes, it had been done for the right reasons, but really….

This time they settled in the kitchen. It was empty this one time of the day, meals finished, snacks not yet wanted. Perfect to talk. As neutral space a space as he could find for both of them to deal with the issues that lay between them. He noticed when Qui-Gon stepped in the room that he automatically looked for the non-existent braid of hair. This time he explained, "It had come to represent that whole time. I need to be free of it."

"I understand," Qui-Gon replied truthfully, reaching out a hand to touch but stopping before making contact. "It just...caught me by surprise."

"Maybe you can talk me into reattaching it or growing it back out again later."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "If you need to have it short, then I won't try to argue with you."

"You'll just have to find other reasons to touch me." And he so needed to be touched. Years of not being touched by anyone really and he felt hungry for it.

"I think I can manage that."

"That was what I missed the most. Touch. Being touched."

"When I was...asleep?" Qui-Gon slid his hand down along Obi-Wan's neck, and over his chest.

He nodded, letting the touch anchor them as the emotions began to slowly rise to the surface. "Being in the Emperor's contraption just brought it all back again."

"I'll touch you for as long as you want, however you want, whenever you want.”

"Every chance you get for the next tenday is an excellent start."

Qui-Gon pulled him gently into his arms at that, enfolding him into a warm hug. [I'll always be here for you, love.]

[In one fashion or another, perhaps.] Obi-Wan shrugged.

[You doubt me?]

[Three times it's happened. Each time it tears me apart.] Pain welled up in him. Old pain.

Qui-Gon made a sound of denial deep in his throat. [Never by choice, love.]

[I know. I treasure each moment we have together. I just don't count on the next one. Live in the moment.]

[I thought that was my line?] Qui-Gon tightened his embrace.

[It is, but I can’t keep counting on everyone/anyone to be there for me. I need to…] Obi-Wan pulled back, stopping the intimate mental communication as the pain rose again, choking off thought. Another moment to push it back down before he could speak aloud, "Hysterics aren't productive. Being upset isn’t productive."

"This isn't about being productive."

"No, this is about me dealing with everything that’s happened as I see fit." He pulled away completely, leaving them on opposite sides of the center counter.

Qui-Gon’s was almost deceptively mild as he asked, "And how do you see fit?"

"I will meditate, pace, cook, work on my bike and rant at you as the mood fits."

"Whatever it takes for you to deal with this."

 

Right. Qui-Gon tended to have his own schedule about such things and he well knew it. It colored Obi-Wan’s next statement and the air around them with a dark blue sullenness. "Until you get fed up with it."

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow.

"You've always set a schedule that you felt was appropriate." Obi-Wan shrugged, knowing they were circling back around to an old argument. He was unable, no – unwilling to let it go this time, unfortunately he needed to build up to it in his own head before diving into the real issues. "I'm going to fix something to eat. You hungry?"

The Jedi master shook his head. "Is that really how you see me?"

"You are my master." Stated as plainly as the sun coming up the morning or how long a parsec was. Qui-Gon was simply Qui-Gon and always would be. Why change the unchangeable? Now perhaps, if he asked for the mountain to change it shape and become the sea…No, that wasn’t going to happen, sighing he waited for Qui-Gon’s inevitable rejoinder.

"I'm your lifemate."

"But whenever something happens like this you take over." He kept moving.

Qui-Gon clearly felt that was unfair. Indignance rang across the bond. "If our positions were reversed would you have been able to stand back and not try to help?"

"Yes.” Always, he added silently, that’s how we are different. “You come to me for help when you are ready. I may hint strongly but that's the extent of it. I love you but you have run our personal lives from the beginning."

Qui-Gon shook his head as he settled into a chair, out of the way – out of reach. "No."

Obi-Wan shrugged, knowing the man would never see it for himself. Some fear colored his master’s mind when the topic came up, but he had to try. "You have never stopped protecting me, even when I'm able to protect myself. It's an instinct as deep as drawing on the Force for you."

"You protect me as well," Qui-Gon countered.

"Yes, but you want to protect me so much that I'm dependant on you."

Again Qui-Gon shook his head in denial, half-rising from his seat. "We are equals and that is the way I want it."

When Obi-Wan turned to look at him it felt like there was a star drive's worth of pent up energy bundled inside him. Energy that had turned in on itself for so long it didn't know any other way out. "This is exactly the problem. Right here." Obi-Wan turned away, knowing the argument was over. Qui-Gon would never see that he truly was the dominant one in the relationship and that Obi-Wan wasn’t bothered by it. Never had been, never would be.

"Maybe I should go for a walk."

Separating now would be a mistake. “I’d rather you didn’t. We need to come to some sort of understanding about this. Maybe if I say it plainly and we talk about each part - as calmly as we can - we can get through this conversation for once.”

Qui-Gon nodded cautiously, settling back into his chair. “Of course I am willing to listen to whatever you have to say. I reserve the right to disagree.”

He smiled. “You would not be my lifemate otherwise.”

That brought a faint smile to the older man’s face and he waved a few fingertips, a gesture to begin.

“First of all - I am dependent on you, as much as you are dependent on me.” He hurried on before Qui-Gon could interrupt, “But, we are dependent in different ways, agreed?”

“We are different people, fundamentally. Yes, I can agree to that point.”

“All right. I guess when we started talking about this I was upset and phrased things badly. Or perhaps without an explanation to accompany the emotions. We need each other in different ways and sometimes those ways are not equal. I’ve looked to you most of my life for guidance and I know that this makes you uneasy. That perhaps you have too much control over me and my opinions and that scares you. It shouldn’t, not really. Yes, you have that control - but only because I gave it to you. I trust you with it as much as you trust me with your pain and your burdens as you have no one else in this life. I guess I don’t understand why you can’t accept that.”

“Accept that I could shatter you with a wrong word? Because it terrifies me, Obi-Wan. I could break you forever and I daren’t think about it.” Qui-Gon’s words were whispered, barely carrying above the night-time sounds.

“I need you to accept it, just for a few minutes so we- I an deal with the issue and move on - at some level. Please.” He waited, praying that his lifemate could do this. They needed to. They needed to do this so they could both move on and grow past this thing that stood between them and the next phase of their lives. As the silence stretched on he tried persuasion again. “For ten minutes you and I will both know this and deal with it - and then you can put it away again and we’ll never have to talk about it again.”

Qui-Gon smiled weakly. “It isn’t that simple.”

 

“It can be. For ten minutes.”

“I won’t be able to forget and put it away.” Qui-Gon’s shoulders were hunched inward, protective even now of what he might say or do that would hurt someone else. That fierce strength that had kept Obi-Wan safe for so many years was the thing that was hurting them both now.

“Then I will help you forget if you need to. Let me protect you if you need it.” He slipped into the bond. [Let me in. Let me hurt us both.]

Qui-Gon nodded. “If this is what you truly need then we’ll do it.”

Relieved he let out a huge gusting breath. “Thank you. For ten minutes we can talk about this. It’s safe. You won’t hurt me and I won’t hurt you - and when it’s over I’ll let you forget if you don’t think you can handle the memories. I don’t think you’ll need it when we finish though.”

“Allow me a few illusions, Obi-Wan.” His master’s tone was among the driest he’d heard in years.

“Of course, Qui-Gon.” He waited until Qui-Gon nodded again. The ten minutes had begun. “Yes, you have complete control over me and my life. But I could do the same to you and you’d let me. It’s a part of loving. It’s a part of what we are. It’s a part of being in love, even if we didn’t have the bond.”

Qui-Gon shuddered as if he’d been hit with a body blow.

“And I gave you that freely. Once when I was your padawan--“

“No! Being a padawan has nothing to do with us now,” Qui-Gon insisted.

“Only that was the basis for us meeting and knowing each other long enough to lead to another kind of love. I don’t confuse - and never have - the love I have for you as a teacher and my master with the love I have for the man, Qui-Gon Jinn.”

“Never?” he croaked harshly.

“Never. Once we were lovers I used the term ‘Master’ because that is, at your fundamental core what you are. A Jedi master is what you were born to be. It has always been a sign of affection and respect between us since the beginning.”

Silver-brown hair moved with the slightest of nods.

“So please - don’t think that something you did when I was a padawan forced me into being your lover later. I’d like to credit myself with some backbone.”

That got a rusty chuckle. “More than some, my Obi-Wan.”

He smiled back. “Being your padawan gave me more chances than usual to fall in love with you. Even if I hadn’t been I’m sure we would have ended up together anyway.”

“We’ve spoken of that before. We were destined for this.”

“Yes, so there is nothing to be scared of. We are together. We are good for each other. That is all there is really.”

“So we’re done?”

He sighed. It was clearly going to be ten minutes and then back to the status quo, somehow that answer he’d wanted for so long wasn’t going to be enough. It was all he was going to get though. Instead of giving his lifemate a simple yes he asked, “Almost. I just have two questions. The first is - do you acknowledge that you are my love, my life, and my everything?”

“Yes,” Qui-Gon breathed. “Always.”

“Then accept the responsibility that goes with that power and know that you hold my heart in your hands because I gave it to you. Do you?” 

“Yes.” His lifemate frowned at the manipulation but was too good of a negotiator and too honest of a lover not to answer any other way.

He leaned back against the counter, the bitter taste of success on his tongue and in his heart. They had gotten through the issue that had dogged them for years. But it wasn’t the answer he had needed or wanted. – he’d settle for it though because it was all Qui-Gon could give. No one’s fault. Swallowing down the pain again he nodded. “Then we’re done.”

“Not quite.” Qui-Gon got up and came around the table to stand in front of him, leaning in for a kiss. [I love you, my Obi-Wan. Always.]

[And I you, my Qui-Gon.] With everything. Even when the everything he got back wasn’t the everything that he needed.

***

Obi-Wan finished his morning katas and watched as Jess settled himself at the edge of the ring. "Again today?"

Jess nodded. "When you're ready."

"All right. I'm ready now and Qui-Gon is in classes with the year six and sevens for the morning."

"Do you want to go somewhere?" Jess asked, standing up.

"I picked yesterday." He shrugged and wiped his face with a towel. "Whatever is your preference."

"The roof?"

"Surveying the domain. Sure." Obi-Wan took a moment to slip into his boots.

"We can stop and get some food to take up with us. Have lunch up there, if you want."

"A long chat," he murmured. Wonderful. With a purely internal sigh he nodded and followed Jess through the temple, dodging initiates and knights as they went.

The kitchen when they got to it was empty. "Anything in particular you feel like?"

He headed for the cooler. "Just something to drink at the moment. Fix what you like for lunch."

"I'll throw in some chocolate for dessert."

"Trying to soften me up, eh?"

"Think of it as a reward for getting through the morning."

"Definitely trying to soften me up." He poured a large glass of juice for himself and one for Jess after the other man nodded and held out a cup.

Jess nodded his thanks and drank before he spoke again. "Consider it a bribe."

"There are worse ways to get me through lunch." He picked out some cheese and crackers and put them in the oversized bowl with the chocolate cookies Jess had gathered. "Fewer dishes to wash later."

That earned him a brief smile. "And less to carry."

"Floating dishes through the halls would set a bad precedent. I'm not eager to cross Knight Kae in headmaster mode."

"She's really taken to the position." Jess' smile was less brief this time, touched with pride at his former padawan's accomplishments.

"You did a good job with her."

Jess shrugged, a faint blush touching his cheeks. "Kae did all the work. I just kept from screwing her up like Orath did me."

"And that is much harder than people think."

"I got lucky."

"You, my friend, were careful and cared. That is what did it." He picked up the bowl and headed to the front of the house and the grand staircase.

Jess followed silently and hefting the small pack that Obi-Wan only noticed then that he was carrying.

"Something you're hiding from the felinoids?"

"Something I promised Rill."

"Ah."

"It's my sketchbook."

He nodded. "Pushing to get you back into it, eh?"

"Yeah." Jess grimaced. "And I'm kind of...terrified to try. It's been a long time."

Another nod. "I can understand that."

Jess looked at him searchingly for a long moment. "You might be the only one who does."

"It's hard to be yourself."

He smiled faintly. "That's what I've been telling you."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved it away. "Let's go sit somewhere and you can doodle."

"I'll doodle and you'll talk?"

"Sure. I can talk for hours."

Jess smiled again. "And something important might even slip out if you talk long enough."

"We can't have that...."

"Something to work towards."

He gave Jess an odd look and pushed open the door to the rooftop platform. "Your perch awaits, Master Lashar."

With a grin Jess settled himself on the ledge, back against the wall. He pulled out his sketch book and settled it on his lap, but didn't open it.

He sat opposite, with his back to the open sky and sloping roof and set the basket down between them.

"So," Jess said, his eyes flicking from the sketchbook to Obi-Wan to their surroundings and back again in quick succession.

"You have to start doodling and I'll start talking."

He gave a jerky nod and opened the sketchbook to an empty page.

"I've been a knight for a while now. Longer than some of the padawans have been alive and I'm finding that at my core, I like being a Jedi but I hate being a Jedi right now."

"Why?" With a trembling hand Jess put the pen to paper.

"Because I am the furthest example from a Jedi that I can think of but what is the name most of the people out here on the Rim know when they think of the Alliance? Me." There was no pride in that statement, only a weariness. "They don't want to know I'd rather teach initiates and finger paint all day or work on an engine with Anakin. They want - and get General Kenobi of the Jedi Alliance."

"They only see the mask."

"It's not a mask really." He frowned when Jess hadn't started drawing yet and flicked his fingers. "Doodle. Make a picture of me that we can hang on the cooler."

Jess gave a brief nervous smile at that, but the pen started moving along the page. "It's just a mask that fits really snugly."

"No, I don't think so. It's me - just a very public and ruthless version of it."

"A facet instead of a mask?"

"The mask was your label not mine."

"It wouldn't be the first time I was wrong." He looked up at Obi-Wan over the edge of the sketchbook, dark eyes serious. "I don't want to impose my viewpoint on you. I'm just trying to help you but a name to the problem and look for a solution."

"I doubt there is a solution, per se. It's just letting go of the stress and the pain that I haven't had time to in the last ten years." He poked at the crackers and decided he wasn't quite hungry yet.

"Why do you think you're the furtherest example from what a Jedi should be?"

"Because I'm grumpy, rude and everything a general should be and a Jedi not. Did you know that children are afraid of me now?"

Jess didn't answer right away. "It's your reputation more than you," he finally said slowly. "And I think it has more to do with awe than fear."

He laid back on the platform, using his towel as a makeshift pillow. "I'm not someone they should be awe of."

"When everything fell apart, you were the one who mobilized everyone and started building a new Order out of the ruins of the old. Things would've been very different without you." Jess smiled slightly. "That's worth a little awe."

"If you say so."

"Let them get to know you a bit better, see you at the bottom of a pile of felinoids or covered in finger paint. They'll lose whatever awe and fear they have."

"Sure, this group of children are easily swayed. What about the hundreds, or thousands that never meet me or any other Jedi in person. All they know is that they are caught in the middle of war." He twisted enough to look over at his compatriot.

Jess nodded, his eyes dropping to his sketchbook, the pen now moving over the page with more ease. "That's always the case in conflict."

"Forgive for being bitter about being one of the foci this time," he snapped without heat while looking down on the gardens.

"You're allowed. I think I'd be more worried about you if you didn't have some bitterness after what you've been through."

"Not very Jedi and 'release it into the Force' of me though."

Jess snorted. "I think that has always been more of a myth than a reality."

"Not to Master Yoda."

"No? Seemed to me, he's been doing a pretty good job of holding a grudge since you refused to let him try and reach Qui-Gon when he was...asleep."

"I think he makes exceptions just for me."

Jess chuckled, then sobered. "When he cares enough about something all that vaunted Jedi detachment disappears. It's the same for all of us, I think."

"He certainly cares for Qui-Gon that much."

"Does that bother you?"

"That he cares for Qui-Gon?" He tilted his head, wondering if looking at Jess at a different angle would make the question make more sense. "No, why would I?"

Jess shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "Maybe I'm projecting my own experiences."

Orath. "You know if you asked Qui-Gon or Master Yoda would gladly be your honorary master."

Another shrug. "I should be over it now -- I'm a master myself. And for the most part I am but-"

"But you wonder."

Jess nodded.

Obi-Wan pointed to the now visible form of Kae. "That should be the proof you need."

Jess watched his padawan for a long moment with a faint smile on his face. "That's hard to argue with."

"Good, because I have no idea what else to tell you."

Jess chuckled. "You're rarely out of ammunition."

"If I really had to I could figure something else to say."

"You've always been quick on your feet."

"Had to be, to dodge big guys like you and Qui-Gon."

"It's served you well."

"Usually." He shrugged and turned back to the gardens. "Doodling, Jess."

Jess turned back to his sketchbook. "Keep talking, then."

"I've done more talking than you've done sketching."

"I'm doodling," Jess protested.

"You know that Rill is going to ask me if you drew anything and I can't lie to her."

"I'm doing my best."

"So am I."

Jess glanced up at him again. "I know. You're doing fine."

"So are you. Just don't make my nose too big - it throws off the perspective."

"No big nose, I promise," Jess said with a laugh.

"Good." He sat up and drew up his legs, wrapping his arms around them and was content to sit and watch the mid-day foot traffic outside the temple buildings. From here he could see the gardens, porch and a part of the practice ring which was currently occupied by Qui-Gon and some of his students. Beside him Jess drew. The movements that were hesitant at first but grew faster and more sure as time passed. "I think in comparison to the last five years there isn't anything the Emperor can do to me that will hurt more."

The pen paused. "Only losing again what I lost then," Jess said softly.

"Then as you so eloquently put it once upon a time let's blow him up."

Jess gave him a wolfish grin. "Count me in."

"Of course. I believe as commander of the flagship you sort of have to go."

"It's your ship. I just look after it occasionally."

"I think we both know it's really Rill's ship and we just do pesky things like run meetings so she can snark."

"That's one way of looking at things."

"She'd agree with me."

"Yes, and promptly insist we change the name back to the D'ka."

"It wouldn't work." He shrugged. "That's how people know it."

"It's one of the few things I've ever known that can leave Rill speechless." Jess grinned. "Not for long, mind you."

"Long enough to get out of reach though not throwing range."

"And that's when the Jedi reflexes come in handy."

"True enough."

Jess fell silent for a minute. "Sometimes I can't believe she's alive. That in reality, I've finally lost it and am just imagining all of this."

"Then I'm lost with you."

"If I was crazy, you'd be a figment of my imagination."

"Haven't I done that?" He smiled.

"A figment of Qui-Gon's imagination," Jess corrected. "I was just visiting."

His smile faltered a bit. "Yes. When you took a walk in Qui-Gon's head so I could speak with you directly."

Jess' smile remained in place. "Guess that made us both figments. So it's Qui-Gon who's crazy."

"Right." He pointed a finger at Jess. "You get to tell him and explain the logic."

"Fine. I'll hide behind Rill when I do so."

"That might actually work for a while."

"Nobody wants to mess with Rill."

He nodded. "But even she eventually sleeps and Qui-Gon isn't above sneak tickling with the Force."

Jess glanced at him. "Is that where you learned it from?"

"No, actually. I learned it from my creche master."

"Oh?"

"Hir was from an avian sub-type and couldn't take the rough and tumble of human children so Master Hleen learned to tickle from a distance - and it gave us a chance to tickle her back without breaking her fragile bones."

"Maybe you should try that with the children."

"Maybe."

"It's not the kind of thing the General would do. It'll make you more approachable."

"If I don't send them running for the hills altogether."

"Maybe you should try that with the children."

"Maybe."

"It's not the kind of thing the General would do. It'll make you more approachable."

"If I don't send them running for the hills altogether."

"You won't," Jess assured him with confidence.

"So, ready to take a break for lunch?"

"Actually..." Jess looked down at his sketchbook. "You go ahead. I want to see if I can finish this."

With a shrug he picked through the bowl, pulling out what he wanted and started eating. He watched as Jess's hand moved over the paper with the surety he'd come to expect from the knight.

"I see all you needed was the right impetus," he managed around a bite of cheese.

"Rill is going to say 'I told you so.'"

"No she won't. She'll be too happy that you are drawing again to say any such thing - and if she starts to - send her to me or Qui-Gon. We'll take care of it," he said fiercely. Jess's talent was too fragile for 'I told you so's'.

Jess smiled briefly. "Offering to take on Rill? You must really want me to keep drawing."

"Rill forgets herself sometimes."

"She's just enthusiastic."

"Let's not forget subtle. So subtle that supernovas just get out of the way and let her go first."

"We should just let her loose on the Emperor. That would probably be more effective than blowing him up."

"True. Just telling her what happened on Endor should do it."

"Rilka P'Quall. The Alliance's secret weapon."

"Our very own blue death cannon on two legs."

"Have I thanked you for getting her back?" Jess asked quietly after a brief silence.

"Every morning I've been here," he reminded gently. "When you smile."

Jess smiled now and glanced down at his sketchbook. "Maybe this will be a bit more tangible thank you."

"Not necessary but appreciated nonetheless."

"Maybe you should wait until after you see it. I'm a bit rusty."

"Jess - if you make it look like a person I'll be impressed, remember?"

"It's not like my usual work," Jess warned.

"Your usual work has been a scribbled signature the last few years."

Jess flushed at that.

"Well at least my crisis has gotten everyone else back on track," he said, trying to change the focus.

"Everyone was starting to get back on track which is why you felt you able to relax enough to have your crisis."

He smiled, feeling put in place. "Good to know I'm not the center of the universe."

"No, that would be t'lya. Just ask her."

"With r'val just left of center and the rest of us orbiting around her."

"A rather humbling experience seeing your importance through the eyes of a felinoid."

"In many ways the perfect old Republic Jedi. Living in the moment and so focused."

"Somehow I doubt that the training was ever meant to be focused on tuna."

He grinned. "Don't let t'lya hear you. That's heresy."

Jess chuckled. "That seems to be what we do around here. Shatter the old ways."

"There aren't any old ways left." He pointed to the toddler class, all three of them, being watched by an older padawan and no less than a dozen young kittens. "That would have never happened on Coruscant."

"No," Jess agreed. "The old ways weren't working anymore."

"I wish there had been another way to awaken them."

"I don't think there was," Jess said after a moment's thought. "Even though it was clear the system was falling under its own weight, it was so entrenched... It needed something drastic."

"Judging from some of the communiqués I'm wondering if we needed something more drastic for the rest of the Republic." The in-fighting had already started.

"One crisis at a time, General."

He waved that away. "Not my crisis to fight. Definitely Qui-Gon territory there."

"It's the kind of problem he'd relish," Jess agreed.

"And I'll be reduced to paper carrier and trotted out for ceremonies - quite happily I might add."

"And spend the rest of your time finger painting and working on engines?"

"Lurking."

Jess grinned at him. "Have you ever managed to lurk before?"

"When I was a padawan. I think."

"Uh huh."

He shot Jess a look. "No?"

"No."

"Maybe I'll just retire and harass Kae."

"I'm sure she'd love to have you."

"That way I get to have cookies and juice at mid-afternoon every day in the kitchen." He smiled at the memory of one of the initiates telling him that was the 'bestest part' about being here.

"A man of simple pleasures."

With a sly grin he nodded. "I am bonded to Qui-Gon, am I not?"

Jess looked out at where Qui-Gon was instructing a group of initiates. "I think he would be glad to retire here as well." He grinned again. "Though he might steal your cookies."

"Him I would share with - most of the time."

"Just not the chocolate ones."

"He can get his own chocolate. You done doodling yet?"

Jess frowned at the sketchbook, then passed it over. "It's just a rough sketch..."

He pushed it back without looking. "No, Jess. That drawing was just for you, despite my teasing."

Jess looked at him for a long moment then picked up the sketchbook again. "You will accept the finished product though?"

"If you want me to have it, yes - but I'd rather you just drew because you wanted to not because you were bullied into it." And he'd been one of the bullies.

"Sometimes I need a bit of bullying."

He shrugged. "Why don't you eat and then we'll head back down. I have duties to attend to for the afternoon."

Jess picked up a piece of cheese and began nibbling on it. "I feel like I should be apologizing -- we came up here to help you deal with your stress and it seems like we spent more time on my drawing."

"Life is like that." He gave Jess a gentle smile. "Sooner or later it all comes even."

"Sooner hopefully than later."

"I'm not in a particular hurry one way or the other but my padawan will be after me with fire in her eyes if I choose later."

"Not to mention her mother."

"Then I'll leave you to your lunch." Obi-Wan got to his feet.

"Obi-Wan? Thanks for bullying."

"One time deal. From now on you are on your own." Edging past Jess he let his fingers brush the other man's shoulder before he descended back into the darkness of the house.

***

It looked to be the kitchen again, for the next time he caught his lifemate alone, awake and relatively unstressed. Obi-Wan had seated himself at the long center table, feet up on the wooden surface as he nibbled on crackers. He had a stack of commpadds in front of him, ones from the children to judge by the simplified controls.

So it wasn't Fleet or Alliance business at least, temple business.

As he watched from the entryway Obi-Wan chuckled and penned in a quick note on one of them and set it aside then moved on to the next.

It was a welcome sound, one that made Qui-Gon realize how rare laughter from his mate had become lately.

"Interesting reading?" he asked softly, still standing in the doorway.

Obi-Wan twisted around enough to look at him. "The state of the Force according to a six year old - 'I think the Force is just fine and doesn't need to be contemplated any more.' "

Qui-Gon smiled. "Children have a unique perspective on things."

"I seem to remember having the same opinion." His lifemate dropped his feet off the table then stood. "Something you needed me for?"

"Of a sort." He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "I was hoping to revisit our conversation last night."

"Oh." That got Obi-Wan's attention, and his lifemate took a step around the table, putting it between them. "What about it?"

Qui-Gon suppressed the small surge of hurt at Obi-Wan's move, knowing it was instinctive and nothing personal. He kept his hands at his sides and didn't move any closer, trying to look as non-threatening as he could. "About what you said."

"Yes?" Green eyes watched him cautiously.

"It means a lot to you to have me admit that I'm...in control." Even after the whole day dwelling on it, he found the words hard to say.

Obi-Wan nodded. "It does. I wanted you to say it so we could get past it, to what I need now."

He nodded back and took a deep breath. "It's never been a conscious decision, but I...do tend..." He trailed off and tried again, with no waffling. "I take control."

Another nod and then the knight was stepping towards him. Now it was only the chair between them - and several meters of space. "And I almost never mind. I just acquiesce to it."

"It's the 'almost' that concerns me. And why it's so hard for me to admit even to myself."

A third nod. "I know. It's why we've never managed to talk about it successfully."

Qui-Gon smiled briefly, ruefully. "Denial is a time honored defense mechanism."

"Yes, master." Obi-Wan bowed his head slightly. "On both sides."

"And now that we're facing it? What do you need from me other than admitting it?"

"To sit on your metaphorical hands and let me deal with my stress myself. To not take control this time."

He supposed it should ease his mind that Obi-Wan was making the request instead of just going along with whatever he did. And it did, somewhat. But still... "That...isn't an easy request," he said softly.

"I know." Obi-Wan dropped his gaze. "It wasn't an easy request to make."

Qui-Gon bit his lip, watching his lifemate. "You'll ask if you need anything? A word, a touch..."

Without looking up Obi-Wan closed the distance between them, his hand coming up to rest delicately against Qui-Gon's chest. "Don't stop touching me. I need to know you are there."

He covered Obi-Wan's hand with his own, the words soothing a worry he hadn't wanted to look too closely at. "Good. Because that's the one thing I don't think I could stop doing."

"I will ask if I need something," Obi-Wan said softly. "Not something I am particularly good at, but I will try."

"Then I will let you deal with...your stress...in your own way. Or at least I'll try. I may slip every now and then..."

"And I will undoubtedly forget to ask for help from time to time...."

"I'll forgive you any shortcomings if you'll do the same for me?"

A hesitant nod. "You are really all right with this?" Obi-Wan raised his head enough to look Qui-Gon directly in the eyes for a moment before letting his gaze slide back to their hands.

"Admitting I have control and giving it up in the next breath?" Qui-Gon asked softly. "It's what you need. I'm all right with it because of that."

"You do have control and you aren't giving it up. You're allowing me an area of control inside of yours, " his lover teased softly. "Or something like that."

"You'll have to draw me a graph," he teased back.

"I think in this case we'd do better without one. Wouldn't want to over-clarify matters." Obi-Wan took another step closer, putting them chest to chest. [Hold me.]

There was nothing Qui-Gon wanted to do more. He wrapped his arms around his lifemate, sighing with equal parts contentment and relief.

The warm weight of his lifemate shifted so they fit together better, his head coming to rest against Qui-Gon's shoulder. [We actually managed to get through that conversation without a meltdown. Does that mean we're both grownups?]

[I don't know. But it's a good sign, don't you think?]

[Yes and as my erstwhile student said this doesn't need to be contemplated any more.] Obi-Wan breathed out slowly, relaxing the tiniest bit. "Thank you."

He nodded seriously, feeling his own inner tension letting go just a little.

"Care to help me with the rest of the essays, and perhaps have a cup of tea?"

"I would like both very much."

The embrace eased to a simple handclasp, one that Obi-Wan used to lead him to the table. "I'll start the tea if you'll read the next one aloud?"

"As you wish." He settled into a chair and reached for the next commpad with one hand as he reluctantly let go of Obi-Wan's hand with the other.

He was surprised when his lifemate gave him a quick, hard kiss. "To tide us both over," he muttered and then maneuvered around the furniture to the heating unit and kettle.

They'd made it through the conversation.Not very gracefully but without any major mis-steps either. Not as broken as he'd feared if not as healthy and as whole as he might have wished.

It would do.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is where the Letters series ended. I (Lori) hope you enjoyed the journey. Like life, it doesn't tie up in a neat little bow.


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